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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to do about this gift

379 replies

summersending · 22/08/2021 10:43

Last week a relative rang me in great excitement to tell me he’d found the perfect present for me. It was gift vouchers for a health type place. I did gently try to dissuade him but he was so sure he’d found the perfect present it seemed a bit mean to, so I thought it would be about £30, £40 tops, and I could just have a massage or something.

So the gift vouchers arrived and they are for £300 Shock

I really don’t know what to do.

On the one hand, I know if I reject them, he will be beyond hurt. He has ASD, high functioning but still - he’s desperate to have got something right. I feel like I should pretend to enjoy them.

But on the other it feels horrendously like taking advantage of someone’s vulnerability, although of course I haven’t. The problem is it’s one of those alternative health places and I don’t really have any interest in any of the things they offer.

So it’s a WWYD, really Sad

OP posts:
beigebrownblue · 22/08/2021 14:12

Gosh, perhaps he was encouraging you to try something new?
I would say a big thank you in your place.

They must have a variety of things. A facial? Six months worth of facials? Fab.

Pilatesteacheruk · 22/08/2021 14:13

Wow @summersending Hmm Yes I'm a pilates teacher, not exactly sure why that means I 'have a dog in the race'? Pilates and acupuncture are not exactly the same!!!

If you have tried acupuncture and don't like it then that is fair enough. I think me and other posters were just trying to day it is a proven thing and could be helpful. However you obviously have your reasons to have such a dislike for it so return the gift/don't use it/give it away/sell/etc

Original poster
summersending · 22/08/2021 14:13

He won’t know anyone there. Like I say he lives quite a long way away.

I can’t see any of my friends being thrilled about being dragged out at the weekend for counselling or acupuncture and I’m a bit reluctant to offer it as it can easily sound like a loaded suggestion.

I think I’ve pretty much decided it’s one of those situations best left. I am a busy person. I have two days a week free and when I do have a free moment I don’t want acupuncture or whatever.

OP posts:
Heliachi · 22/08/2021 14:13

This reply has been deleted

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pigeonpies · 22/08/2021 14:13

@summersending

The situation in Afghanistan is terrible.

It also has absolutely nothing to do with me or my life. Bringing it up on here as a way to keep me quiet won’t work. This is my problem and dilemma and I am trying to work out the best way to deal with it.

Zipping my trap shut and doing something I don’t want to do to keep someone else happy will not only not help the women in Afghanistan, it is also part of the problem we should all be united in trying to stop.

It's a gift, not an attempt to engage you in the trade of human trafficking

Again, perspective here. You're seeing it as a problem, but really it's just a gift you don't want. It's really no simpler than that

I respect the sentiment that woman shouldn't feel the need to appease men, and I wholeheartedly support that every day. But this is way off key.

Next time make it clear your boundaries for gifts. That is where you need to start. It's too late for this occasion

fairgame84 · 22/08/2021 14:13

Can't you just go once with a friend/relative and then at least you can say you've tried it, don't like it and offer the vouchers back to him?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 22/08/2021 14:13

It's your body, your choice so I don't know why everyone is telling you to have a try

I completely agree - just because many people would absolutely love something, it doesn't mean that everybody has to love it too - especially when it involves giving up a load of your valuable limited spare time.

Not quite the same thing, but it reminds me of when extroverts and copious booze consumers will urge those at a party who genuinely prefer to sit at the side with a Coke and listen to join them in getting heavily 'refreshed', 'letting your hair down' and not to 'be boring'.

Alternista · 22/08/2021 14:13

[quote entropynow]@Alternista
You seem very determined to be rigidly negative about this, are you generally in a good place? End of maternity/ back to work is a hard time. Maybe he’s picked up that you seem a bit low?

Or maybe OP understands that these "treatments" are a load of overpriced woo rubbish? Honestly, saying she must be in a bad mental place to not want to try this tripe is a right cheek.[/quote]
You can feel free to put words in my mouth as much as you like, entropy, but you’ll be arguing on your own.

Original poster
summersending · 22/08/2021 14:14

Because funnily enough along with acupuncture they offer Pilates Grin and various other treatments.

And I know - everyone knows someone who benefited from this treatment. I still don’t want to do it. I’ve explained why.

OP posts:
diddl · 22/08/2021 14:14

@summersending

Tbh yes it is a hardship.

It is my free time. I will have precious little of it. So I don’t want to spend it doing something that I’m so cynical about - sorry.

Good for you for saying that Op.

And another time say "NO!" when someone thinks that they no better than you about how you should spend your time/what you like.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 22/08/2021 14:15

You do realise that acupuncture is a proven treatment and not woo or mumbo jumbo? A short course of sessions can be very effective at easing all manner of issues.

That's absolutely fine for those who want it. OP doesn't.

knittingaddict · 22/08/2021 14:15

For goodness sake. Can't believe all the posts telling the op to have a go. Why the hell should she. Like me she probably thinks it's a load of old rubbish.

CallieOpie · 22/08/2021 14:15

Just because acupuncture is right for some people doesn't mean it's right for the OP.

StoppinBy · 22/08/2021 14:15

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godmum56 · 22/08/2021 14:16

Ok he knows you have got a slipped disc. Could you tell him that its a really kind thought but at your last appointment with the doc/physio/osteopath. They gave you clear instructions NOT to allow strangers to treat your back because IN YOUR CASE there was a huge risk of making it worse (actually could be true, I went through a few physios before I found one I would trust with my knee.) It s amassively kind thought but you can't accept it because of the risk.

Sylvvie · 22/08/2021 14:17

Why are people insisting OP force herself to go through treatments she sees no benefit in?

If someone bought me skydiving or bungie jumping tickets, especially after I said no, I don't want them, I sure as fuck wouldn't go just because they cost x amount of money.

And OP, if you aren't going to sell them on or use then then literally the only choice is to hand them back/refuse to use them and tell him exactly why. Hurt feelings, ASD or not.

diddl · 22/08/2021 14:19

Perhaps the posters who would love it can contact Op re buying the vouchers if near enough?

Pilatesteacheruk · 22/08/2021 14:19

Well I don't know any pilates teachers who offer acupuncture Hmm so still not sure how I have a dog in the race. I'll go back to teaching Pilates to people who find it helpful Grin

entropynow · 22/08/2021 14:20

@CallieOpie

You can always say that you really appreciate the gesture and generosity, but that you are concerned about trying the treatments offered because you understand that sometimes they can help with slipped disc, but sometimes alternative treatments can also make things worse and that's not something you can afford to risk right now with return to work etc.

(FWIW I use shiatsu very happily but had a clear worsening of my health condition after acupuncture - it really is impossible to know in advance how it will affect you. A lot of that might depend on how good the actual therapist is but sometimes it's just luck of the draw I think)

This is sensible advice. OP, ignore all the people trying to guilt you by calling you ungrateful, narrow minded etc. They have their own agendas which do not have to be yours.
Eralos · 22/08/2021 14:20

I would try and use them. I didn’t think Accupuncute was for me but I tried it and love it (I’m not alternative at all I’m a cowshed all the way girl) but give it a go you never know!

MumInBrussels · 22/08/2021 14:20

@godmum56

Ok he knows you have got a slipped disc. Could you tell him that its a really kind thought but at your last appointment with the doc/physio/osteopath. They gave you clear instructions NOT to allow strangers to treat your back because IN YOUR CASE there was a huge risk of making it worse (actually could be true, I went through a few physios before I found one I would trust with my knee.) It s amassively kind thought but you can't accept it because of the risk.
I agree with this. And also call the place and ask them if it's possible to refund vouchers bought for someone for whom their treatments are absolutely not suitable - it might be fixable and the money won't be wasted after all.
pussycatlickinglollyices · 22/08/2021 14:22

Be honest with them now. Tell them you won't be using the voucher and ask if they can get a refund.
Explain that you do not have enough hours in the day to do any "treatments".
Hopefully it sinks in now and they won't waste any more money you won't get another one for Christmas. Xmas Shock

knittingaddict · 22/08/2021 14:22

Hardship is Afghanistan right now

Get some perspective FFS

Oh the irony of bringing Afghanistan into this thread about a women being steered into doing something a man wants her to do against her own wishes.

Nanny0gg · 22/08/2021 14:22

@summersending

Believe me talking to someone at length about my slipped disc will not change it. Nor will whacking my head, hitting myself with hammers or whatever.

The best thing for bad backs is to move as much as possible.

What therapies do they actually offer?
entropynow · 22/08/2021 14:22

@Alternista

shrug. They're your words.