AIBU princess parties is this what we are inspiring our girls to be ?

[bottleitsellit]

Just been to a Princess birthday party, my first one. So a women acts as your princess of choice with the wig and outfit and runs the party games instead of the parents. I just feel so sad about how all the girls were gushing over it. I suppose I wasn't brought up with princesses as my mum was very much a tomboy and I have lots of older brothers. My girls have fairies, witches amongst their toys just as my DS has dragons, Harry Potter, but we have really haven't gone with princesses as it's a bit old fashioned, a knight on a horse saving you. Maybe it's just me, they will prob now want princess everything 😬

I work with preschoolers. Despite a mix of toys and activities girls and boys to gravitate to what we as adults consider stereotypical gender play. An occasional child doesn't and they are fully supported with their interest. I think girls and boys are naturally very different whatever we as adults think they should be doing. Biologically that difference makes sense and we aren't just dealing with something they see on TV but generations of selection for particular traits.

Why do you automatically believe traditionally male things/interests are superior? It sounds like an unconscious bias you have. Do you hate women?

My dd was the most un-girly girl imaginable, yet with no encouragement from her whatsoever, she has a little dd who adores princess outfits, fairies, you name it.

Her little ds is a stereotypical, chuck and bash, dinosaur-loving, tear-arse little boy.

I dare say that by the time she’s 13 or so, Gdd will be into all black Goth stuff or similar, though. And at least she’s pretty fearless (like her mother) when it comes to climbing, swimming, etc.

A lot of this stuff is IMO innate.

At any rate, my dd is perfectly chilled about it all.

It really makes me sad how anything traditionally 'girly' is mocked and looked down upon to the point of people thinking it's sad when little girls like 'girly' things. I find it hard to elaborate why, but I view it as so sexist. I was always a 'tomboy' so was never into pink and princesses and ribbons and glitter etc, but as a feminist I hate the current fashion for describing all things pink and girly as 'sad', UNLESS a boy likes these things, in which case they're super cool. It's like, if a boy wears pink or a dress or likes princesses it's great! Let the little boy express himself! But if a girl does, it's pathetic. It is similar to 'gender neutral' baby name fashions, which are basically just boys names given to girls as well as boys. Because boys things are cool and girls things are weak and pathetic. None of it sits right with me. Do you know what I mean? It's so difficult to try to explain.

If this is your stance OP then I'm surprised you allow witches. Terrible stereotype there, that old/ugly female equals evil. I wouldn't see the harm in the party myself, but if you're going to take that position you might as well be all in.

@Tumbleweed101

I work with preschoolers. Despite a mix of toys and activities girls and boys to gravitate to what we as adults consider stereotypical gender play. An occasional child doesn't and they are fully supported with their interest. I think girls and boys are naturally very different whatever we as adults think they should be doing. Biologically that difference makes sense and we aren't just dealing with something they see on TV but generations of selection for particular traits.

Also, THIS!!

I too work with young children (and have my own) and have found absolutely the same thing. As a (know it all social sciences) student, I was entirely opposed to this idea. As a mum and teacher, I've found it's very true.

@Tumbleweed101

I work with preschoolers. Despite a mix of toys and activities girls and boys to gravitate to what we as adults consider stereotypical gender play. An occasional child doesn't and they are fully supported with their interest. I think girls and boys are naturally very different whatever we as adults think they should be doing. Biologically that difference makes sense and we aren't just dealing with something they see on TV but generations of selection for particular traits.

I do agree with this partly, but it is to do with exposure. I don't have a issues with fantasy, magic and pretend. I'm not woke, sorry to disappoint you.

Superheroes are maybe the male version of princesses. I see a lot of very young kids dressed as captain America or Spider-Man when at age 2/3 they can't be watching these things, so it's the parents suggesting it. I know there is a Lego movie with Batman and some superhero's, but I would of thought that wouldn't be watched until at least school age ? I don't know if a young children's series or even preschool books of superhero's?

Pretending to have servants, magic and jewels is no less worthy than pretending to be a Harry Potter wizard or pretending to be a Marvel superhero

Really? Personally, I find it hard to see how anyone could possibly think that aspiring to be pretty and rich and have servants wasn't massively less worthy than wanting to learn to do magic or save people from villains, but hey ho.

I mean... I know it's pretend. But it would be pretty naïve to think that the role models and ideals kids grow up admiring won't have any effect at all on the kind of people they turn out to be.

I suppose at least the superheroes are saving people from the baddies, it's a bit uhhh me strong man, save poor defenceless woman, but it's better than just being saved as a pastime.

@Balonzette

It really makes me sad how anything traditionally 'girly' is mocked and looked down upon to the point of people thinking it's sad when little girls like 'girly' things. I find it hard to elaborate why, but I view it as so sexist. I was always a 'tomboy' so was never into pink and princesses and ribbons and glitter etc, but as a feminist I hate the current fashion for describing all things pink and girly as 'sad', UNLESS a boy likes these things, in which case they're super cool. It's like, if a boy wears pink or a dress or likes princesses it's great! Let the little boy express himself! But if a girl does, it's pathetic. It is similar to 'gender neutral' baby name fashions, which are basically just boys names given to girls as well as boys. Because boys things are cool and girls things are weak and pathetic. None of it sits right with me. Do you know what I mean? It's so difficult to try to explain.

Absolutely. It's the devaluing of anything associated with the feminine and the thinking that equality means being the same (as men) rather than, if we choose, being different but equal. Or And the idea that things become ok when men/boys like them.

If you're giving the message that aspiring to be pretty and wait for a man should be the limit of your ambition - that's bad.
If you're telling anyone that enjoying glamorous feminine things makes you a lesser person - that's bad.
Let feminine things be admired and have heroes who stand on their own two feet and enjoy dragons or cooking or trains or beautiful clothes.
I find little appeal in princesses personally, but absolutely don't think stereotypical female things should be looked down on. Far from it.
It can be one thread in a rich tapestry of a person surely?
P.s my son went to a princess party and had a blast, (he likes rock music, drums, biking and reading) ... Because it was fun

What Balonzette said. It's internalised misogyny.

@AngryWhompingWillow

Some people seem to think that if a girl wears a 'boys' costume, they are superior. Like 'that's sticking it to the patriarchy!' Such a bizarre attitude.

Absolutely

Yes OP are you superior to other parents whose children enjoy princesses.

I agree with op, but I would still prefer any child to have a princess party rather than an action man party.

Fwiw I felt very similar, and had a good long look at myself after a similar conversation with friends, and realised I was prizing being more masculine (= better). I have recalibrated, I still like the same stuff, cos that's just how I'm built, but I no longer look down on girls having feminine interests. You can like princesses and and and... Many other things.

My dd has been to countless princess parties.

Still has absolutely zero interest in the whole princess thing.

Going to a few princess parties will not be much of an influence for anything let alone teaching them to grow up expecting a Prince to save them. I understand your concerns about that but I think a two hour party that will happen a few times between now and year 4 is not the main factor in the problem

Too much thought op, it's not mutually exclusive and you can actually wear your Disney princess dress whilst your physically active as well

It's imagination, dressing up...

Our princess phase was merely one of many. Lighten up.

@Polkabott

Yes OP are you superior to other parents whose children enjoy princesses.

Why thank you, that's what it's all about someone randoms sarcastic approval of my kids upbringing 😆 No need to challenge things is there ?

@IsThePopeCatholic my DH loved playing with those metal tiny soldiers as a kid, and wanted to join the army ( couldn't due to medical issue) but I don't think it's fashionable these days to promote war. Action man isn't made now. So it's more likely to be Spider-Man running a party.

God, not every girl (or boy) is into dinosaurs or pirates. Let the kids enjoy what they enjoy. Plenty of women were brought up with princess parties and Disney characters, it doesn't mean we're all weaklings who buckle at the knees at the sight of a man. A lot of more modern Disney princess films show empowerment and equality for women. Absolutely something I'd encourage my girls to aspire to.

Fwiw I felt very similar, and had a good long look at myself after a similar conversation with friends, and realised I was prizing being more masculine (= better).

But there’s nothing inherently masculine about enjoying running around, doing sport, pretending to be brave and heroic, is there? Just as there's nothing inherently feminine about prioritising your looks or wealth. and luxury. That's kind of the whole point.

@bottleitsellit

I suppose I'm just shocked how much Disney is still an influence. We have tried to watch Frozen, but neither DD's haven't warmed to it, DS watched it a bit, he liked the snowman. They haven't seen any of the older classic Disney princess films. We do have fairytale books sleeping beauty, Cinderella, Rapunzal ? Sp? but but they've just never taken to them. We must be in the minority then?

Yes, I guess you're all just way above all that silly stuff compared to everyone else