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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SIL did this intentionally?

426 replies

saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 17:57

DH and I got married this week. It was a small wedding - parents, siblings and a few friends as guests, 24 in total, including us.

The bridal party consisted of DH and I, my sister as maid of honour and DH’s best man, plus our children as flower girl and page boy.

We asked that our guests didn’t wear navy as that was the colour of the suits/bridesmaid dresses. Both sets of parents were happy with this, our friends and siblings were happy, even SIL said she happy.

The day of the wedding SIL turns up in a navy dress, albeit with some white on the skirt, and nephew (13) is in the exact same suit and waistcoat as DH and DS. So in photos, it looks like they’re part of the bridal party.

AIBU to be annoyed at SIL and think she did this intentionally? DH had shown her photos of the suit in the weeks leading up to the wedding, so she knew what he’d be wearing!

OP posts:
hotchocandtwosmokybacon · 23/08/2021 08:05

I would be annoyed. Not because she wore navy but she has shown herself not to respect or care about your and your DH's feelings or wishes. I have never been to a wedding that requires guests not to wear a colour but if it's requested, I would still honour the bride and groom's wishes (although I will be teasing them for making such a request Grin)

MissTrip82 · 23/08/2021 08:24

I would comply with a request but I’d find it thoughtless. You don’t want your guests to have to be buying new dresses/suits when they have something suitable but it affects your colour scheme.

If I were going to lots of weddings with these rules I’d be finding better friends! Kind, empathic people are usually more relaxed about this stuff.

Yehbut · 23/08/2021 08:49

Totally unreasonable. It was always the way that it was not done to wear a formal white dress as s guest at a white wedding even then just an eye roll but beyond that is ridiculous. My DIL insisted that we (daughter and I) wore navy blue / silver as that was the theme of the wedding. I was flummoxed never wear the colour. I bought the most ridiculous embroidered jacket to comply. I wish I had just smiled and ignored as you SIL did Im sure she had other reasons for wearing it.
I think if a white wedding s bride might have some say over her bridesmaids dresses but that’s it.
To ban the colour is just as bossy as insisting on it. Not on. It ended up being the worst wedding I have ever been to. I gave her £1000 for photographer ( she asked for more) we got a cd of snapshots and he took some grainy shots on a bridge in the suburbs which she has framed. My only son too. Still it was their wedding. I just wish I had ignored her unreasonable dress code. It’s not a good look.

Lightisnotwhite · 23/08/2021 09:07

@Rachie1973

I’ve never been told what colours I can’t. Wear at a wedding! Apart from avoiding the obvious white, people wear what they choose!
No but I bet you don’t wear a pink/blush/coral chiffon dress either in case people think you’re a bridesmaid. Op’s happened to be navy which is less obvious. Hence asking peopke not to wear it. There are many other shades of blue available.
Mybestgirl · 23/08/2021 09:19

We’re people confused? Did they think she was a bridesmaid?

StickyThighs · 23/08/2021 09:23

I think you’re unreasonable to dictate what anyone wears! The marriage should be the focus!!

Lockdownbear · 23/08/2021 09:24

@Yehbut

Totally unreasonable. It was always the way that it was not done to wear a formal white dress as s guest at a white wedding even then just an eye roll but beyond that is ridiculous. My DIL insisted that we (daughter and I) wore navy blue / silver as that was the theme of the wedding. I was flummoxed never wear the colour. I bought the most ridiculous embroidered jacket to comply. I wish I had just smiled and ignored as you SIL did Im sure she had other reasons for wearing it. I think if a white wedding s bride might have some say over her bridesmaids dresses but that’s it. To ban the colour is just as bossy as insisting on it. Not on. It ended up being the worst wedding I have ever been to. I gave her £1000 for photographer ( she asked for more) we got a cd of snapshots and he took some grainy shots on a bridge in the suburbs which she has framed. My only son too. Still it was their wedding. I just wish I had ignored her unreasonable dress code. It’s not a good look.
Why blame the DIL, your son would have had 50% of the decision.

A disk of photos means you can print as many as you like for a couple of pounds. Wedding photographers make a fortune selling prints couples are much better buying the disk with the copyright.

Silvercatowner · 23/08/2021 09:27

Good grief an order to not wear a specific colour would've tipped me over the edge into declining the invitation.

Lockdownbear · 23/08/2021 09:29

Just another thought about clothing navy is very often a 'work clothes' sort of colour. Was your SiL thinking it was something that she could wear to work? Maybe not the dress but her accessories such as jacket and shoes?

The same with the boy, is he going to wear the trousers as school trousers or to his Christmas dance?

While I don't agree with banning colours at a wedding, Navy is a particularly difficult colour to ask people to avoid.

AlbertBridge · 23/08/2021 09:56

Presumably the marriage was still able to go ahead.

😂 😂 😂

sunglassesonthetable · 23/08/2021 10:18

I think it's mean and controlling of your SIL. You'd think this would be the one day you'd fit in with other people's wishes.

It's your wedding, you can ask people to come dressed as superheroes if you want. And you wouldn't be the first. Luckily we live in world where you don't have to do what everyone else does.

All the posters sniffing and not approving of you asking in the first place can get over it. So big deal It's not your style but no shit it's not your wedding.

Your SIL knew what she was doing. She probably has form for this.

But move on and forget about it OP. Which you sound like you have. Enjoy Thomas land.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 23/08/2021 10:33

No but I bet you don’t wear a pink/blush/coral chiffon dress either in case people think you’re a bridesmaid.

I must have somehow missed the ruling that all bridesmaids must wear blush/pink. ConfusedHmm

Newsflash - whatever colour or style you wear, there is a risk that you will match or clash something in the wedding party. Bridesmaids could be wearing green, blue, yellow or black.

With the exception of white, no one minds what colour you wear at a normal wedding, because they're more interested in having you there than using you as an accessory.

sunglassesonthetable · 23/08/2021 10:37

With the exception of white, no one minds what colour you wear at a normal wedding,

OP chose not to be "normal "🙄 So what?
We're not all the same.

GreyhoundG1rl · 23/08/2021 10:39

@MiddlesexGirl

Why would it be so important to you that some were made to feel elevated and "special", and the non special kept firmly in their place?

It's exceptionally common to have a 'bridal party' and for the members of that party to be in a colour theme. I don't think I've ever known a wedding where the bridesmaids were not all wearing the same colour and page boys, ushers etc all themed too. Along with flowers, invitations, venue.
Can't believe so many people getting their knickers in a twist about being asked not to wear one colour (although accepted that it would be more difficult for men/boys as navy is a popular suit colour).

There were 24 people at this wedding, not hundreds. Twenty four...
Hivis · 23/08/2021 10:46

I went to an evening party last week and thought there were 2 more bridesmaids than there actually were at a glance. Each bridesmaid had a different style of dress on but the same colour. Two guests wore less formal outfits but in the same colour. They were friends of the bride and she’d told them her colours and suggested they dress in the same colour if they liked it and wanted to. It didn’t detract from anyone else

sunglassesonthetable · 23/08/2021 10:46

There were 24 people at this wedding, not hundreds. Twenty four...

So what? Even more obvs SIL was making a point.

If you don't want to go to a wedding because you're annoyed or irritated by something don't go.

But if you do go , go in good spirit with best wishes for the bride and groom and any of their crazy requests.

Like this request was "crazy".

GreyhoundG1rl · 23/08/2021 11:08

Well, we'll have to agree to disagree. I think the tiny amount of guests made it far more ludicrous, not less.

sunglassesonthetable · 23/08/2021 11:12

Yeah course. I'm sure we'd all have different styles of weddings🤷‍♀️

But the point is would you go to a wedding ( particularly a small one ) and go AGAINST what was requested?

RampantIvy · 23/08/2021 11:16

I think it's mean and controlling of your SIL.

Of course it wasn't controlling Hmm

AryaStarkWolf · 23/08/2021 11:19

So what if people thought she was part of the wedding party, she is family after all. Why has that annoyed you?

Betty000 · 23/08/2021 11:21

Maybe she was pissed off that your sister was included in the wedding party but her and dn were deliberately not. I think you are more unreasonable than her purely for that.

sunglassesonthetable · 23/08/2021 11:22

Well we'll have to disagree on that @RampantIvy . Sounds very controlling to me, purposefully going against the request of the Bride and Groom.

Singleorigincoffee · 23/08/2021 11:25

Agree with most posters here. Live and let live. It's one day and tbh I rather I have a happy guests.

sunglassesonthetable · 23/08/2021 11:29

Agree with live and let live.

If I was going to attend a wedding I would never go against what the bride had requested.

If I couldn't swallow it graciously I wouldn't go.

sunglassesonthetable · 23/08/2021 11:30

( or bride and groom )

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