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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Snoring FIL AIBU

274 replies

Jennybeans401 · 23/08/2021 04:21

We're on holiday staying in a lodge with PILs. We have two dds, the walls are paper thin.

FIL snores, omg it is loud, like a foghorn going off all night . MIL is 'used to it' and they both lie in bed until 9.30 each morning. I'm totally slee deprived as currently up listening to FIL snoring every night!

I'm up with the two dcs at 6.30am as they are early risers. I got annoyed yesterday because I was so tired and said it was because FIL was snoring all night. Response to this was 'well I can't help it' and both PILs got angry with me. I've not said anything since. Dh couldn't get time off work so he's not here to back me up.

AIBU to leave this holiday early? My dcs are having a good time but after six days of no sleep I'm struggling to function! I'm also pissed off with the selfish attitude that they lie in bed everyday while I'm up early with the kids. I also do all the driving cooking and they haven't lifted a finger with dcs!

OP posts:
Marni83 · 23/08/2021 17:42

And when she says loading the car
What is she “loading”?

Bucket and spade? Bag of towels?

rookiemere · 23/08/2021 17:42

Err @Marni83 the OPs DH paid for the holiday.

Waspsarearseholes · 23/08/2021 17:43

@Marni83

And given the in laws have paid for the holiday Perhaps the OP could take everyone one for a few lunches / dinners
What on earth are you on about? OP's husband paid for the holiday.
thing47 · 23/08/2021 17:44

They haven't. DH has. Honestly if you want people to take on board your advice, at least read the blooming thread.

Clymene · 23/08/2021 17:45

@Marni83

And given the in laws have paid for the holiday Perhaps the OP could take everyone one for a few lunches / dinners
Actually the OP's husband paid for the holiday. Perhaps you were too busy being a kick arse single mum.

Fwiw I'm a single parent but I think you've behaved of an arse to the OP.

Marni83 · 23/08/2021 17:45

Oh my error
In that case offering lunch and dinner as well would not be appropriate!

Meraas · 23/08/2021 17:45

@Marni83

And given the in laws have paid for the holiday Perhaps the OP could take everyone one for a few lunches / dinners
You seem to be berating OPs on a number of threads today.
Waspsarearseholes · 23/08/2021 17:46

@Marni83

And when she says loading the car What is she “loading”?

Bucket and spade? Bag of towels?

Have you even read the OP's posts? She's expected to load all the cases and bags into the car. You seem weirdly annoyed about OP. You do it all yourself, well done and all that. Doesn't mean that makes it ok to be treated like a skivvy by the other adults on the holiday and that OP should take them out for lunch to thank them for disrupting her sleep for a week and treating her like an unpaid maid. What an extremely odd way of looking at this.
Marni83 · 23/08/2021 17:48

* Fwiw I'm a single parent but I think you've behaved of an arse to the OP.*

Becuae I have said

The op could ask her 10 her old Dd to help
I question what “loading” the car on holiday means. Surely throwing in buckets and spades, bag of towels, perhaps a picnic? I do that and just ask my 10 year old to… please carry the towels and my 7 year old the bucket and spade. I bring the…. Picnic and my hand bag.

Then i asked what the op wanted her FIL to actually do about his snoring whilst on holiday. The response that they could offer to sit whilst op took a nap. Again…. I have two possible options

It’s as though no one asks questions or looks at the detail.

Marni83 · 23/08/2021 17:50

To load all the cases and bags?

Surely that happens… at the beginning of the holiday and at the end only.

And again, I said 10 year would help plus…the op could say…. “Dd help grandpa but don’t carry the heavy ones as leave that for grandpa, and MIL can do that one but you carry that one DD”

Did they all go in one car? Or arrive separately. If latter, then she wouldn’t have loaded their car. And as for unloading, as above.

Marni83 · 23/08/2021 17:53

The op has presented an image of her trudging backwards and forwards carrying anything and everything, from buckets and spades, to cases and bags.

When she has a 10 year old and, most importantly, a voice.

A voice to say…. Ok FIL, you grab that bag as too heavy for Dd, Dd you take this one, I’ll take that one, and here mil… I’ll leave that one for you as this is my last trip out because I’m putting the kettle on”

Assertive Communication

Rather than martyring yourself

Waspsarearseholes · 23/08/2021 17:53

It’s as though no one asks questions or looks at the detail.

Actually, it appears as though you're not great at looking at the detail.

Why are you kicking up such a fuss about how you do all this by yourself? What are you after? If it's recognition for being a 'kick-ass single mum' (cringe) then start your own thread about it.
I actually, as a normal person, could not sit on my arse while my DIL or anybody else did everything around me and for me and not offer to lift a finger whilst knowing I have kept them awake for a week. Why would you watch someone struggle when you can make things a bit easier for them? Odd.

Marni83 · 23/08/2021 17:54

They are thoughtless and inconsiderate
Very much so

But the op doesn’t need to do a damn thing
She sets her boundaries
And the rest she leaves for them

Waspsarearseholes · 23/08/2021 17:55

Did they all go in one car? Or arrive separately. If latter, then she wouldn’t have loaded their car. And as for unloading, as above.

Again, this is mentioned in one of the OP's posts.

rookiemere · 23/08/2021 17:55

@Marni83 again the question of cars was answered by OP upthread. The ILs don't drive .

Marni83 · 23/08/2021 17:55

The children are her responsibility. Yes nice if they dipped in at least, but on that front - the op has no leg to stand on.

Cooking and carrying - well, it’s a matter of setting boundaries and using your voice (and asking your 10 year old to carry a bloody bucket and spade!)

Marni83 · 23/08/2021 17:56

[quote rookiemere]@Marni83 again the question of cars was answered by OP upthread. The ILs don't drive .[/quote]
Yes but they could have still made their own way there.

So if op did collect… then the approach I said uothresd

Waspsarearseholes · 23/08/2021 17:59

Why would the in-laws want to go on holiday unless to spend some time with their grandchildren? Most grandparents enjoy spending quality time with the grandkids, most parents don't see this as grandparents doing them a favour, it's just spending time with them, enjoying being with them. It sounds like they wanted this holiday as it was free and they thought they'd have a week without lifting a finger. Only arseholes don't offer to help their loved ones or expect them to cater to their every need.

RandomMess · 23/08/2021 18:00

I hope you have dropped them off home rather then buried under a patio somewhere.

You must be knackered Thanks

Feedingthebirds1 · 23/08/2021 18:47

The children are her responsibility. Yes nice if they dipped in at least, but on that front - the op has no leg to stand on.

You mean apart from the fact that the MIL offered to help on the holiday before they went, and has since done three fifths of five eighths of sweet FA for herself, let alone the DCs? And that they went away on that basis but are now having the OP running round after them as well as her children?

Ineedaduvetday · 23/08/2021 19:47

apart from the fact that the MIL offered to help on the holiday before they went

I suspect MIL's idea of 'help' and OP's are vastly different.

Cherrysoup · 23/08/2021 19:58

How many days left? I’d be tempted to drop them at a train station, but that would probably create WW3! I feel for you, I have the luxury of moving to the spare room if my Dh snores and he’s never loud, but both my parents were/are like ducking hibernating bears/chainsaws. Appalling.

Dontwatchfootball · 23/08/2021 20:12

Most people over 40 snore. And they have a right to their lie ins. But if MIL offered to help and has not, and if you cannot sleep, you are perfectly right to go home. Dont go away without your partner again I guess.

underneaththeash · 23/08/2021 20:25

I’ve been on three holidays with MIL - our wedding, where was she needed a bit of looking after, but was okay, but joined in with nothing.
An extended weekend away where she complained about sharing with DD (but there was no-where else for her to sleep abs we’d chatted that through previously) and

A awful, awful week away. She managed to block the downstairs loo on the first afternoon, which backed up through the second shower. The owner unblocked it, but she blocked again the next morning. She can easily spend an hour in the shower, but we explained she couldn’t do that now that she’d taken out a whole shower room.
All of us had to go to the loo at least once during the next week.
She wouldn’t get up any earlier than 11 and we had small children at the time who wanted early lunch and then nap.

We do still take her away for a couple of days once every 2 years. Always a room with own bathroom (which she blocks) and we tell her the plan the day before. She’s never up and we just leave her to it.

ShingleBeach · 23/08/2021 20:25

@Dontwatchfootball

Most people over 40 snore. And they have a right to their lie ins. But if MIL offered to help and has not, and if you cannot sleep, you are perfectly right to go home. Dont go away without your partner again I guess.
I don’t think going away without her partner is the OP’s problem.

‘Don’t go away with your ILs’ seems to be the best plan in future. They are depriving her if sleep while adding to her work (cooking for them etc).