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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Snoring FIL AIBU

274 replies

Jennybeans401 · 23/08/2021 04:21

We're on holiday staying in a lodge with PILs. We have two dds, the walls are paper thin.

FIL snores, omg it is loud, like a foghorn going off all night . MIL is 'used to it' and they both lie in bed until 9.30 each morning. I'm totally slee deprived as currently up listening to FIL snoring every night!

I'm up with the two dcs at 6.30am as they are early risers. I got annoyed yesterday because I was so tired and said it was because FIL was snoring all night. Response to this was 'well I can't help it' and both PILs got angry with me. I've not said anything since. Dh couldn't get time off work so he's not here to back me up.

AIBU to leave this holiday early? My dcs are having a good time but after six days of no sleep I'm struggling to function! I'm also pissed off with the selfish attitude that they lie in bed everyday while I'm up early with the kids. I also do all the driving cooking and they haven't lifted a finger with dcs!

OP posts:
Malteser71 · 23/08/2021 08:41

I’d go home.

But if you stay, download white fan noise on you tube, play it on your phone loudly by your bed, it should drown it out

Hoppinggreen · 23/08/2021 08:41

Well he can’t help the snoring but the pair of them could get off their lazy arses and help out.
Go home OP

Disfordarkchocolate · 23/08/2021 08:47

I like my in-laws but I would never have even considered a holiday with them without my husband being there!

I'd go home if there was no other accommodation I could get for a few days.

You are all supposed to be on holiday that means you don't do all the driving and cooking. I couldn't imagine staying with my family and not getting up early for a few days with my grandchildren so they could have a lie in. I bet your in laws are having a great time but I think they are being bloody selfish.

AnonymousCheerleader · 23/08/2021 08:49

You deserve a medal for making it through six days.

I'd have lasted two/three tops.

Howshouldibehave · 23/08/2021 08:49

You say that you’ve done all the driving and cooking-did you know that was going to be the case? Did they drive there? Is MIL usually really helpful with the kids? If so, what’s changed?

No way would I have wanted to spend my summer holiday with in laws without my DH-he’s really shafted you there!

I’d be going home today and not repeating the holiday. If they ask why-say, I’ve done all the driving and all the cooking and looked after the children alone and I haven’t slept at all because of the noise.

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 23/08/2021 08:49

PIL insist the snoring isn't an issue at all, I do think FIL has sleep apnoea but is too stubborn to do anything about it.

On this holiday I've realised how set in their ways they both are, they won't do anything with dcs at all and just want to sit somewhere.

I'm going to fake illness and cut the holiday short!

OP posts:
ShingleBeach · 23/08/2021 08:51

Can you swap rooms with the children to be further away from him?

I would definitely lay down a cooking rota.

Howshouldibehave · 23/08/2021 08:51

@Jennybeans401

PIL insist the snoring isn't an issue at all, I do think FIL has sleep apnoea but is too stubborn to do anything about it.

On this holiday I've realised how set in their ways they both are, they won't do anything with dcs at all and just want to sit somewhere.

I'm going to fake illness and cut the holiday short!

They can’t insist the snoring isn’t an issue for you though-they don’t get to decide what other people are bothered by.

Did they drive themselves to the holiday place?

I wouldn’t feign an illness-I would tell the truth.

Flatdisco · 23/08/2021 08:54

@Hummingbird1950

Fuck them. It's supposed to be a holiday, a break, you're not their skivvy. Snorers should all be shot as far as I'm concerned. Most of them can do something to help it eg not drink or not smoke or lose weight or see the GP. But because it doesn't bother them they don't want to. That's their choice. You have choices too, like not spending sleeping time around snorers! Be careful if you're driving home, take naps if you can or book somewhere else for one night.
Wow you sound fucking awful.
gamerchick · 23/08/2021 08:54

Go home OP. Tell them you've had enough, you're too tired and hope they enjoy the rest of their stay.

Flatdisco · 23/08/2021 08:56

I thought the mumsnet view was grandparents shouldn't be expected to help out with childcare?

gamerchick · 23/08/2021 08:58

@Flatdisco

I thought the mumsnet view was grandparents shouldn't be expected to help out with childcare?
They shouldn't offer then.
ineedaholidaynow · 23/08/2021 09:07

How much longer is the holiday? Can you have a word with your DH so he can ask your in-laws to step up a bit if they won’t listen to you. But have you asked them to cook a meal, drive? Do they often look after DCs when not on holiday? How old are they?

Seems mean to cut the holiday short of DCs are enjoying it and you haven’t tried some of the suggested solutions first. Can your DH come for the last few days?

SusanBAnthony999 · 23/08/2021 09:10

Many snorers claim they can not do anything about it.

But snoring is made worse if the person is overweight, drinks alcohol before going to bed, and has a heavy meal before going to bed. It can also be improved by a walk before bedtime. IME many snorers do not care and do nothing to mitigate the effect on other people.

Mouth guards and in more severe cases breathing aids can also help in the medium term.

One of the reasons that your in laws are too tired to help with the DC is that they will both be chronically sleep deprived.

Next time you go away book two separate lodges.

TheRabbitStoleMyHat · 23/08/2021 09:11

Tell them the truth and leave. Tell your DH the truth too.

My FIL snores horrendously so I know how you feel. I can’t sleep as I can hear him snore through the walls when we’re on holiday. MIL wears ear plugs.

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 23/08/2021 09:13

They both can drive but dont feel able any more, FIL is 72 and MIL is 70. I have brought them so will need to take them home. Due to their age I get no help packing the car away, I will have to get their suitcases and all our stuff in the car.

Needless to say this will be the last holiday with them. Neither of them have once offered to get up a bit earlier to make dcs breakfast, just one day would have been nice. MIL feels that she had to do everything with no help when her kids were young so why should it be different for me.

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 23/08/2021 09:13

@Flatdisco

I thought the mumsnet view was grandparents shouldn't be expected to help out with childcare?
Generally but if the GP actively offered then it’s not unreasonable to expect them to.
MatildaTheCat · 23/08/2021 09:14

If he has sleep apnea then he probably is genuinely exhausted and unwell.

Go home and get DH to have a serious word about dealing with his health. I have a relative with the condition and his sleep mask makes an absolutely massive difference to how he feels.

I can’t promise it will make them any nicer unfortunately!

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 23/08/2021 09:15

FIL will absolutely not accept there is a problem with snoring whatsoever. He will not accept it point blank, it does not seem to bother him at all.

OP posts:
RB68 · 23/08/2021 09:16

Anyone who is familiar with a snorer knows ear plugs are fucking useless - because it is mostly about the vibrations

Have they tried anything to alleviate the snoring - so nose strips, sprays etc - I would do a trip to boots and sort him some stuff to try out as its unreasonable to just carry on once they know there is a problem.

As to the rest you need to divi up the jobs and piss off somewhere without them if they are really bad - somewhere where there is a kids club and you can just lie down and snooze. Or alternatively book yourself a spa am or pm and leave the kids with them for a few hrs - surely they can cope with that as pay back for their free holiday.

LadyFannyButton · 23/08/2021 09:16

After the first night I would have bought earplugs

Waspsarearseholes · 23/08/2021 09:17

This sounds horrendous. Honestly, your husband has really stitched you up here. He'd be getting a flea in his ear for that from me. Your PILs are being really selfish to expect you to drive them about and cook for them without lifting a finger. This would change the way I saw them from now on. Definitely go home early. I bet they won't enjoy their holiday so much without the maid there to enable them to not lift a finger all week. You poor thing. I hope your husband takes over at home for a few days when you get back to give you the break you should have had this week.

Takenoprisoner · 23/08/2021 09:17

You can stop doing so much for them re the cooking and driving. Cook for your own dc or take them out for the day before pil rise. It's your holiday too.

EL8888 · 23/08/2021 09:19

Hmm that’s convenient the snoring “isn’t a problem”, it might be for them but it most definitely is for you. I’m getting a vibe of my way or the highway from them though. Odds on if PIL loses weight then it will be less of an issue. Your husband has done a great number on you and he owes you for this whole debacle. Do they normally loll around waiting for you to feed them, drive them, organise etc?! You do sound like the holiday slave

The lie in l would normally say is a red herring. On holiday l like to have a lie in, people with children who insist l should get up early because they do or because they have young children get short shrift off me. But the difference is here your FIL has been keeping you awake during the night

Whoever said snorers to be shot then l completely agree! It’s infuriating

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 23/08/2021 09:20

FIL gets very annoyed at the mention at any intervention for the snoring. If you mention anything to him he will turn it back on me and say 'well you snore'.my dh would have told me in the past if this was the case.

FIL knows that it's a difficult thing for me to deny though because I'm asleep!!! I also know that I am currently not sleeping so I certainly can't be snoring!!!

OP posts: