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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How the fuck do I deal with this

158 replies

1lifeliveitright · 21/08/2021 11:05

I've NC for obvious reasons. Just picked up my 17yr old dd from a 'friend's' house where she stayed last night. She's in a right state. She hasn't known this girl long and I don't know her at all but they have other mutual friends and she's gone back to her flat before after nights out.
So dd is crying and has been stabbed repeatedly with a tattoo gun in the leg. It's bruised and swollen and there was apparently alot of blood. Obvious needle mark. I've bathed it and it looks OK but I'm worried about infection. The fucking needle won't have been sterilised either.
I wanted to call the police there and then but dd has begged me not to as no-one does that and it'll have repercussions .
This girl is 18 and obviously dd is still a child. Any advice?

OP posts:
VsgKitt · 21/08/2021 11:06

Call the police. Your daughter is going to need blood testing for all sorts.

It's assault.
Stanned as in this girls was just stabbing her or trying to do a tattoo?

Biancadelrioisback · 21/08/2021 11:07

I think you need to insist she gets it looked at. There is only so much you can do at home for it.
Tackle the police later once she has calmed down a bit but it will need looking at firstly

wonderstuff · 21/08/2021 11:08

Wow. Your poor dd. It's clearly assault and I'd contact the police. What a horrible and bizarre thing to happen. I'd also get her to the doctor, probably need antibiotics and blood tests to rule out infection.

PennyWus · 21/08/2021 11:09

She needs to go to the police. It's assault. Dirty needles are a bad idea for very obvious reasons. You need to calm your DD down and persuade her that ignoring this isnt sensible. It isnt relevant what everyone else does. What counts in her life is what SHE does.

againreallyplase · 21/08/2021 11:11

Of course the police. And hospital. You need to take control of the situation, she's still a minor.

MissyB1 · 21/08/2021 11:11

Well firstly get to a minor injuries unit (take photos before you go). If this was done without your dd’s consent then it is assault and a police matter.

MikeWozniaksMohawk · 21/08/2021 11:13

Fuck. Definitely a police matter. ABH or potentially GBH.

MikeWozniaksMohawk · 21/08/2021 11:14

And tell your DD she needs to be seen by a medical professional. She may need a tetanus injection and antibiotics as a minimum.

CatsGoPurrrr · 21/08/2021 11:15

She needs to go to the hospital and you need to call the police. Can’t believe you’ve not at least sought medical tment already

Ughmaybenot · 21/08/2021 11:15

Take photos, take her to a&e, then tackle the police issue. It absolutely should go to the police, what kind of a fucking shitbag does that to a ‘friend’?! Your poor daughter.

Outbutnotoutout · 21/08/2021 11:16

Police and report the assault

Plus get it looked at properly, in case it becomes infected

Eileen101 · 21/08/2021 11:16

Definitely minor injuries - she's going to need tests etc. Then contact the police anyway, she is a minor, you outrank her, especially on a matter as important as this!
She may not see it now, but will in time understand that what people think of her is not important and she needs to do the right thing.

Kithic · 21/08/2021 11:16

Police
Hospital- she may need tetanus, hepatitis, hiv all sorts of stuff (don't want to worry you unnecessarily, but its vital you get her checked)

Alternista · 21/08/2021 11:17

A&E and police.
If she really was assaulted you’ve got to take this seriously.

Original poster
1lifeliveitright · 21/08/2021 11:17

A&E or call for out of hrs doctor? Regarding police I totally agree but dd has refused to give names or comply in any way. I only know the girl's first name and where the flat is not the exact address.
She says if she snitches they'll get her beaten up etc etc. And sadly I think she's right.

OP posts:
Percypigg · 21/08/2021 11:19

Can't add anything more to the advice given above but wanted to say I'm so sorry for both of you. What a horrid situation Flowers

SuperSange · 21/08/2021 11:19

A and E. time can be if the essence when dealing with blood and infections. How scary for her. ☹️

OverTheHandlebars · 21/08/2021 11:20

A&E, because she'll likely need blood tests and you might need to arrange viral screening.

Originally · 21/08/2021 11:20

She says if she snitches they'll get her beaten up etc etc. And sadly I think she's right.

All the more reason to involve the police, surely?

If she was attacked in the street by an assailant who drew blood, what would you do?

Do that.

bigbaggyeyes · 21/08/2021 11:21

Police and A&E

LEMtheoriginal · 21/08/2021 11:23

Why was she out all night at that age?

Get her to A&E now, the police can wait, although the hospital will be asking lots of difficult questions.

Original poster
1lifeliveitright · 21/08/2021 11:23

Dd is asleep as didn't go to sleep all night. It was a stupid power control game gone wrong. This girl must be a maniac or something. She said to dd that she could really hurt her and to see who could take the most pain. Both were drunk. Dd let her do it but obviously it was taken too far and she's really hurt her. Then dd had to do it back to her. Which she did but nothing like what she did to her.

OP posts:
Brimorion · 21/08/2021 11:25

First get it seen to, and take photos. Then police.

thecatfromjapan · 21/08/2021 11:25

It's assault.

You need to get your dd to understand that this is 'hazing' behaviour, establishing how far the group can go with her. Basically, if she tolerates this, worse will follow.

My bet is that there were other, smaller, incidents prior to this, that she let go in order to keep her place in the group. And now this has happened.

She should get tested. Given their ages, it's probably going to be OK.

She should definitely leave the group. Given that she's prepared to put up with a lot to stay in it, I guess that will be hard. But she needs to get her head around the fact she's at the bottom of a nasty group and things are only going to get worse from here on in.

You can try with the police. I think it's the right thing to do. Whether much will come of it, I don't know. But it could at least separate her from them.

How incredibly awful, though. I'm really sorry for you - that's a really shocking thing to have happened.

And it is an appalling thing to happen to your daughter. Really appalling.

Don't minimise it.

I've two older children and nothing like this has ever happened to either. Both would be horrified to think of this happening to a friend - and certainly not by 'friends'.

Biancadelrioisback · 21/08/2021 11:27

Tackle the police later. She needs to go the the DRS. Either minor injuries or A&E. She needs to have this looked at properly. Blood infections are no laughing matter.

If they were both stabbing eachother with the same needle it's incredibly dangerous.

Personally I'd wake her up and go now. You can let these things lie