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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Snoring FIL AIBU

274 replies

Jennybeans401 · 23/08/2021 04:21

We're on holiday staying in a lodge with PILs. We have two dds, the walls are paper thin.

FIL snores, omg it is loud, like a foghorn going off all night . MIL is 'used to it' and they both lie in bed until 9.30 each morning. I'm totally slee deprived as currently up listening to FIL snoring every night!

I'm up with the two dcs at 6.30am as they are early risers. I got annoyed yesterday because I was so tired and said it was because FIL was snoring all night. Response to this was 'well I can't help it' and both PILs got angry with me. I've not said anything since. Dh couldn't get time off work so he's not here to back me up.

AIBU to leave this holiday early? My dcs are having a good time but after six days of no sleep I'm struggling to function! I'm also pissed off with the selfish attitude that they lie in bed everyday while I'm up early with the kids. I also do all the driving cooking and they haven't lifted a finger with dcs!

OP posts:
Lindaloo08 · 23/08/2021 09:49

I'd be annoyed with DH not PIL, he paid for them to go and stayed home. Your expectation of helping with the kids should be what your DH should be doing not them. They're not their children and obviously don't feel up to it/want to. I wouldn't be running around after them either. Feed the kids and yourself when you're out so you can have sandwich at night and leave them feed themselves. Same with the last day, I'd ask them to bring bags to door so you start organising the car, just don't go get the bags, say in such a way that it's a statement not open to negotiation.

If the kids are loving it, I'd stick it out, go to bed when they go and get a few hours in before PIL go to bed. Can you sleep in the room furthest from him with noise on (telly or music)?

Howshouldibehave · 23/08/2021 09:52

You’d have been better off if DH had paid for them to have a holiday on their own and you gone just with the kids. I’d be telling them that as well. What have they ‘added’ to your holiday? It’s just having another two people to feed, drive and look after AND reducing your sleep quality!

TheWholeWorld · 23/08/2021 09:54

How far away is it? Tbh I'd be tempted to leave them there and DH can go and collect them when they are due to leave.

Takenoprisoner · 23/08/2021 09:55

I'd tell them I'm going home early, and give them the choice of staying on and making their own way back or you drop them off on your way home. But definitely go home early. This sounds like torture.

diddl · 23/08/2021 09:59

How did your husband end up not going?

TBH 24/7 childcare wouldn't have ever tempted me to holiday with my ILs-with or without my husband!

LittleMysSister · 23/08/2021 10:00

Tbh I probably wouldn't have tackled FIL so directly about his snoring as there isn't much he can do about it and he's clearly reacting defensively because he's embarrassed.

However, you're definitely within your rights to book a room elsewhere for the remaining time for you and the kids? Or obviously to come home, but I'd expect that might cause the same friction if you give the honest reason why.

Personally I'd make up an excuse and say we needed to leave today, and they can either come with or make their own way back (assuming that would be possible).

billy1966 · 23/08/2021 10:02

OP,
Now that you know exactly what they are like, you have just had a look at the future as they age.

You sound very passive in all of this.

Be very careful you are not being lined up by three very selfish people to be carer.

I find it wholly unbelievable that your husband isn't aware of what his parents are like.

They clearly neither like you nor care for you to have behaved so selfishly for the holiday.

Are you normally the skivvy at home too that they would have expected this?

My husband would be afraid of me returning home if his family had dared treat me like that.

I think you need a few days away on your own.
I sure as hell would be doing that.

L

NoSquirrels · 23/08/2021 10:08

Due to their age I get no help packing the car away, I will have to get their suitcases and all our stuff in the car.

You WHAT? Unless they have physical disabilities this is taking the absolute piss.

Take them home, tell DH absolutely NEVER AGAIN and if he wishes to give his children and his parents a holiday he’s the one going. You will be using the same time to yourself.

BlueJag · 23/08/2021 10:12

Poor you. I'll pack and go home. There are very few things worse that lack of sleep and be burdened with having to cater for everyone.
Im shocked how little they do. Shame on them to be so unhelpful.
Record his snoring for your dh.

Cerebelle · 23/08/2021 10:13

Yes to going home. What a nightmare. Never again.

FairFuming · 23/08/2021 10:15

They are using their age as an excuse and they are lazy lying buggers.
Your MIL knows that they are only getting their free holiday because they are meant to be helping that's why she offered with no intention of actually doing it.

Honestly just tell them it's not working out and you are going home. They can be packed and ready by x time or they can sort their own transport home.

How many more days are you meant to be there?

Clymene · 23/08/2021 10:17

Go home. They can stay on their own. Frankly you were mad going away without your husband's parents in the first place. I would have cancelled the moment he 'couldn't get the time off work'.

I bet he's been having a lovely week

saraclara · 23/08/2021 10:18

I don't think I'd go home. The kids are having a good time.

I'd just act like the PILs aren't there. Take the kids out on my own, make our own breakfasts while the PILs are asleep, have lunch out with the kids, and ask the PIL's to feed themselves in the evening.

I wouldn't want to let them 'win' by going home early and spoiling my kids' holiday.

Popetthetreehugger · 23/08/2021 10:19

A lot of the snoring will prob be down to being fat . They both must know this ! This was the final thing that made me realise I had no choice but to get healthy … DH could shut me up by rolling me over , but one night it didn’t work 🤦‍♀️…,am slowly getting back to my happy size ( no idea what I weigh , didn’t want to get on that band wagon!) clothes fit and I don’t snore. This I guess is what he’s getting huffy about !! And 70 old ? 🤣🤣🤣they are doing a number on you all , I’m on the train to the other side of London ( 3 trains ) to look after ( preschool)GSs overnight, tomorrow I will tag team with DDs MIL who will be driving 3 hrs to have them overnight… this is a weekly thing with her ( me not so much🤣) she will be 70 in a year . Go home , get some sleep xx

Clymene · 23/08/2021 10:21

I would give them until 1pm to get their stuff ready and loaded into the car. Otherwise you're leaving and your lazy arse husband can come and collect them. Apple didn't fall far from the tree there did it?

Howshouldibehave · 23/08/2021 10:23

Why is your DH paying for their holiday? How did it come to be that you were going away with them but not him?
How long do you have the holiday house for?

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 23/08/2021 10:26

Wow your dh certainly knew what he was doing imo..

And call mil on dh's granny helping her!!
And any future get together suggestions would be a no from me..
Xmas at home isn't it this year op?
Shame they are too old and frail to drive to you.

Cocolapew · 23/08/2021 10:28

I wouldn't fake an illness, I say I was knackered and not enjoying and I was going home. Do you have to take them or can you leave them?

diddl · 23/08/2021 10:29

Sorry, just seen that your husband couldn't get the time off work.

So-it was cancelled-or the holiday was booked hoping or he booking it knowingly?

PhoboPhobia · 23/08/2021 10:29

I don't know why the OPs DH is getting a hard time - presumbaly he didn't force the OP to go without him?

rockaround · 23/08/2021 10:35

Definitely fake an illness and go. The DCs have had a nice holiday and you cant keep going with no sleep. If they try to convince you to stay tell them they can stay and you will send DH to collect them on the last day. Leave.

JulesRimetStillGleaming · 23/08/2021 10:40

They're your children and it's your PILs holiday too. YABU to expect them to get up early to look after your children. YANBU to leave because you're not enjoying it. It's not his fault that he snores or that the walls are thin. Can't you get some ear plugs?

Hoppinggreen · 23/08/2021 10:44

@JulesRimetStillGleaming

They're your children and it's your PILs holiday too. YABU to expect them to get up early to look after your children. YANBU to leave because you're not enjoying it. It's not his fault that he snores or that the walls are thin. Can't you get some ear plugs?
But before they went mil said she would help
BashfulClam · 23/08/2021 10:46

I’d go in a shake him awake each time. If you don’t get any sleep then neither do they. My DH has started snoring and gets prodded, ‘you’re snoring!’ He can even snore whilst lying on his side!

Dixiechickonhols · 23/08/2021 10:46

You haven’t said how old DD’s are? Unless they are babies/toddlers and need constant supervision put a film on and have a nap. Life will look better after a nap. Personally if the DDs are happy and lodge has cost a lot which it will have suck it up for a few days. Just treat it as you and girls on holiday. Up and out where you want to go - buy some good ear plugs. Eat out fish & chips etc then no need to cook or just have beans on toast etc.
It sounds like mismatched expectations plus not being aware of how elderly/ in ill health they are. You know not to go again - anyway it’s DH’s turn next year without you you can have a lovely week working and then doing what you like after work.