To not give up my bed for them..

[timemachinewated]

We live in a 3 bed but have one DS and I'm due another baby in October so that is now a nursery.
DP's parents live abroad and are staying with us over Christmas. AIBU to not give up my bed and make them sleep on the air bed for the week? I don't want to have to reach up to see the baby from an air bed and I just feel like it's an invasion of privacy really someone else in my bed. I like to have my own bit of space and somewhere to escape from them as it's a bit full on when they stay!

That's right DS was in what is now the nursery until a month ago. We had to gut the spare room, sell the bed and the dressing table, sort out everything that was in the spare room then move DS into that room and I just did not want to do that when we had a newborn. I wanted to be organised. I also wanted somewhere for all baby's clothes so she has a wardrobe, somewhere to store all the boys she needs and just have a nursery ready for her when she comes along.. which I don't think is an unreasonable thing to want to do in my own house?

All the bits she needs.. not boys

Your baby will be in with you. There will be an empty bedroom and you think they should sleep on the floor? Surely that will be more of a pain than having them tucked away in a room

@timemachinewated

They won't stay in a hotel as they won't pay for one I know for a fact they won't. When then stay with DP's brother they have him and his partner on an air bed in the living room and sleep in their bed. I might say one of you can snuggle next to me in bed but I ain't moving out of my bed!

I think they're BU actually. I wouldn't be fucking about emptying my nursery for someone to save on hotel costs. DS sleeps in with us but I use his nursery loads and would struggle without it. And you'll have just had a baby, who needs to be moving furniture around?

Is there space in DSs room for a double airbed if he stays in there? Otherwise I'd just tell them there's no space when you've just had a baby and they'll need to book a local hotel. Then they're not under your feet constantly or complaining about how much your baby cries in the night.

It's a compact cot that we have for her. We did have a cot bed for DS but I think we lost the screws etc for it when we took it apart so we bought a new compact cot for this one x

Is it they won't pay for accommodation or they can't afford it?
Would they not prefer to have their own space and their own bathroom?

@timemachinewated

They won't stay in a hotel as they won't pay for one I know for a fact they won't. When then stay with DP's brother they have him and his partner on an air bed in the living room and sleep in their bed. I might say one of you can snuggle next to me in bed but I ain't moving out of my bed!

Surely DP’s brother and wife willingly do this-they could have said no! It’s their own house.

Rent them an air-bnb close by.
I wouldn't like to give up my bed either.
I'd compromise by putting a blow up bed in the nursery so they've some privacy throughout the day.

They need a hotel. I wouldn't expect anyone to give up their bed for me but staying in someone's lounge is shit. You can't relax until the family go to bed and when you get up you sit there wondering what to do until the household wakes up. Or get woken up by Cbeebies at 7am when the children come down

I envy all of your backs!

In my thirties after a week on an air bed I would be in agony, let alone being double my age!

Offer them OP, either the air bed in the living room or a hotel you’ll pay for.

They can afford 2 cruises at least a year.. so I'm pretty sure they can afford a hotel yeah DP's brother and girlfriend willingly give up their bed. They haven't been together long.. I think she's still on best behaviour!

@timemachinewated

I think it might be better to move the cot into the garage or something and then have them on a double aid bed in the nursery. It's quite small though I'm hoping it'll fit one in. Future visits once she's DS's age and has a bed etc I don't know how they will work but suppose I'll worry about that then.

Once older you could do something like a single bed in DS room with a pullout to make it a double. Then bunks in DDs room so DS goes in with her or the other way round. Obviously DD on the bottom bunk. Or pay for a hotel if you can afford it.

Don’t put them in the lounge-there is no need.
Don’t give up your bed, there is no need.

Offer them one of the two other bedrooms with either a double air bed or borrow a double mattress. If they don’t like it, they can book a hotel.

Tell them in advance what you’re doing though.

A better and long term solution would be to get a trundle bed for ds, or assuming he's in a single now, get separate trundle that fits under his bed. If you get one that raises up to normal bed height that can be used when they're less physically able to sleep at floor level. That will be useful anyway for when ds has friends to sleep wake over.

PIL can have his bed and trundle when they visit, with ds on a z bed in the nursery, either with dd in there as well, or for this year dd in with you.

@timemachinewated

They won't stay in a hotel as they won't pay for one I know for a fact they won't. When then stay with DP's brother they have him and his partner on an air bed in the living room and sleep in their bed. I might say one of you can snuggle next to me in bed but I ain't moving out of my bed!

Speaking as a grandparent who used to do visits, they need telling 'It's a hotel/airbnb or nothing', a visitor doesn't get to dictate to you what happens in your house!

As PPs have said, this is going to be a long term issue for any guests you have, so if you can it's best to address it now. The pull out day beds with a truckle are one solution, or if funds permit a wall bed would be a brilliant solution for maximum flexibility.

Bedroom 1 - You, partner, newborn.
Bedroom 2 - DS
Bedroom 3 - parents.

Why would anyone be on an airbed in the lounge room ?

The friendly thing to do would be DS in the nursery, baby with you (should be anyway) PILs air bed in DS’s room.

@JudgeJ why can't you be my mother in law!

In the future there are also bunk beds with proper staircases, also useful for the children's sleepovers, or even bunk beds with a trundle bed under. Try Arthauss.co.uk for ideas.

The nursery is plenty big enough for your DH to have a make shaft bed in - he's five and sleeping in a den would be fun.

Then in laws in his bedroom.

I don’t get it, why can’t DS go into the nursery? The baby won’t be sleeping in there yet.

we could maybe put the cot in DS room and move poor DS bed into nursery then they can have an air bed in DS room.

This. You get the bed as a lady who's recently given birth and will be up feeding a baby. If they don't want to sleep on an air bed, they can book a hotel.

[quote timemachinewated]@JudgeJ why can't you be my mother in law! [/quote]
I think I'm much better as the MIL to a son-in-law than I would have been to a DIL, at least he and I have lots in common!
A friend had son and soon to be DIL to stay, the future DIL phoned to forcibly suggest that my friend should move out of her double bed for them and go into the spare room!!

Cf guests expecting you to reshuffle your whole household imo!!
You will be barely past the newborn stage. Who gives up their bed then? Fuck that!!
Send link today to Air B&B and suggest they are welcome day time hours only as the dc will ensure they have zero sleep otherwise!!