To think this wedding invitation is a bit rude?

[Createa1234]

One of my best friends is getting married to long term boyfriend next year in a rural location in the Highlands. Due to the location, those invited will have to stay for at least one night. I have been invited to stay in the wedding venue itself, which sleeps 20, for three nights, which was lovely of the bride and I’m looking forward to it.

Her only bridesmaid will be her little niece, which is lovely. No issues there, obviously. But another friend who also has a room in the venue and I were told yesterday night that we’re not invited to the ceremony. Bride wants us to help her get dressed on the morning, then amuse ourselves whilst the ceremony goes ahead with only her and DH to be’s parents, siblings and two witnesses, then join her again afterwards for the reception.

AIBU to think this is very odd and a bit rude?

I would be happy with that 😂 help then chill then enjoy the party. The ceremony is the most boring part

It could possibly still to do with numbers re. covid as my son went to a wedding the other month before everywhere re-opened and told me they were only invited to the evening "do" and that there was NO MUSIC. I said WHAT, even though you may not be allowed to have a dance I thought how depressing that would be, as a wedding is a joyful occasion. But an old friend of our family has got her daughters wedding up in Scotland next month and the reason was that when she had booked year or so ago, there was no-where available in her region/area and so expecting others to travel and then pay for an overnight stay is bad enough but that you still want to see your friends or family get married, its a "difficult one" on this issue I am afraid.

Not rude, it’s their wedding to have as they wish. You don’t have to go.

@ilovechocolate07

It's up to her who attends but cheeky to expect help beforehand and I suspect that you paying for 3 nights helped her to secure the venue.

But OP is not paying! The B&G are paying!

Seems odd given you're up there anyway to not attend, but the on the flip-side the ceremony part is the dull bit so this means you get to skip it guilt-free and go straight to the party!

@BaronessBomburst

So basically you're invited to a party a long way away, which you have to pay for.

Exactly this! It's a no from me.

I think it’s up to them. They clearly want to share some of this experience but perhaps keep the ceremony private. I get that.
I don’t think it’s rude, maybe just different to the usual ?

I think you are being unreasonable. It is such a minefield putting on a wedding trying not to offend people. Whatever you do someone gets upset about it.

If there are so few people attending the ceremony it's nothing personal. It sounds like the actual ceremony will be very low key and the reception be the big part of the celebration for them anyway. Maybe the venue of the ceremony is tiny. Or they decided to keep it to the bare essential guests to try and avoid offending people to make it fair so almost everyone was only invited to the reception.

Anyway, whatever their reasons I think that everyone should just let people get on with making their wedding day exactly how they want it to be and suck up feeling offended. It's about the couple not about you or any other guest.
Just relax and enjoy the party. Go with the flow.

Why does she need ‘support’ the night prior, and help getting dressed?

@RandomCatGenerator

Presumably a very small venue? If so not rude at all. It’s only family attending.

In that case, family can be the ones who get the niece ready, surely?

It's extremely rude to treat your friends like 'the help'.

@peppermintpat

So basically you're invited to a party a long way away, which you have to pay for.

Exactly this! It's a no from me.

But OP is not paying. Does anyone bother to RTFT before adding their pearls of shite?

@pilates

This has to be a joke 🤣

If not OP needs new friends!

Really? Loads of them, which wedding are those then?

All the weddings in non-registered premises, or out of doors with a humanist celebrant. Usually they 'make it legal' with a separate legal ceremony at the register office, but they invite friends and family to a symbolic ceremony they call the actual wedding, with vows etc, followed by reception etc, and may not bother with wedding dress for the official ceremony.

I do sometimes wonder if everyone does follow up with the registrar...

@ERFFER

We once travelled to a wedding in the Highlands where we had to travel to the ceremony , weren’t invited to the huge dinner ( with lots of cancellations) feed ourselves, then travel 30 odd miles to the evening reception and the bride had taken her dress off already.

I wouldn’t do that again for anyone. Yes it’s a bit rude.

Why on Earth did you agree to attend?

You’re absolutely being unreasonable! It’s her wedding not yours, least you’re invited, you get to do all the fun bits, it’s cute that they’re having a family only intimate ceremony, how much of a friend can you be if you’re only thinking of yourself

@Ellmau

Really? Loads of them, which wedding are those then?

All the weddings in non-registered premises, or out of doors with a humanist celebrant. Usually they 'make it legal' with a separate legal ceremony at the register office, but they invite friends and family to a symbolic ceremony they call the actual wedding, with vows etc, followed by reception etc, and may not bother with wedding dress for the official ceremony.

I do sometimes wonder if everyone does follow up with the registrar...

Yep - I've been to a fair few where the legal bit was done separately to the 'wedding'. It's not unusual.

Sounds like a diva!

@Trixon26

You’re absolutely being unreasonable! It’s her wedding not yours, least you’re invited, you get to do all the fun bits, it’s cute that they’re having a family only intimate ceremony, how much of a friend can you be if you’re only thinking of yourself

She effing isn't. The Bride and Groom are. How can you only invite people to 2/3 of your wedding!

Probably because they are having a very small ceremony by the sounds of it . Maybe a small room etc. Just enjoy the rest of it and be happy she’s asked you to help her get ready. It’ll probably only be a very basic service anyway if that’s the only people going .

It's unusual. On the other hand, it is a very tiny group being invited to the ceremony itself and you have been invited to stay at the venue. I assume everyone else staying at the venue is in the same boat other than the few you mention - and possibly even more not staying there. Provided the ceremony bit doesn't go on too long (less than an hour) and there is somewhere comfortable for you to be while you wait, then I wouldn't see it as rude really. Just an odd choice!

Years ago a couple of work colleagues were getting married. My fiancé & I also worked at the same company. The bride said that my fiancé was invited as he was friends with the groom but I could come too if I ran the bar for them otherwise he would have to go alone.
Needless to say neither of us went.

I don’t see the problem. Do either the bride or groom(other bride?) have a massive extended family who would all expect to be invited to the ceremony if friends are attending along with parents/siblings? My extended family is massive and so far the only cousin who has managed to avoid the massive ceremony is the one who got married on the other side of the world. Europe wasn’t far enough, it was decided to add the wedding in to a two week holiday so they could still go to the service. My mum eloped for her recent (second) marriage and didn’t tell anyone until after the fact.

Actually is your friend marrying my cousin 😂 😂, (allegedly as details have not been shared widely yet and no invites to us extended family so it’s hearsay) that’s happening Next year, in the highlands in a small intimate setting with only parents and siblings in attendance and possibly a party for anyone else who wants a week or few later 😂 😂

You’re a close enough friend to have been invited to the celebrations, respect your friends wishes to not have more than the bear minimum of witnesses and immediate family to the actual ceremony and enjoy the time before and after celebrating with her and a few people who have been chosen especially by the couple to be a part of that.

‘For a lot of people the ceremony is important & without attending that it's just a party’.

I agree totally. We went to my niece’s wedding recently, we were invited to the lovely lunch and the evening party, but not to the ceremony (which was in the same hotel as the lunch etc, and where most of the guests were staying). I felt very upset about missing what was to me, the most important part of the wedding. On reflection, I’m sorry that we went at all. And yes, I fully appreciate that it’s entirely up to the bride who she invites to the actual ceremony but nevertheless, I felt upset and still wonder why we were not included in the wedding ceremony with the other guests (about 50% went to ceremony, lunch, etc).

Not sure that what I’ve written is any help to you, but I think that we are all different, and what upsets one person, others would dismiss as unimportant.

Rude!