Page 5 | WWYD - missing DS' first day at school

balloonsintrees · 23/08/2021 00:33

@MintMe

Urgh.

Just made the mistake of checking my work emails and now have a dilemma.

Industry event in two weeks. 6th & 7th September. I'm organising it (as is my job) but was only going to attend on day 2 (but travel down on the 6th) as it's my sons first day at school on the 6th and I obviously don't want to miss it.

My deputy has agreed to travel down on the Sunday and 'man the stand' for the Monday, along with the Head of that division. The Business Developer for that division won't be attending as he's moving house.

The Head of has emailed me to say he can't attend on the 6th because of work commitments.

So it would just be my deputy and a few juniors who are also attending the conference there until me and the other guy arrive on the Tuesday.

Now, I know what I should do. I should tell my deputy to stand down and do the event myself but I'd be absolutely gutted to miss DS' first two days at school (even though they're only half days) especially as I'm down in London for three days the following week at another event and will miss almost all of his first full week.

So MN, WWYD????

Teacher here, had to miss eldest boys first day as school wouldn't let me go. Poor kid was shuttled from pillar to post - breakfast club, on-site nursery for the afternoon then after school club because of the stupid morning only thing.

They don't tend to remember, try and be there first thing if you can to take photos and then go do your job. It will feel tough, but will be fine.

urbanbuddha · 23/08/2021 00:46

@FanSpamTastic

It will still be your "first day" if you take DC to school on the Wednesday - with all the same feels! Even if it is your DCs 3rd day. There are no special events etc and you are not usually allowed to hang around - it's just drop and go!

Do your work thing - get DH to do obligatory photo - then do your own one on Wednesday as well!

Save your "get out of work" card for the school nativity play - and all of the many other school events in the middle of the working day!!!

I agree.

Lockdownbear · 23/08/2021 00:57

@Emilizz34

I worked with a doctor years ago who was a lone parent . She had to work on her dd’s first day of school and her mother dropped her instead . The grandmother couldn’t collect her for some reason and it was arranged that the grandmothers Neighbour ( who the child had never met ) would collect the dc and take her to Mc Donald’s . I honestly think this was the saddest thing ever . Being collected by a stranger on your first day of school

It's sad but I imagine the mum was trying to work to keep a roof over their head. The half day thing is hard on working parents. And it must have been difficult the DGran not to be able to do pick up either. But sometimes things just work out that way.

User5827372728 · 23/08/2021 06:22

@balloonsintrees

I’m in the same position but my kids school won’t let them go to wrap around care for the 2 weeks of settling in. So he’s doing his 2 hours a day then pretty much a different person is collecting him to walk him back to his old bloody nursery who said he can go there for the 2 weeks after the 2 hours!

RuthW · 23/08/2021 06:51

@MrsWhites

I would compromise by taking dc to school for drop off, straight to station and you’d be in London from Manchester by lunchtime. If your deputy is capable, they can manage the morning and you’d still be around to show you face and pick up any issues by the afternoon.

This. You will regret it if you aren't there.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 23/08/2021 07:26

@HugeAckmansWife

I'm a teacher. Along with thousands of others I always knew I'd never be able to o the first day thing because I'm required to be at my own school. We took a pic in uniform at the front door, childminder took him, he went in fine, probably far less fuss than if I'd been there. I'm not especially sentimental about this kind of stuff. Lots of people really can't be there, the world doesn't end.

This was me too. Three children, never saw any of them go into school on the first day. They graduated and did just fine anyway.

Hollyhead · 23/08/2021 07:35

Prioritise work- can you FaceTime him for 10 mins just before he leaves the house. All these firsts are nothing - neither of my DC can remember their first days at school. I’m sure Dad’s don’t get this stupid guilt ridden pressure!

Bunnycat101 · 23/08/2021 07:52

I’d try and do school drop-off if you can but it isn’t really that involved so you’re not missing an event as such but more of a moment. Mine started last year and she loved it that we were both there and I’m glad we were both able to see her. She was so happy and excited to get her uniform but was also a bit nervous so wanted to talk though how she was feeling. She saw a friend in the car park and skipped in happily. Some children needed their parents a bit more and needed that reassurance.

rookiemere · 23/08/2021 08:08

I'm torn on this one. My business head says do the conference, but my other side remembers the time that I had an oh so important meeting at work and missed Ds sports day. DH went and basically it was the one and only time DS swept the board and won all his races - they need to introduce the sack race to the olympics - and I swore I'd never miss an important event again.

But first day is slightly different. It is literally just a drop off which you can get pictures of.

hollyivysaurus · 23/08/2021 08:16

I’m a teacher and missed DD’s first day and sports day last year as well as DS’s first day at preschool. Felt incredibly shit about it, and do just typing this to be honest, but my DH did all those days and DD and DS were perfectly happy with this and it hasn’t occurred to either of them that I missed anything. I did make sure I was home super early on both those days to hear all about it and to make a fuss of them though!

That said, if I could have arranged to be there, I’d have done it!

olympicsrock · 23/08/2021 08:38

Your answer depends on how big / serious your career is.
I have a big jog and often miss events at my children’s school. I do my best to get to things but it is not always possible.
I tell myself that my children have two parents.
Dress your child in their uniform the day before , tell them you are proud and let DH take them
Into school. It will be I’ve run a flash. They won’t remember it... You will have a photograph to remember how sweet they looked. Job done.... so Many opportunities to be a parent

PerfectPrepPrincess · 23/08/2021 08:41

A lot of teacher mums usually miss the first day of school for their DC if they they work FT 🤷🏻‍♀️

Areyouseriousrightnow · 23/08/2021 09:02

Your business development colleague(s) are the ones you really need at the conference, I’d be challenging why her/him/they aren’t there! misses the point
Being there at First day of school is for you much more than your child. I don’t even remember seeing mine go through the gate. I just remember how I felt watching that milestone happen. And I’m glad I was there to see it.
As PP suggested, head to the conference for lunchtime and don’t be guilting yourself when others aren’t bothered. Also demonstrates to your deputy that you trust them which will be appreciated.

MargosKaftan · 23/08/2021 09:04

You have booked the day off. Your reason is not less valid than the business developers reason (they could pay a removal company). The other senior staff member could have held that day as not available for other work commitments.

You have been clear for a long time you were not available.

It doesn't matter that other careers wouldn't have this option.

I would keep to your plans. At most, I would drop dc at school then aim to get thr train to London and be there for the afternoon so your deputy and junior staff only have to do 1 morning alone. However, have a chat with your deputy about how they feel about it.

(The business developer would have had some flex on when they moved house and agreed to this you had no flex on when your dcs first day of school is.)

LadyCatStark · 23/08/2021 09:26

Wait so it’s an event about business development and the business developer can’t be arsed to attend yet you feel guilty that you can’t?? I’d get the train once I’d dropped DC off and get there when you can.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 23/08/2021 09:37

I am also a mother who has worked full time throughout the lives of my 3 children. Certain events have been booked in and triple locked as soon as I know about them. Starting school is one of these. I’d keep to your plan and be there for the 3 day of school (and when DS comes home). It’s not just about seeing them go in the door. It’s about talking to them on the way and having them tell you about it afterwards.

Maryann1975 · 23/08/2021 09:41

@DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo

Watching them walk into school for the first time is lovely and important but more for you, not them, especially if your DH is there.

I'd save your availability for assemblies, school plays etc. Those are things your DC will really love you being at if you can.

I agree with This. I’m a childminder so have seen many first days at school. Children would much prefer that you are there for their star of the week assembly, the harvest festival, Parents lesson, Christmas play, Easter assembly, sports day, summer concert, end of term show, parents evenings, Also add in any other event that your school deems is worthy of parental attendance. You can very quickly add in another half a dozen days leave/late starts/early finishes you will need to take for your child’s education. Don’t forget inset days, polling days (if you are unlucky enough that your area Closes the school for this). Also, if your child has a play date after school and then is desperate to invite another child back to their house. The list is endless and I’ve seen many disappointed children because parents can not have any more time off for these things.
It’s nice if you can be there for the first day, but honestly, once you arrive at the gate, your child will be swept away By their teacher and that Is the end of your involvement. They will not be the only one being picked up by a childminder/after school club, so please, please don’t feel bad.

amillionmenonmars · 23/08/2021 09:43

Another teacher here. I missed every single event in my own children's schools - never there for start and finish of the first day in school, never got to a sports day, an assembly, a harvest festival. I can just imagine the complaining on MN there would be if teachers were allowed time off to attend all of these milestones - yet they think it's the end of the world if they can't attend for their own children.

To be honest I think my own children either didn't care or just had to get used to it. I am a bit sad I did NONE of these things - am waiting for grandchildren so I get to experience it all then. I honestly don't see why first day at school has to be such a hoopla though.

Pottedpalm · 23/08/2021 09:50

@Emilizz34

None of my dcs remember their first day at school but I do !! My youngest dd doesn’t remember her first day at school but can remember her older sisters even though she was only 17 months . My dh and I have both managed to keep up busy careers and study etc without missing any of these milestones . Do whatever feels right for you .

A 17 month old remembers? Maybe they have seen photos and remember them.

Hoppinggreen · 23/08/2021 09:52

Of course your child will be ok if you don’t drop them off at school BUT you booked the day off to do it so do it.
The times may be staggered to ask for an early one and then go straight to the station, you will be there by lunchtime

amillionmenonmars · 23/08/2021 09:56

All of the posters who are saying they would put heir own children first and never miss a milestone event and always have time off for them - could you please tell me what jobs you do? It sounds fabulous to work in such flexible workplaces. And you all have lovely colleagues who are happy to cover for you when you have this time off too. That must be great.

It really helps to know that those of us who teach and would never be permitted this degree of flexibility are neglecting our own children - in fact that we will have death bed regrets that we just went not there for our children when it mattered.

LynseyLoses · 23/08/2021 10:00

I think being a teacher, it's clear you do not have the option to choose between working at your work or seeing your DC off to school. The op could miss her conference if she chose to.

That said, I don't see why either option is a big issue. She could see her DC to school and her deputy would cope. She could go to her conference and her DP would cope.

I'm a SAHM and I didn't do my second DC's first day at preschool recently, because we knew he'd go in better for my DH, which he did. Absolutely no regrets! It was the right thing to do.

So basically, there are no rules about having to do first day and there is no rule saying op has to be at both days of the conference when her seniors have cried off for personal reasons too.

Areyouseriousrightnow · 23/08/2021 10:03

@amillionmenonmars I think you are taking this a little bit personally. The OP already has the flexibility to take a day off for a milestone that she originally wanted to be there for, so some of the advice is suggesting she stick with her original plan. That’s it.
Yes OP and everyone else who is able to get time off for these things are lucky, in the same way that you are lucky that you get to spend summers with your kids and don’t have to arrange childcare for the entire period. It’s not a competition.

beachcitygirl · 23/08/2021 10:04

Go to your conference. It doesn't matter. He's 5, he won't remember
. Your dh is his father. Drop the guilt. Not a single man in the world would feel guilty about this.

Hoppinggreen · 23/08/2021 10:05

@amillionmenonmars

All of the posters who are saying they would put heir own children first and never miss a milestone event and always have time off for them - could you please tell me what jobs you do? It sounds fabulous to work in such flexible workplaces. And you all have lovely colleagues who are happy to cover for you when you have this time off too. That must be great.

It really helps to know that those of us who teach and would never be permitted this degree of flexibility are neglecting our own children - in fact that we will have death bed regrets that we just went not there for our children when it mattered.

I don’t think anybody said this, seems to have touched a nerve. A lot of people are lucky enough to have such flexibility but even if OP actually doesn’t she has booked the day off