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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD - missing DS' first day at school

141 replies

MintMe · 22/08/2021 10:36

Urgh.

Just made the mistake of checking my work emails and now have a dilemma.

Industry event in two weeks. 6th & 7th September. I'm organising it (as is my job) but was only going to attend on day 2 (but travel down on the 6th) as it's my sons first day at school on the 6th and I obviously don't want to miss it.

My deputy has agreed to travel down on the Sunday and 'man the stand' for the Monday, along with the Head of that division. The Business Developer for that division won't be attending as he's moving house.

The Head of has emailed me to say he can't attend on the 6th because of work commitments.

So it would just be my deputy and a few juniors who are also attending the conference there until me and the other guy arrive on the Tuesday.

Now, I know what I should do. I should tell my deputy to stand down and do the event myself but I'd be absolutely gutted to miss DS' first two days at school (even though they're only half days) especially as I'm down in London for three days the following week at another event and will miss almost all of his first full week.

So MN, WWYD????

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 22/08/2021 11:17

@MrsWhites

I would compromise by taking dc to school for drop off, straight to station and you’d be in London from Manchester by lunchtime. If your deputy is capable, they can manage the morning and you’d still be around to show you face and pick up any issues by the afternoon.
Yes this is what I would do

But I also agree that if you want to stay the whole day, just do it. Try to frame it as giving your deputy an opportunity to step up.

Hoppinggreen · 22/08/2021 11:18

If you know your Deputy is competent then I would have no issue letting them lead and attend on the second day only. It could even be part of their development

Iggly · 22/08/2021 11:18

If you’d booked the days off well in advance, you’ve booked them off.

You don’t need to explain, you just say “I’ve got leave, I can’t move it, this is how it’s covered”.

No apologies needed.

daisypond · 22/08/2021 11:20

There is no dilemma here. You go to your work of course. Your DH takes your son to school. It’s his first day at school, not yours. Loads of working parents can’t be there on the first day.

OwlinaTree · 22/08/2021 11:25

My DH did first day for both our children and I'm a teacher and needed to be in my school for new starters.

It was fine. I was sad to miss it but managed to get out to collect both from the gate one day on the first week.

Peace43 · 22/08/2021 11:31

I am a career mum and missed my daughters first school day, school plays, sports days etc.. I go to what I can but our family need the money I earn.

DD is 10 and is my bestie. We have a wonderful relationship and she completely understands that I have to work. We’ve just been on holiday together and had a great time.

When I’m not working I focus on her. No dipping in and out of emails.

Howshouldibehave · 22/08/2021 11:32

I am a career mum

Sorry to derail, but I have never heard anyone use this phrase before! How would you define a ‘career’ mum?

UserStillatLarge · 22/08/2021 11:34

You need to reframe this from "missing DS's first day of school" to "missing spending 2 minutes watching DS walking into a room".

It really isn't a big deal. Ask whoever is taking him to take photos of him in his uniform before they leave the house.

There will be many child related events over the year's that it's better if you can get to. This really isn't one of them.

TillyTopper · 22/08/2021 11:39

I have twins, now late teens. As the main wage earner I have every first day of school for ever, including the very first. It doesn't eem to have affected them, or me.

CyclesPerfecta · 22/08/2021 11:42

Can you take him to school on 8-10 September? Honestly my kids don’t remember who took them on the first day. Mum or dad, it doesn’t matter to them. But at least you can have a good feeling that you took him some mornings on the first week. Mother’s guilt is awful, I’ve been there too 😔

BikeRunSki · 22/08/2021 11:43

What are the school arrangements for dropping off?

DD’s school (she’s going into Y5) are not letting parents of any age group into the playground or building. The parents’involvement in the “First day at school” might literally be dropping them off and collecting them from the gate at a prearranged time.

PeasPeasPeasAreGoodForYou · 22/08/2021 11:45

I can't tell you who took me to school on my first day tbh 😂
It's hard for you but it won't be for him.
Giving the times you will probably just take him to the gate and wave him in.

tenterden · 22/08/2021 11:47

No way would I have missed my DC first day at school for something work related.

NothingIsWrong · 22/08/2021 11:47

I missed collecting DD2 from her first day at school as there was a work emergency and I was the only one (genuinely) that could deal (to do with qualifications required). My friend picked her up, took her to get her nails done and for a hot chocolate. She remembers it as one of her best days ever and I am just about over the guilt now. She's going into Y4 this year.

But honestly, if that is what has to happen, it just is. There will be plenty more days and events.

BikeRunSki · 22/08/2021 11:47

Also, this will be the first of a great many harvest festivals, parents’ assemblies, plays, concerts, swimming galas, sports days, cross country races etc during working hours that you are going to have to decide to attend or not. (Fortunately our school offers parents’ mtgs to 6pm, I always book the last slot). Best get your, your DH’s, your colleagues and your DD’s mindsets sorted about this early on.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 22/08/2021 11:50

Haven't got a clue who took me to school on my first day but it wouldn't have been my mum as she was a teacher.

I did take my dc on their first day but DH didn't. They didn't notice. I suspect neither of them can remember their first day 9f school either.

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 22/08/2021 11:51

Crikey: never thought of it as 'momemtous' or a 'milestone'. Actually, pretty sure it wasn't before the Rise of the Machines. I'd go to work.

randomsabreuse · 22/08/2021 11:51

Would not bother - in Scotland we were still limited to 1 adult in the playground and no teachers inside (started last week, now running into the fever, isolate while PCR comes back, back to work fun and games!)

On this basis I'd be tempted to get "ahead" with looking dedicated because there is probably a lot of little isolations in your future until the kids are used to sharing germs again without running definite but short lived fevers...

41sunnydays · 22/08/2021 11:52

I have three children and first day of school was such a built up thing, but in reality the phased starts make it so tedious and children are often not as bothered as it's only been a couple of hours. Maybe focus on when the first day of staying all day is.

I went to my eldest s first day, but the other two I just let their dad take them as he is self employed. They would never remember who took them!

To be honest I would do the work event.

User5827372728 · 22/08/2021 11:52

I’m missing my sons first day, but he’s only going in 2.5 hours a day for the first week so I’m pretending the first full day is the big event as can make that one! Well I can’t but I’m going to be 2 hours late for work that day and hope I get away with it!!!

TH22 · 22/08/2021 11:53

On your death bed, you'll remember going to your child's first day of school. You won't remember going to a conference. I know what I would do.

PotteringAlong · 22/08/2021 11:55

He’s got 18 years at school. Do the work event.

daisypond · 22/08/2021 11:57

@TH22

On your death bed, you'll remember going to your child's first day of school. You won't remember going to a conference. I know what I would do.
No, you won’t. I don’t remember my DC’s first day at school, and I was there. And I’m sure they don’t remember it either. They are now in their 20s.
Azilliondegrees · 22/08/2021 12:01

Honestly, I would probably do the first morning stuff and then get a train ASAP to be there by middle of the day. If the deputy is capable then it’s a nice development opportunity for them as well - and at some point they can say ‘owing to availability issues of key senior staff I set up and blah blah…’ but actually for trade events I have sometimes left the setup to other people because I have a young family.

The bigger question is whether this is going to be a pointless waste of time anyway. I’m starting to get emails about live in person events and just thinking ‘nope, there is no way I’m wasting two days in London on this’ - that would be especially true in the first week of term.

Gemma2019 · 22/08/2021 12:02

It wouldn't be a dilemma for me - I would do the whole work event. The first day at school isn't anything amazing, you walk them in and then pick them up three hours later. You could speak to him on FaceTime before he goes in and when he comes out.