AIBU to be upset by Insta of late parents' home...

[harriethoyle]

Last year my DM died very unexpectedly. She was my DF carer as he has dementia. DF had to go into a care home and the family home was sold. As you can imagine it was a very traumatic time.

Now, it was an absolute doer upper - I am under no illusions about that! Stuck firmly in the 80s as were my DP ;-) Sold on that basis. I didn't realise but the buyer is documenting the reno on Instagram and I was sent the link. I watched some of the videos last night and whilst I have absolutely no issues with any of the (long overdue) changes that they made, I was really upset by some of the voiceover - words used to describe different aspects of the house include "stinking" "minging" "dodgy" "awful" and so on. I had to stop watching.

I know it's their house and their perogative to do what they want with it but... It just feels so disrespectful. AIBU?

If the new owners had sent a link to OP that would be quite a different matter. They didn't. She isn't their intended audience.

OP you're completely reasonable to feel upset, of course. But I really think it's best to focus your energy and attention on the stuff that matters; the good memories, the people you knew. Not on some ill-mannered strangers. They are nothing to you.

They sound very rude, especially as they knew about your DMum's situation. There are so many of these showing off accounts now. Too many. I would probably politely message them to say I was disappointed with their language, but obviously you should just hide the page if that is best for you.

My parents’ house saved my sanity after they died. I refurbished it before selling. Seeing a beautiful house emerge from the absolute wreck was really cathartic. I may have said some choice things about it.

They thing that really made me sad was how much my mum would have loved the new cream kitchen and sparkling white bathroom my dad would never spend money on. It was dreadful that she had to endure an avocado bathroom, kitchen that was literally falling apart and swirly carpets when there was no financial need.

The thing that made me really angry was the house clearance guy who called the furniture “junk”. I threw him out.

That must have hurt, Blossomtoes, I hope you got some satisfaction from chucking him out.

Yeah, it was shit. My fuse was very short at that point, I was livid.

There is no controlling one's audience though on these public sites.
It's the thinking that empowers these obnoxious people to speak without thinking.

Instagram etc is the modern town square, not a private subscription newsletter.🤷

Too many thinkings there! 😂

Fair enough op should disengage and not get involved as it's too raw.
Personally I don't follow anyone so rude and unthinking on Insta.
I'd make a comment if I did, before unsubscribing. That'd show 'em!😉

How upsetting for you. Sorry you experienced that, your parents loved and cared for their home I am sure. Try to put it out of your mind

Sorry to hear this. It sounds upsetting. I saw a post on here before about a house for sale and everyone was ridiculing it. I posted to remind them that they may be upsetting family members, but apparently I was being a spoil sport. I think the best thing you can do is ignore. It's just attention seeking behaviour on their behalf to get more recognition for their transformation. V unkind and unnecessary though.

I'd be hurt too if I saw that but I'm sure they meant no disrespect. ❤️

When I was with my ex, I felt deeply uncomfortable in his mother’s home. Everything was perfect and shiny and immaculate.

We had to go to a family funeral in a city across the country. I was dreading it. I knew no one. Didn't want to intrude. Was scared of having a hair out of place.

I turned up to a home.

Not perfect. Not pristine. Not modern. Full of life and chaos and love.

I sank into that settee and my knees ended up near my chin. A cup of builders tea was shoved into one hand and a bacon sandwich rammed in the other. And I had everyone from the dog to the grandchild to the kids to the great gran including me in a day which was about sadness and joy. And they were trying to make me - a stranger to their family really - welcome.

A perfect house is something that some might aspire too.

Give me a home with its perfect imperfections all day long.

Instagram audiences are self-selecting, not involuntary. It's not visible if you don't look.

They'll end up with the audience they deserve.

Sheldonesque

I agree 100%

Our home isn't trendy. The colours aren't the latest fashion, the furniture and fittings aren't new and shiny, and it's not insta-ready, but it is homely and welcoming, and it suits us. (And we get compliments on the way we've done it, despite the fact that it's nothing like anything that would ever appear in a magazine.)

Ultra trendy grey boxes styled in the latest Instagram-friendly way rarely feel like homes to me in any meaningful sense.

That’s beautiful @SheldonesqueTheBstard.

Yes, definitely take no notice of whatever is said now. You have more pressing sadness to deal with now, Only you know all about the house,, the people who lived there, the memories. etc..

@SheldonesqueTheBstard

When I was with my ex, I felt deeply uncomfortable in his mother’s home. Everything was perfect and shiny and immaculate.

We had to go to a family funeral in a city across the country. I was dreading it. I knew no one. Didn't want to intrude. Was scared of having a hair out of place.

I turned up to a home.

Not perfect. Not pristine. Not modern. Full of life and chaos and love.

I sank into that settee and my knees ended up near my chin. A cup of builders tea was shoved into one hand and a bacon sandwich rammed in the other. And I had everyone from the dog to the grandchild to the kids to the great gran including me in a day which was about sadness and joy. And they were trying to make me - a stranger to their family really - welcome.

A perfect house is something that some might aspire too.

Give me a home with its perfect imperfections all day long.

Bloody love this. You write beautifully.

We sold my parents house after my dad died. The couple who bought it then rented it out to a guy who sublet the rooms as bedsits. We thought they might be up to something dodgy as they told us to leave the beds etc. They knew he would sublet but by renting to him they didn’t have to set it up as a proper HMO. He stopped paying rent.

We were sat watching tv one day and there were the ‘can’t pay, take it away’ fellas turning up to evict the tenants. Going room to room filming the tenants crying and packing up. They stood in my parents bedroom arguing with one guy, standing on the very spot where my mother died. There were still old prints on the walls that we had left there.

It was very distressing and upsetting. I understand how you feel op. I personally would message the new owners and tell them how insensitive they are being.

Gosh, sounds like you've had an awful time!

My dad died unexpectedly nearly 4 years ago, and my mum was his carer after he had a breakdown earlier that year. Honestly, it fills me with horror to imagine what it might have been like had mum died suddenly instead. Dad wouldn't have coped in a million years.

Like your parents, my parents house is firmly stuck in the early 90s. It's not to my taste at all, but it's been a happy home for them on the whole (even though dad died there). I'd be devastated to see it verbally and metaphorically ripped apart on social media.

Like others have said, I think the best thing is to block the account, and try and forget it ever existed. Then remember it as it was, which was a happy family home.

My childhood home, that I lived in from age 5 to 21 is only in the next town. In the 15 years since my parents moved away from it, I've never even done a drive-by or looked it up on google maps, even though I've been tempted so many times. I want to remember it as was.

"Stinking" and similar is rude. We are renovating a very run down house that hasnt been updated since the 60s and documenting on Instagram and we have used words like 'outdated' and '60s decor' and 'run down' as to be honest it is. It might offend some people but it's really outdated decor (wallpaperd ceiling, glass internal doors which arent safety glass) saying so is just a fact

I'm also saying YANBU for being upset. But the best thing to do is simply block this link and forget, as far as possible, that you saw it. The new owners bought the property on the basis that it needed renovation and that's what they are doing. As is their right now they own it. That doesn't make it easier to listen to a commentary describing your family home as 'stinking'. The truth can hurt. Especially where memories are concerned.

OP - so sorry, my sib has moved into my parents house and is changing stuff an I want to scream no, even when I knew it needed doing!

My new noisy next door neighbours are documenting their reno of the house next door. It was in good nick - re painted, wired, piping etc and painted in the last 4 years. It is all on instagram and quite frankly the lies about how bad the place was are utter utter bullshit - but it undoubtedly makes them look better.

Still hard my sympathies

I'm sorry for your loss.

Home renovation is having a bit of a moment on the likes of tiktok and Instagram. The more dated the property, the better the views really.
I think they probably use those words as a way of building the hype around their mediocre redecorating skills so please don't take it personally.

And I think every new homeowner forgets that it was a real persons home before it was there, but this isn't malicious it just makes it easier to see it as their home. I'd block the account so that I didn't come across it again.

I sold my family home to a bitch of a woman , it's local to me and she comes up on fb sometimes . I can see pics of thr house and I have to scroll past .. it hurts doesn't it .. our house wasn't even a dooer upper but she has made some weird changes and it looks awful !