Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To buy the same item as a close friend?

389 replies

lucyli · 23/08/2021 05:53

Firstly I apologise that this is the epitome of a first world problem. I acknowledge I am fortunate to have this problem and that there are many bigger things to worry about.

I have decided to make a high-end purchase from a well-known brand. I've never done this before but am at the stage in my life where I would like to do so.

I spend a long while researching, chose what I wanted and planned to head to the shops in a few days.

Was just chatting to a close friend and it turns out she has the exact same item and is annoyed that I'd buy the same and said she'd rather I didn't. I wasn't aware of this before.

I struggle to understand this mentality as it's not something that would concern me at all the other way around.

Her argument is that she didn't spend all that money, just to have someone close to her have the exact same item.

AIBU to buy it anyway? I was so pleased with the idea of having it and was excited to buy it.

OP posts:
Alcemeg · 24/08/2021 19:24

@runthatbymeagain

Can I introduce you to Sarah Haran bags? sarahharan.com/ They are amazing and the Michelle tote is a similar size and shape to the Lab Neverfull. The difference is you can change the accessories on the SH bags -tassels, mini add on bags etc. They are gorgeous leather and beautifully made. I’ll never use another bag again. If you become a VIP (which I’m not) you can reserve a free bag each quarter if you meet the spend. There is a whole Facebook Group Bags of Joy dedicated to them.
I'm a bit gobsmacked by this thread as most of the bags mentioned are in roughly the price range of what I'd pay for a car 😊 and I can't really see why! But these do actually look gorgeous.
MyNameIsElizaDay · 24/08/2021 19:29

@Lougle

I clearly have no taste because, having googled it, that looks like something you could get at the local market for £20. I'd save your £1000 and buy something else Grin
I agree! How about a lovely kippling bag instead? Better looking and a lot less money😇
EspressoDoubleShot · 24/08/2021 19:37

For all those who’d hate someone having same bag, knowing you felt entitled to be annoyed that’d just encourage me to buy the same bag
And I’d get a frisson of mirth at your annoyance

Eatdrinkbemerry · 24/08/2021 19:40

I would buy it. It’s ridiculous that you can’t buy a well known designer bag just because your friend had one. Your friend is actually quite pathetic. My friend and I have so many similar items and at times we meet up with the same shoes, bag or even jacket on. Neither of us really cared because we know we are not copying one another. We just have such similar tastes.

Tell you friend to grow up!

ERFFER · 24/08/2021 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EspressoDoubleShot · 24/08/2021 19:51

The LV bag you were considering it’s a PTA classic they all hoik it about

LouH1981 · 24/08/2021 19:55

You need to buy the bag. Life is too short. Chances are you’ll probably use it many times without her. Unless of course this has just zapped all the joy out of it. I think your friend is being a bit unkind tbh.

Dontwatchfootball · 24/08/2021 19:57

This is ridiculous! I have a friend who has very similar taste and we often find we have bought the same thing. And at some point I guess we will show up somewhere matching. But since we are grown ups we dont care. I thought the PP who asked if you could get a different colour was on to something.

Gwenhwyfar · 24/08/2021 19:59

[quote Pbbananabagel]Upgrade to Gucci?

www.farfetch.com/uk/shopping/women/gucci-ophidia-gg-tote-item-13433955.aspx?storeid=10524&rtype=inspire_portal_pdp_generic_a&rpos=2&rid=c92a7493-14d4-4b51-b4ce-60b8fba0ee48[/quote]
OMG 1200 for an ugly bag that doesn't even zip up.

LimeRedBanana · 24/08/2021 20:01

The Gucci one is no nicer than the LV one.

There are so many better alternatives out there, if you’ve got that much to spend.

Whycantibeapuppy · 24/08/2021 20:12

I find this really strange from a close friend. My close friend often buys something I have or vice Versa, and several times I’ve commented on something of hers and then she gifts me one the same! What a strange thing for her to be annoyed about. Surely it’s a compliment on her taste?

Xkerching08x · 24/08/2021 20:19

I’ve got a £1500 LV propriano bag and honestly it would pee me off if a close friend had it. There’s a few different LV bags so I’d choose a different one or a better one. p.s the neverfuls feel flimsy x

Darlingx · 24/08/2021 20:19

Mybalconyiscracking
So true!!
I am as fashion as the David Bowie track and take it from me what you covert this year will lose it’s shine. The heels I had to must have sitting in a box a cardboard box . I had a Chanel bag got it for £2 from a Charity shop the real thing . I sold it for £40 back in the day when it was out of fashion now it would be worth £2000 or more but I didn’t like a brown Chanel bag with gold chain. Ah now that was a mistake. My sister has my mother’s black one smart cookie. I love love love design and beautiful things but I would let it go for the sake of the friendship. I would value a friend and upsetting her even though slightly irrational it would take the shine off how about finding an even better bag? Handbag wars

SoSoSpotty · 24/08/2021 20:28

It upsets her because she feels competitive towards you. It's not about the bag but about your friendship. Are you in the habit of doing the same things as she? Does she feel inferior? Are you more confident and outgoing or popular?

Mollymoostoo · 24/08/2021 20:39

My friends has a bag and I want one the same. I don't give a FF if she is upset about it. I work hard for my money and can buy what I want. End of.

PrincessNutella · 24/08/2021 20:43

Even though I really don't care about fashion at all, somehow I feel for your friend. I think I would consider her feelings carefully. Sure, you have a right to get what you want, but if there is another alternative you could get that would also make you very happy, I might consider that as well.

MalagaNights · 24/08/2021 20:47

The St Laurent and Cartier ones are much classier looking.
Understated.
The LV is too obviously showy blingy.

I love the Elvis and Kresse tote best though. Way cooler.

muffindays · 24/08/2021 20:48

your friend is a bit sad! how pathetic!

Tam20779 · 24/08/2021 20:51

@SnoopyLights

I have very similar tastes to my closest friend and to one of my cousins, and we often seem to independently buy the same or very similar things at the exact same time. Clothes, bags, things in our houses, even to the point that two of us have children who share a name (there are reasons but they are outing to get into).

We've usually laughed it off and been pleased about the coincidence.

The only time I've really minded someone buying the same things as me is when MIL used to do it. You would buy something, she would make a snide comment about it, then go out and get the same thing, then still be unhappy as she'd wasted money on something she didn't really want, thinking it would make her happy but it never did. She was a woman who was never happy with herself or other people, she's not good in her own company, can't be alone, and I don't think she had much self awareness to just be herself. So she would copy others whilst also putting them down for liking what they liked, and then still be disappointed because doing it hadn't brought her any joy.

I had to google the bag from the guess on the thread here, didn't even realise that lv was Louis Vuitton at first. I'm with you, it seems like a popular design, I know I've seen a lot of similar bags before, and if you like it and it will suit what you need it for, I can't see why your friend is so upset.

It sounds like you've chosen a bag that will best suit your needs and she's chosen a bag she thinks will impress people due to the cost.

I still can't see why you can't both have one if you both love the bag. I think the deciding issue for me would be if this is an unusual request from her and how she normally behaves about having things others don't. Perhaps also if she has lots of expensive things to show off, or if this is a one-off. Is she usually pleased for other people when they have nice things, or is she jealous?

I have a bag made from old firehoses, I have not had it long so I can't speak for how durable it will be, but it's survived being dragged about as firehose for many years before being turned into a bag so I'm guessing it will be good. It's a fraction of the cost of your bag, looks great, has a bit of individuality about it, and is big enough to fit everything I want and need to carry (and more). I definitely recommend it so far. I opted for one that still has printing on it as I felt it added a bit of character, and I love it. It's from a company called Elvis and Kresse and they donate 50% of their profit back into charities for firefighters. They have a great range so well worth a look.

I read the thread thinking Liverpool Victoria doesn’t make bags, they are an insurance company. Then I googled it lolGrin
peppermintpat · 24/08/2021 20:59

You can get the bag you like at LV monogrammed and then it would be different and personal to you.

Lolabray · 24/08/2021 21:03

I wouldn’t buy it because every time you’d look at it it would remind you of her

iamyourequal · 24/08/2021 21:19

You have every right to buy it, but I know wouldn’t under those circumstances. I don’t think I would enjoy using it knowing my friend resented me having it. And if it actually led to a fallout then the bag would be ruined in my mind and would forever more remind me of the spat. Also, an aside but OP, you said ‘’we can't ensure we don't use it for the same event’s’’ I am probably totally old fashioned and out of touch, but it looks like a great big tote shopping bag, so I can’t imagine what kind of actual nice ‘event’ I would want to take it to other than Saturday afternoon shopping. (I am short though, it might well look more elegant on someone tall!)

Eatdrinkbemerry · 24/08/2021 21:22

@lucyli
You should look at the leather neverfull LV. The neverfull you want is actually canvas material and long term will wear and tear and can’t be repaired. Their new range is leather and has a lifetime repair guarantee and this one is beautiful and unique. My friend has it and it looks fab when she uses it.

uk.louisvuitton.com/eng-gb/products/neverfull-mm-tote-bag-nvprod2790031v

pollymere · 24/08/2021 21:32

Did she know how much you wanted it and get in first? I do sympathize with her if she doesn't want you to be twins at events.