To hate formula feeding?

[Dustypinks]

It’s not meant to be a BF vs FF thread. It’s just how I personally feel.

I hate the fact I’ve no easy, quick way of comforting my baby. I hate the fact that if I give him a bottle and he won’t go to sleep I have to wait hours until he’s hungry enough to accept another one. I hate worrying about his teeth. I hate the cost!

I know it suits some people and I’m not trying to suggest they are wrong. I personally hate it though.

I’m utterly confused with what you’re utterly confused about, @underneaththeash

How perchance should I ‘just start breastfeeding again’ when I haven’t had any milk for the best part of four months?

Not everyone who wants to breastfeed does: in fact few do, if the stats are to be believed.

So why not start again when you realised it wasn’t working for you. It would have taken a while fir your milk to dry up. Or why stop in the first place?

I think everyone in this country is encouraged to breastfeed, sometimes to their and their babies detriment.

@underneaththeash

So why not start again when you realised it wasn’t working for you. It would have taken a while fir your milk to dry up. Or why stop in the first place?

I think everyone in this country is encouraged to breastfeed, sometimes to their and their babies detriment.

Oh, come on, don't be so mean. You've no idea why she stopped. Perhaps her milk was already drying up; perhaps she had to take medication you can't breastfeed on.

And btw, no, everyone is not encouraged to breastfeed. My DD was combi-fed and, aside from one person in hospital, there was a lot of pressure on my DP to give up on breastfeeding.

@underneaththeash

So why not start again when you realised it wasn’t working for you. It would have taken a while fir your milk to dry up. Or why stop in the first place?

I think everyone in this country is encouraged to breastfeed, sometimes to their and their babies detriment.

That's not helping the OP now though is it. It's not about what you think she "could have done" - it's too late for that. She's asking for support on the situation she is in now.

I hated it too. In some ways it was easier, for sure. But there were so many things I didn't like about it (the smell 🤢) and I missed having that very tangible, physical connection and ability to comfort my baby. However, now she's a toddler I barely think about it and am glad not to have the same issues I had with my eldest in terms of worrying about when to wean, plus being able to share bedtime responsibilities is a big plus.

So totally get where you're coming from but give it a few months and once you've joyfully finished your last tin of formula you'll skip away and never look back like I did 😊

(also fwiw my FF baby is much more physically advanced and happier than my BF baby, nothing to do with feeding style but had the opposite been true I know I'd have wondered)

@underneaththeash

So why not start again when you realised it wasn’t working for you. It would have taken a while fir your milk to dry up. Or why stop in the first place?

I think everyone in this country is encouraged to breastfeed, sometimes to their and their babies detriment.

Really? My SIL was told by a (moronic) maternity assistant that some babies are too fussy to breastfeed, and that DN was going to be a 'difficult one' and she should just put her on formula. This was on DN's first day of life!

She went on to bf for 6 months, which was what was right for her family, but no thanks to the staff who were meant to care for her at her most vulnerable.

Breastfeeding support, both practically and in terms of morale, is absolutely dire in the UK.

@underneaththeash

OP i’ mm utterly confused. You don’t like bottle feeding, but don’t have a new born. So just start breast-feeding again.

I breast fed three children for exactly 16 weeks each - it was awful. I cannot imagine why anyone would chose to do it. It does make you smell.

But each to their own.

I've read some batshit stuff on this site but this really takes the cake

People get defensive and there’s really no need to. I’m not sure I can be any clearer than i know it suits some people and I’m not trying to suggest they are wrong

I managed a woeful two days of exclusive breastfeeding, before being told I had to introduce formula. That was that, then Did manage with the hell that was pumping for a couple of months, but breastfeeding is more than milk so was still missing out on that.

Iv bottle fed one and bf 2. I def prefer bottle feeding. My bf ones had to have an dummy early on as comfort sucking at breast made them throw up

* I think everyone in this country is encouraged to breastfeed, sometimes to their and their babies detriment.*

If that were true more women would breastfeed than formula feed but they don’t. The truth is that any time there’s a problem most midwives and pediatricians in the UK (who don’t learn about breastfeeding and so have huge gaps of knowledge) recommend formula feeding as if it’s some kind of panacea even when they shouldn’t. The reason? Because they are scientists and formula is a known in terms of amounts while breastmilk is an unknown and even when you express different mums have slightly different numbers in terms of calories and volume. There is also the small fact that the weight charts in the UK are based on white formula fed / breastfed babies and so BAME breastfed babies almost always get flagged as having a problem when they don’t have one.

Things are changing slowly now in the sense that hospitals now offer more efficient double pumps to breastfeeding mums which produces more milk. They have started practical breastfeeding sessions led by midwives and health visitors trained as lactation consultants and so practical advice is given, and not all bf babies are now being escalated down formula / sugar water pathways just because they lost 10% body weight (have to meet other criteria too).

So maybe in the future when more women breastfeed we can say the system works for us. But currently it really doesn’t. Formula is almost always king at the NHS.

Pumping is the absolute worst of all worlds so sympathies with that. I pumped for occasional freedom and then to add lactase for DC2 who had some entertaining lactose intolerance issues with weight loss and bloody diarrhoea from around 4 months...

Maybe try putting baby to boob for comfort. Even if they aren't getting anything they might attempt to latch and suck for comfort.

That’s pretty much what happened with us, @Ozanj, it sucks. Absolutely zero BF support.

My two babies that did have the odd ff accepted the bottle at whatever temperature I served it at be it straight from the fridge, room temperature or warmed up!

Tbh it's probably nothing to do with the feeding method and who says bf would settle them anyway. Maybe you feel sad about not being able to bf. I stopped within days and held so much guilt but now I've let it go I can see clearly

@Dustypinks

That’s pretty much what happened with us, *@Ozanj*, it sucks. Absolutely zero BF support.

Yes precisely. People don’t understand how difficult it is to breastfeed in the UK as the system is so pro formula. I was so lucky in the sense that I paid for practical support from people who knew about breastfeeding (a top ranking midwife who has published articles helped me) - but I was still viewed suspiciously by pediatricians and midwives and was told many times that I was ‘going against medical advice’ by insisting on not going down the formula route when I was able to pump 100ml every 20 mins in the early days.

But funnily enough they weren’t prepared to check for a tongue tie which ended up being the cause of all the problems.

@RedHelenB

My two babies that did have the odd ff accepted the bottle at whatever temperature I served it at be it straight from the fridge, room temperature or warmed up!

Yes. I ebf DS but when he was younger on really hot days I expressed and refridgerated and he loved it. He used to get a huge smile on his face. Lol it was an early warning he’s grow up to be an icecream addict.

It was really difficult doing that in covid times - my friend told me to do that but she couldn’t seem to understand that NO ONE a was doing face to face, which I do understand, but it added another layer of difficulty. There is a video on my phone somewhere of me asking OH to video my attempt to breastfeed and him videoing my legs and me saying tearfully ‘never MIND!’

I think the speed with which HC professionals decide formula needs to be introduced is very problematic. So many babies just won’t take to the breast once they are used to a bottle, so you end up formula feeding by default.

I can’t understand why there’s not more of a fuss about it, really.

Sorry you’re feeling this way. I used to hate going to baby groups with DD when she’d cry and every single other mother there could just whip a boob out to soothe theirs, while I was bouncing, rocking, making up little songs, stroking her cheek etc. But later I was proud that it was me who soothed her. Me who she found comfort in. The sound and smell and touch of me. Just me, not milk, purely being in my presence.

I think the speed with which HC professionals decide formula needs to be introduced is very problematic. So many babies just won’t take to the breast once they are used to a bottle, so you end up formula feeding by default.

Unless things have changed drastically in 3 years I couldn’t disagree more. It took 3 hospital readmissions before I felt “permitted” to move to bottle feeding. I’m angry things were allowed to get to that point, that breast at all costs was put before my, but more importantly my baby’s, welfare.

@Footprintsonmyfloor

Well if you hate it so much why are you formula feeding?

IMO both bf and ff have their pros and cons. I have one that was ff and one that was bf.

Stupid question. Maybe OP has no choice, obviously

@zeroalcohol

I hate the fact I’ve no easy, quick way of comforting my baby

What are you talking about? It takes about 10 seconds to pour some readymade formula into a sterilised bottle and put it in the baby's mouth

Which is 10 minutes more than a BF baby. 10 minutes of a screaming child feels like a lifetime. Especially at 3am

@zeroalcohol

Formula isn’t a magic solution that gets babies to sleep, although I do wonder if the presentation of it as such contributes to its popularity.

Speak for yourself. My FF DC slept reliably through the night from an early age. By contrast, everyone I know who breastfed struggled for months with dreadful sleep.

Nothing to do with FF vs BF

I've done both and also did exclusive pumping with my youngest (tongue tied) until he was one.

All methods have their downsides. If I could pick, I'd pick the perfect breastfeeding experience of course. When it works well, it's by far the easiest. But formula is fine. I think I felt guilty for formula feeding when I did it with dc1 after just a few months and I did think then "argh I hate this stuff and I hate doing this". But looking back at the work involved exclusively pumping for dc2, I cannot figure out why I did that to myself. If we ever have another (not planning to), I would give breastfeeding a go but not hesitate to switch to formula if it wasn't working out. Dc1 ended up in hospital with an infection, as did I and breastfeeding had been hellish as she couldn't latch and I didn't know what to do. I had to call a mw to come and weigh her and she had lost loads of weight, despite them thinking I was calling them out unecessarily. I'd paid for extra help and this was not covid times and still help wasn't good enough or available enough. I was going to get DH to go and buy formula for her, but couldn't bring myself to do it, because I wanted to persevere with breastfeeding. She was so sick and underfed and formula would have been far better. So, I don't think I'd put myself under that pressure ever again.

Hi OP.

I struggle with formula sometimes too. I tried and failed to breastfeed my twins, although I sometimes put them on for quick feeds but I don’t express anymore. They’re 5 weeks old. I would have loved the experience of doing the attachment parent, feeding on demand, milk ready whenever kind of parenting again. I just couldn’t with two babies. Formula does have it’s benefits but I treasure my BF experience with my first DD as I won’t have that again.

Just to say I know how you feel and understand why you feel formula is difficult. For me, it’s the winding as they swallow so much air! Night feeds take about an hour or so compared to latching DD on and going back to sleep!

I haven’t really taken the twins out anywhere yet, but I know when I do I will feel self conscious about giving them bottles. Especially at baby groups. I worry about being judged (I know this is probably all in my head).