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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give up my bed for them..

167 replies

timemachinewated · 21/08/2021 11:29

We live in a 3 bed but have one DS and I'm due another baby in October so that is now a nursery.
DP's parents live abroad and are staying with us over Christmas. AIBU to not give up my bed and make them sleep on the air bed for the week? I don't want to have to reach up to see the baby from an air bed and I just feel like it's an invasion of privacy really someone else in my bed. I like to have my own bit of space and somewhere to escape from them as it's a bit full on when they stay!

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 21/08/2021 13:46

Why are you putting yourself through christmas with inlaws with a tiny baby? It should just be you and your own family

It should be whatever people choose. There’s no law about what you “should” or “shouldn’t” do at Christmas.

GiantCheeseMonster · 21/08/2021 13:46

My DD is 8 and has a double bed in her room. It functions as the spare room when we have guests - she then goes on an air bed in her brother’s room. Can you do anything like that?

StoppinBy · 21/08/2021 13:48

We gave our 7 year old (now 8 year old) a double bed so that if/when we have people sleep over she can either sleep in our bed or in a swag in our son's room (depending on whether or not they will sleep without talking to each other for 3 hours lol) and the guests can sleep in her bed.

I wouldn't ask older people to sleep on a mattress on the floor. Air mattresses are crud to start with and getting up and down off the floor can be be a pain in the butt when getting in or out of bed.

I think you need to arrange it so they can have their own space seeing as it is possible, they will need some down time too.

Bimblybomeyelash · 21/08/2021 13:49

I don’t think that you need to give up your own bed for a week. But I also don’t think that you can stick them in the living room for a week. These are your husbands parents, your children’s grandparents, not just some random cheeky fuckers. I don’t think they are being unreasonable expecting to stay with their child when they visit, and to expect their child to make some effort in making sure that they are comfortable. We have relatives who live abroad, so we have our eldest child in a double bed and our youngest has bunk beds. When family stay the eldest bunks down with the youngest. There is no reason why your ‘poor’ eldest child can’t sleep In the nursery for a week.

Plumtree391 · 21/08/2021 13:50

I think you are very brave having anyone to stay with you so soon after having a baby! That doesn't help you much though.

I'd say as long as your baby is next to you, it doesn't matter who sleeps where. Presumably it isn't going to be for long.

Bluntness100 · 21/08/2021 13:50

I’d not think you should give up your bed and I’d not, but I’d certainly move your four year old. He can either sleep with you or with his sister on a blow up bed. I’d always put a small child in a blow up bed before I put adults.

I bought this from Amazon and it is really very comfortable. I’d suggest something like this in yout sons room.

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B01HZSJ8OI/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?psc=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8

Arrivederla · 21/08/2021 13:53

@Sittingonabench

I would be either getting them an air b&b, hotel, or would be giving them my bed. At 60,even if for and healthy getting up and around is more difficult and they are guests. But YANBU to do it however you want, it’s your home and so you get to decide. But I would tell them in case they’d rather stay in a hotel.
What a load of absolute rubbish! I am 62 and am perfectly capable of "getting up and around"!!

Ageist bullshit.

lastcall · 21/08/2021 13:57

I would not be giving up my bed. If they want a bed, they can pay for accommodation somewhere. Otherwise, airbed or day bed / sofa in the nursery. You're not a hotel.

Where is your partner in this. Surely he won't have a new mother, possibly recovering from a c section, relegated to the floor somewhere with a newborn because his parents are too entitled to sort out their own sleeping accommodations if an airbed isn't good enough for them. I'd tell him to get to fuck if he doesn't have your back on this.

Goldbar · 21/08/2021 13:58

Honestly, you're fairly inhospitable if you have 3 bedrooms and you're planning to make your DP's parents sleep on an air bed in the living-room. They're not strangers, they're your DC's grandparents and it's not unreasonable of them to expect to be able to come and stay for a few days in a perfectly good-sized family house to visit their grandchildren. It sounds more like it's the timing of the visit that's an issue (you'd rather not have them staying at all when you'll have a newborn to deal with, which is reasonable) or you don't like them very much.

In your shoes, I'd get a fold-up trundle bed that becomes a double for your DS's room for when guests stay (with a thick mattress topper). Then a child z-bed or something for the little room so DS can sleep there when you've got guests.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 21/08/2021 14:04

@godmum56

yup....you can phrase it as "for this year" if you don't want to go all out, but I'd definitely say airbed in bedroom (not yours) and two kids in together OR they can hotel/air bnb OR cancel for this year, their choice.....better still get DP to say it :)
Definitely do this. I used to have an amazing double Aerobed which was comfy and as high as a normal bed, though. I'm late 50s and would have no problem sleeping on one. It's not nice for guests to sleep in your living room for any length of time though, they can never go to bed until everyone else does.
Feedingthebirds1 · 21/08/2021 14:06

So let's dig deeper.

What's your relationship generally like with your in laws?

How do they behave when they're with you? Do they muck in or do they expect to be waited on?

How long are they staying for?

Were they invited to stay over Christmas or did they announce they were coming? If they were invited, who invited them?

Is the bed a symptom of a problem?

gunnersgold · 21/08/2021 14:07

I don't share my bed with anyone ! Get one of those normal height air beds if you are worried , otherwise heists here get an air bed or sofa bed .

diddl · 21/08/2021 14:09

If I thought that my kids had to fork out for trundle beds, zbeds & move kids about I wouldn't want to stay there.

The telling thing is that they could afford to stay elsewhere but they just don't want to pay.

MeridianB · 21/08/2021 14:12

What would happen if you booked the hotel for them (and paid)? Would they still not stay there?

Howshouldibehave · 21/08/2021 14:14

@Feedingthebirds1

So let's dig deeper.

What's your relationship generally like with your in laws?

How do they behave when they're with you? Do they muck in or do they expect to be waited on?

How long are they staying for?

Were they invited to stay over Christmas or did they announce they were coming? If they were invited, who invited them?

Is the bed a symptom of a problem?

All important questions which would be very important to answer before getting advice.

Another being…How does your DH feel about it all?

1forAll74 · 21/08/2021 14:15

I would expect the people on a family visit to you, to go along with your own plans for them, as they should understand your home circumstances., so they have to sleep where you put them. Nobody can sleep in my bed, as I have three cats, who all sleep in a row at the end of my bed,and there are a lot of cat haters about, who would whittle on about cat hairs, and cats jumping on you in the morning, !

Sceptre86 · 21/08/2021 14:20

I find it quite harsh that you wouldn't give up your bed for anyone tbh. I gave mine up for my dad who has a bad back when he and my mum came to visit when fil passed away however 2 months postpartum is different. My mum and dad will be coming a few weeks after my baby is born and whilst my mum can sleep with me, my dad will be sleeping on a king sized mattress in the living room. Not exactly ideal as he has sciatica but I'm possibly going to have a 3rd section so will be in no fit state to sleep elsewhere. We have already discussed sleeping arrangements and they are fine with this but they are only staying for a weekend. If they were coming up for longer I would offer to contribute to a premier inn.

Blossomtoes · 21/08/2021 14:20

I am 62 and am perfectly capable of "getting up and around"!!

Same. My body would be well and truly fucked after a week on an air bed though!

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/08/2021 14:22

I’m surprised at people saying they can stay in a hotel. Who gave you the right to decide how people spend their money?

As far as I’m concerned, when you get with a partner, you take the rough with the smooth and having parents on either side to stay for a few nights comes part and parcel as long as you can fit them in. If they’re vile or very intrusive that’s different.

I am surprised that you hadn’t thought of this and just got rid of the double bed in your ds’s room. You could have kept it in his room or stored the mattress in the loft. Plenty of people turf their kids out for gps coming to stay.

Grandparents are important in children’s lives especially when little. I imagine your ds will be excited at having them to stay with you.

NoSauce · 21/08/2021 14:28

No I wouldn’t fancy giving up my bed but I would move older dc into the nursery and put in-laws in his room for sure.

Goldi321 · 21/08/2021 14:31

The nursery is tiny you can’t fit 2 adults in there. Move DS into there, make it fun and an adventure “camping”. “Poor DS” will probably have a blast.
That being said, I have a strict 2 night Max rule for visitors.

Nocutenamesleft · 21/08/2021 14:31

@DelphiniumBlue

You’ve got a 3 bedroom house, and the gene baby will be in with you for months. You don’t need a nursery, put a spare/sofa bed in there. And this is going to be a long term issue, it’s not a one-off, they will be coming to stay for years. My tip to you is to get the children used to sharing whenever you have visitors, so it doesn’t become an issue. You shouldn’t have to give up your own bed, especially while you are nursing a baby and no doubt being woken in the night. Neither is it ideal to have older people sleeping on an air bed- 2 people on an air bed is really uncomfortable. I sleep on the sofa cushions when I visit DS, DH sleeps on an air bed by himself because I don’t want to!
This.
Time40 · 21/08/2021 14:32

2 people on an air bed is really uncomfortable

Depends on the air bed. We had a good quality one that we slept on for weeks at a time. It was fine. (With air beds, it's important to make sure they are fully inflated. If there is not enough air in, they're far too soft and squishy. Also, they need an air top-up every day or so.)

Nocutenamesleft · 21/08/2021 14:33

@Yourstupidityexhaustsme

Book them a premier inn. It’ll be the best £100 you’ve ever spent.
Oh yes. Or this

Best money you’ve ever spent.

speakout · 21/08/2021 14:34

Hotel or Air B&B- best all round. Better for them, better for you.

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