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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate formula feeding?

228 replies

Dustypinks · 23/08/2021 10:48

It’s not meant to be a BF vs FF thread. It’s just how I personally feel.

I hate the fact I’ve no easy, quick way of comforting my baby. I hate the fact that if I give him a bottle and he won’t go to sleep I have to wait hours until he’s hungry enough to accept another one. I hate worrying about his teeth. I hate the cost!

I know it suits some people and I’m not trying to suggest they are wrong. I personally hate it though.

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 23/08/2021 14:15

DD wouldn't take a dummy either. I remember a doctor helpfully telling me it was really weird for a FF baby not to take a dummy. Hmm

Helpful, not.

Original poster
Dustypinks · 23/08/2021 14:15

Mine just pulls it out! Grin

OP posts:
Caspianberg · 23/08/2021 14:15

For our bottle and dummy refuser, jellycat soother toys saved the day. Sucks the arms instead.

Starjammer · 23/08/2021 14:17

I had to top up with formula when DD was first born as it took us a couple of months to get breastfeeding established. I didn't find it too bad but I think that was mainly because she only had top-ups so I could just use the ready-made stuff and she would drink it at room temp. I think I would have found it more of a chore if I had to make several bottles a day, particularly as we were out and about a lot at classes, or long lunches with friends, days out, etc. I'm not a particularly organised person so it would have added an extra layer of stress I think to think about making/packing bottles when out and about. And I'm also very lazy Grin

SarahAndQuack · 23/08/2021 14:17

@Dustypinks

Mine just pulls it out! Grin
Yep! I seem to recall a scream as if she'd been tricked, too. Grin

It's a good thing they're cute ...

Ozanj · 23/08/2021 14:20

Yes you’re right breastfeeding after the first 12 weeks can be easier. No need to worry about mould in prep machines or making up bottles or carrying boiling hot water everywhere.

But need to remember that for many mums who bf their toddlers are still waking at night & there may be no possibility to share sleep and comforting duties as the baby can only be calmed by mum. My DS is almost 2 and I am the only person who can get him to sleep, the only person who can cheer him up when he’s hysterical (to the point where nursery will facetime me - thankfully it’s rare). He still feeds 3-4 times a night and I haven’t slept a whole night since before I got pregnant Blush

zeroalcohol · 23/08/2021 14:22

I hate the fact I’ve no easy, quick way of comforting my baby

What are you talking about? It takes about 10 seconds to pour some readymade formula into a sterilised bottle and put it in the baby's mouth Confused

Original poster
Dustypinks · 23/08/2021 14:24

Admittedly my DS is not 2, but everything you have said above applies to mine, too, and he’s 9 months, so not a newborn.

Formula isn’t a magic solution that gets babies to sleep, although I do wonder if the presentation of it as such contributes to its popularity.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dustypinks · 23/08/2021 14:24

Well yes @zeroalcohol but if he’s not hungry, he won’t have it. BF babies use the breast as a soother / comforter.

OP posts:
TopBitchoftheWitches · 23/08/2021 14:24

There is always one.

zeroalcohol · 23/08/2021 14:27

Formula isn’t a magic solution that gets babies to sleep, although I do wonder if the presentation of it as such contributes to its popularity.

Speak for yourself. My FF DC slept reliably through the night from an early age. By contrast, everyone I know who breastfed struggled for months with dreadful sleep.

Original poster
Dustypinks · 23/08/2021 14:28

Of course I’m speaking for myself, and you’re speaking for yourself.

It is the babies that are different, not the feeding.

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 23/08/2021 14:28

@zeroalcohol

I hate the fact I’ve no easy, quick way of comforting my baby

What are you talking about? It takes about 10 seconds to pour some readymade formula into a sterilised bottle and put it in the baby's mouth Confused

  1. Unless you are very wealthy, this is not feasible (formula is expensive, especially if you waste a lot of it).

  2. If you force feed a baby it will likely vomit. This is not a good idea. A breastfeeding baby can control the flow of milk to a much greater degree than a FF baby; breastmilk adjusts to a baby's needs so a baby that's comfort sucking a lot (or drinking a lot because it's hot and needs the liquid) will stimulate its mother to produce milk with an appropriate nutrition content. A FF baby can't do this.

I do get that obviously BF isn't a magic bullet. But when you're struggling with something, everything you can't do feels like it might be the magic solution, doesn't it?

Hardbackwriter · 23/08/2021 14:29

@zeroalcohol

I hate the fact I’ve no easy, quick way of comforting my baby

What are you talking about? It takes about 10 seconds to pour some readymade formula into a sterilised bottle and put it in the baby's mouth Confused

Mine was VERY fussy about temperature - I don't know if that's because he'd previously been breastfed or was just him. Possibly the latter, because he's now 3 and still tests his bedtime mug of cow's milk like he's a fine wine connoisseur tasting a glass of 1947 Cheval Blanc and then asks me to put it back in the microwave if it isn't warmed to his exact liking, so I think he might just be a fusspot!
zeroalcohol · 23/08/2021 14:31

If you force feed a baby it will likely vomit. This is not a good idea. A breastfeeding baby can control the flow of milk to a much greater degree than a FF baby; breastmilk adjusts to a baby's needs so a baby that's comfort sucking a lot (or drinking a lot because it's hot and needs the liquid) will stimulate its mother to produce milk with an appropriate nutrition content. A FF baby can't do this.

Who said anything about force feeding a baby? It's not true that a FF baby can't do that either. My DC were pushing the bottle away from a very young age when they'd had enough milk. Or draining it and crying for more.

hartwood · 23/08/2021 14:34

If you BF to sleep though you may have to go through the awful process of weaning off feeding to sleep. Your baby may be up every 30 mins for that comfort. They could be biting at your nipples.

Not everyone has those issues of course but there are pros and cons to both. I don't know why you're assuming it would be easy.

I mix fed both of mine to begin with and it was much easier when I just switched to formula. Not having to worry about leaking, pumping, how much they were having etc.

Hardbackwriter · 23/08/2021 14:35

I don't know why people are so insistent that there is absolutely no downside to formula feeding but I do know that people who are that militant about the merits of breastfeeding are mocked and disliked ('breastapo')

Ozanj · 23/08/2021 14:39

@Hardbackwriter

I don't know why people are so insistent that there is absolutely no downside to formula feeding but I do know that people who are that militant about the merits of breastfeeding are mocked and disliked ('breastapo')
True. The joke is that the hormone that gets kids to sleep more is found in bf not ff. So it’s probably bottle feeding that gets kids full enough to sleep through - mums who produce enough expressed milk to feed their babies 100ml per feed are probably more likely to have babies that sleep through than anyone else.
zeroalcohol · 23/08/2021 14:39

I don't know why people are so insistent that there is absolutely no downside to formula feeding but I do know that people who are that militant about the merits of breastfeeding are mocked and disliked ('breastapo')

Yes, and quite rightly. No woman should have the right to make FF mums feel absolutely shit about themselves, like they're not raising their children properly or doing the best by them, just because they're able to breastfeed. Yet I've constantly been made to feel like that, both through reading threads online to experiences in real life.

Just because you BF doesn't make you any better a mother than someone who doesn't!!!

SarahAndQuack · 23/08/2021 14:40

@zeroalcohol

If you force feed a baby it will likely vomit. This is not a good idea. A breastfeeding baby can control the flow of milk to a much greater degree than a FF baby; breastmilk adjusts to a baby's needs so a baby that's comfort sucking a lot (or drinking a lot because it's hot and needs the liquid) will stimulate its mother to produce milk with an appropriate nutrition content. A FF baby can't do this.

Who said anything about force feeding a baby? It's not true that a FF baby can't do that either. My DC were pushing the bottle away from a very young age when they'd had enough milk. Or draining it and crying for more.

You did. You suggested she should feed her baby who isn't hungry and doesn't want the bottle. She's made it quite clear that's the situation.

I wondered if you didn't actually read that bit of her post?

Bumblenums1234 · 23/08/2021 14:45

This! I just couldn't do it and no one could help me because of the pandemic. It was early days and no one was allowed to touch me and even if they could, all breastfeeding classes went online only. I did so many calls and they just said I was doing it right so couldn't give any more help.

When was long to BF but can't, it is so bloody hard. I cried and cried for weeks about it.

Original poster
Dustypinks · 23/08/2021 14:45

@zeroalcohol, you obviously want to FF. Literally no one is saying you are wrong to do so.

I personally dislike it, not my choice.

I’m not telling you that you are wrong but it is notable you are telling me that I am.

OP posts:
Hardbackwriter · 23/08/2021 14:45

@zeroalcohol

I don't know why people are so insistent that there is absolutely no downside to formula feeding but I do know that people who are that militant about the merits of breastfeeding are mocked and disliked ('breastapo')

Yes, and quite rightly. No woman should have the right to make FF mums feel absolutely shit about themselves, like they're not raising their children properly or doing the best by them, just because they're able to breastfeed. Yet I've constantly been made to feel like that, both through reading threads online to experiences in real life.

Just because you BF doesn't make you any better a mother than someone who doesn't!!!

I'm sorry people have made you feel like that but I don't think it's a good or productive thing to turn that resentment into an insistence that formula feeding is absolutely without any downsides or inconveniences and that if someone finds any of it annoying or not ideal they must somehow be doing it wrong.
zeroalcohol · 23/08/2021 14:46

You did. You suggested she should feed her baby who isn't hungry and doesn't want the bottle. She's made it quite clear that's the situation.

Please don't imply that I'm some sort of crap mother who force feeds her baby. Actually my DC have never vomited up milk, so I must be doing something right!

Bumblenums1234 · 23/08/2021 14:47

Sorry that was in response to @herculesoffline