To hate formula feeding?

[Dustypinks]

It’s not meant to be a BF vs FF thread. It’s just how I personally feel.

I hate the fact I’ve no easy, quick way of comforting my baby. I hate the fact that if I give him a bottle and he won’t go to sleep I have to wait hours until he’s hungry enough to accept another one. I hate worrying about his teeth. I hate the cost!

I know it suits some people and I’m not trying to suggest they are wrong. I personally hate it though.

Just to add when I say i tried and failed- on day 5 of EBF. They had lost 12.7% weight and were about 5lbs! Very scary!

OP please don't feel like this. Have a look at UNICEF baby friendlys responsive bottle feeding guide.

You don't need to wait hours between feeds but you do need to make sure you're not offering too much at each feed.

Formula doesn't need to be difficult, it just needs to be safe.

No ones saying there’s anything wrong with formula or that anyone should feel bad about it, but I am allowed to dislike it!

Me too. I had to bottle feed my dc4 and it was a massive faff. He would never drink it unless it was body temperature so I had to warm it up too. I was still getting grief about it years later as well. We were in hospital and the Dr asked me if I had breastfed him and I had to explain why not while she sighed at me. I couldn't breastfeed him as it was physically impossible but that wasn't good enough apparently. He was also 6 years old! So it was unlikely to matter from a medical point of view at this point. Being able to breastfeed dc5 was absolute bliss.

@PumpkinKlNG

Hmmmm weird comments! If the poster had put up that she hates bf she would get nothing but support but because she’s put up that she hates ff she’s told that she should like it and how great it is? No one would be saying how great BF was if she put up that she hated it, I think it’s good to see a post about hating ff as there are so many about hating BF making it sound all negative and how ff is some magical alternative.

But she said she hates it because it’s not easy to use it to comfort her child.. thats the weird part when there are so many ways to comfort a baby without feeding them.

Not weird at all. When you have an inconsolable non verbal child breastfeeding is an excellent way of calming and offering comfort.

Cuddles are all well and good but not when your baby is thrashing about and screaming.

Hi - I understand - with my first son a bottle was pretty much the only thing that would comfort him. And I fed to sleep and when he screamed at night we gave him a bottle.

At some point we stopped feeding to sleep and left him in his cot with his bunny comforter. It's hard but they do have to learn.

The bit I hated is the bottle washing and sterilising. First baby snacked on bottles so it felt like there was always a bottle on the go plus night bottles to wash too. Always having to carry tonnes of stuff with you.

@Dustypinks
There are two kinds of threads on this topic:

OP: "Breastfeeding is so difficult, I hate it"
Replies: "Well my life got so much better since introducing formula, my FF baby is healthier and smarter than my friend's BF baby, breastfeeding nazis are the worst"

OP: "Formula feeding is so difficult, I hate it"
Replies: "This is baffling, you're doing it wrong, you're attacking and invalidating me, breastfeeding nazis are the worst"

[quote Frezia]@Dustypinks
There are two kinds of threads on this topic:

OP: "Breastfeeding is so difficult, I hate it"
Replies: "Well my life got so much better since introducing formula, my FF baby is healthier and smarter than my friend's BF baby, breastfeeding nazis are the worst"

OP: "Formula feeding is so difficult, I hate it"
Replies: "This is baffling, you're doing it wrong, you're attacking and invalidating me, breastfeeding nazis are the worst"[/quote]
Absolutely this 🤭
This poor woman is struggling with ff and there is a major lack of support, guidance, empathy or solidarity! I would try advice but I'm one of those breastfeeding nazis 🥴🥴

I am a formula feeding BF nazi if such a thing exists

@Mummytomylittlegirl

Just to add when I say i tried and failed- on day 5 of EBF. They had lost 12.7% weight and were about 5lbs! Very scary!

That's not massively uncommon. 10% or so is expected while you are getting BF established, as milk takes a few days to come in. You should have been supported to supplement if you did want to continue BF (but obviously if you didn't that's fine!) as that alone wouldn't be a reason to stop entirely.

My DD lost a similar amount as she had issues latching so we topped up with formula for the first couple of weeks till she was gaining, my supply was established, etc and then stopped and she breastfed for the first year. But I think there's a lot of miseducation about those early days and a reluctance from HCPs to tell women they can top up with formula and it is unlikely to harm their breastfeeding journey longer term.

@Dustypinks

I just personally find it very difficult to get baby to sleep without feeding. Won’t take a dummy and being bounced up and down and cuddled doesn’t really help.

He's nine months old, right? You could look into sleep training techniques. Ferber is amazing when use consistently. You could let your DS learn how to fall asleep without being fed. I remember those awful days of having to wait endless hours for DS to get hungry enough for a feed that would put him to sleep, trying to transfer him to the cot asleep without him waking up, getting very little sleep. It's awful

FWIW you say you hate that you don't have a quick way to soothe him, but in reality it can often backfire using breastfeeding for that. I have quite a few friends with toddlers who haven't felt able to stop breastfeeding because they don't know how to settle or soothe or put their child to sleep without the breast. Hungry? Breast. Upset? Breast. Tired? Breast. Angry? Breast. Frustrated? Breast. Grizzly? Breast. Sick? Breast. One friend said sadly she didn't know how to parent without her breasts. They'd love to stop but feel too afraid to as they've never cared for their child without breastfeeding being involved.

Be careful what you wish for! Formula has some amazing pros and some cons, breastfeeding has some pros and some cons too. In three months from now you won't have to faff with formula anymore and this will be a distant memory. Although you wish now that you could soothe your DS using breastfeeding it can end up causing a lot more harm than good.

Unfortunately the downsides of breastfeeding are rarely discussed so if you're not able to do it it can feel like you're missing out on something truly amazing and ideal... but in reality there's a reason a lot of people stop breastfeeding pretty quickly. It's just as difficult, in other ways.

the downsides of breastfeeding are rarely discussed

Like many things it depends on your personal experience and perception.

I certainly think the downsides of breastfeeding are extensively discussed, to its detriment.

I don’t want to sleep train my child, particularly. If he’s thrashing around and not going to sleep, walking off will not help in that respect!

The decision on how you feed your baby is up to you. My choice was taken away from me because of lack of adequate support. So I will say I hate formula feeding and I do hate formula feeding and that has nothing to do with a foster mother, with a mother who chose to formula feed or anybody else.

I remember moaning to dh about the price of formula and realised that if we want a takeaway it can easily cost twice the amount of formula and it lasts us 1 evening where a box will last nearly a week.

I use cow & gate and they sell a box for £12 with 2 600g bags in it and they last well over a week.

I have a prep machine, got it for my 1st and it was a game changer. Could see her starting to get hungry and bottle was made 2 mins later, I also use a cold water steriliser.

Also I've been able to send them to grandparents house without worrying about them not taking bottles etc.

However I do feel sad that I wasn't able to breastfeed the both of them. With my 1st I panicked she wasn't getting enough so moved onto formula and with my 2nd she had a slightly traumatic birth so didn't get a chance for skin to skin and breastfeeding.

Formula is supposed to be the happy ending to the harrowing story of struggling to breastfeed or else the universal solution for a BF mum whose exhausted and overwhelmed. Everyone thinks they are the exception but the formula companies advertising has had a profound effect on us as a culture.

We are so busy remembering not to be judgemental of those that choose FF that we don't leave room for those who FF and do have negative feelings about it. There should be room for both and you should feel able to talk about this.

Sounds like you might be experiencing breastfeeding grief. It’s not uncommon. Unfortunately not everyone can or is able to breastfeed, and it can be really traumatic if you’d hoped to have been able to do so. I do hope you find some peace with your situation.

I ff my eldest and remember hating it too. I’ve got nothing against formula itself. But the constant washing and sterilizing-it was such a faff. The worst was having to get up at night and fixing a bottle. I really struggled with sleep deprivation. I bf DC2 and DC3 and it’s been much easier. Although I did all the nightfeeds, it was still easier as I could latch DC on and go back to sleep.

OP your feelings about formula feeding are completely valid, but just remember it’s only for a very short period of time. This too shall pass

@Dustypinks

Not weird at all. When you have an inconsolable non verbal child breastfeeding is an excellent way of calming and offering comfort.

Cuddles are all well and good but not when your baby is thrashing about and screaming.

Yeah it is .. I have 3 kids and only breastfed one of them. Plenty of ways to calm an “inconsolable” child. Stop being so dramatic.

Sure, will do, if you tell me where the dramatic part was.

There’s more than tits to comfort a baby.

I lived FF because it meant I didn’t need to trigger previous trauma by trying to breastfeed, it meant everyone could feed my baby and it meant he didn’t starve to death.

I found formula feeding a massive faff, moreso than expected. With my first baby, which was over 20 years ago, he was such a bad sleeper that i got lots of advice to give a bottle, but all it meant was that when he continued to be a bad sleeper, i had to go sort bottles in the night instead of just breastfeeding. I think there are pros to bottlefeeding if you need someone else to be able to settle the baby or look after baby, but i think there is a misconception with a lot of people that breastfeeding = virtuous and good, but bottlefeeding less stressful and easier, and imo thats not the case at all

Yeah, I mean, if you have an army of willing caregivers it is different, but ds is with me all the time anyway so it just means I don’t have the advantage of nappies, wipes, GO - bottles and feeds and so on. It’s a pain. Plus ds was really prone to reflux and has never been able to have big feeds, so still get woken in the night!

OP, theres nothing to guarantee that a breastfed baby would always be comforted by the breast either though. Plenty of babies fuss and cry at the breast too or get colicky. Im sorry youve been let down by services and had to go to formula when you didnt really want to

@Briarshollow

There’s more than tits to comfort a baby.

I lived FF because it meant I didn’t need to trigger previous trauma by trying to breastfeed, it meant everyone could feed my baby and it meant he didn’t starve to death.

I find it a little concerning that OP is so focused on the idea that she would be able to comfort her baby better if she could have breastfed him.

Parents who don't breastfed are every bit as capable of soothing and comforting their babies, even if you breastfeed it isn't always the case that you us that as a method of soothing every single time.

You sound really down and anxious. Do you feel like you've bonded with DS? Like you know him, are capable of caring for him, are competent as his mum? I wonder if a chat with the HV might be worthwhile.

I think it's also worth mentioning that even with all of the support and services in the world, a percentage of people simply cannot breastfeed/don't produce enough milk, and it isn't their fault. Perhaps with support you'd have been able to continue breastfeeding, but there's no real way of knowing that, so try not to think too many 'what if' and 'if only's. There's no way of knowing whether you'd have been able to continue if things had been different.