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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give up my bed for them..

167 replies

timemachinewated · 21/08/2021 11:29

We live in a 3 bed but have one DS and I'm due another baby in October so that is now a nursery.
DP's parents live abroad and are staying with us over Christmas. AIBU to not give up my bed and make them sleep on the air bed for the week? I don't want to have to reach up to see the baby from an air bed and I just feel like it's an invasion of privacy really someone else in my bed. I like to have my own bit of space and somewhere to escape from them as it's a bit full on when they stay!

OP posts:
oblada · 21/08/2021 14:35

I think it is right to make adjustments and having gps on an air bed in the living room is really not on.
My parents and my MIL are all in different countries so we have that in mind when it comes to our house. When my parents come now they tak our room and we sleep in the play room either on the floor/floor mattress sort of thing or an air bed if need be. And we reorganise the kids accordingly. When my parents and my brother and his wife all came, my parents took our room, brother took play room and we bunked with our oldest on the floor of their room. We have a compact 4 bedroom house and 4 kids. It works if you want it to work.

BlueJag · 21/08/2021 14:36

Nothing says welcome like an air mattress on the lounge. If the child bedroom is big enough I'll make it into a guest bedroom for a week.
If my dil offered an air mattress I'll be booking myself on a near by hotel.

RubyFowler · 21/08/2021 14:36

@GiantCheeseMonster

My DD is 8 and has a double bed in her room. It functions as the spare room when we have guests - she then goes on an air bed in her brother’s room. Can you do anything like that?
This is the ideal if you have semi regular visitors and no spare room. Its how we manage. Airbeds are no good really, especially if its in your only living room.
Nocutenamesleft · 21/08/2021 14:37

@Howshouldibehave

I think the ‘poor DS’ comment and the fact that the only option you can really see is having them in an air bed in the living space says a lot about your attitude to having them to stay

I agree! It sounds like you don’t like them and are already making a meal of them coming, 4 months away!

I agree. I noticed that comment.
oblada · 21/08/2021 14:37

Sorry it's a 5 bed we have (loft converted) but anyway it works. Just a bit of playing musical bed at times.
My mil comes for months at a time and has a permanent bed in the smallest room which doubles as our office. It's all about compromises. It's worth it for the kids certainly.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 21/08/2021 14:39

It's obvious you don't want them to stay. I get that: I would have found it really hard having my ILs to stay for a week with a new baby, even though I get on well with them. But you need to be upfront, and not just passively-aggressively shitty to them. You can't make them sleep in the sitting room for a week when there's an empty bedroom upstairs. You might as well stick a sign saying 'Fuck off' over the mantelpiece.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/08/2021 14:40

@oblada

I think it is right to make adjustments and having gps on an air bed in the living room is really not on. My parents and my MIL are all in different countries so we have that in mind when it comes to our house. When my parents come now they tak our room and we sleep in the play room either on the floor/floor mattress sort of thing or an air bed if need be. And we reorganise the kids accordingly. When my parents and my brother and his wife all came, my parents took our room, brother took play room and we bunked with our oldest on the floor of their room. We have a compact 4 bedroom house and 4 kids. It works if you want it to work.
Dh’s family also abroad. We used to live in a different country and at the time both our parents were abroad. We planned accordingly. This is what I meant with my last comment. It actually can’t be a surprise op’s in laws, who live overseas want to visit for a short period of time.
QueenBee52 · 21/08/2021 14:42

@SchrodingersImmigrant

As long as they physically can I would do a swap around of baby to you, ds to nursery and them to ds's room. Depends how old ds is?

Hotels are a real option

SchrodingersImmigrant · 21/08/2021 14:44

Hotels are a real option

Hotels can also be quite bank braking in theae busy times. Like flights

SchrodingersImmigrant · 21/08/2021 14:49

Also. I woupd like to know where people are booking premier inns for 100 for a week even outside 9f Christmas 🙈

Blossomtoes · 21/08/2021 14:50

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Hotels are a real option

Hotels can also be quite bank braking in theae busy times. Like flights

Unless you live in that magical place a pp mentioned where a Premier Inn is apparently £100 for a week. I just wish I knew where it is - I might want to stay there.
Glittertwins · 21/08/2021 14:52

DS can go on an air bed in the nursery, parents have DS room. I'd advise getting a day bed from IKEA such as the Henmes which can be pulled out into a double and has under storage drawers for toys.

Our DS moves into their playroom on a sofa bed and my parents have his room temporarily. He's never made a fuss and us quite used to it. He also quite likes having the tv at the end of his bed too which he doesn't have in his room.

yikesanotherbooboo · 21/08/2021 14:54

I wouldn't sleep on the air bed or expect my guests to sleep on it in the sitting room. I would move DS into baby's room and baby in with you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/08/2021 14:58

The baby should be with you anyway op. It will be a few months old.

Doyouhearme · 21/08/2021 15:00

Things have really changed as a kid I remember give my bed up for my nan. And sleeping on the sofa. And I would give my bed for my parents as well . Or maybe my child sleep on the sofa/air bed or what ever. But I would not dream of putting a visitor on an air bed or simlar.

shinynewapple21 · 21/08/2021 15:01

I think with 3 bedrooms you should be able to manage everyone sleeping upstairs . I would have baby in with you , your DS in the nursery and your ILs in DS room. How long are they planning to stay ?

I must admit if I was your ILs I would probably opt to stay in a premier inn or AirB&B nearby - and then worry I was offending you by doing this !

MrsLargeEmbodied · 21/08/2021 15:14

how old are they?

NailsNeedDoing · 21/08/2021 15:14

Yanbu to not want to give up your bed, I wouldn’t either, but putting two 60+ year olds on one air bed for the week is not a solution.

With 3 bedrooms and your children being so young, there is no need for anyone to sleep in the living room.

Inertia · 21/08/2021 15:21

Post-partum mother of a newborn should absolutely not be giving up her bed.

Move cot into main bedroom.

5yo goes into nursery .

Air bed for in-laws in 5yo’s room.

stripedbananas · 21/08/2021 15:26

The normal thing would be for DS to give up his room and sleep with you or in the nursery so they have their own room.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/08/2021 15:27

Do you really want such a crowded house with a newborn? At Christmas? Talk to them now about a B&B or hotel option. None of you will be getting any sleep otherwise.

BungleandGeorge · 21/08/2021 15:30

You can’t make them sleep on an air bed, get your son a single bed with stowaway underneath, the hitch can turn into a double. He sleeps on a fold up bed or air bed in the nursery (presumably baby won’t even be in there). If your PIL live abroad this presumably won’t be a one off, you can’t expect pensioners to sleep on an air bed in the living room whilst both young kids have comfy beds in their own rooms.

rookiemere · 21/08/2021 15:33

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy it's hardly over crowded. 4 adults, a 5 year old and a baby in a 3 bedroomed property seems doable for a week.

Jenasaurus · 21/08/2021 15:38

Would the cot fit in your bedroom? If so I would move the cot into your room, and then an air bed in the nursery

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/08/2021 15:40

@rookiemere It would do my head in to be honest! No private space for anyone. But that's just my opinion.