To hate formula feeding?

[Dustypinks]

It’s not meant to be a BF vs FF thread. It’s just how I personally feel.

I hate the fact I’ve no easy, quick way of comforting my baby. I hate the fact that if I give him a bottle and he won’t go to sleep I have to wait hours until he’s hungry enough to accept another one. I hate worrying about his teeth. I hate the cost!

I know it suits some people and I’m not trying to suggest they are wrong. I personally hate it though.

No worries @SarahAndQuack - I can see why the word 'deranged' bothered you, and it probably wasn't the best word choice (it wasn't mine), but I think in that posters defence they were saying it was odd to say that breastfeeding makes women smell (and I do think it's a weird claim - I've never known anyone say that they can tell if someone's breastfeeding by the scent of them. In my experience it's pretty common for new parents to smell of baby vomit but I couldn't be precise about the composition of that vomit!) rather than that it would be odd to care that it makes you smell?

Sorry, @Frezia, crosspost and I shouldn't have spoken for you anyway!

I'm so glad I didn't have to formula feed as I thought it sounded like a massive pain in the arse. So glad I could just whip a boob out in 1 second! Literally could not be easier.
Really hoping I can breastfeed the next baby too

@Frezia - sorry, I do get where you're coming from now! Someone absolutely should have called that post out.

*recognising that although the majority of people who want to bf will be able to with the right support, for a percentage of women it is as simple as it being something that they just. cannot. do.
*
But that's just the issue isn't it. There isn't the right support. The OP clearly feels frustrated and let down by the lack of support offered to her. I'm not saying for one moment she wouldn't have the same or different struggles/frustrations if she did bf but it's a shame society and the health system lets women down in their feeding choices.
I wasn't sure of the exact figures so I've just done a quick Google and 84% of woman breastfed at birth, by 6 weeks only 24% were still breastfeeding. That's a massive drop and surely all those that started bfing intended to bf!? Not all of those are unable to bf (although they may feel they meet that criteria because of societies view on normal infant behaviour).
Throughout both my pregnancies no healthcare professional ever spoke to me about the realities of bfing. If it wasn't for my own research I'd of never heard of cluster feeding or tree realities of the toe clenching pain initially.
I'm very passionate about bfing, I don't want to shame ff mums, I want more education, support and normalising for mums to meet their bf goals (for those that actually want to).

I have a 4 week old DS, on day 1 my midwife noticed he wasn’t latching properly and found a 70% tongue tie. She referred me straight to the clinic for assessment for division, the referral was sent back as I needed to ‘give it a week or two’ to try and establish feeding regardless. By day 5 I had mastitis and a pair of cracked and bleeding nipples. The referral was sent again and my midwife was told off for again sending too soon. DS had lost 9% of his body weight and we had to supplement most feeds with formula due to him not getting enough. I was trying to pump between feeds but with a toddler DD that was hard and I was in a lot of pain with a fever from the mastitis. He had the division at 2 weeks old by which time I had low supply. The advice was to pump between 8-10 times a day for 3-5 days to increase supply but I’ve not been able to manage as much as that so increase has been slow. We’re combi feeding at the moment but it’s almost the worst of both worlds! I just wish the tongue tie had been dealt with straight away like they used to do in hospital and I would have stood a better chance. It’s hard and I feel for you OP.

That sounds so painful and exhausting, @PurpleFlower1983.

No worries @Hardbackwriter I agree, perhaps bizarre and offensive would be a better choice but I felt there was an intent from that poster to paint breastfeeding in a universally negative way and I'm fed up with double standards. Sharing a positive experience about breastfeeding or a negative one about formula is like walking through a minefield, but making WTF comments about breastfeeding is generally an easy ride.

Specifically the context was that they didn't know why anyone would choose to breastfeed, that it's awful and makes you smell. As @SarahAndQuack mentioned, formula fed babies do also vomit and stain your clothes making them smell, which I'm sure happened to almost everyone at least once so it's not about always being clean and presentable, far from it. But you can't tell who breastfeeds and who doesn't by smelling them.

@Spyro1234

Sorry but the tone of your comment is why bf mums get a hard time! It's a bit misplaced on a post where the OP clearly feels like FF would be the answer to some of her struggles. And I am very pleased you have found it so convenient and easy, but it's important to balance the argument out (although perhaps you cannot relate as it was always easy). Personally, yes I agree one of the pros is that I can feed quickly but the cons for me (not including the initial weeks of getting established) are that my baby latches very frequently for comfort feeds. He's 9 months and wakes hourly in the night for comfort, this has lead us to bed share, hubby is no longer in the bed. He likes to stay latched at naps and I unlatch him he wakes up.

What?

@Dustypinks is the what for me?

Apologies also mistyped FF instead of BF in my last comment

I think there can be a lot of emotion tied to feeding. With my first, I failed to breastfeed and so I felt forced into formula and didn’t really like it. With my second I had a complete mindset change. I was grateful for there being something safe and effective and most of my friends went for a mixed feeding approach with their second or subsequent children. In general there was much less emotion and a lot more pragmatism.

@Mummytomylittlegirl

Hi OP.

I struggle with formula sometimes too. I tried and failed to breastfeed my twins, although I sometimes put them on for quick feeds but I don’t express anymore. They’re 5 weeks old. I would have loved the experience of doing the attachment parent, feeding on demand, milk ready whenever kind of parenting again. I just couldn’t with two babies. Formula does have it’s benefits but I treasure my BF experience with my first DD as I won’t have that again.

Just to say I know how you feel and understand why you feel formula is difficult. For me, it’s the winding as they swallow so much air! Night feeds take about an hour or so compared to latching DD on and going back to sleep!

I haven’t really taken the twins out anywhere yet, but I know when I do I will feel self conscious about giving them bottles. Especially at baby groups. I worry about being judged (I know this is probably all in my head).

@Mummytomylittlegirl My son swallowed a lot of air, I used Dr Browns bottles and they help to reduce it greatly. It got better between 8-12 weeks. He needed lots of burping.

It's very hard to ebf twins (I have a friend who has), don't beat yourself up about it and don't feel guilty. I know the guilt, I struggled the first time with combi feeding for similar reasons. Second time around I could see the pros (stays fuller for longer, better sleeper, less fussy as fuller) and cons (so much washing up and sterilising, buying formula, baby refusing room temperature ready made formula and refusing sleep without the formula) and the guilt was gone.

@Dustypinks

Not nine months later, you can’t!

You can and it sounds crazy but you can. Even if you adopted a baby you.

Yeah, but is it necessarily a good idea, @footprintsintheslow? Just because you can make the body do something, doesn't mean you should.

@SarahAndQuack

Yeah, but is it necessarily a good idea, *@footprintsintheslow*? Just because you can make the body do something, doesn't mean you should.

Why shouldn't you? If wanted, of course. Relactation is normal biologically and culturally in many parts of the world, where it's common for women to help to feed other generations of their family.

Yanbu op. I'd not like to ff either.

I'm not saying anyone shouldn't, but I think the blithe assumption that you can and therefore you should, is a problem. Relactation is easiest with a pretty new baby, when you've already had a good supply. In the case of non-bio parents (such as the adoptive parents @footprintsintheslow mentions), hormone injections are often prescribed. It's not necessarily some beautiful, natural process.

I'm not an expert on relactation, but I know people researching in this area who point out that, in the cultures where cross-generational feeding is the norm, there are other biocultural differences that combine to make this easier (for example, a grandmother who has been lactating for much of her reproductive life, who weans her last child at 40 then relactates at 42 to feed her daughter's first baby, is not comparable to a woman who's never lactated at all trying to induce lactation).

@SarahAndQuack

Yeah, but is it necessarily a good idea, *@footprintsintheslow*? Just because you can make the body do something, doesn't mean you should.

I'm just putting it out there as an option as I never knew about until recently and obviously lots of others don't know about it too.

In my experience I don't think breastfeeding has been a beautiful natural process for us anyway. Hard going, painful at times and exhausting and absolutely worth it. But it's taken work and determination. Not some easy natural process.

I also hate FF. I struggled with BF my eldest, he was in NNU with meningitis, I was very poorly and it just never took off properly. I hated it for many of the reasons you stated. You’re allowed to hate it, and entitled to your opinion, not sure why people are criticising your feelings

@footprintsintheslow - oh, that makes more sense. Yes, when I first heard about it I thought it sounded great. And absolutely, I get that breastfeeding has a lot of challenges.

The more I looked into induced lactation the more it became clear to me it's sometimes a radically stupid, dangerous and pointless exercise. I don't really even think we should use the same term for someone who has a short break from breastfeeding then manages to start up again, and what you have to do when there's been much longer break - let alone, when a woman has never naturally lactated.

When I was looking at induced lactation, it terrified me how calmly people recommended injecting hormones over a long period - especially when you think that, in order to be prescribed the pill, a doctor has to explain the risks to you, and there's substantial ongoing debate about the rights and wrongs.

You are absolutely entitled to feel how you feel OP, don't let anyone make you feel bad.

Although I did just come on to say this!

there is pre-made formula if you want to be a stickler for "the rules". Or you can just do what most people do and make bottles in advance and keep them in the fridge until you need them

I've never in my life waited for a fresh bottle to cool down with a crying baby waiting or used a prep machine. Make them up in advance and bung em' in the fridge!

Mummytomylittlegirl
Just to add when I say i tried and failed- on day 5 of EBF. They had lost 12.7% weight and were about 5lbs! Very scary!

**That's not massively uncommon. 10% or so is expected while you are getting BF established, as milk takes a few days to come in. You should have been supported to supplement if you did want to continue BF (but obviously if you didn't that's fine!) as that alone wouldn't be a reason to stop entirely.

My DD lost a similar amount as she had issues latching so we topped up with formula for the first couple of weeks till she was gaining, my supply was established, etc and then stopped and she breastfed for the first year. But I think there's a lot of miseducation about those early days and a reluctance from HCPs to tell women they can top up with formula and it is unlikely to harm their breastfeeding journey longer term.*

@Starjammer

Late reply and yes it is common but t’s honestly so different when you have twins who are already small/ pre term and are trying to feed two babies it’s a completely different ball game and not comparable to one baby already born at a good weight. It is scary and we were in hospital doing feeding plans. The problem was they weren’t gaining weight after they lost it, then we were in hospital with bronchitis. I’m actually very educated when it comes to breastfeeding as I have experience with DD but twins is just a whole new challenge. The aim was the weight gain and getting formula into them took priority. I could have probably tried to establish breastfeeding more and could even now but it would feel next to impossible, triple feeding particularly can be exhausting and we’d be worrying if weight started to drop again!

I breastfed for first 6 weeks and I wish I could have BF for 6 months but my baby was poorly as he is primary lactose intolerant and the paediatric dietician prescribed lactose free formula which worked wonders overnight.
They did say I could continue BF and take lactase tablets but it will never fully eliminate the lactase and I didn't want to risk my baby still being poorly or risk the fact I could forget to take it and make him ill etc.
I loved BF and the bond that comes with it. FF is never the same for me but it feeds him and he's better and thriving so that's all that matters.
OP you mentioned the need for quickness. I don't know if it's been said already as I've not read every post but I recommend the prep machines. I read good and bad reviews so was a little sceptical at first but I wouldn't be without it now!