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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Snoring FIL AIBU

274 replies

Jennybeans401 · 23/08/2021 04:21

We're on holiday staying in a lodge with PILs. We have two dds, the walls are paper thin.

FIL snores, omg it is loud, like a foghorn going off all night . MIL is 'used to it' and they both lie in bed until 9.30 each morning. I'm totally slee deprived as currently up listening to FIL snoring every night!

I'm up with the two dcs at 6.30am as they are early risers. I got annoyed yesterday because I was so tired and said it was because FIL was snoring all night. Response to this was 'well I can't help it' and both PILs got angry with me. I've not said anything since. Dh couldn't get time off work so he's not here to back me up.

AIBU to leave this holiday early? My dcs are having a good time but after six days of no sleep I'm struggling to function! I'm also pissed off with the selfish attitude that they lie in bed everyday while I'm up early with the kids. I also do all the driving cooking and they haven't lifted a finger with dcs!

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 23/08/2021 09:22

@Jennybeans401

FIL gets very annoyed at the mention at any intervention for the snoring. If you mention anything to him he will turn it back on me and say 'well you snore'.my dh would have told me in the past if this was the case.

FIL knows that it's a difficult thing for me to deny though because I'm asleep!!! I also know that I am currently not sleeping so I certainly can't be snoring!!!

I wouldn’t be suggesting interventions for my FIL’s snoring, I would be going home.

Did you drive them to the holiday house?
When does the holiday end?
Are they normally helpful lovely people?

EL8888 · 23/08/2021 09:24

Just seen your update. Wow! They literally do nothing. Do they have any health problems or physical issues because at their age they don’t seem to do anything? They are hardly elderly in the modern world. When you drive then home then make sure you unpack all of their stuff, put the washing machine on, pop to the supermarket to fill up the fridge etc. I’m joking obviously but l bet it’s gone through their minds Confused

Fluffycloudland77 · 23/08/2021 09:25

My dh snored until he lost weight. When he was in hospital a man on the ward snored & kept dh awake all night. I wasn’t very sympathetic.

Glad your going home, it’s no holiday for you.

diddl · 23/08/2021 09:25

When should it end?

Can you go home, leave them there & your husband collect them?

Howshouldibehave · 23/08/2021 09:25

MIL feels that she had to do everything with no help when her kids were young so why should it be different for me

ConfusedWhy did you choose to go on holiday with someone who says that!?

Greenrubber · 23/08/2021 09:26

Omg my husband snores bad and I've been sleep deprived for years! I've never got used to it
Have you recorded the noise he makes?
It may surprise him

It's a shame you can't just send them in there way and you and the kids enjoy the rest of the holiday

Howshouldibehave · 23/08/2021 09:29

AIBU to leave this holiday early?

No, you wouldn’t be unreasonable.

Are you going to though?

Disfordarkchocolate · 23/08/2021 09:30

When my Dad was 70 he was still vert active, from what I see that's the norm not the exception.

What does your DH say? Please don't fain illness, tell the truth and then get packing.

Muchmorethan · 23/08/2021 09:31

Could you and the DC book into a hotel for a couple of nights and then drive back? Just concerned with how safe you would be driving.

How long is the drive?

ineedaholidaynow · 23/08/2021 09:31

If they don’t feel able to drive anymore I wouldn’t want to force them to drive, especially with your DC in the car. Did you know they felt like this about driving before you came on holiday, if so, you can’t really complain about doing all the driving.
You can reduce the amount of driving by staying in the area that you are in and not going anywhere. If PILs want to go somewhere they can get public transport or a taxi.

Do you think this holiday has shown up how they have aged recently, so not being active with the DC? How were they during lockdown, hiding away or out and about?

Waspsarearseholes · 23/08/2021 09:31

Yes that's a point, you can record sound in decibels on your phone. I'd do that and present him with it, explaining this is why you are cutting this shot holiday short. They sound so uninterested in your children anyway, I wouldn't be falling over myself to arrange future meet ups. Let your husband see to that from now on. Your in-laws are horrors.

StCharlotte · 23/08/2021 09:32

@MiddleParking

Unreasonable because he can’t help it my foot. If you can’t share a house with other people without disturbing their sleep you don’t share a house with other people full stop. I cannot abide a defensive snorer, it’s unbelievably selfish.
All that time and money spent on developing vaccines should obviously have been spent on finding a cure for snoring. Silly scientists.
LookToTreblesGoingTreblesGone · 23/08/2021 09:33

All of you saying "buy earplugs", they don't necessarily make much difference. I bought a "selection pack" of 20 different earplugs in the hope that something would help. Foam ones, wax ones, every sort you could get and you know what, I could hear through all of them.

OP, go home. This isn't a holiday.

billy1966 · 23/08/2021 09:35

Great deal for your husband too, you taking the children away.

Your PIL sound awful.

If you remain, down tools and tell them if they don't help you are going home.

Awful behaviour.

Do you know these people at all, that you are not aware how they behave?

Sounds like a horror holiday.Flowers

Roundtoedshoes · 23/08/2021 09:35

The fact that you are exhausted for any reason and they are lying in bed whilst you are up at the crack of dawn doing everything is reason enough to go home. They’ve happily taken a free holiday and failed to even keep you company and make you a hot cuppa (nothing strenuous on their part) of a morning. Don’t fake illness. Just tell them this is crap for you and you’ve had enough.

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 23/08/2021 09:36

There's a lot that has come to light on this holiday. I have seen how very inactive they are, they have no health conditions but both are overweight and like to sit a lot. They act a lot older than they are!

MILS opinions only really came to light on holiday when I've asked them to pitch in a bit. Her response was thar she had no help with her dcs and she managed just fine.

Dh has told me that his granny did a lot of them when he was little so MIL not necessarily being truthful.

OP posts:
cookingisoverrated · 23/08/2021 09:37

Go home. Tell your DH it was most definitely not a holiday for you in any way: no sleep, did all the cooking, shopping, carrying, childcare, while his parents slept soundly and pissed off to drink and feed themselves whenever it looked like they might bas asked to do SOMETHING with or for their own grandchildren. Tell him you will not holiday with them again. Or host them for quite some time. he can take them to theirs and live the dream.

Howshouldibehave · 23/08/2021 09:38

It sounded like a good idea as MIL offered to help with dcs

That’s a hell of a difference from the reality!

What a waste of a holiday. Did you pay for the whole lot?

Are you going to go home early?

cookingisoverrated · 23/08/2021 09:39

Tell them they can hire a car or get an uber/train home.

AfterSchoolWorry · 23/08/2021 09:39

I'd be out of there like a hot snot.

FrenchBoule · 23/08/2021 09:39

How many days of this hell you have to still endure?

If you have another night then record FIL and play it to your “D”H

All of them have done a number on you.

And for today- sort your and your kids meals, let PIL’s take care of themselves.

Fuck that for a holiday.

Oh,and I would raise a very merry hell with “D”H on return.
Hand over the kids and go to sleep.

ineedaholidaynow · 23/08/2021 09:39

Do you see them very often usually?

Could you drive them home and then go back to the lodge?

saraclara · 23/08/2021 09:40

They haven't cooked a single meal? You've done absolutely everything for them?

First of all I'd be actively asking them to make a meal or watch the children so you can nap. Have you spoken to your DH abbot what's happening (or not happening, when it comes to the promised help with the children). You are not his parents' skivvy.

And what's this about them not packing the car because of their age? I'm 65 and don't expect to be palming that on to anyone in five years. My next door neighbour spent yesterday loading his trailer with heavy stuff for the tip, and he's 80.

Biancadelrioisback · 23/08/2021 09:43

I'd rather have no sleep than wear earplugs. They make me panic so badly. Sort of feel like I'm drowning but it's hard to explain properly.

Though I would go for a nap/fake a headache and ask directly for them to watch the kids. If they say no then say that you'll have to go home then as you can't cope.

I agree that there isn't anything they can do about the snoring right now while on holiday, it's a long process to tackle snoring, perhaps this holiday has also shined a light on how bad the snoring is? Might be a kick up the arse he needs or might make them reconsider holidaying with others in the same dwelling again

Howshouldibehave · 23/08/2021 09:44

I struggle with ear plugs-I never seem to find a pair where I can’t hear the sound of my pulse/heartbeat loudly in my ears-what is that all about?!

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