Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Snoring FIL AIBU

274 replies

Jennybeans401 · 23/08/2021 04:21

We're on holiday staying in a lodge with PILs. We have two dds, the walls are paper thin.

FIL snores, omg it is loud, like a foghorn going off all night . MIL is 'used to it' and they both lie in bed until 9.30 each morning. I'm totally slee deprived as currently up listening to FIL snoring every night!

I'm up with the two dcs at 6.30am as they are early risers. I got annoyed yesterday because I was so tired and said it was because FIL was snoring all night. Response to this was 'well I can't help it' and both PILs got angry with me. I've not said anything since. Dh couldn't get time off work so he's not here to back me up.

AIBU to leave this holiday early? My dcs are having a good time but after six days of no sleep I'm struggling to function! I'm also pissed off with the selfish attitude that they lie in bed everyday while I'm up early with the kids. I also do all the driving cooking and they haven't lifted a finger with dcs!

OP posts:
Northernlassie1974 · 24/08/2021 19:27

So did you leave early?? I honeslty can't believe the cheek of some people, that attitude of 'I had to struggle so I'm going to sit back and watch you do so tools just vile! Hope you're sleeping off the break!

MrsKoala · 24/08/2021 19:32

It sounded like a good idea as MIL offered to help with dcs

Have you mentioned this to them? I’d definitely be asking what they meant by that and directly quoting what mil had said back to them. I’d be honest and say this is miserable for you because they said that they’d help. Therefore you brought them because you were on your own and needed help, but actually they’d done nothing and you are exhausted so are now taking everyone home early.

I really wouldn’t care if it caused a shitstorm I’d be so disappointed and angry with them.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/08/2021 19:37

Idk if you’re home. The obvious solution for me would be to get your dh to collect his parents and then you can have an early night with a good night’s sleep. Your mil has reneged on the deal. Fine for you to renege on yours.

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 24/08/2021 19:40

@Marni83

I think the OP is avoiding answering the question because her children aren’t tinies in need of 24/7 engagement and could help her with “loading” car etc.
Marnie think you have mistook the purpose of Mumsnet? It's to give other Mums support and constructive advice not to give them a kick in the teeth when they are under pressure and exhausted? Shame on you.
mrsbyers · 24/08/2021 19:46

Get some earplugs ?

burritofan · 24/08/2021 20:00

OP, your big mistake here is thinking you’re on holiday. You’re not: your PILs are. You’re their hired help, invites to transport them, cook for them, heavy lift for them, skivvy for them, then transport them home again at the end. They just forgot to hire you and instead lied about childcare and helping to get you to do it. And your DH engineered it!

I’d pack the car with YOUR family’s things and bloody abandon them, they can make their own way home, they’re cognisant and capable.

CostaBlancaChica · 24/08/2021 20:41

Sounds like a nightmare. I couldn't imagine anyone going on holiday with their in-laws without their partner. It's quite strange, unless you have a really close relationship with them.

QueeniesCroft · 24/08/2021 20:43

I've never been on holiday with my in-laws (would be weird since they've both been dead longer than I've been married!), but I do live with a snorer and I sympathize over the complete denial about the level of discomfort they cause to those around them.

I think I might be tempted to go home and leave them there, and send my husband to take them home at the end of the holiday. It would cause massive arguments, of course, but I suspect the relationship is fucked anyway. The husband also needs some sort of penance. Even if the OP had no idea about the snoring, I bet her husband did.

Travis1 · 24/08/2021 21:21

Hope you’re home by now op

KentdonMum · 24/08/2021 21:52

We holidayed with my MIL recently on a boat and her snoring and constant getting up
in the night to go to the loo massively disrupted my DH and he was totally sleep deprived and exhausted on the holiday. I had ear plugs and an eye mask so didn’t suffer to begin with but a few days in I started to hear it also. She would take herself off for naps during the day.

Boysgrownbutstillathome · 24/08/2021 22:26

Get some ear plugs. My husband snores like a rhinoceros so I have used them for years and they really work.

AutistGoth · 24/08/2021 23:23

Hope you're okay, OP. Flowers

hopeso · 25/08/2021 00:16

'They both can drive but don't feel able any more, FIL is 72 and MIL is 70. I have brought them so will need to take them home. Due to their age I get no help packing the car away, I will have to get their suitcases and all our stuff in the car.'

Don't feel able to drive? Due to their age? They are absolutely taking you for a ride. My ILs are 76 and 77. Between them, they do cycling, yoga, pilates, Zumba and zoom gym classes. Drive 100 odd miles to visit family or go on holiday. They hosted me and hubby, as well as my brother and his family (two kids 5 and 1 years), did all the shopping beforehand, sorted out breakfasts and dinner a couple of times. Yes they do get tired, but their mantra is you've got to keep moving otherwise you will just sit on the sofa and do nothing. Your in-laws saw this as a free holiday, nothing else. This is a warning of things to come in future if you don't put your foot down now, and hubby needs to get on side, too. They are simply lazy and selfish.

hopeso · 25/08/2021 00:19

@CostaBlancaChica I have been on holiday with my in-laws without my husband. My sister and I went with them to Edinburgh! They have also come on big family holidays celebrating things like my sister's 50th etc.

Smackthepony · 25/08/2021 02:50

Why do you need an excuse. Tell them you can’t carry on with the sleep deprivation due to his snoring. Whether he can help it or not is irrelevant. Your right to not put up with it is equal to his right to not do anything about it! Just tell them and go home.

MakeMathsFun · 25/08/2021 04:06

Next time choose a place with thicker walls and ask to sleep in a room further away. You could also complain to the hotel that the walls are too thin, so the sounds from another (non-disclosed) lodger are keeping you awake. They may be able to accommodate you on a different floor. But don't take it out on the snorer. Its not their fault.

StoppinBy · 25/08/2021 04:55

How did everything go OP? Hope you are feeling a bit better now and have managed to get some sleep.

Allinadayswork80 · 25/08/2021 05:05

@Morechocolatethanbarbara

Your DH has done a right number on you hasn't he?

He gets a week of peace and quiet at home, whereas you have to spend a week with his parents and DC, being everyone's skivvy, getting no sleep and I bet when you return he'll expect you to crack on with all the cleaning, washing and holiday unpacking etc and be grateful to him because you had a "holiday" and he missed out.

Also, he'll score brownie points with his parents for paying for their holiday without having to do any of the hard work!

Leave. This is not enjoyable for you, it's not a holiday for you and next year make sure you DH takes the kids alone for a week's "holiday" with his parents whilst you stay at home and relax on your own (getting some proper sleep!)

100% agree with this! Sorry OP, how awful for you x
HandScreen · 25/08/2021 05:10

Buy some ear plugs and get on with it!

You sound filled with resentment, which is because you are tired. Try to enjoy them as people.

jontyl · 25/08/2021 05:25

Can't you just have music on in ear buds. Works for me.

CostaBlancaChica · 25/08/2021 06:56

[quote hopeso]@CostaBlancaChica I have been on holiday with my in-laws without my husband. My sister and I went with them to Edinburgh! They have also come on big family holidays celebrating things like my sister's 50th etc.[/quote]
So, one would assume you had a close relationship with them. That was my point. It doesn't sound like the OP does, so it's strange to go away with them without their son.

CostaBlancaChica · 25/08/2021 06:57

*have a close relationship

Ddot · 25/08/2021 07:16

How about sleeping on sofa, down stairs with ear plugs. You can't drive in that state sweetie. How selfish pil must see your struggling with this. If not willing to help then cook for children and leave before their up. Take to play area and relax.

Ddot · 25/08/2021 07:17

Book a night in bb before you drive home (if possible)

SamiReed1 · 25/08/2021 09:14

Get out of there asap! They are rude, selfish and obnoxious! And why on earth would you go on holiday with your DH's parents, when he's not there? Then again I don't understand this UK obsession with holidaying with inlaws or relatives. It should be nuclear family (mum/dad/kids) only. Did your 'D'H know how they are when he paid for the holiday? It sounds like he set you up to be the cook and maid so his parents could have a holiday.

If you don't go home to get some sleep, you will end up snapping even far worse at them, and say something that can't be unsaid, so it's in your and his parents' best interests that you leave asap, meaning this morning and you all head for home. This is meant to be a holiday. You are close to a breakdown and will need your own holiday at home just to recuperate from this 'holiday'. Seriously, call it a day. Head home this morning. Better them being upset with you for you all going home than you saying something you can't unsay.

Swipe left for the next trending thread