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Original poster

WWYD - missing DS' first day at school

141 replies

MintMe · 22/08/2021 10:36

Urgh.

Just made the mistake of checking my work emails and now have a dilemma.

Industry event in two weeks. 6th & 7th September. I'm organising it (as is my job) but was only going to attend on day 2 (but travel down on the 6th) as it's my sons first day at school on the 6th and I obviously don't want to miss it.

My deputy has agreed to travel down on the Sunday and 'man the stand' for the Monday, along with the Head of that division. The Business Developer for that division won't be attending as he's moving house.

The Head of has emailed me to say he can't attend on the 6th because of work commitments.

So it would just be my deputy and a few juniors who are also attending the conference there until me and the other guy arrive on the Tuesday.

Now, I know what I should do. I should tell my deputy to stand down and do the event myself but I'd be absolutely gutted to miss DS' first two days at school (even though they're only half days) especially as I'm down in London for three days the following week at another event and will miss almost all of his first full week.

So MN, WWYD????

OP posts:
Di11y · 22/08/2021 15:26

Deputy will be fine, but so will your daughter. I'd watch her in the door and leg it to London even if you don't get there til noon assuming it's ok or let your deputy do their thing.

Ragwort · 22/08/2021 15:43

Of course your DD will be fine with her Dad taking her to school, it's not as if you are leaving her to get there on her own. Why shouldn't Dad have the 'fun' of taking her to school ... why do mums get so het up over 'Mum guilt' ... and the ridiculous comments about 'nothing being more important than taking your DC to school on their first day' Hmm.

I took my DS to school on his first day, it was a real non event and 16 years later it is of absolutely no significance whatsoever. I think a well paid job and a career is a much better choice long term.

ProfSprout · 22/08/2021 15:47

Another teacher who had no choice about being there for my dcs’ first days. It just is what it is. Work pays the bills, keeps dcs housed and fed and that’s more important than walking them to school every day quite frankly.

I think my parents took them but can’t actually remember now (3 & 5 years on). They definitely can’t.

Lindtnotlint · 22/08/2021 15:49

I agree family before work. But in this case it is not a trade off. You do NOT need both parents for “first day”. Dad can do it. So problem solved. You are free to do work thing. Honestly doesn’t need two parents to let a kid through a door and hyping it up isn’t helpful for anyone.

Anonymous48 · 22/08/2021 15:51

@MintMe it's my sons first day at school on the 6th and I obviously don't want to miss it

Why would it be obvious that you don't want to miss it? You're not going to be at school with him, are you? It's really not that big of a deal.

Longestsummerever23444 · 22/08/2021 15:52

Honestly ask my DS 6 who took him on his first day of school he has zero clue at all!! I did take him, but only by pure luck as my DD arrived early, she was actually due on his first few days at school but arrived a couple of weeks early.
Let Dh take him and make sure he gets the obligatory photo

LynseyLoses · 22/08/2021 16:00

I think either option is fine tbh. Your DC will be fine with her dad. Equally, your conference will be fine with your deputy.

I think it's one you need to feel out for yourself. It seems as if you feel guilty for not doing the conference, although, two other staff members more senior (?) than you are have already decided not to go. You have a deputy for a reason - to deputise. So I couldn't get too worried either way.

lynxca16 · 22/08/2021 16:24

It's disappointing not to be able to 'do' first days at school - I wasn't able to either for DS, DH did first drop and collect and it went fine. In fact now DS is a 'big' boy (his words) I don't think he can even remember who left him to school in the early days. I did leave all school clothes set out right down to pants, socks etc. set out and totally overstocked on break time snacks.
Trust DH and your Mum to manage the first days and save leave/days off for later.

ICantFindTheBuffet · 22/08/2021 17:55

They certainly won't think any better of you for going, and won't thank you for it. I prioritise what's most important to me now. Just do what you feel is best for you :)

fruitbrewhaha · 22/08/2021 18:10

I can't remember either of mines first days and they are only 11 and 8.

There will be plenty of days you need to take off for assemblies, parades, harvest festivals, sports days, gym displays, dance shows etc. It's endless.

Ionlydomassiveones · 22/08/2021 18:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Smartiepants79 · 22/08/2021 18:25

I felt being there for the first day was important, to me, and my child.
If your deputy is happy and reliable I’d prioritise school.
I would do the drop off then Head to the work event and be there as soon as I could. You’d be there by lunch time. Best of both worlds??
Being there is not always possible but if you can be it’s what I would do.

GoWalkabout · 22/08/2021 18:29

I'd go to the conference. Facetime dc for the uniform photos and to hear about it afterwards.

ThirdElephant · 22/08/2021 18:32

If you miss it, you miss it. I'm a teacher and I'm going to miss the vast majority of these milestones for my own kids as a consequence of that. Sometimes, you've got to do what you've got to do.

Nc123 · 22/08/2021 18:37

This happened to me.

I chose to go to the business event (which like you I was running) and I still deeply regret it four years later. It wasn’t important like my kids are and I should have seen my son off to school on his first day.

Your DC will only have one first day at school. Work can cover the event.

Topofthepopicles · 22/08/2021 18:39

Personally I have taken holiday so that I can be present at first day of school. If I absolutely had to go I would go down after drop off and ensure dad or grandparent is there for pick up rather than childcare.

MrsMcTats · 22/08/2021 18:50

Are you sure the other persons 'work commitments' aren't also a first day at school?!

FanSpamTastic · 22/08/2021 19:18

It will still be your "first day" if you take DC to school on the Wednesday - with all the same feels! Even if it is your DCs 3rd day. There are no special events etc and you are not usually allowed to hang around - it's just drop and go!

Do your work thing - get DH to do obligatory photo - then do your own one on Wednesday as well!

Save your "get out of work" card for the school nativity play - and all of the many other school events in the middle of the working day!!!

Original poster
MintMe · 22/08/2021 19:19

@MrsMcTats

Are you sure the other persons 'work commitments' aren't also a first day at school?!
No. BD person is moving house and the Division head is at a clients premises. Both have grown up kids.
OP posts:
Iggly · 22/08/2021 20:23

The thing is, when you know too much about people’s arrangements outside of work, it’s hard to draw boundaries and really protect the time that matters I.e getting to your child’s events etc.

It will get harder as they go through school and more and more happens and you need to be there.

I stopped apologising when I realised, cliched as it sounds, several things:

  • you are ultimately indispensable and can be replaced
  • you don’t need to apologise for being a working mother and “make up” by giving your personal time in return for flexibility. You get that for being good at your job
  • work is just one dimension of your life. Do it well, but don’t do it all the time!
Rainbowsew · 22/08/2021 20:48

I can't remember my first day at school, don't remember much of my dc either.

It seems a big deal now but it won't be in a few years. Only you know whether you'll worry more about work or DC. If their dad can go with them that is enough, as all the dad's and mum's who work and do miss these events realise at least one can be there.

Unfortunately some kids will have noone and have to cope.

Parker231 · 22/08/2021 20:54

Most children won’t have both parents dropping them off. Leave DH to do it and you do another day. We didn’t do first day as they went to breakfast club and then the staff walked them over to school.

ineedaholidaynow · 22/08/2021 20:56

One issue with saying DC don’t remember their first day of school is that does that mean we don’t do anything meaningful with them before the age of about 10 because they won’t remember it when they are older.

I am sure DS liked us being there when we dropped him off on first day of school. Do we not bother with anything they enjoy because they won’t remember when they are older?

Emilizz34 · 22/08/2021 23:49

None of my dcs remember their first day at school but I do !!
My youngest dd doesn’t remember her first day at school but can remember her older sisters even though she was only 17 months .
My dh and I have both managed to keep up busy careers and study etc without missing any of these milestones .
Do whatever feels right for you .

Emilizz34 · 22/08/2021 23:54

I worked with a doctor years ago who was a lone parent . She had to work on her dd’s first day of school and her mother dropped her instead .

The grandmother couldn’t collect her for some reason and it was arranged that the grandmothers Neighbour ( who the child had never met ) would collect the dc and take her to Mc Donald’s . I honestly think this was the saddest thing ever . Being collected by a stranger on your first day of school

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