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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday without him….?

555 replies

PineapplePrincess · 19/08/2021 23:57

Holiday booked for December. Me, DH and 2DC. Booked pre-pandemic.

Hubby is not vaccinated and country doesn't currently allow unvaccinated people entry. It’s unlikely to change position before we travel.

Option 1 - we go without him.

Option 2 - we abandon the holiday.

Husband is in favour of Option 2.

I’m wondering whether I could manage Option 1. Biggest difficulty other than keeping an eye on both kids in a foreign country, is driving - I’ve never done it outside of the UK and it would be in winter conditions.

Would it be unreasonable for me to consider going without him….?

OP posts:
legosunqueen · 20/08/2021 11:01

Definitely go without him. Could you change the accommodation to be more accessible to public transport? There may also be coach/shared minibus options for transport...

m0therofdragons · 20/08/2021 11:04

No way would I let my dc miss out due to dh’s choice. Not a moment’s doubt in my mind - I would go and have an amazing time. I’d respect dh’s choice (it’s his body) but that doesn’t mean I have to accept the impact on my life or my dc.

WouldBeGood · 20/08/2021 11:06

Yes, exactly. He’s entitled to his choice and you to yours!

lovelybitofsquirrell · 20/08/2021 11:09

If it was me i would rope my Dad in to coming, specifically for the driving abroad!. Would a family member or friend go with you?

ButtonMoonLoon · 20/08/2021 11:10

I also vote for taking a friend in his place- but I wonder if even suggesting that to him might spur him on and change his mind.

Xiaoxiong · 20/08/2021 11:12

He is allowed to make a choice not to have a vaccine but choices have consequences. If he doesn't get jabbed he isn't going to be going on a plane again for a long time, I think, unless he has a medical exemption. I'd find a friend who drives to go with you and he stays home.

I just flew back from 2 weeks away and because I'm jabbed, the process was much smoother, I could get into that country no problem, and I also didn't have to quarantine when I got back to the UK. There is no way we could have gone if it had been 2 weeks away and then quarantine when we got back.

Annasgirl · 20/08/2021 11:13

@Wingedharpy

You've got time to find a lover before December OP. Preferably, one that's fully vaccinated and can drive in snowy conditions. Have a lovely holiday.Wink
I love this - quote of the dayGrin Grin
boatgirl81 · 20/08/2021 11:15

We are doing a Santa trip and got all the pre info on Wednesday so I wonder if it is the same trip? The Finish government are quite clear and it's 2 vaccinations for adults. I would also be very nervous about driving or visiting on my own but you might be able to rearrange for another year?

FromEnglandWithLove · 20/08/2021 11:15

Assuming this is a trip to Finland? Or possibly Sweden? If so you'll be fine driving, roads are wide and virtually no traffic. I'd recommend getting an automatic car to make it as easy as possible.

This is what life will be like now, no access to concerts, events, travel for the unvaccinated

jeaux90 · 20/08/2021 11:19

I'm a single mum and travelled a lot with my kid.

Go. Apart from the fact he's an arse you will find it liberating to do this on your own with the kids. You can do this, give you and your kids an amazing experience.

If you give in to him he'll always have this to control your decisions.

mrsk247syd · 20/08/2021 11:24

Yep. Most things are easily doable with one parent - speaking as a frequent 'lone parent' traveller
Keep calm, relish the moment, look forward to the preplaned event. Option one he realises he's going to miss out and makes 'better' choices. Option 2 he misses out and you and kids have a great time.... teach yourself ( if necessary) how to relax / calm fast.let go and enjoy.
3 you all stay home, kids miss out, you feel resentful and he second guesses his ideals but is also miserable
Enjoy your holiday xx

Unsure33 · 20/08/2021 11:32

if you are happy you can cope with everything at the other end then definitely go without him . Enjoy .

TheMamaYo · 20/08/2021 11:32

Absolutely go, and make the best of it. It really isn't that hard to do the lone parent thing, and your dc will take their cues from you. If you are happy and relaxed, chances are they will be too. Go and have a great time, don't be a martyr.

BeauxRingarde · 20/08/2021 11:39

I would go without him....mainly as practice for life without him. I couldn't be with someone who would be so selfish.

GCAcademic · 20/08/2021 11:40

Go without him. His choice not to have the vaccine, but he can't expect everyone else to restrict their lives because of his choice. Does he really expect you never to holiday abroad again?

ArrrMeHearties · 20/08/2021 11:44

Don't let you and your children miss out on the holiday of a lifetime because your husband is a selfish twat

heathspeedwell · 20/08/2021 11:49

If he's that selfish then this is a good time for you and your children to get in the habit of enjoying doing things without him.

KatherineJaneway · 20/08/2021 11:53

I'd be going without him. I suspect he'll change his mind on the vaccine once he realises that you'll all be off having fun without him.

Fernando072020 · 20/08/2021 11:54

Why on earth should your children miss out on a once in a lifetime holiday to see Santa because of their stupid anti-vax father?

Go with your kids, take another family member like your mum and have a great time.

pointythings · 20/08/2021 11:58

Go without him. He's an idiot who puts his conspiracy theories before his family. Once you've done the driving, you'll have so much more confidence and be able to do so many more things without your loser husband.

Bouledeneige · 20/08/2021 12:05

I have frequently done road trips alone with my 2DC - California, Iceland, Spain, France. I made sure I was very organised - knowing time of travel for each leg of the journey, destination etc. Its just driving but on the other side of the road. I got the kids to help me find routes, which roundabout turn off etc. Its really easy

Definitely go without him. Its fun!

girljulian · 20/08/2021 12:07

Absolutely go without him! Selfish git. You should show him there are consequences for his actions.

callmeadoctor · 20/08/2021 12:08

So you think he's not bothered about going? (is this a ploy to stop you all going away?)

callmeadoctor · 20/08/2021 12:10

I would go on holiday (and leave him to pack and find somewhere to live..............................)

Calmdown14 · 20/08/2021 12:17

Double check you can’t change your accommodation option but otherwise, be brave. You can do it!
Take your mum, dad sister, whatever.
Or is there a bigger cabin/ room to make it a bigger family experience?
You need to take them so he can’t dictate this forever.
Or at the very least, bluff him that you are going alone and are fine about it. Have wobbles in private. Present only absolute confidence!
Bet that will shake his faith in his (stupid) decision