AIBU to be upset by Insta of late parents' home...

[harriethoyle]

Last year my DM died very unexpectedly. She was my DF carer as he has dementia. DF had to go into a care home and the family home was sold. As you can imagine it was a very traumatic time.

Now, it was an absolute doer upper - I am under no illusions about that! Stuck firmly in the 80s as were my DP ;-) Sold on that basis. I didn't realise but the buyer is documenting the reno on Instagram and I was sent the link. I watched some of the videos last night and whilst I have absolutely no issues with any of the (long overdue) changes that they made, I was really upset by some of the voiceover - words used to describe different aspects of the house include "stinking" "minging" "dodgy" "awful" and so on. I had to stop watching.

I know it's their house and their perogative to do what they want with it but... It just feels so disrespectful. AIBU?

And just share it here - if you’re not brave enough to call them out others will be!

Hi OP, this exact same scenario is playing out in the small rural enclave in which I live. People who knew the couple who previously owned the house are utterly horrified by the disrespect being shown by the new owners. Yes, it's their house now but some of the commentary has been tone deaf to say the least. It reflects very badly on them.

Sorry for your loss, OP, and it can take years to come to terms with the loss of a dearly loved one. YANBU to feel upset. It is their house but it can be disrespectful. It's easy to say but try to remember the things you loved about your DM and any happy memories of the house.

I could never describe a home like that. My favourite home so far I've seen (and missed out on) needed serious work but I loved it because just walking in it felt happy. Homes have souls.

@AngeloMysterioso

Who on earth sent you the link?! Surely they’d have known it was going to upset you…

That's my question. There's no reason for that.

Oh dear OP - YANBU at all! I’m so sorry you had to watch that.

There’s a class of SM posters whose tactic is to dramatically deride things to emphasise how great their improvements are. I find them disgusting and always click away. No respect!

@Eralos

I saw something like this on Stacey Solomons Instagram and she’s absolutely slates her current home and how she’s improving it which she is but I think, is she not embarrassed that the people she brought from will most likely see her insult all their choices! Yanbu op it’s insensitive.

I agree Stacy Solomon is trashing that beautiful old house with hideous DIY attempts.

As a PP has suggested, you might want to name change and share a new AIBU with a 'AIBU to think this Instagram renovation I have seen is thoroughly disrespectful'.

Part of me wants to comment but a) it's their house and up to them b) I don't really want to open up a dialogue about it with them, i don't really strong enough to deal with any conflict or fallout c) I'm not sure I could be tactful enough rather than just saying who the fuck do you think you are, you rude bat!

@Hollyhead

And just share it here - if you’re not brave enough to call them out others will be!

I will comment on their Instagram saying it’s rude.

I'm so sorry, OP.

They sound like arseholes. Trying to make themselves look good by doing down other people.

Reflects far more on them than on your parents.

Renovation accounts can be interesting but Iv’e seen lots of young couples ripping out original features and the finished renovation looks like every other. I see how upsetting it would be for you.

I have a lovely younger colleague in her early 20s, she bought a house with her boyfriend, a bog standard new build terrace, well by the Instagram account you would think they are doing some amazing interior design, they’re not. But they are the children of social media and everything they do must be documented and exceptional. I’m only 40 but it makes me laugh.

It’s a different world on social media.

@grapewine @AngeloMysterioso my elderly aunt - I genuinely don't think she'd watched the videos, she would be horrified and she's absolutely lovely so there was definitely no malice...

How sad for you. I do see why that would upset you.

I really don’t see why so many people feel the need to document their renovation projects on Instagram now. It’s so performative and there’s absolutely no need to see Denise from Manchester get a Wickes kitchen fitted and paint a wall dark blue before “styling” open shelving with tat from Home Bargains. No one gives a toss.

@harriethoyle

For those asking my auntie sent me the link - she's nearly 90 and not very technological (her granddaughter had sent it to her!) so I think was just excited to see the pictures and hadn't watched or listened to the videos... Bless her. I genuinely don't think she had realised.

Oh. I hadn't read this. That's excusable.

Block the account, OP. Very sorry for your loss.

I think the only person who was unreasonable here was the careless idiot that sent you the link. Didn't they think that seeing that would upset you?

Probably they didn't hear the words but it is never easy to see how the presence of your loved ones is erased from the property as it is renovated.

[quote harriethoyle]**@grapewine* @AngeloMysterioso* my elderly aunt - I genuinely don't think she'd watched the videos, she would be horrified and she's absolutely lovely so there was definitely no malice...[/quote]
Crosspost with this. I can definitely see that, OP.

Some people will do or say anything for ‘likes’

I honestly couldn't share the account so other people could tell them - it's such a kind offer but as PP said my DM was such a private and house proud woman until things got overwhelming that she would be MORTIFIED if I did. and it feels very important to try and honour that, particularly when someone else is being so disrespectful.

@Hopdathelf your characterisation of modern day renovations made me laugh, thank you!

Thank you everyone. It's been reassuring to hear that you don't think I'm being utterly oversensitive.

Oh I really feel for you. A friend of mine did this, she was well aware that the previous owners had moved into a sheltered block very nearby as they were both frail. They saw all the skips, original features being pulled out. I hope they never saw her Instagram which was similarly horrible with lots of insulting stuff about decor choices etc. It really changed how I thought of her and the friendship cooled.

No YANBU. I can't watch Homes Under the Hammer for the same reason. I find it intrusive and offensive. People get old, they can't maintain their homes properly, and they get staid and old-fashioned, but it is still someone's home.

Sorry to hear that OP…some people just don’t think. We bought a similar property where the elderly mother and son had died within months of each of cancer. The property was understandably in a state but my overwhelming feeling was of sadness as went about the renovation at the thought of these people living in their beloved home that had become difficult for them to manage due to their circumstances. I agree with the suggestion to delete the link and put it down to thoughtless behaviour on the part of the new owners.

Sending you sympathies. My DSis and I are selling our late parents house/our lifetime family home at the moment. Someone said it must be like a little bereavement in itself, and it is.

I happened across a similar video on TikTok. I didn't know the house or occupants but I was irritated by the OTT language used about the original decor of the house. It had clearly been a well loved house, just not particularly modern. I presume its done for effect, but it seems silly posting it in a public place where previous occupants can come across it, as has happened here.

I would either try to accept that it's all bluster for social media, or gently call them out. Either way, I'd take it with a pinch of salt.