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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Snoring FIL AIBU

274 replies

Jennybeans401 · 23/08/2021 04:21

We're on holiday staying in a lodge with PILs. We have two dds, the walls are paper thin.

FIL snores, omg it is loud, like a foghorn going off all night . MIL is 'used to it' and they both lie in bed until 9.30 each morning. I'm totally slee deprived as currently up listening to FIL snoring every night!

I'm up with the two dcs at 6.30am as they are early risers. I got annoyed yesterday because I was so tired and said it was because FIL was snoring all night. Response to this was 'well I can't help it' and both PILs got angry with me. I've not said anything since. Dh couldn't get time off work so he's not here to back me up.

AIBU to leave this holiday early? My dcs are having a good time but after six days of no sleep I'm struggling to function! I'm also pissed off with the selfish attitude that they lie in bed everyday while I'm up early with the kids. I also do all the driving cooking and they haven't lifted a finger with dcs!

OP posts:
Clymene · 23/08/2021 10:59

@PhoboPhobia

I don't know why the OPs DH is getting a hard time - presumbaly he didn't force the OP to go without him?
Because holidays with small children are hard work. And they're even worse with people who act like they're physically disabled the moment they retire.

And it seems a mite convenient that he booked a holiday (and presumably booked time off work like any normal person would) and then suddenly at the last minute couldn't get the time off. So sending his poor wife off to fetch and carry for his children AND his parents while he lounges around at home in his boxers, watching Sky sports

Heliachi · 23/08/2021 11:09

This reply has been deleted

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billy1966 · 23/08/2021 11:15

@Clymene

Exactly

Poor OP.

Marni83 · 23/08/2021 11:24

Op your children care capable of helping (you posted on same thread as me re allowing 11 year old to theme park alone).

. I am a single parent, At 10 my DS helps me unload and load the car lots of other things

I suppose because I am a single parent and have been for years, I rely on no one and would never ever ever expect to go on holiday and expect anyone to help me out. I go anywhere and every where expecting to do…. Everything for me and my children other than what I delegate to my children.

Just back from holiday with my sister and her husband. They have no children. In their thirties in good health. I adore my sister but she’s not Maternal at all and despite her saying she’s help - I expected nothing and sure enough, other than two evenings when I came down from putting my youngest to bed and found they’d done dinner (I almost wrote with gratitude!!), nothing.

I was t least bit upset. Me and my children are my responsibility.

AutumnLeafDance · 23/08/2021 11:25

"MIL feels that she had to do everything with no help when her kids were young so why should it be different for me.

That is so messed up!

Marni83 · 23/08/2021 11:25

Wept with gratitude I meant to say

Marni83 · 23/08/2021 11:26

And they sure as heck didn’t pay for the holiday

phishy · 23/08/2021 11:30

How on Earth did your DH get you to agree to go away with PIL and DC without him?

Sounds more like a holiday for DH.

Go home OP. Flowers

Maxiedog123 · 23/08/2021 12:02

It's pretty unusual for both of a 70 year old couple to truly be so dependent they can't physically do anything
I would be making it very clear to your DH that any idea that you as DIL will be caring for them needs to be absolutely forgotten, as they do sound like they might think it is your job as a female

Howshouldibehave · 23/08/2021 12:11

It’s difficult to believe that you know your in laws well enough to think they would be helpful with your children on holiday, to find out that they actually believe people don’t need help as they had none themselves?! Why did you agree to go without your husband?

OchonAgusOchonOh · 23/08/2021 12:12

@Jennybeans401

They both can drive but dont feel able any more, FIL is 72 and MIL is 70. I have brought them so will need to take them home. Due to their age I get no help packing the car away, I will have to get their suitcases and all our stuff in the car.

Needless to say this will be the last holiday with them. Neither of them have once offered to get up a bit earlier to make dcs breakfast, just one day would have been nice. MIL feels that she had to do everything with no help when her kids were young so why should it be different for me.

70 and 72 is not old! They should be well capable of packing the car.

While I wouldn't expect them to run around after the kids, there is absolutely no reason why they can't feed them or play games with them.

I would be livid with your mil for promising help and then telling you that she did it all herself so you should too. They basically got a free holiday under false pretences. The fact they are contributing nothing in terms of cooking etc makes it even worse.

My preference would be to send them home but the fall out from that would probably be horrific. In your shoes, I would definitely be going home early. You can be honest and just say you are utterly exhausted or you can lie and feign illness.

ineedaholidaynow · 23/08/2021 12:21

Thing is if you leave early, surely the grandparents have to leave early too as you are the one driving

OchonAgusOchonOh · 23/08/2021 12:23

@ineedaholidaynow

Thing is if you leave early, surely the grandparents have to leave early too as you are the one driving
So? I would feel no guilt whatsoever about this. They got the holiday paid for under false pretences so the op owes them nothing. If she had gone on her own with the kids she would have been much better off. She would have had to do the same amount of work but would have had decent sleep.
Changemusthappen · 23/08/2021 12:24

I too think you sound like you are being very passive in this. You seem to be basing the holiday around them and that is a choice you are making.

If they get up late why don't you just go out early?

Why are you cooking all the meals? Just agree you'll do yours and the children and they can do theirs. Or just pick something up, eg. fish and chips, on the way back and say you've eaten.

If they don't drive, you must have known you would be taxi service, again you either do this graciously or say no, its' simple.

Are you honestly saying that they are getting up expecting you to get them breakfast, clear it all up, same for lunch and dinner? Well more fool you then! You don't have to do this, you have an option.

I suspect that if they were on holiday with their son, the MIL would be doing it all. Just think of it like that. You are not their carer, skivvy etc.

ShingleBeach · 23/08/2021 12:26

Bloody hell.

Lazy and selfish people.

Even if they don't help with the kids (and isn't a lot of 'helping' with kids just enjoying playing with them, when on hol??) to sit around and expect to be fed and waited upon!

Did your MIL act as housekeeper and servant to her ILs while managing without help with the kids?

Honestly, I know no people who would behave as lazily and selfishly as this.

Presumably they cook for themselves when at home?

What does your DH have to say about all this? Emphasise the lack of engagement / playing with / helping with the children, and the waiting on them hand and foot for meals.

And ...how on earth did he dodge this bullet? What an operator! Tell him you are on strike for a week when you get home.

phishy · 23/08/2021 12:41

@ineedaholidaynow

Thing is if you leave early, surely the grandparents have to leave early too as you are the one driving
Yeah, so what? They should have thought before they stiffed OP by saying they'll help with DC and then ding fuck all.
ineedaholidaynow · 23/08/2021 12:44

@phishy I get that. But another poster suggested sending the PILs home early but worried that might cause a shitstorm. Would it be much different if they all left early?

OchonAgusOchonOh · 23/08/2021 12:49

[quote ineedaholidaynow]@phishy I get that. But another poster suggested sending the PILs home early but worried that might cause a shitstorm. Would it be much different if they all left early?[/quote]
That was me.

The op can feign illness in order to go home early which would avoid a shitstorm. They may suspect she's not actually ill but so what?

phishy · 23/08/2021 12:50

But what could PIL argue? That OP is selfish for putting her sleep over everyone else?

PIL won’t have a leg to stand on. Their actions have consequences.

Sexnotgender · 23/08/2021 12:54

Will they literally sit and watch you pack their shit in the car? Fuck that.

Feedingthebirds1 · 23/08/2021 12:56

OP have you phoned DH and told him what's going on? I'd be asking him to speak to his parents. Presumably he paid for their holiday on the grounds that they would help you out at least occasionally?

timeisnotaline · 23/08/2021 12:59

Are you taking the weekend off when you get home? No cooking, all the lie ins, and your dh signing in blood that he fully understands that over your cold dead body does this happen again??

BrilliantBetty · 23/08/2021 13:06

70 & 72 is not really old enough to be playing the unable to do anything aged thing... my dad is this age and in great shape, plays with the DC, works, lots of DIY.

I would go home. It sounds shit. You can't function on so little sleep and are having a horrible time.
Let them know you will be packing up after dinner and driving home this evening. Or if they wish to stay they sort out transportation.

TheRabbitStoleMyHat · 23/08/2021 13:09

It’s not a holiday for you. Just go home.

diddl · 23/08/2021 13:11

Are the kids too young to entertain themselves quietly/be told to leave you to sleep?

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