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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Snoring FIL AIBU

274 replies

Jennybeans401 · 23/08/2021 04:21

We're on holiday staying in a lodge with PILs. We have two dds, the walls are paper thin.

FIL snores, omg it is loud, like a foghorn going off all night . MIL is 'used to it' and they both lie in bed until 9.30 each morning. I'm totally slee deprived as currently up listening to FIL snoring every night!

I'm up with the two dcs at 6.30am as they are early risers. I got annoyed yesterday because I was so tired and said it was because FIL was snoring all night. Response to this was 'well I can't help it' and both PILs got angry with me. I've not said anything since. Dh couldn't get time off work so he's not here to back me up.

AIBU to leave this holiday early? My dcs are having a good time but after six days of no sleep I'm struggling to function! I'm also pissed off with the selfish attitude that they lie in bed everyday while I'm up early with the kids. I also do all the driving cooking and they haven't lifted a finger with dcs!

OP posts:
GemmaRuby · 23/08/2021 06:46

Personally I think you’re mad to have agreed to this “holiday” in the first place without DH.

I think you’re misdirecting your anger at the snoring. I understand it’s hugely infuriating, but he can’t actually help it (yes he can go to the Dr etc but that’s not going to help now).

The bigger issue is that PILs have said they will help with the kids but haven’t, and are then expecting you to run around after them.

Yes, just go home. Or stay and don’t do anymore cooking/driving. Or send the kids off with PIL and announce you’re going to have a nap.

VictoriaBun · 23/08/2021 06:50

Buy some eat plugs, hopefully they will help.

ThinWomansBrain · 23/08/2021 06:51

earplugs or white noise
early mornings - your children, why should they get up
driving - presumably your car is fitted with child seats - why all go out together if they are going to go off and do your own thing? I'd bugger off for the day before they get up & leave them to it.
Cooking - why have you allowed it to go a full week with you doing everything? I'd expect them (probably MiL) to do their share - and would have a conversation about that.

RuthW · 23/08/2021 06:55

You are being unreasonable about the snoring as he can't help it.

They are being unreasonable about not doing the cooking though.

MiddleParking · 23/08/2021 07:04

Unreasonable because he can’t help it my foot. If you can’t share a house with other people without disturbing their sleep you don’t share a house with other people full stop. I cannot abide a defensive snorer, it’s unbelievably selfish.

ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife · 23/08/2021 07:05

I would go home. I can’t cope with snoring at all!

cheesymarmite · 23/08/2021 07:06

Get some earplugs.

Yabu about them lying in. It's only til 930 and they are on holiday. When I holiday with my parents, they always lie in and it does not bother me at all. However, they help out loads with the kids during the day. Are they not helping you at all? That is hard for you. Do they usually get involved when you see them?

picklemewalnuts · 23/08/2021 07:07

Do they work when they aren't on holiday?

GoodVibesHere · 23/08/2021 07:08

I would go home if I were you. It's no good being sleep deprived, you'd be better off at home.

WaterBottle123 · 23/08/2021 07:12

DH 'couldn't get time off'? Yet he's sacrificed you to this hell? I'd be livid!

They sound incredibly mean and selfish. I'd definitely leave. And make sure sneaky DH has the kids for a whole weekend alone while you rest, bet he's been having a lovely child free rest!!

GrrrlPwr · 23/08/2021 07:14

Have you told your DH?

Are you able to have a daytime sleep to catch up on sleep? Be really careful on the drive home.

And never ever do this 'holiday' again.

Next year DH goes and you have some REALLY IMPORTANT to do at home that week.

Star81 · 23/08/2021 07:21

Just go home. Holidays are supposed to be fun and restful, going home more tired than before your left isn’t the point in it. Have you spoken to your DH about the situation ?

Oblomov21 · 23/08/2021 07:25

Why haven't you told Dh the truth?

spinachandchickpea · 23/08/2021 07:25

If there’s no more backstory ie the holiday isn’t to give the PIL a break from looking after the kids a lot normally (I know OP didn’t say this, just putting it in as a caveat), then I agree with the fake a headache idea. Less because of the snoring as they can’t help that - though really they should have suggested you bring earplugs or even brought some for you, and I appreciate it is torture so no holiday for you - but because your PIL are being really selfish if you’re doing all the cooking and driving. Even it up a bit with a headache that comes and goes if your DC are old enough to be looked after by your PIL, assuming your PIL aren’t too frail to look after them. This then jumpstarts the PIL cooking I presume (your headache means you need peace in a room on your own) and gives you the promised childcare. It saves you having to go through the stress of asking them to do the basics they should be doing anyway eg share of cooking. Basically fake a sickie you get some time back if your DC can cope with this. You’re no-one’s skivvy. Enjoy a novel in bed over the next couple of days while DC pop in for chats. If this won’t work, I’d leave and depending on how I feel either tell them the truth or just say feeling unwell so heading home and then never do this again. I wouldn’t be surprised from the sounds of this if after half a day of the non-hotel treatment the PIL go home themselves if they have transport, ‘to leave you in peace’. Good luck OP.

olympicsrock · 23/08/2021 07:25

Sounds awful. How many days have you left? Go out when you get up for the morning With the children, come back and ask for the children to be taken out for 3-4 hours while you nap this afternoon

SimonJT · 23/08/2021 07:28

Why haven’t you tried earplugs, there must be a chemist somewhere near you.

As for the beach and things, yes its crap lugging things about, but thats what its like when they’re little. I agree you aren’t a skivvy for your inlaws, you don’t have to do the things you are choosing to do for them, but they aren’t babysitters either.

GoodnightGrandma · 23/08/2021 07:30

Go home. I suffered for years with DH snoring, sleep deprivation is awful. Go home.

GoodnightGrandma · 23/08/2021 07:32

And I wouldn’t be going on holiday with the in laws on my own - bad idea !

chatw0o0 · 23/08/2021 07:32

Get some earplugs!! And start planning your day(s) for what you and the children want to do - and if the ILs want to join, then fine, and if they don't, then fine also. If that means you go out before they are up from bed, so be it.

And stop doing all the cooking - or start having meals out with the kids when you're doing the activities the ILs aren't interested in.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 23/08/2021 07:36

Go home. Sounds like your the help.

Why are you doing all the cooking and driving? I’d also remind them that you were told you would get help with the children.

And NEVER go on holiday with them by yourself ever again

LetItGoHome · 23/08/2021 07:36

I think you need to insist the grandparents do something with the children for a few hours even if it means taking them out for lunch and dinner and you sort yourself out. Then you can catch up on some sleep. Hopefully then you can manage to limp through to the end of the holiday. Sounds like there can't be much left? Fake Illness if necessary.
I don't agree you can wear ear plugs when looking after small children. You can't be blocking all sound out and still need to respond to the kids if needed.
But season learnt. No more shared holiday accommodation with parents in law!

babouchette · 23/08/2021 07:40

Jeez, life's too short, just leave. You've had nearly a week of this. That's plenty. I bet your DH is sleeping fine on his own in peace and quiet all week!

Holly60 · 23/08/2021 07:42

@Jennybeans401

Yes big mistake on my part. It sounded like a good idea as MIL offered to help with dcs. It hasn't worked our the way I expected.
Yep I don’t think you are being unreasonable. If you go away with GPs, especially without your DP, of COURSE you were expecting help. That is totally reasonable. Im a GP and when I go away with family, I insist the PARENTS have a lie in and I get up with the children. I also entertain children on the beach so my DDIL and DD can read their book in peace for once.

Having been a mum to (two beautiful) young children before, I know how relentless and exhausting it can be so I do as much as I can for my (still beautiful) adult DC and their partners

LookItsMeAgain · 23/08/2021 08:02

I'd pack up early (if the PiL have their own transport home then even better) and head home.
I've been known to to leave my DH in hotels and get a taxi home (same city I live in, it was an event that we both attended and had overnight accommodation, so alcohol was allowed and we didn't need to drive home) because of his snoring.
Sleep is important.

In your situation - I'd also let DH know why I left early and if he was needed to go get his parents and drop them home.

ShingleBeach · 23/08/2021 08:37

“I am tired out today so can you watch the DC’s this afternoon while I go back for a siesta ?”

“I have such a headache, could you sort supper this eve? Take the girls for F&C if you like…”