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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my mum should have invited her grandchildren to her meal....

135 replies

MyLifeNow20 · 20/08/2021 22:11

My mum turned 60 2 weeks ago. She has invited a small group of family for a meal at 1.30pm tomorrow in a resturant. £ of my aunties, my mum, me and my 21 and 19yr old sisters (well step).
I asked if my girls were invited 18, 14 and 6 and she said not really and thought my eldest would have to babysit my yongest for the day.
I told my 6yr old earlier that she would have to stay with her sister tomorrow because I am going out with nanny and she didnt understand why she couldnt come too.
AIBU to think my girls should have been invited?

OP posts:
Original poster
MyLifeNow20 · 20/08/2021 22:32

Nails. thats a good idea thank you!

OP posts:
JanisJ · 20/08/2021 22:34

I think it's fine to want an adults only nice meal out every so often.

Not everything has to be child friendly. Does she usually see the kids and invite them to things?

Sceptre86 · 20/08/2021 22:35

First of all you didn't need to tell your 6 year old where you are going. Secondly it is up to your mum who she invites. Having said that I can't understand her not wanting her grandkids there, my mum would want to see her grandkids on her special day and they would want to share it with her. Yanbu to be a little put out but it is her day.

Viviennemary · 20/08/2021 22:37

Peopld do need adult time. I think its fine.

Blueeilidh · 20/08/2021 22:38

Yabu there are lots of reasons why she might have not invited them. I think it would be more unfair if she had invited the older grandchildren and not the youngest and having children there does change the whole dynamic.

Original poster
MyLifeNow20 · 20/08/2021 22:41

She sees the grandchildren when we get together for a dog walk or a pop over there.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyLifeNow20 · 20/08/2021 22:42

I told my DD i was going out and she asked so I told her, why would I lie?

OP posts:
user1471457751 · 20/08/2021 22:42

She's got a child the same age as your eldest, it's not that surprising if she's not being an overly involved granny

Hypnoshiding · 20/08/2021 22:43

Your 6 year old is old enough to understand now everyone goes everywhere. For all sorts of reasons.

Kiduknot · 20/08/2021 22:43

I can understand wanting an adult only event. Pity about the older girls but if they went it would be upsetting for the youngest.

TimeForTeaAndG · 20/08/2021 22:44

@MyLifeNow20

I told my DD i was going out and she asked so I told her, why would I lie?
Because at 6yo it's ok to sometimes be told that it's a grown up thing.
KatherineJaneway · 20/08/2021 22:45

YABU. If that's what your Mum wants, then fair enough. Your youngest needs to learn she can't be invited to everything.

Mantlemoose · 20/08/2021 22:45

Adult only event, what's the issue?

MichelleScarn · 20/08/2021 22:45

@MyLifeNow20

I understand completely, she did say it would be boring for her. Its just a shame my older girls cant come if my sisters are going.
Because your sisters are her own adult children? Agree the dynamic of a 6 year old versus someone much older being there is huge!
GingerBrod · 20/08/2021 22:48

She obviously wants a civilized meal with adults Confused I don't think that's controversial.

YABU to not just tell your DD that tomorrow's meal is just for the grown ups.

alexdgr8 · 20/08/2021 22:51

if children are there one cannot really relax, one has to be on duty, watching out for them. your mum wants it to be a carefree event.
you didn't need to tell your DD where/ what you were doing.
just that she gets to spend the day with big sister.
sounds like you put a spin on it, to carry your disapproval to your DD.
you didn't have to do that.

ThinWomansBrain · 20/08/2021 22:54

I can understand her wanting it to be adults only - the stepdaughter and your eldest are close in age, but if she'd invited her, what about the 14 year old - and then it's only leaving the youngest oyt.
could have organised a separate event that included them.

I thought covid was brilliant for that - I hate parties, so had a week of small group eating out and events, it was great.

Original poster
MyLifeNow20 · 20/08/2021 22:54

I told DD that it was adults and I also said I wasnt sure who was going...

OP posts:
JennysMiddleFinger · 20/08/2021 22:55

I really don't see an issue here. Yeah, it's fine to feel slightly disappointed but that's all.

As for the PP who suggests you tell her you won't be going if your children aren't going.....bloody hell.......this is the type of nonsense that festers and grows into family wars and NC. People are allowed to have an adult only meal out ffs.

Hypnoshiding · 20/08/2021 22:57

@MyLifeNow20

I told DD that it was adults and I also said I wasnt sure who was going...
Why?

Its adults only. Everyone who is attending is an adult.

Why would she be more upset to find out that her aunties are going?

Your sisters, are your mothers daughters AND adults.

saraclara · 20/08/2021 23:01

She's invited her immediate family. So her siblings and her daughters.

That makes perfect sense to me.

Original poster
MyLifeNow20 · 20/08/2021 23:04

Thank you all x

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 20/08/2021 23:09

As for the PP who suggests you tell her you won't be going if your children aren't going.....bloody hell.......this is the type of nonsense that festers and grows into family wars and NC. People are allowed to have an adult only meal out ffs.

That was me. We don't have any family wars and nobody is NC.

My dd would be really upset to be excluded from a family occasion, so yes, I'd prefer not to attend in that situation than to have to explain that she wasn't welcome. It's totally hypothetical though because the situation simply wouldn't arise in my family. I would never have to make that choice because we have never done the us and them thing with the children. They're are older now anyway, but even when they were little, they were always welcome.

I would totally understand it with friends and that's fair enough. It's bizarre to me that families would want to include children though. Each to their own though.

Hypnoshiding · 20/08/2021 23:13

@AlexaShutUp

As for the PP who suggests you tell her you won't be going if your children aren't going.....bloody hell.......this is the type of nonsense that festers and grows into family wars and NC. People are allowed to have an adult only meal out ffs.

That was me. We don't have any family wars and nobody is NC.

My dd would be really upset to be excluded from a family occasion, so yes, I'd prefer not to attend in that situation than to have to explain that she wasn't welcome. It's totally hypothetical though because the situation simply wouldn't arise in my family. I would never have to make that choice because we have never done the us and them thing with the children. They're are older now anyway, but even when they were little, they were always welcome.

I would totally understand it with friends and that's fair enough. It's bizarre to me that families would want to include children though. Each to their own though.

So you don't believe family shoidm ever have an adult only event? Everything has to be child friendly?

And you wouldn't ever attend one, if someone didn't want kids there?

This isn't a family party is it? Because the whole family is not going. The mother has invited her sister and her daughters that's it. If your mum wanted to do something with just her children, would you really not go?

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 20/08/2021 23:15

I'm a grandmother. I love my grandson to bits. But I would not want to go out to a restaurant with him for my birthday gathering. As people have said, young kids change the whole atmosphere.

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