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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SIL did this intentionally?

426 replies

saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 17:57

DH and I got married this week. It was a small wedding - parents, siblings and a few friends as guests, 24 in total, including us.

The bridal party consisted of DH and I, my sister as maid of honour and DH’s best man, plus our children as flower girl and page boy.

We asked that our guests didn’t wear navy as that was the colour of the suits/bridesmaid dresses. Both sets of parents were happy with this, our friends and siblings were happy, even SIL said she happy.

The day of the wedding SIL turns up in a navy dress, albeit with some white on the skirt, and nephew (13) is in the exact same suit and waistcoat as DH and DS. So in photos, it looks like they’re part of the bridal party.

AIBU to be annoyed at SIL and think she did this intentionally? DH had shown her photos of the suit in the weeks leading up to the wedding, so she knew what he’d be wearing!

OP posts:
Wafflethefuckinwonderdog · 22/08/2021 16:42

May I ask why re orange, red and yellow?

GreyhoundG1rl · 22/08/2021 16:43

Why would you be in a slightly agro mood at your brother's wedding?
Well the bride and groom seem to have been at this one, so who knows?!

RampantIvy · 22/08/2021 16:53

@ScottishNewbie

I have requested people to wear no orange, red or yellow.

When asked jokingly what I would do if they wore those colours, I said that anyone who did, would be welcome at the ceremony but won't be in any of the photos.
At the end of the day, it's your / my wedding and what we say goes.
They're welcome not to attend. Grin
I don't give a flying shit if MN think it's unreasonable. Every single guest has said "no problems" and if they ended up ignoring my request I would take it as a deliberate disrespect.
I'm sorry she did that to you!

But clearly to some, the pictures are all about how pretty it all looks for social media. Funny thing is, nobody really cares anyway.

I don't get this idea that everyone has to wear certain colours for "staged" photos. I agree that guests aren't props.

I was looking at my 40 year old wedding photos last month and mourned the fact that most of the people in them are no longer around. Quite frankly, I didn't care what they wore.

As a guest I wouldn't want to be in anyone's wedding photos anyway. @ScottishNewbie what is your problem with those colours? Is it political?

Glugglejug · 22/08/2021 16:57

@ScottishNewbie people who dictate what colours people should wear at their wedding truly do not deserve any mates. If you’re so bothered about your photographs then I really really fear for the marriage itself. Fuck me!

yomellamoHelly · 22/08/2021 17:06

Photoshop the pictures. Bet you're not the first couple to ask

ScottishNewbie · 22/08/2021 17:07

@RampantIvy
I just don't like those colours, and there's loads of others to choose from. As it's such a small wedding, they would really stand out. No one has had any issue luckily. Everyone already knew I didn't like those colours anyway so wouldn't have worn them. Each to their own! Smile

Scarby9 · 22/08/2021 17:12

Thanlfully I wasn't invited to aweddong friends went to where guests werè instructed to wear black and white.
The guests wearing anything with any other colour were excluded from the official photos.

FlippantFair · 22/08/2021 17:17

Oh god, yes life is too short to go to a colour coordinated wedding 😂

Arrowheart · 22/08/2021 17:17

You are really overthinking this. People do not care.

itsgettingwierd · 22/08/2021 17:19

@Scarby9

Thanlfully I wasn't invited to aweddong friends went to where guests werè instructed to wear black and white. The guests wearing anything with any other colour were excluded from the official photos.
If I knew I could avoid photos by wearing a certain colour - I'd wear that colour Grin
Bushgirl · 22/08/2021 17:38

Holy crap! I honestly can't believe what I'm reading. With everything else going on in the world, you get in a flap over something like this. Really who cares if somebody wears a certain colour at a wedding? I hope you are not going to go through the rest of your lives obsessing over such trivial matters or yours going to have a very difficult time ahead (but sincere congratulations on your marriage all the same😊)

Frazzled50 · 22/08/2021 17:40

If it makes you feel less annoyed my sister was the only guest wearing a stunning white flowing dress 🤬

QueenoftheFarts · 22/08/2021 17:42

Did you manage to go ahead with the ceremony inspite of this trauma?

Frazzled50 · 22/08/2021 17:43

@Frazzled50

If it makes you feel less annoyed my sister was the only guest wearing a stunning white flowing dress 🤬
But I had the last laugh when in all the official wedding photos the photographer shoved here near the back ( she is 4’11) so only her sullen face is seen 😂
Frazzled50 · 22/08/2021 17:45

🙈 wasn’t mine was it 🤣

purplebunny2012 · 22/08/2021 17:47

Absolutely she did it on purpose because she felt left out. But as long as she wasn't demanding to sit at your table as part of the wedding party, there's no harm done

purplebunny2012 · 22/08/2021 17:50

@Frazzled50

If it makes you feel less annoyed my sister was the only guest wearing a stunning white flowing dress 🤬
Did you subtly hint she should have been wearing green?
Twittootwat · 22/08/2021 17:53

@itsgettingwierd my mums wore that exact thing for her second wedding. I called her Barbara Cartland. 🤣

RampantIvy · 22/08/2021 17:53

The guests wearing anything with any other colour were excluded from the official photos.

I doubt that they would have cared. It is a wedding not a photoshoot.

TBH I wouldn't have worn red, orange or yellow to a wedding because they wouldn't suit me, but I must admit that I'm baffled that an adult would hate some colours so much that they would forbid their wedding guests from wearing them.

catface1 · 22/08/2021 17:54

FFS you are so mean not including them in the wedding party in the first place - I bet your husband encouraged her to dress like they were - especially the kid so they wouldn’t feel so left out - I would say enjoy your married life but I’m pretty sure you won’t with that kind of petty thinking and actions !

supaloops · 22/08/2021 17:55

@saturdaynightgin

Thank you for all the congratulations by the way, we had a lovely day Smile

For those that cba to read the full thread:
-We’ve accepted we’re unreasonable
-We’re not upset/angry/letting it spoilt the memory of our day
-Our honeymoon starts tomorrow with the drive to Thomas Land with the kids Grin

Congratulations OP. Just so you know. I don't think you're being unreasonable. I'd be annoyed too. With a small wedding things like this are more obvious in photos, and if she did it on purpose I think it's immature and rude. If she already had her sons suit, she could have just chatted to you about it before hand. YANBU X
supaloops · 22/08/2021 17:58

Also, people make dress codes all the time - black tie, fancy dress, work requirements. Why is this different to stipulating for example a black tie dress code. It's not. It's a simple request, and to not adhere to it is rude.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 22/08/2021 18:02

So what?
For a boy of 13 what other colour suit could she put him in? He’d likely refuse anything garish or patterned and black is too somber for a child. Grey too corporate, brown just horrible, I would go with navy too.
And her dress was patterned not at all like the bridesmaids.

Scoobydoobydo · 22/08/2021 18:06

My SIL wore black to her own wedding and a white frothy dress to mine 6 months later. She almost elbowed me out of the way on my wedding pics Shock

You just have to move on, be annoyed for a while and then just move on.
Don't make a big issue of it as it will stay in your memory of your wedding day.

calvados · 22/08/2021 18:16

First world problem. Don’t let her think it spoilt yourself wedding day either or she’s won that one!

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