Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

WWYD - missing DS' first day at school

141 replies

MintMe · 22/08/2021 10:36

Urgh.

Just made the mistake of checking my work emails and now have a dilemma.

Industry event in two weeks. 6th & 7th September. I'm organising it (as is my job) but was only going to attend on day 2 (but travel down on the 6th) as it's my sons first day at school on the 6th and I obviously don't want to miss it.

My deputy has agreed to travel down on the Sunday and 'man the stand' for the Monday, along with the Head of that division. The Business Developer for that division won't be attending as he's moving house.

The Head of has emailed me to say he can't attend on the 6th because of work commitments.

So it would just be my deputy and a few juniors who are also attending the conference there until me and the other guy arrive on the Tuesday.

Now, I know what I should do. I should tell my deputy to stand down and do the event myself but I'd be absolutely gutted to miss DS' first two days at school (even though they're only half days) especially as I'm down in London for three days the following week at another event and will miss almost all of his first full week.

So MN, WWYD????

OP posts:

leafinthewind · 22/08/2021 10:38

I missed DD's first day at school for a conference I was presenting at. She didn't really notice! And now, age 12, doesn't remember anything about it. Her dad took her, her childminder collected her, and it was a huge adventure.

leafinthewind · 22/08/2021 10:39

The only thing I mind is that her dad is terrible with a camera and her first day of school photo makes her look like some kind of Oompa Loompa 🤣

ancientgran · 22/08/2021 10:42

It's just seeing them walk in the door isn't it?

How far away is it, could you still get there for most of the day if you can leave by 9 am.

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 22/08/2021 10:43

I was going to miss a hugely important milestone in my DCs primary school life because I'd inadvertently booked a flight for the same day. I changed the flight at huge expense so that I'd be there for DC. She doesn't remember, but I do, and glad I didn't miss it. I know what I'd do OP

Original poster

MintMe · 22/08/2021 10:44

No, it's London and we're in Manchester so a good 2/3 hours. I'd really need to be there the night before.

OP posts:

MilkCereal · 22/08/2021 10:48

I'd miss the conference leave it to deputy and do as you planned. It's a huge milestone!

BikeRunSki · 22/08/2021 10:49

I’ve been there. Conference in Edinburgh (I was presenting) clashed with DD’s first day at school in Yorkshire. I really had to remind myself that my dc have two parents, and “allow” DH a “first”.

If you go to London, who will take your dd to school? Would it be her father? Or a childminder ? Who will it normally be?

Yellow85 · 22/08/2021 10:52

I mean it really depends on how capable the deputy is. If you trust them then stay with DD if not, then there’s not much option. Isn’t the whole point of a deputy to deputise when you are not there 🤷🏻‍♀️

That being said, not like DD will hold a grudge either…

Original poster

MintMe · 22/08/2021 10:53

DH would certainly drop off and pick DS up, and my DM will be around too as she's staying with us that weekend. I get that it's just seeing him walk in but god I feel all the mum guilt - which I don't normally, having hammered it out of me due to working FT for four years...

OP posts:

newnortherner111 · 22/08/2021 10:54

If DD is used to your being away for events, I doubt it will make much difference, just as long as your DP/DH can be there.

Original poster

MintMe · 22/08/2021 10:56

Deputy 100% capable and would never say no to doing it. I'm just concerned that higher management would view this as me shirking my responsibilities. If the division head was going, I'd feel more comfortable, but this is our first physical event in 18 months and we won't get much from it if the right people aren't there.

I'm not the 'right' person either as I don't do business development but I am the more senior member of staff.

OP posts:

Comedycook · 22/08/2021 10:57

It's not as monumentous as you may think. You'll walk him to the door and go. It will be fine if it's just his dad there.

DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo · 22/08/2021 10:58

Watching them walk into school for the first time is lovely and important but more for you, not them, especially if your DH is there.

I'd save your availability for assemblies, school plays etc. Those are things your DC will really love you being at if you can.

MrsWhites · 22/08/2021 10:59

I would compromise by taking dc to school for drop off, straight to station and you’d be in London from Manchester by lunchtime. If your deputy is capable, they can manage the morning and you’d still be around to show you face and pick up any issues by the afternoon.

Lockdownbear · 22/08/2021 10:59

Options, Does she have a full day or half day? I'm assuming she's got a full day 3 pm finish.

How about you travel on the Sunday and set up Sunday, leave at 12 on the Monday so you are home for 3pm finish. I'd be tempted to travel back to London after bedtime.

You'll be shattered but you'll have got the best bit of hearing what happened in school rather than the stress of getting her there.

user1493494961 · 22/08/2021 11:02

Well obviously the Business Developer's not bothered.

MrsKC121 · 22/08/2021 11:02

I never understand why people give a f*ck as to what their superiors think. They can’t sack you for taking the time off to see your child go to school for the first time and, if they try and make your life difficult then just get a new job. Just because someone has a certain job title shouldn’t mean that they’re put on a pedestal. Life happens and work has to be flexible end of.

Howshouldibehave · 22/08/2021 11:03

I didn’t do the first days at school for my first or third DC. I’m a part time teacher and they started on days I was working so I had no choice. Either DH or DM took them-I can’t remember now. It was fine, they literally walk through the door at 8.45 without even turning back to wave at you!

I’d go to the work conference.

Whatwouldscullydo · 22/08/2021 11:10

Honestly you are iver thinking a bit tbh.

First days are usually just half days. Or a couple of hours really.

They go in , u pick them up at lunchtime they say " nothing much" when u ask them.what they did that day.

And if I'm honest, all this bring the whole bloody family to the school.gates on the first day makes it all the nore intimidating. You try being 4 and wading through multiple people who don't need to be there standing in the way of the class line.

Your kid will be fine . Go do your function and don't feel bad about it.

Original poster

MintMe · 22/08/2021 11:11

@user1493494961

Well obviously the Business Developer's not bothered.

I know!! Grrr

OP posts:

TwoLeftElbows · 22/08/2021 11:11

There are a gazillion school things. I know this is a big one but it's also over very quickly. I'd do the work thing and let DH do this one. We hardly ever attended anything together, we didn't have the leave for it.

happytoday73 · 22/08/2021 11:14

Drop them off and then get train

MoiraNotRuby · 22/08/2021 11:14

I totally get it, fwiw you are living my life a good few years ago. I would do this:

Go on Sunday, set up, and talk to as many people as you can who are also setting up. Think ahead, is there anyone you can suggest having a pre event meal with that evening? Ideal if you can gather a group together. If your organisation is into social media, post plenty of content.

Phone DS half an hour before bedtime and read him a familiar story. (He has the book, you have photos of the pages so you get the words right.)

Email your team that night from hotel with all the leads/potential new collaborations/impacts on the next weeks event, based on your day. Even from empty stands - 'i noticed x stand mentions bla issue, this is something that fits with y project'.

Do the next morning, get your DH to send photo of DS on first day of school.

Leave the event in time to get back for mid afternoon, cook DS favourite meal and have a chat about his first day (as much as kids ever tell you anything.) Special pudding in celebration of his first day at school. More photos!

Put him to bed, drink wine.

Catch early train to London the next morning. Drink red bull and have busy time at the conference.

I know its a killer spreading yourself thin. You are doing a great job of it all I promise.

HugeAckmansWife · 22/08/2021 11:15

I'm a teacher. Along with thousands of others I always knew I'd never be able to o the first day thing because I'm required to be at my own school. We took a pic in uniform at the front door, childminder took him, he went in fine, probably far less fuss than if I'd been there. I'm not especially sentimental about this kind of stuff. Lots of people really can't be there, the world doesn't end.

AnnaSW1 · 22/08/2021 11:16

This wouldn't even register as a dilemma for me. I'd stick to the plan and be there for the first day of school.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6