To buy the same item as a close friend?

[lucyli]

Firstly I apologise that this is the epitome of a first world problem. I acknowledge I am fortunate to have this problem and that there are many bigger things to worry about.

I have decided to make a high-end purchase from a well-known brand. I've never done this before but am at the stage in my life where I would like to do so.

I spend a long while researching, chose what I wanted and planned to head to the shops in a few days.

Was just chatting to a close friend and it turns out she has the exact same item and is annoyed that I'd buy the same and said she'd rather I didn't. I wasn't aware of this before.

I struggle to understand this mentality as it's not something that would concern me at all the other way around.

Her argument is that she didn't spend all that money, just to have someone close to her have the exact same item.

AIBU to buy it anyway? I was so pleased with the idea of having it and was excited to buy it.

I have a Goyard tote OP and I absolutely love it. I have it with my initials painted on the front in the white/grey colour way.

You can't buy them online, you have to go to a boutique and there is quite a wait if you want the personalisation (worth it IMO). The choice of colours is just great. AND the website has a tool where you can play around with customisation which is pretty cool

Not much of a friend I'm going to say - she is being ridiculous and you should buy whatever you want - since when did grown women allow others to dictate to them like this YANBU

This is one of those threads that I read with a metaphorical open mouth.

If one of my female friends asked me not to buy a handbag that she already had because she didn't want us to have the same item I'd assume she was having some sort of episode.

That's because my female friends are all mature adults. It would never occur to any of us to consider it an issue if another one of us chose the same handbag. Especially not one as ubiquitous as the one you're contemplating buying.

I've actually read people on this thread suggesting you shouldn't buy the bag because it will upset your friend, and even asking whether you'd rather give up the bag or your friendship. It beggars belief to me.

I have a Chanel 2.55. If a friend also planned to buy one my response would be to chat warmly about the history of the item, its design and place in couture history. I'd find that interesting, not threatening.

Buy whatever bag you want OP. My advice would also be to cool the friendship, or at least put it on a listening watch - this woman sounds like hard work.

Personally (and I understand not everyone feels the same), I think it's madness to spend that much money on a bag especially LV.
Buy yourself a nice piece of jewellery or something else.

Why the hell does it matter!? Honestly I couldn't careless if someone had the same bag as me (though mine are all odd and I've never seen another one anywhere which I find weird - no one has a version of any of my bags...!??) it's a bag for crying out loud. She could be stood in a shop next to someone with the same bag, why does it matter that she knows you? She also has no right to tell you not to buy it because she already did!

If you want it get it and she can sit there looking like a bulldog chewing a wasp over your matching bags.

It's pee's me off when people think they can tell others what they can or can't buy with their own money.
OP just buy the bag, if she doest like it that's her problem, she can always return hers

@nancybotwinbloom

I recently caught up with friends and one friend had the same bag as me.

Hers was real, mine was a genuine fake.

We just compared them and ended up ordering one for another friend who was also there. The fake not the real one.

If I had something my friend wanted to buy I wouldn't care! Why would you.

What’s a genuine fake? (I have a feeling that’s going to sound like a goats faux naïve question, but it really isn’t!)

Get yourself invited to place a Hermes special order. The horseshoe drives people like that insane.

@Soubriquet

Just googled it..

2 grand for an ugly brown bag…yabu

But yanbu to get one you want even if your friend doesn’t want you to

Me too, I agree not a nice looking bag

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. It's a free world. Buy what you like ,wear what you like.

Just kill your friend, problem solved.

If you want to buy something very popular atm, then you should just buy it, without talking to your close friends. Then even if both of you have the same thing, it's just a coincidence.

@Alcemeg

Just kill your friend, problem solved.

Hide the body in her own bag

I wouldn’t let anyone tell me what I could and couldn’t buy, but, I have to say, most of DD’s sixth form girls have copies of that bag (I’m presuming they aren’t real, anyway?!) which would put me right off!!

Buy the bag.
I hate this kind of thing, I know a few people like this and one in particular who returned her child's coat because I had bought my child the same one (without knowing her child had one) and she had saved for hers whereas she felt it was something I could buy without worrying and therefore she felt it made her version of the coat worthless.
Absolutely ridiculous!!

These objects aren't limited edition runs- people will have similar or the same.

I've been to work before and been in the exact same outfit as another lady there- it's funny and makes other people look twice and giggle (kindly)
What's to worry about.
BUY THE BAG.

She sounds a bit precious trying to ban you from buying a relatively common bag. But how about the Mulberry Bayswater tote? I love mine.

@fourminutestosavetheworld

I personally wouldn't buy it now. Your friend has made it clear that part of the appeal for her is having something special and unique amongst the friendship group.

I don't understand it myself, but presumably she wants people to be impressed and covetous when they see it and this impact will be lessened if you are standing there with the same item.

Regardless, if you're really her friend, you won't want her to be upset about this. She has asked you not to buy it so don't.

If you buy it, she will like you a little bit less. She will also tell everyone she bought it first and you will look like you copied her, which is a bit sad.

I would buy something equally wonderful, but different, and demonstrate good friend credentials and a bit of originality.

^This, well said.

I think your friend is right. Some people are very caught up in style, it represents more than how they dress but communicates how they want the world to see them. Don't buy the bag and ruin it for her.

This would leave a very nasty taste in my mouth re the friend. What pathetic behaviour from her.

Sounds like a toddler squabbling over a toy!

Buy the bag and enjoy it. You deserve it.

Bin the friend

YANBU to buy the same bag as a friend. Especially one that is very popular.

But I agree with others that you might find you like other tote bags even more if you look around. Aspinal of London do some lovely ones - much cheaper (and nicer IMO) than LV.

Can I introduce you to Sarah Haran bags? sarahharan.com/ They are amazing and the Michelle tote is a similar size and shape to the Lab Neverfull. The difference is you can change the accessories on the SH bags -tassels, mini add on bags etc. They are gorgeous leather and beautifully made. I’ll never use another bag again. If you become a VIP (which I’m not) you can reserve a free bag each quarter if you meet the spend. There is a whole Facebook Group Bags of Joy dedicated to them.

@dreamkitchenhelp

Loving that Cartier one!

Me too, it’s gorgeous.

No one has dibs on a handbag, if you like it buy it and yiu don’t need her permission
Majority of the PTA have same ghastly bag and they all turn up at same events

Hers was real, mine was a genuine fake