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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my mum should have invited her grandchildren to her meal....

135 replies

MyLifeNow20 · 20/08/2021 22:11

My mum turned 60 2 weeks ago. She has invited a small group of family for a meal at 1.30pm tomorrow in a resturant. £ of my aunties, my mum, me and my 21 and 19yr old sisters (well step).
I asked if my girls were invited 18, 14 and 6 and she said not really and thought my eldest would have to babysit my yongest for the day.
I told my 6yr old earlier that she would have to stay with her sister tomorrow because I am going out with nanny and she didnt understand why she couldnt come too.
AIBU to think my girls should have been invited?

OP posts:
Monsterjam · 20/08/2021 22:13

I can see why it’s upsetting but I think you ABU. It’s her meal her choice who attends

Palavah · 20/08/2021 22:13

Yes yabu. It was your mum's choice. Does she have other grandchildren?

RuthW · 20/08/2021 22:13

Yes they should have been invited. I would just assume they were.

54321nought · 20/08/2021 22:13

YABU

SimonedeBeauvoirscat · 20/08/2021 22:13

Why though?

tobedtoMNandfart · 20/08/2021 22:13

YABU. It's your Mums birthday and these are the people she has chosen to invite. There are no hard and fast rules she should have followed here.

gardeninggirl68 · 20/08/2021 22:14

she probably wants the focus on herself...kids tend to get bored, need entertainingetc

dont blame her tbh!

HungryHippo11 · 20/08/2021 22:14

Its her choice I guess.
Maybe she doesn't want kids there and thinks it would be unfair to invite the 18 year old but not the other two ( I would agree)

Presumably you could see her to celebrate her birthday in a more child friendly environment at another time?

And you tell your 6 year old that you're going out for a dinner but it will be boring for her because its a grown up restaurant and she will have lots of fun with her sister.

Hoppinggreen · 20/08/2021 22:15

No, it’s up to your Mum.
It looks like she just wanted 2 generations and you should respect that.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 20/08/2021 22:16

Its ok to have adult only events sometimes. Bit unfair on your eldest perhaps to be treated as a child, but inviting her and not her sisters wouldn't be fair either.

BeaBeaBuzz · 20/08/2021 22:16

Given that there are no other children going YABU

Original poster
MyLifeNow20 · 20/08/2021 22:16

I understand completely, she did say it would be boring for her. Its just a shame my older girls cant come if my sisters are going.

OP posts:
Coronado2 · 20/08/2021 22:17

For an afternoon family meal I'd assume my children were invited, unless it was somewhere particularly fancy and then I might say I think it would be better not to bring them.

Workyticket · 20/08/2021 22:17

Kids change the dynamic of a meal out - I love my ds and I love my friends' kids and eat out with children a lot.

However i bloody love a child free meal out given the chance - totally different in terms of chat and relaxation

JayAlfredPrufrock · 20/08/2021 22:17

If it’s an adult only meal then no.

But I’m an include everyone so would invite them. But children change the dynamics

NailsNeedDoing · 20/08/2021 22:17

Yabu, there’s nothing wrong with what she wanted.

Did she pay for everyone or did you all pay for yourselves?

AlexaShutUp · 20/08/2021 22:18

YANBU.

Yes, of course, it's her birthday and she can invite whoever she likes, and lots of people will pile on to tell you that, but it's a bit shit to have a family get-together without the grandchildren in my view. My 16yo would be massively offended if my mum did this, and I wouldn't blame her... but then, my mum would never do that.

Do you have to go yourself? Personally, I think I'd say thanks for the invite but I didn't want to attend without dc.

BecauseMyRingBurnsSheila · 20/08/2021 22:20

Yes I would have thought she would have wanted to spend it with them but unfortunately this is the hard way to find out she doesn't.

By way of comparison my DM had a milestone birthday and invited her sister and my siblings out to celebrate but somehow 'forgot' to invite me. Yeah. That was a hard way to find out what she really thinks of me.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 20/08/2021 22:20

Your youngest would be even more upset if her sisters could go and she couldn't.

It sounds like your mum just wanted adults there and had to draw the line somewhere to keep it fair.

Original poster
MyLifeNow20 · 20/08/2021 22:21

It's tomorrow. Put my 6 yr old to bed and said your staying with older DD tomorrow and hadnt told her up til now where I am going but told her and she said why cant I come.

OP posts:
LocalHobo · 20/08/2021 22:21

I don't have GC but, if I did, would assume I would want to show them off at my 60th. I suppose if it is an incredibly complex tasting menu some 6 year olds may not enjoy the event but I can see no reason not to invite the 14 and 18 year old unless it is the cost?

PickleAF · 20/08/2021 22:22

YABU to think they should have been invited. It's up to her who she invites - to be honest a 6 year old will change the vibe of a meal! Do your other siblings have kids too? That could end up being a huge group! Sounds like a lovely chance to have a nice meal Smile

SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/08/2021 22:25

@MyLifeNow20

It's tomorrow. Put my 6 yr old to bed and said your staying with older DD tomorrow and hadnt told her up til now where I am going but told her and she said why cant I come.
"Because it's just us adults tomorrow and we will all have fun together next time". Simple
Original poster
MyLifeNow20 · 20/08/2021 22:27

thats the thing local she tries to make out shes an amazing grandma but shes not really bothered and doesnt make much effort.

No other young children in the family

OP posts:
NailsNeedDoing · 20/08/2021 22:28

You can make a cake and do something nice for your Mum to involve your 6 year old in her grans special birthday, she should be able to understand that not every event is for everyone.