AIBU to be upset by Insta of late parents' home...

[harriethoyle]

Last year my DM died very unexpectedly. She was my DF carer as he has dementia. DF had to go into a care home and the family home was sold. As you can imagine it was a very traumatic time.

Now, it was an absolute doer upper - I am under no illusions about that! Stuck firmly in the 80s as were my DP ;-) Sold on that basis. I didn't realise but the buyer is documenting the reno on Instagram and I was sent the link. I watched some of the videos last night and whilst I have absolutely no issues with any of the (long overdue) changes that they made, I was really upset by some of the voiceover - words used to describe different aspects of the house include "stinking" "minging" "dodgy" "awful" and so on. I had to stop watching.

I know it's their house and their perogative to do what they want with it but... It just feels so disrespectful. AIBU?

@Figmentofmyimagination, people are interested. I watch homes under the hammer for ideas. It's nice to see wallpapers/colour schemes and use of space in small bathrooms and kitchens.

• @MilkTrayheaven - give us a link to your account.*

Ha yep let's see!

This makes me really sad. We did a massive renovation on a project house we bought a couple of years ago. It was stuck circa 1979, and we have poured a whole lot of love into it (and an astronomical amount of money). The vendors were a couple who had lived here while caring for her elderly father, and she has actively avoided setting foot in here since we bought it - I’d be really happy to show her, but she finds it painful, and I get that.

We are currently making changes to the outside of the house, and I’m conscious that that will be much more noticeable for her, and painful. I haven’t put our project online (too private) but if I did I would definitely be respectful to them, and also to the house. We are just the latest custodians of it, and whilst we have made some big changes I would really like to think that we have kept its soul (£££ spent on matching in skirtings, picture rails, architraves and doors to the existing). I am sorry the new owners are so crass.

@ancientgran

I've often thought of this when watching property programmes. It isn't nice is it. I always wonder if some poor soul is sitting thinking their treasured feature whatever is being described as horrible.

I always think this too. Especially on George Clarke's programme "Old House New Home" he seriously slags off the house and laughs about it. I often think of the previous owners watching the tv looking at each other 🤣

It’s so performative and there’s absolutely no need to see Denise from Manchester get a Wickes kitchen fitted and paint a wall dark blue before “styling” open shelving with tat from Home Bargains. No one gives a toss.

Yep hardly Architectural Digest!

That's really sad for you but it's best not to torture yourself and don't watch it.

People often post links to rather quirky (I'm being polite) houses on here and of course these are someone's home or someone's relative's home (if passed away) so might easily be offensive.

Looking at this will just bring pain and who knows what state our own homes will be in when we are elderly.

I am sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself by not looking at this ever again.

Privately many times I have moaned about the previous owners of my house - they did some DIY electrics work and there was also clearly urine in the carpets which had been covered up regularly with air fresher. A few more bits but might be a little outing if I say.
Yes I will moan to friends.

I am mixed on the Instagram comments. Some of it I suspect it to make it seem more dramatic to the follows. While I do not agree with insulting what was someones home i can also understand that they may be viewing some things as 'mingling' (was there carpet in the bathroom that is always a gross to me?).

@ThatMortgageDilemma

That careless idiot would be her nearly 90 year old aunt who hadn't watched the video. Op said this twice!!

@AngeloMysterioso @grapewine

The OP has explained that it was her elderly aunt had asked her grand-daughter to send the link: OP didn't think they had actually viewed the videos.

YABU to be upset over this. I posted a lot on my IG about our home Reno that we did but I tried to be so respectful about it, a lot of older houses need doing up but there’s no need to be calling something “minging”, that’s so thoughtless.

I bought a truly hideous house (in a perfect position) that had been on the market for three years because no-one could see past it’s utter ugliness. My family wanted me to Instagram its renovations but I refused as the previous owner had designed and built it and was extremely proud of his unremitting bad taste. He was in his eighties, but had grandchildren who had spent much of their holidays with him and I could well imagine them finding and showing him the account.

It’s now a very successful holiday let, so no doubt someone has shown him it, but I’d hate to disparage the old house publicly ( I do admit to having before and after photos at the back of the welcome book as I am ridiculously chuffed by the transformation, and my guests are suitably amazed).

You have to ask why people take to instagram to publicise doing up a house.

I think some want freebies or a sm career

@Houserenoqueen that's a lovely idea

@Horst

Maybe she has watched the videos and doesn’t care.

Some people are not emotional about houses as they are just that, a house. The memories you have are still your memories of that house and the joyous time you had while it was your home but it’s just bricks and motor at the end of the day.

A water leak under a kick board for example could leave what they find back their minging/gross or whatever but that would be no reflection of your mother as leaks can go unnoticed and not many people remove their kick boards to clean behind. I’ve pulled off wallpaper in my own house and found some mould where a wall had obviously got damp I called it disgusting and gross because it was only to myself but that’s because I don’t use Instagram really.

The similar situation that I know of has the 'Instagrammer' doing daily updates for their 55k plus followers describing smells and stains on carpets etc. It's unbelievably crass.

[quote shinynewapple21]**@AngeloMysterioso* @grapewine*

The OP has explained that it was her elderly aunt had asked her grand-daughter to send the link: OP didn't think they had actually viewed the videos. [/quote]

Sorry cross posted again

Oh Op, how awful for you. I would have been devastated to have to hear or read such horrible comments about my parent's' home. The language the new owners use though, makes them sound like real chavs, stupid and unable to imagine that the house was once a much loved family home. When my Mum died her and dad's house was definitely stuck in the eighties, my parents had modernised the house when they moved in during the 1980s and had seen no reason to update it as they liked it the way it was. If anyone had said such hurtful things about the house after my Mum died it would have felled me.

Please block the account and I'm so sorry for your loss

I know this is super difficult but try not to interpret it as your family or your dm were stinking or mingling. It's just the physical condition of the house, not the people in it.

We are renovating an untouched 80s apartment right now and some of the things we've unearthed are truly disgusting. Mould all behind the kitchen units. Rotten Lino underneath the surface Lino that smells like a swamp.

We lived here 5 years before ripping all this stuff up and I don't believe we are minging but the things lurking in our home are.

It's just materials and old objects. In that sense, the human race is minging with what we throw into landfill every day.

Try to separate in your mind the person and the memories they created in the home from the brick and mortar.

Sorry for the loss of your mum

House renovation obsession makes me feel a bit ill anyway. The Boomers were the last of the make do and mend generation really. My parents 'put up with' bathrooms and kitchens that weren't perfect for years.

The similar situation that I know of has the 'Instagrammer' doing daily updates for their 55k plus followers describing smells and stains on carpets etc. It's unbelievably crass.

I can't believe some people.

I don't think I will be redoing my bathroom & kitchen in my 70s just for decor changes. I'd rather spend the money on other things.

Anyone who documents their renovation on instagram is an attention seeking twat. Block them and move on.

Me either grapewine

Oh. I don’t use Instagram. Or facebook. I only ever go on mums net.

I really don’t understand these insta stories that people do. It’s nuts. But then I don’t agree with it for reasons like what you’ve stated. Their wording I think is devastating and there’s no need. It surprises me that people don’t realise that houses with very old interiors. Will of had old people living in it. Which meant they’d normally get really unwell and not able to up keep the house.

I feel for you. Hugs x

@pianolessons1

Anyone who documents their renovation on instagram is an attention seeking twat. Block them and move on.

This. ❤️❤️

People who document their life/renovations on Instagram are saddos who need validation from others.

Just block and forget about them.