AIBU to be upset by Insta of late parents' home...

[harriethoyle]

Last year my DM died very unexpectedly. She was my DF carer as he has dementia. DF had to go into a care home and the family home was sold. As you can imagine it was a very traumatic time.

Now, it was an absolute doer upper - I am under no illusions about that! Stuck firmly in the 80s as were my DP ;-) Sold on that basis. I didn't realise but the buyer is documenting the reno on Instagram and I was sent the link. I watched some of the videos last night and whilst I have absolutely no issues with any of the (long overdue) changes that they made, I was really upset by some of the voiceover - words used to describe different aspects of the house include "stinking" "minging" "dodgy" "awful" and so on. I had to stop watching.

I know it's their house and their perogative to do what they want with it but... It just feels so disrespectful. AIBU?

Unfortunately home renovations can make every twat with a paintbrush think they’re Kelly Hoppen

Oh my god THIS

And adding a couple of bedrooms in the loft space makes every twat with a pencil and paper think they’re some kind of developer or property mogul. All the ever bleat on about is how much money they’ve added to their house value…. When the market was going up ANYWAY .

Does my head in.

In another 30 years, OP, the next generation of home-improvers will be mocking them on whatever the 2050 equivalent of Insta will be, and holding their up to the minute tastes up to ridicule.

It's not just a house, they're erasing part of your history and absolutely you ANBU to be hurt by that.

Personally I would send them a message, telling them they need to remember this was someone’s family home, that on SM it will be seen by that family, that the anniversary is coming up and it’s rude and upsetting

Our next door neighbours' downsized and their previous home is just a couple of streets away and the new owners have a similar renovation account on Instagram with lots of unnecessary negative comments on the decor. It's on a huge plot and the new owners are obviously spending a lot of money extending and updating it but it wasn't all that bad in the first place. I don't know if our neighbours are aware.

@pianolessons1

Anyone who documents their renovation on instagram is an attention seeking twat. Block them and move on.

Love it👏👏😂😂

@SquirryTheSquirrel

I did describe the old one as a ‘monstrosity’ as it really was just avocado suite, Lino floored

An avocado suite isn't really a 'monstrosity' - they were all the rage in the 80s. It's no more of a monstrosity than a white suite, it's just that people are used to seeing whatever is in fashion at the time.

Personally, I predict the imminent return of coloured bathroom suites.

I agree. And as for lino - marmoleum is considered an upmarket choice for flooring these days.

People always think that the current trend is the most tasteful ever, but fashions move on. A greyish kitchen with an island and 3 pendant lights above it will look "very late 10s" in a few years time in the same way that an avocado bath looks "very 70s" now.

I remember decorating my first home in the early 2000s - very much in line with what was fashionable then, bright colours etc. It would look very dated now, and that was only 17 years ago.

[quote harriethoyle]@OrangeElk no, they're in their 40s by the look of them[/quote]
I would be commenting and shaming them in front of all their viewers! Pointing out that the previous owner had health issues and Dementia. How dare they?!

@Chloemol

Personally I would send them a message, telling them they need to remember this was someone’s family home, that on SM it will be seen by that family, that the anniversary is coming up and it’s rude and upsetting

Yeah, I think I'd be inclined to do the same to be honest. I imagine they'd be mortified.

We are on a similar position. Dad has just gone into sheltered housing and me and his much younger sister have POA.

He has lived in the house nearly 40 years and since his wife died 35 years ago it has been shockingly neglected. He was fiercely and aggressively independent and wouldn't let anyone in to help with housework, maintenance or gardening. He didn't even let family visit and would either visit us or talk to us on the front step.. After being hospitalised 3 months ago he has had no choice but to allow me access and I was horrified at the state of it. It's like something out of a tv show about hoarding/not cleaning. I've thrown out 10 year old blocks of cheese and things that were once onions but crumbled into dust as soon as I touched them. Not to mention over 100 free pens from his local bookies and 30 year old newspapers and we haven't even got as far as opening any drawers or cupboards in the three spare rooms let alone looking in the attic, outhouses, garage, under stairs cupboards etc.

It's been sold to a young couple as a fixer upper and if they say the same things as your Insta couple it will be fair comment. My aunt and I often say similar things to one another as we try and sort through his stuff trying to separate things of practical, emotional or financial value from the tons of metaphorical and literal rubbish he accumulated as the house fell apart around him.

Remember the things they say are a comment on their own property. They aren't personal. They aren't intended as a criticism or judgement of your parents who they don't even know. The house your parents left behind isn't the sum of their life or their worth. That lies in your loving memories of them.

@MrsRussell I completely agree. I often joke that when we finally move on people will bemoan the 2020s colour scheme and stripped wood floors.

I actually want a coloured bathroom suite!

@Killahangilion

People who document their life/renovations on Instagram are saddos who need validation from others.

Just block and forget about them.

Hear hear

Love an avocado suite, always have. They remind me of my neighbours' house in the eighties. Their bath was a corner one and they had a bidet and cream carpet. It was huge, light and airey and seemed so luxurious!

@DupontsLark

Unfortunately home renovations can make every twat with a paintbrush think they’re Kelly Hoppen

True!

When I'm watching Instagram renovations (why?) I sometimes think of the previous occupants whose tastes the new owners are mocking. The decoration would have been on trend when they were lovingly doing it back then. The newbies aren't being original, just following current trends and one day someone with look with disdain at their faux panelling, highly decorative tiling, grey walls and 3 pendant lamps over the kitchen island.

i agree, i follow someone on instagram, i can't stand it, all this white, i dont know why i follow her but she is fairly local. but as said, it is just a Trend, which in future will be dated!

Horrible
Delete , delete and try to move on
I had some similar and it knocked me sideways xxxx

I understand why you are upset as that language would upset any one. There is no need whatsoever to use the words minging or dodgy. As your DM was the carer for your dad she probably had enough on her plate without having to do housework and repairs to their standards.

Yanu to feel upset but you need to remind yourself that the house is just that to its new owners: a house to make theirs. No memories, no connection. I've moved into my grandmother's old house. Some of it is old and desperately needs replacing and updating but I wouldn't use words such as disgusting or minging because it isn't to me! But it would be to anyone else moving in!

@DGFB

Sorry for your loss. But as you say it was stuck in the 80s and probably did need a big overhaul. They won’t be trying to deliberately upset you. You have to stop looking

That’s different from using some of the language implying neglect or lack of cleanliness.

@Mummyoflittledragon

I would comment. It doesn’t have to be rude. It can simply say ‘The lady, who used to own your home moved to residential care. Luckily she is too frail to see these videos as she would be incredibly upset. She was always a very house proud and private lady.’

That could be misconstrued as you saying she would be incredibly upset that they're renovating it, though. I would be pointing out that it's the language they're using to describe it that is the most hurtful & disrespectful

YADNBU. I always think of the previous owners/ their families whenever I see one of these dooer upper Instagrammers making disparaging comments about the original decor!!

YABU to think they’re doing anything wrong. They aren’t - and if you were watching any other house makeover you’d not bat an eyelid at these terms.

YANBU to be upset as it has emotional links for you so of course you view it through that emotional filter. You can’t help how it makes you feel.

YWBVVVU if you keep watching and torturing yourself. You have the power to stop your upset so you should use that power and block them so you can’t see it.

my childhood home has been renovated and done up, but i never saw the process, i have just seen it on rightmove - and even that is shocking.

You can’t expect the buyer to have the sentimental attachment to your old home and it’s decor as you do

I don’t think the owners expected you to have seen it. I’m sure people will be saying the same about our decor choices in years to come. It’s not nice to hear but you just have to block them. People are insensitive when they have no emotional attachment.

To put a different perspective on it. My parents lived in my childhood home right up until they died. It was in a shocking state as they weren't able to cope and my mum who died was a hoarder and refused any help.

We had to gut the place to make it sellable and then sold it. I drove past the place a year later and it looked amazing. I he got tipped off that it had a for sale sign on it so went on to Rightmove to have a look at what they had done. Apart from what they had done to the back garden which I think was worse, they made my old home so much better and a lovely family home for someone else so I am actually pleased with what they did.

(And having seen what they did and the increase in the sales price, I don't think they made a lot of money out of it either)

Ah, OP you have my sympathy.

The buyers of our last place did something similar - they must have even taken photos during a viewing as some of the ‘before’ photos that they’d posted contained our photos and furniture, together with full criticism of the decor and colour scheme. It wasn’t even dirty or minging, just not the on trend scheme of the moment.

I was pretty heartbroken then so can imagine how upset you must be about a much loved family home.