To wonder why some posters are so mean

[mygreysweatshirt]

I've used Mumsnet for a while now and generally found most posters to be nice, friendly and helpful. I've been given good advice when I've posted about certain situations that I've experienced. I've found some posters to be unnecessarily nasty though, I mean really really mean. A lot of the time it's been for absolutely no reason. I understand that some threads can get quite heated and sometimes people feel strongly about a certain subject and want to defend their opinion but I've also seen this attitude/behaviour on what should have been a lighthearted thread as well. It's almost as if people can't have a debate without insulting each other.

I often wonder is there a reason for this. Real life issues causing anger, giving them the urge to fight with random strangers online for no reason, perhaps it makes them feel good to put people down over a computer screen? Would they say those things to someone in real life too? This is in no way a goady thread. I'm genuinely curious as to why people act this way, especially to complete strangers.

Is it just me who thinks this?

No, it’s true. No idea why. The thrill of some argy bargy at a safe distance? Making themselves feel superior by delivering a verbal kicking to some random (again, at a safe distance)?

Some people are nasty and seen to get off posting nasty crap.
Other times, it can be hard to convey meaning over text.

Oh yay this thread again.

@RoomOfRequirement

Oh yay this thread again.

Beat me to it.

I'm sure you're right @Bawse. I'm sure it's easy to insult and belittle people when they don't know who you are and can't do anything about it.

@RoomOfRequirement @ilovesooty - I don't follow every single thread on Mumsnet so I'm sorry if this has already been said

What do you consider mean? Really I think you don’t know who’s behind the screen so you have to be prepared when you post to not take anything to heart and just disregard anything mean.

Coz they're boring/bored.

Some people make some easy mistakes in life and look on here for sympathy on here and then get told bluntly what don't want to hear and so are considered being mean unfortunately

Just a reflection of life I suppose, OP.

Some people you meet are warm and friendly, others are polite but not overly welcoming and some are just stand off'ish or just plain rude.

@Kanaloa - insulting people, name calling. I've seen threads where people have been called weirdos, unhinged, arseholes etc. I saw a thread once where a poster told the op that they needed to be sectioned (which was clearly untrue, just a very nasty dig because they didn't agree on a particular subject).

I have mostly experienced friendliness and lots of advice, however I was casually told to "get a life" once which was really hurtful. It wasn't even my thread. I commented on a thread where a poster had found out that their husband was cheating. I massively sympathise because my fiancé cheated on me with a friend (ex-friend now of course) 3 years ago and I was told to get over it and get a life as it had been so long. Well yes, I agree to an extent and I have done. I'm now in a happy healthy relationship with someone who loves and cares about me, but still. It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt from time to time. A bit of kindness and empathy goes a long way I think.

This comes up about once a month.

I have been on mn for 11 years and I would say there seems to be the odd poster that's really awful for no reason.

However, on the whole people are not. Which is representative of society. Some people are mean.

However, lots of mners are called mean or accused of piling on because the OP just doesn't like what they are hearing.

Lots of posters won't sugar coat shit. But they probably wouldn't in RL either. I would say the vast majority of the time, when poster are accused of being mean it means 'why won't you validate my ridiculousness'

Oh well if someone’s calling people a weirdo or an arsehole then they’re best ignored, they’re obviously angry people for whatever reason.

However I do see a lot of people calling posters mean/nasty when they’re just not agreeing. But name calling isn’t nice, but some people aren’t nice.

I've seen this on many recent threads.
Mean posters or highly critical towards the OP (and probably hypocritical too).Often completely missing the point, but catching on some small detail to berate the OP for and make them feel like sh"t.

It's not exactly a Mumsnet phenomenon though, is it?

The whole internet is rife with abuse and trolling, a lot worse than you see on here. Any pleasant online places you've visited are most likely heavily moderated.

If you see personal attacks, report them.

I agree, I try and call bitchy comments out now even if they're not directed at me. I hope some people look back at what they write and feel embarrassed.

I thought I was having a reasonably nice debate on a thread recently, everyone was being polite, we were all sharing experiences, I was learning stuff and even changing my viewpoint and was then randomly asked if I was really 'as stupid as I was making out'. I can only feel sorry for the children and partners of people who are so needlessly nasty.

The worst I've seen recently was some poor woman asking for advice after her partner lobbed a cup of squash at her kid, and some poster laying into her about how terrible squash was for teeth and ending with 'just had to say it'.

You really, really don't have to say it - just admit it makes you feel good to kick people when they're down.

It is because they are twats. They are inadequate, so they do it to make themselves feel better.

Groundhog Day........

I expect that will be mean, too

See, I don't understand why people like pp post Groundhog Day or seen this before !
Just don't read it then or do something else!
I agree, op. I love Mumsnet. It's given me great advice, entertainment and most posters make me laugh ! It's just the odd one.
I have to say though I don't meet many nasty people in real life ! Maybe I'm lucky or just don't attract / entertain negativity. I can't be bothered.

It's the internet.
It's anonymous.
Some people are horrible/ bored. Get s kick out of upsetting others/ winding them up

This site is way better for that shit than most TBH.

Not everyone is who they say they are. Esp on more contraversial stuff.

@echt

Groundhog Day........

I expect that will be mean, too

it isn't really mean (unless you meant it to be?). just a bit of an unoriginal response.

I can never understand people who post on a thread they think shouldn't have been started to say this thread shouldn't have been started. Why not just ignore threads you think are lame? I ignore loads of them.

I've seen a thread recently where a woman was posting about something fairly hard/difficult and someone thought it would be a good opportunity to correct her grammar. Who thinks like that? Actually what kind of person offers unsolicited corrections of other people's grammar in any context?

@RoomOfRequirement

Oh yay this thread again.

The irony

We also get grifters. Perves. Wind up merchants. MRAs. Etc

I mean. Like I say. It's not too bad here really. In fact I've been here 15 years so it must be pretty awesome !

Grammar correctors are areseholes.

I mean that's all there is to it.