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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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AIBU princess parties is this what we are inspiring our girls to be ?

239 replies

bottleitsellit · 21/08/2021 15:09

Just been to a Princess birthday party, my first one. So a women acts as your princess of choice with the wig and outfit and runs the party games instead of the parents. I just feel so sad about how all the girls were gushing over it. I suppose I wasn't brought up with princesses as my mum was very much a tomboy and I have lots of older brothers. My girls have fairies, witches amongst their toys just as my DS has dragons, Harry Potter, but we have really haven't gone with princesses as it's a bit old fashioned, a knight on a horse saving you. Maybe it's just me, they will prob now want princess everything 😬

OP posts:
NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 21/08/2021 17:31

Meh, I’m a feminist but kids (quite often it’s both sexes) go through the fairy tale phase. Had to do a ‘pink’ wash at one point. Mine did- it didn’t last long with either of them. I also quite like Disney and I didn’t think I would. As long as it’s not the only influence in their world I can’t get worked up about it.

Rubyupbeat · 21/08/2021 17:33

My neighbours 5 year old son loves frozen and wears the dress, wig etc... its lovely and they have no problem with it
He had a princess party and was the only boy dressed as a princess, he didn't care.
He is the youngest of 6 and his dad is a proper 'geezer' a professional football player, I think it's great.

BasicB · 21/08/2021 17:34

@Binnaggy

I completely agree with you OP. I was a tomboy and my daughter is the opposite. The princesses are dreadful role models, even the more modern Disney ones. They’re always ultimately looking for love (you don’t find this with more typically “boy” characters like superhero’s) and they’re always a bit dopey (Anna from frozen is the classic example - wants to marry someone 5 mins after she’s met them).

I just hope they grow out of it quickly.

Anna initially wants to marry Prince Hans as she’s desperately bored and lonely. She doesn’t end up with him, she ends up with a man who gives her space and respects her deep love and devotion to her sister.
lazylinguist · 21/08/2021 17:42

Anna initially wants to marry Prince Hans as she’s desperately bored and lonely. She doesn’t end up with him, she ends up with a man who gives her space and respects her deep love and devotion to her sister.

Yes, falls in love with the next available man 5 minutes after being duped by the previous one who treated her badly, instead of thinking 'Hmm', staying single for a while and focusing on other stuff for a bit. I can't criticise Moana though!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/08/2021 17:56

I get some will like princesses just as others like animals, dragons, magic etc. Either sex should be able to like and dress up as whatever, were boys invited?

bit old fashioned, a knight on a horse saving you

I agree and we stay away from films with that storyline. The reality is though many do still subscribe to the man being the provider even now.

BasicB · 21/08/2021 17:57

Why should she stay single for a bit? There’s nothing wrong with representing a relationship. Elsa doesn’t have a man about. I understand the criticism that some early princesses end up rescued by a man but I thought the whole point of Frozen was to show the love as sisters, not romantic love. Kristoff is barely in the second film.

DrSbaitso · 21/08/2021 18:02

@lazylinguist

Anna initially wants to marry Prince Hans as she’s desperately bored and lonely. She doesn’t end up with him, she ends up with a man who gives her space and respects her deep love and devotion to her sister.

Yes, falls in love with the next available man 5 minutes after being duped by the previous one who treated her badly, instead of thinking 'Hmm', staying single for a while and focusing on other stuff for a bit. I can't criticise Moana though!

She falls in love with him after they've had a chance to get to know each other and bond, and also had an entire lesson about how nobody's perfect. And after she's proven that the love that will save her is her own love for her sister.

If it was time you wanted, Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler had 12 years and still fucked it right up.

TheVolturi · 21/08/2021 18:16

Crikey what do you want the theme to be instead? All little girls love princesses. Some will grow up to be firefighters and soldiers. Yabu.

lazylinguist · 21/08/2021 18:17

Yeah I know- the love for her sister thing is great. As is Elsa learning to be herself etc etc. It's just that before seeing it, I'd heard everyone banging on about how different it was. That it was about strong female characters, not the usual 'Meet man, fall in love' stuff.

So when I watched it, I was a bit underwhelmed by the touted 'Not like other Disney films'ness of it, I guess. There's nothing wrong with depicting romantic relationships of course, it's just that after decades and decades of the same tropes, it's refreshing to give the 'girl falls for boy' stuff a bit of a rest, or turn it on its head a bit. Like in Brave, which I really liked!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/08/2021 18:23

It’s fine, honestly. Should be part of a balance of activities/ offerings but fine.

They also grow out of it really quickly.

AICM · 21/08/2021 18:38

@TheVolturi

Crikey what do you want the theme to be instead? All little girls love princesses. Some will grow up to be firefighters and soldiers. Yabu.
Most grow up to be nurses, primary school teachers, beauticians or child minders.
Hugoslavia · 21/08/2021 18:46

I don't think that it's much different from dressing up as a fairy really. It's just a chance for the kids to wear a pretty dress/pretend play. I think that most young children see princess stories in the same vein as most fairytale and probably read less into it than we do. I'd let my daughter have a princess party if that's what she really wanted. She hates dressing up though, finds fairy tales boring and would rather play with woodlice.

AICM · 21/08/2021 18:50

Do any women here feel that women are held to higher standards of beauty than men?

Are there expectations about how women will present themselves in public look attractive to men looking pretty, looking happy, looking a bit like a ...well... Princess?

lazylinguist · 21/08/2021 18:53

Do any women here feel that women are held to higher standards of beauty than men?

Are there expectations about how women will present themselves in public look attractive to men looking pretty, looking happy, looking a bit like a ...well... Princess?

Yup. Exactly. So even when women do excel and do high-flying jobs, they're still judged on how pretty they are.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 21/08/2021 18:59

@Balonzette

It really makes me sad how anything traditionally 'girly' is mocked and looked down upon to the point of people thinking it's sad when little girls like 'girly' things. I find it hard to elaborate why, but I view it as so sexist. I was always a 'tomboy' so was never into pink and princesses and ribbons and glitter etc, but as a feminist I hate the current fashion for describing all things pink and girly as 'sad', UNLESS a boy likes these things, in which case they're super cool. It's like, if a boy wears pink or a dress or likes princesses it's great! Let the little boy express himself! But if a girl does, it's pathetic. It is similar to 'gender neutral' baby name fashions, which are basically just boys names given to girls as well as boys. Because boys things are cool and girls things are weak and pathetic. None of it sits right with me. Do you know what I mean? It's so difficult to try to explain.
I agree absolutely. For the same reason I object to being told that a girl or woman who acts, must now be called an actor, not an actress. To me that is saying that the female role is inferior. Which is obviously bollocks.
AICM · 21/08/2021 19:00

No one party, toy or film will make a difference.

But how many will children see before the age of 7?

I did see a documentary years ago. They filled a room full of toys and asked people to entertain a baby. If the baby was dressed in pink they were given dolls. If the baby was dressed in blue they were given trains. The babies in.pink were boys and the babies in blue were girls but they adults weren't told this.

Fairunibutterfly · 21/08/2021 19:06

Stte. I think yabu. Kids like what they like and even if you expose them to all sorts of things.

I was never a girly girl but my dds absolutely are. That said, they still like dinosaurs and traditional “boy” stuff. Dd1 just got a robot craft project which might traditionally be associated with boys.

My girls love princesses and have loads of outfits. I know their friends do too so did a princess and Prince party (we invited boys too) to give them all another chance to dress up while young. One of her friends had a similar party. We both had awesome male entertainers and all the kids loved them. Now dd1 (7) is quite interested in having a farm party or just going out for pizza with her close friends…the princess phase doesn’t last long.

Kids should be kids and shouldn’t be made to fit into any one gender, I agree with that. But if girls naturally gravitate towards girly things I don’t see the harm in it. As long as they are exposed to lots of things and not made to follow girl or boy stereotypes against their will i don’t see the problem.

BigFatLiar · 21/08/2021 19:06

Its just a party. As long as they enjoyed themselves.

When they were little our two had a teddy bear party, no outside entertainer just me and DH dressed as teddy bears. The girls were teddy bears as well, some of their friends were also plus a cat, dog, cowboy etc.

Maybe it's just me, they will prob now want princess everything 😬

Perhaps, our two spent a lot of the summer being teddies. I don't think they want to be teddy bears now though (but what they get up to with their husbands is their business Wink).

KeyboardWorriers · 21/08/2021 19:09

My daughter loves Disney princesses. She's also the most kickass person you will ever meet. She climbs trees , plays football, loves maths... Don't assume you can judge anything based on a brief moment.

I also loved anything to do with princesses growing up. I also loved football, excelled in several tough sports and was top of the class at school. I still love pretty jewellery and nice dresses but I am also a highly respected professional leading a large team in a traditionally very male dominated industry.

Princesses are fine. They are fun and sparkly and fictional. I am no more worried about the affect of the odd princess party on my daughter than I was about my son when he was obsessed with being an Octonaut. I would say it is just as unlikely that my daughter will be a meek and timid woman as it was unlikely that my son would turn into a talking polar bear who lived under the ocean.

Thefirsttime · 21/08/2021 19:12

YANBU.

I’m not sure whether I’m more depressed by your question or the responses on this thread. I’m shocked by the first page of answers and it was so depressing I had to stop reading. Christ. Is this really what people want to teach their daughters to aspire to.

KeyboardWorriers · 21/08/2021 19:12

@Balonzette i totally agree with you.

Muffinsandfruitcakes · 21/08/2021 19:13

YABU. You are sad the children enjoyed themselves! Would you prefer these children's parents to use them as vehicles to promote their own agenda or prejudices instead? Boys can like dolls/ dresses/ pink /princesses and so can girls. I grew up liking princesses too but trust me not once did I ever want a prince / Knight or an equivalent thereof to come rescue me. Get off your moral high horse.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 21/08/2021 19:14

@Thefirsttime

YANBU.

I’m not sure whether I’m more depressed by your question or the responses on this thread. I’m shocked by the first page of answers and it was so depressing I had to stop reading. Christ. Is this really what people want to teach their daughters to aspire to.

To have fun with what they like and not what some random women think they should like? I think that's a good message to send to young women.

Life would be eaiser if women stopped judging women the way they do.

PasstheBucket89 · 21/08/2021 19:18

YANBU

my DS 11th birthday was Fortnite themed and now he's deadly serious about being a purple llama and creating forts mid air, if only I could turn back time Sad

smmanf12 · 21/08/2021 19:29

@Thefirsttime

YANBU.

I’m not sure whether I’m more depressed by your question or the responses on this thread. I’m shocked by the first page of answers and it was so depressing I had to stop reading. Christ. Is this really what people want to teach their daughters to aspire to.

How is attending a party for an hour hosted by a woman dressed up as a princess ‘teaching their daughters to aspire to’ any particular way of lifestyle? My daughter has been to a princess party recently - she came home and did some gardening with DH. Her favourite things are drawing pictures of animals she’d like to have as a pet, and riding her scooter. She likes princesses but it’s one of many things she likes and enjoys. I have a DS and a DD and have never guided them to any particular toys or hobbies, totally on board with ‘let toys be toys’ etc but honestly a princess party is not worse than a football party or a Spider-Man party or a paw patrol party