To not give up my bed for them..

[timemachinewated]

We live in a 3 bed but have one DS and I'm due another baby in October so that is now a nursery.
DP's parents live abroad and are staying with us over Christmas. AIBU to not give up my bed and make them sleep on the air bed for the week? I don't want to have to reach up to see the baby from an air bed and I just feel like it's an invasion of privacy really someone else in my bed. I like to have my own bit of space and somewhere to escape from them as it's a bit full on when they stay!

As PP have said: baby will only be 2 months old, so baby will be in your room anyway? So just give DS a week of adventure sleeping in his old room, and PIL go in other room.

No need for air bed in lounge at all!

@Disfordarkchocolate

I would try very hard not to have them in the living room, you will want to have the space downstairs free.

Completely agree. Sleeping downstairs is just miserable for everyone.

[quote timemachinewated]@JudgeJ why can't you be my mother in law! [/quote]
If you don’t put down a marker now you will be the loser. No way would I give up my bed, they should not expect this of you, especially as you will be a new mum. Why is this your problem? It’s not your parents but it is your home. What does your partner say?

Have the in laws actually asked if they can have your bed?

Or are you just assuming that because that’s what happens at your DP’s brother’s house, that’s what they will expect at yours?

What does your DH say?

If you and DH are in agreement about what will happen, I can’t see what the problem is-they are hardly going to march uninvited into your bedroom with their suitcases.

I wouldn't dream of letting my child and their partner giving up their bed for us.
This needs sorted out now so they know exactly how things stand in the future.
I would tell them they have the choice of an airbed or they can stay in a hotel.
They sound right tight arses.

I don’t understand people who want people to move out of their beds for them tbh.

Like my bed is my bed, I sleep there, sometimes watch a movie, have sex you know. I’d find it weird my parent wanting to sleep in that bed.

You invite yourself to someone’s house you sleep where they can fit you, or you book a travel lodge/holiday inn.

None of this kicking children out of their beds either I wouldn’t of wanted granny sleeping in my bed as a child either.

I wouldn't want to sleep on an air bed in my 60's or anytime really. But they have the option of staying nearby in a hotel ?

I would look for a lovely Airbnb nearby for them and pay for it. It gives you a bit more space too.

Otherwise, my DS1 had a friend come and stay occasionally and she had a double fold up bed with a cover. She had it our sitting room and it folded up with the sheets on it and could be wheeled out of the way. It was much better than an air bed. It might be worth looking for a similar one and could be kept in a utility/shed/garage.

I could stay on an air bed and have one for camping but there are poor to good ones. I wouldn’t want to be on a poor quality one for a week because it would bother my back and I am in my sixties. So if it is to be an air bed please get a good one. On the other hand they might decide Togo to a hotel or bnb after two nights on a poor one!

the future DIL phoned to forcibly suggest that my friend should move out of her double bed for them and go into the spare room!!

I hope your friend told her to fuck right off!

We always gave my parents our bed but they were both over 80 when we got married. Our problem is a different one, we’d prefer to stay in a hotel and our kids are mortally offended by the idea, they do have a spare double though.

I’m a grandparent in my 60’s and would be more than happy in a hotel or airb&b . Best of both worlds- see my grandchildren and a rest at night, wouldn’t be happy with an air bed in the lounge .
I have never given up my bed for anyone and wouldn’t expect anyone to give up theirs for me .

I don’t understand
You’ve got 3 bedrooms

We brought this bed for our dc room. They use it as a bed then when granny and grandad comes to stay they use the room and he bunks in with us or his brothers.

www.very.co.uk/julian-bowen-barcelona-hideaway-bed-with-pull-out-guest-bed--nbsppine/1600580970.prd?sku=sku23532271&cm_mmc=google--PLA+-+Generic--Everything--PRODUCT_GROUP_p56471871881&utm_campaign=Generic_All+Products+-+Home+%26+Furniture&utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&utm_term=PRODUCT_GROUP&campaigntype=shopping&gclid=CjwKCAjwyIKJBhBPEiwAu7zll9ww0TxWlVf63W556TEjAUpdLvBkvRHIkOsmMVGAS7VRvoCJ0WMzqhoC_PQQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Airbed in DSs room is the best option. If they don't want that then they pay for their own Airbnb. I don't get why people think you should be paying for wealthy relatives accommodation - or indeed anyone's accommodation if there is a viable alternative option.

I did give up my bed once for visitors. I'd let them know in advance that one couple would be on the double futon - we also had a spare single so they could have chosen to split up. Instead the male moaned each morning about how uncomfortable the futon was . As they are beloved relatives from across the atlantic and because DH was away camping , I gave them our bed for the final two nights as I think they expected to be offered it.

Why are you putting yourself through christmas with inlaws with a tiny baby? It should just be you and your own family. I really don't see why they can't wait until summer to see you.
It's absurd the contortions people put themselves through for christmas,, I refused to host christmas until my son was 5 it was just way too much hassle and grief.
Be firm and say you are just not up to it and you will see them later on the year after.

It might just be the way I’m reading it but it sounds a bit like you don’t want them to stay and are trying to make it difficult, i.e. by saying ‘poor DS’. I think it’s totally fine and reasonable to expect him to move in to the nursery whilst they stay and they have his room with the air bed. Seems an obvious and easy solution to me.

YANBU, they need to book a hotel.

I hate it when people expect to stay with us as we also have a 3 bed house and there are 4 of us. In fact if people ask we say no

Would you write the same post if you were talking about your own parents?
Nursery is a waste of space in my opinion until the baby is one. You could use that room as a guest room.

actually OP I have just remembered why we now adopt the above stance.

When DS2 was 4 months and DS1 was 4 my sister and her husband and daughter came to stay for a week.

We did the whole shuffling everyone around to accommodate them. They would expect to be fed every night and basically behaved as though they were on holiday. They were all vegetarian and gluten free so as you can imagine finding suitable meals while looking after 2 very small children was very difficult.

I couldn't wait for them to leave, and vowed we would never do that again!

Put your foot down now. Its difficult, but once you've done it once it becomes much easier.

Whenever we see family now we enjoy it as they come for the day and then leave at night. No more resentment and arguments so on balance its a win/win for everyone

You've got a spare bedroom...you're calling it the 'nursery' but a baby won't give a shit where it sleeps! You won't have a 2 month old in a nursery alone will you??

I'm another one saying they must stay in a local B&B. You will really need a break from each other, and you'll ALL sigh with relief when they fuck off each night.

The op has posted a pic of the nursery... 2 adults on a single air bed maybe in there even emptied out!!

Christ-don't look for long term solutions!

They can fork out or not visit!

I'm a MIL and always book a hotel when we visit family. I need half an hour on my own on a morning and before I go to bed. I also can't imagine sleeping well in the bed my son has sex in.

@FunnysInLaJardin

YANBU, they need to book a hotel.

I hate it when people expect to stay with us as we also have a 3 bed house and there are 4 of us. In fact if people ask we say no

I'm amazed anyone asks.

@RogueV

I don’t understand You’ve got 3 bedrooms

So what?

They don't have to pay musical bedrooms just because visitors who could afford to pay don't want to.