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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not know what to do about this gift

379 replies

summersending · 22/08/2021 10:43

Last week a relative rang me in great excitement to tell me he’d found the perfect present for me. It was gift vouchers for a health type place. I did gently try to dissuade him but he was so sure he’d found the perfect present it seemed a bit mean to, so I thought it would be about £30, £40 tops, and I could just have a massage or something.

So the gift vouchers arrived and they are for £300 Shock

I really don’t know what to do.

On the one hand, I know if I reject them, he will be beyond hurt. He has ASD, high functioning but still - he’s desperate to have got something right. I feel like I should pretend to enjoy them.

But on the other it feels horrendously like taking advantage of someone’s vulnerability, although of course I haven’t. The problem is it’s one of those alternative health places and I don’t really have any interest in any of the things they offer.

So it’s a WWYD, really Sad

OP posts:
maddy68 · 24/08/2021 00:00

I would accept it graciously. You might have a great time as well as make him happy

Shadedog · 24/08/2021 00:16

£300 is bonkers when you were expecting £30. Do you think he was conned? Depending on his level of vulnerability you may decide to phone them up and ask what they are playing at to see if you can get some sort of refund.

If you think it’s all above board then either donate them or sell on Facebook marketplace. Get a pal to stick them in for you if you’re worried. If he lives in another part of the country the chances of him seeing your local selling group posts are slim anyway. Tell him You’ve been and enjoyed it but wouldn’t want to go back and he mustn’t spend that much on you again. Don’t get your knuckles hit with a hammer.

Mumkins42 · 24/08/2021 05:40

I could not sell these on personally. If I were he I would be hurt in the knowledge they had been sold on. He didn't give you cash, he got you this. I would seek to refund half back if the company can do this. Give him half his money back if so and use the remaining half for what they were intended. Just try it, you may enjoy it.

allyouneedisconnection · 24/08/2021 05:49

I think in this situation, as long as he can afford it and hasn't been pushed into the purchase, just be gracious and accept the gift. Give the treatments a go. It's good to try something different. You never know, you might enjoy it. There is usually a long expiry time on these sorts of things too, so you have time.

Askingforfriend · 24/08/2021 05:55

I think I would call them and ask about gift vouchers and if I buy one and it isn't right for the person can they be refunded.

If they can, I think I'd talk to family member and say what a lovely idea of theirs to treat me to spa treatments ...and then say "I was hoping to book a massage but they don't do it. Would you be willing to exchange it?" ... and then address the amount given...??

CoalTit · 24/08/2021 09:55

If we could just accept that the gift is unwanted, we could move on to the OP's annoyance that she said yes to a little of something she didn't want, and ended up with rather a lot of it.
This seems to be a common experience when you become a parent; you have a lot less time and money, and you have to get tougher where anyone but your child is concerned.
I'd tell the gift-giver the whole truth, including your frustration at their wasted generosity, all the things you would have liked, and your regret at saying yes when you should have said no.
He may be upset and refrain from spending money on you for a while, but that's better than his spending hundreds more pounds on something you don't want. As pp have said, anything else may lead to yet more wasted generosity from him in future.

TatianaBis · 24/08/2021 10:06

Listing all the things you would have liked for £300 is really bad taste. The relative wanted to give OP £300 for therapies he thought would help OP’s health. He may not feel the same about giving her 300 worth of Jo Malone candles, bath stuff and chick lit.

Upsetting someone over a kind and generous gift however misguided is not a nice thing to do.

I think the only the OP can do really is to do one appointment and give the rest of the vouchers to friends. Then she can truthfully say she tried it.

ilovemygirls · 24/08/2021 10:25

Can I have them please?! I’d love an excuse to get away & have some much needed “me” time! As a single parent, there was no way I would’ve been able to do this when my children were younger. I hated going to work & leaving them & every second was so precious. Now they are older (both at high school), I’d love to receive a gift like this. Just bad timing I guess, but his heart was in the right place. Bless him - and you. Give the place a call - it’s worth a try x

bemusedmoose · 24/08/2021 12:01

Honestly - give it a go. You may have no interest but you also might actually really enjoy it and its just the thought putting you off. It's a great way to reset mind and body for getting back to work. I dont like yoga or pilates but I've given them a shot, hot stone massage it lovely! Indian head massage is heaven. Didn't think chakra healing would do diddly but it was brilliant. Just chilling out in a pool would be nice and having a quiet potter around and time for yourself to have some head space. It's very thoughtful and sweet (though £300 is a massive amount!) I would seize the day and try something new.

Original poster
summersending · 24/08/2021 12:03

Is this still —fucking— going?

OP posts:
bemusedmoose · 24/08/2021 12:06

Oh and I had acupuncture on my slipped discs - absolute game changer! Once stable they also realigned my spine. Its like having a service done - came out feeling like I had new parts! I wasn't keen but now I love it.

Slothkin · 24/08/2021 13:37

Which do you think will expire first OP, the vouchers or the thread? 😂

Ionlydomassiveones · 24/08/2021 14:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Mayhemmumma · 24/08/2021 14:48

I'd call him thank him for his kindness and say but are you really sure you can afford this?

Or go to this place together to spend vouchers on both of you, if you have that sort of relationship?

HP87 · 24/08/2021 14:57

@summersending

Problem with FB marketplace is he has FB so runs the risk of him seeing it.

I have a slipped disc and he’s constantly trying to ‘cure’ it.

You can hide from friends on Fb marketplace. I can't remember how to do it but you definitely can.
Sillyname63 · 24/08/2021 14:59

Not sure if you are able to say " thank you very much but you really should not spend that much money on me" and in a few months time say you have been and while you eit was pleasant it wasn't really your type of thing. He won't know if you have been or not. Phone up the venue and say you have been given a voucher which you do not require but would like to donate it to a charity who might, could they recommend any where local perhaps a mental health wellbeing or cancer charity that you could donate it too whatever is close to your heart. You haven't lost anything and in a sense neither has he.

CoalTit · 24/08/2021 15:15

Listing all the things you would have liked for £300 is really bad taste. The relative wanted to give OP £300 for therapies he thought would help OP’s health. He may not feel the same about giving her 300 worth of Jo Malone candles, bath stuff and chick lit. Upsetting someone over a kind and generous gift however misguided is not a nice thing to do.

All that is true, but it's worse to encourage the giver to repeat his expensive mistake by lying or saying wishy washy things like "it's terribly kind of you but are you sure you have enough money?" and expecting he'll understand what that really means.

When I was thirteen I was rude enough to upset an aunt by saying I didn't like a pink knickerbocker suit she had bought me for Christmas. She was very upset and didn't buy me anything for years. I know it's wrong to be rude, but that was a good result for both of us.

CoalTit · 24/08/2021 15:28

This reply has been deleted

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Slothkin · 24/08/2021 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Omgjo · 24/08/2021 19:05

@Ionlydomassiveones

Oh God I hate this. Wasted money on a completely pointless gift. I hate spas or anything like that so I would fuck it off too. Why should you go and do something you hate just because some misguided person has only thought about their own perspective?

I would just tell him thanks, that’s very generous, but you definitely won’t use it and he should get his money back.

If he’s upset then that’s his own problem. He shouldn’t be so presumptuous.

I can only assume you have no relatives or friends with ASD. A sour, and selfish, attitude which, rather ironically, oozes of "a misguided person who has only thought of their own perspective" Blush
ChickpeaCrunch · 24/08/2021 19:39

@nomoneytreehere

My physio offered acupuncture for my slipped disc. In fact my pain management consultant recommended it too. Maybe try not to be so closed to alternative ideas.
OP doesn't want to try it
BeauxRingarde · 24/08/2021 20:29

OP doesn't want to try it

She probably shouldn't have told the voucher buyer that she would, then she wouldn't have this problem.

sleepyhoglet · 24/08/2021 21:04

If he is ASD do not reject. Honestly, he doesn't mind the money and is feeling delighted. Don't rob him of that. It is probably not possible to get a refund either. Just try out some of the things the place offers- think of accepting the gift and using the vouchers as a gift of thanks to him.

sleepyhoglet · 24/08/2021 21:11

Do you have another relative eg mum/sister who would want to try the acupuncture? If so, maybe tell a white lie and say that when you mentioned it and that you were nervous they said they would love it so you decided to let them have the treatment.

ChickpeaCrunch · 24/08/2021 21:12

@sleepyhoglet

If he is ASD do not reject. Honestly, he doesn't mind the money and is feeling delighted. Don't rob him of that. It is probably not possible to get a refund either. Just try out some of the things the place offers- think of accepting the gift and using the vouchers as a gift of thanks to him.
OP Doesnt want to use the vouchers