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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU princess parties is this what we are inspiring our girls to be ?

239 replies

bottleitsellit · 21/08/2021 15:09

Just been to a Princess birthday party, my first one. So a women acts as your princess of choice with the wig and outfit and runs the party games instead of the parents. I just feel so sad about how all the girls were gushing over it. I suppose I wasn't brought up with princesses as my mum was very much a tomboy and I have lots of older brothers. My girls have fairies, witches amongst their toys just as my DS has dragons, Harry Potter, but we have really haven't gone with princesses as it's a bit old fashioned, a knight on a horse saving you. Maybe it's just me, they will prob now want princess everything 😬

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 21/08/2021 16:09

@SquirryTheSquirrel

In the minority but I more or less agree with you, OP. Not because princesses are feminine, but because it's all superficial and appearance based - we shouldn't be encouraging this, as society bangs this message home again and again, and it's a damaging one.

I understand the 'modern Disney princesses are strong women' argument, but they're still conventionally attractive with unrealistic Barbie bodies .

Not because princesses are feminine, but because it's all superficial and appearance based - we shouldn't be encouraging this, as society bangs this message home again and again, and it's a damaging one.

I think far more common and arguably more damaging eventually, is the amount of photos parents share of their kids online for the likes and love hearts.

Very superficial and obviously appearance based.

How do you tell a child their looks don't matter when you've been plastering their images all over your Facebook or Instagram accounts?

Nocutenamesleft · 21/08/2021 16:13

There is a lot of these oh it makes me so sad

It makes me sad that children have parties with princesses.

It makes me sad when some girl wouldn’t touch a ball.

My friend lost her 15 yr old daughter last year from a brain tumour. That’s something to be sad about!

I know it’s not relevant. But it’s such a sore point for me. I apologise now for any offence it causes.

Nocutenamesleft · 21/08/2021 16:14

@WorraLiberty

*I think far more common and arguably more damaging eventually, is the amount of photos parents share of their kids online for the likes and love hearts.

Very superficial and obviously appearance based.

How do you tell a child their looks don't matter when you've been plastering their images all over your Facebook or Instagram accounts?*

Spot on. 1000%.

QueenBee52 · 21/08/2021 16:17

@Nocutenamesleft

There is a lot of these oh it makes me so sad

It makes me sad that children have parties with princesses.

It makes me sad when some girl wouldn’t touch a ball.

My friend lost her 15 yr old daughter last year from a brain tumour. That’s something to be sad about!

I know it’s not relevant. But it’s such a sore point for me. I apologise now for any offence it causes.

Im very sorry to read this 🌸

AICM · 21/08/2021 16:18

Princess parties for girls.

Football parties for boys.

SquirryTheSquirrel · 21/08/2021 16:22

I think far more common and arguably more damaging eventually, is the amount of photos parents share of their kids online for the likes and love hearts.

I wouldn't disagree with you, but the OP was asking about parties, not Facebook. It all pushes the same narrative - that it's OK to judge women on how cute or pretty they are.

sirfredfredgeorge · 21/08/2021 16:22

My ds went to a Spiderman party once with a "real life Spiderman". He's got to 10 without once springing from a rooftop and crouching on one hand

He's really missing out, find a parkour club locally!

Lessthanaballpark · 21/08/2021 16:23

OP. I know what you mean. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with princess parties per se, it’s just that that seems to be all there is. So it’s not that much of a free choice for girls because everyone generally follows what their friends do.

I think you’re fighting a losing battle though because it’s so entrenched that to go against it seems too political.

Nocutenamesleft · 21/08/2021 16:24

@QueenBee52

Thank you. People just don’t realise how lucky they are sometimes. ❤️❤️ But I appreciate your message. Threads like this get to me sometimes and that’s on me. X

lazylinguist · 21/08/2021 16:24

How do you tell a child their looks don't matter when you've been plastering their images all over your Facebook or Instagram accounts?

Confused Almost all the pictures I see of people's kids on FB are of them doing activities, playing on the beach etc, not 'Oohh look at how pretty my daughter is!' photos at all. It's mostly about what they're doing, not about what they look like.

Anyway... I'm not saying people should tell their daughters they can't like princesses. Or tell their sons they should like princesses! But those preferences don't come from nowhere.

Plenty of research has been done into unconscious sex-based bias in parenting (and also in nursery workers, teachers etc, I think) starting from when children are very small. Plus of course the very deliberate and conscious stereotyping from the parents who actually think playing with dolls will turn their son gay Hmm

If children were choosing activities and interests in line with the stereotypes of their sex in a vacuum, with no pushing (conscious or otherwise) by adults, then it would be totally fair enough to say "Don't be ridiculous- kids like what they like!" But that very, very obviously isn't the case.

marmaladehound · 21/08/2021 16:25

@notanothertakeaway

I would argue that describing your mum as a "tomboy" is playing to gender expectations ie the implication that she should have been girly but wasn't.....
This I agree with. The word tomboy massively implies that a girl who is into things that are typically associated with boys is not a girl but a boy of sorts! Kids can be into whatever it is they want to be into. But I have to say I have been massively relieved that none of my kids liked princesses! Had they done I would have gone with it, but personally I can't stand princes and princess stuff!
dontstealmymagnolias · 21/08/2021 16:26

YABU and shallow for feeling "sad" about this. Why would having Harry Potter or any other non Princess fictional character leading the games have been more superior?
I was a tomboy who never even owned a doll, so it came as a massive shock to me that my dd1 became a very 'girly' girl. I was almost embarrassed about it at times, until I got a grip. Let the dc choose their party themes, really no need to invest any emotion into it.

aSofaNearYou · 21/08/2021 16:26

You know I used to see it as negative, until I realised that actually these princess stories were 90% of the representation for girls in kids movies for a very long time. Are we supposed to judge girls for enjoying the only female lead movies they had to work with?

QueenBee52 · 21/08/2021 16:26

@AICM

Princess parties for girls.

Football parties for boys.

grabs popcorn 🤣😂

DrSbaitso · 21/08/2021 16:27

@SquirryTheSquirrel

I think far more common and arguably more damaging eventually, is the amount of photos parents share of their kids online for the likes and love hearts.

I wouldn't disagree with you, but the OP was asking about parties, not Facebook. It all pushes the same narrative - that it's OK to judge women on how cute or pretty they are.

Sometimes women just enjoy having fun with their appearances.

I absolutely agree that women are judged on how they look in a way that men aren't and it's shit. But I don't think the answer is to tell women they can't have this kind of fun for themselves.

marmaladehound · 21/08/2021 16:28

@SquirryTheSquirrel

In the minority but I more or less agree with you, OP. Not because princesses are feminine, but because it's all superficial and appearance based - we shouldn't be encouraging this, as society bangs this message home again and again, and it's a damaging one.

I understand the 'modern Disney princesses are strong women' argument, but they're still conventionally attractive with unrealistic Barbie bodies .

Agree with this too, but certainly a minority opinion on MN!
lazylinguist · 21/08/2021 16:29

This is more of the woke shite. It is completely acceptable for girls to like princesses you know OP.

That doesn't mean we shouldn't maybe give a thought to why girls like princesses and unicorns and why boys like football and superheroes though. And wonder if, perhaps, it's something to do with the way we're bringing them up.

lazylinguist · 21/08/2021 16:31

Are we supposed to judge girls for enjoying the only female lead movies they had to work with?

Of course not. Who can judge them for liking what they've been trained to like?

garlictwist · 21/08/2021 16:31

When you said "princess of choice" I thought you meant Diana, or Princess Michael of Kent. But I get it now. I think it sounds like just a bit of fun and I don't think that everything needs to be aspirational and worthy.

saraclara · 21/08/2021 16:33

I offered my daughters the full variety of experiences and toys, whatever sex they were aimed at. They were encouraged to join in any activities available to them. My eldest was active, sporty, hung out with the boys and was the first girl to play football for her primary school's team. My youngest was all about her soft toys, books and girl friends.

But they'll both loved Disney and princess stuff.

Let your kids be what they want to be.

Boopeedoop · 21/08/2021 16:34

I used to run around with a sheet as a batman.

I do not aspire to be or think I am batman.

Adult life is shit. Let the kids grow up with a bit of magic and wonder.

Mommabear20 · 21/08/2021 16:35

It's about balance, let them gush over the princesses, let them enjoy the simplicity of the fairytale life, but keep their feet on the ground in real life.

Tresal · 21/08/2021 16:37

I don’t get why boys things are always considered better. People who like nice princess frocks and enjoy wandering about gardens singing at the birds seem pretty cool to me.

AllTheSingleLadiess · 21/08/2021 16:38

Yabu

"boy" themes like superheroes or pirates are hardly realistic aspirations lol

it's just fun. How many adult women feel special wearing their wedding dress? That's the sort of feeling that girls are after. Pretending to have servants, magic and jewels is no less worthy than pretending to be a Harry Potter wizard or pretending to be a Marvel superhero

fallfallfall · 21/08/2021 16:39

Kids love dress up, as a parent you can buy different dress up costumes not just cheap and easy to find Disney stuff.

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