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AIBU?

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Original poster

To go on holiday without him….?

555 replies

PineapplePrincess · 19/08/2021 23:57

Holiday booked for December. Me, DH and 2DC. Booked pre-pandemic.

Hubby is not vaccinated and country doesn't currently allow unvaccinated people entry. It’s unlikely to change position before we travel.

Option 1 - we go without him.

Option 2 - we abandon the holiday.

Husband is in favour of Option 2.

I’m wondering whether I could manage Option 1. Biggest difficulty other than keeping an eye on both kids in a foreign country, is driving - I’ve never done it outside of the UK and it would be in winter conditions.

Would it be unreasonable for me to consider going without him….?

OP posts:
Original poster
PineapplePrincess · 20/08/2021 12:29

Thanks guys. In answer to your queries:

  • It's Finland we're booked for, they have a strict approach of no entry (unless on compassionate grounds) for people over 12 yrs of age who are not double vaccinated.
  • We're booked on a DIY, so no option to change flights or accommodation
  • We have spent several thousand pounds of flight and accommodation which we would be set to lose by not going
  • We're book just outside the main city of Rovaniemi, so while the cabin is remote it is only 15minute drive away from a city centre and close to the airport
  • Booking is for early December, so not over Xmas or NY itself. Please don't flame me for taking kids out of school! :-)
  • Kids don't know. It was suppose to be a surprise for closer to the time. Given we booked 2yrs ago I couldn't stand the constant nagging and then Covid hit, so made sense not to tell them in case it wouldn't happen due to lockdowns.
  • No family I can take (only child, both parents deceased), SIL would be an option but she's a teacher and won't get time off. Friends all have kids of their own, so would be a bit weird to take them without the option of them taking their kids (no seats left on the flight).

I completely respect DHs right to not get vaccinated - his body, his choice.

He holds quite strong views in this space, which make it difficult not to get into a heated discussion. He says he's done lots of research and that I haven't (I've largely trusted public health advice, they're suppose to be the experts - right?). He believes he is being coerced into having the vaccine by the fact he's being stopped from doing certain things. Has mentioned the vaccine is still on trial, and would maybe consider it in a year or so once its gone through appropriate testing.

When I flippantly mentioned that we may go without his, he wasn't happy.

OP posts:
DismantledKing · 20/08/2021 12:34

He’s a Facebook epidemiologist then. What a fucking selfish idiot he is.

pointythings · 20/08/2021 12:37

He's mentioned the vaccine is still in trial - he is 100% wrong about this. So what else is he wrong about, and what kind of 'research' has he done?

The vaccine is only in trial in the sense that any new medicinal product is - safety monitoring while the product is in general use. This is a normal stage for all medicinal products, not just vaccines and not just the COVID vaccines.

Jerseygirl12 · 20/08/2021 12:40

I’d go and use the car hire money on taxis. Your DH is selfish trying stopping your DC see the real Santa⛄️

godmum56 · 20/08/2021 12:40

@PineapplePrincess

Thanks guys. In answer to your queries:
  • It's Finland we're booked for, they have a strict approach of no entry (unless on compassionate grounds) for people over 12 yrs of age who are not double vaccinated.
  • We're booked on a DIY, so no option to change flights or accommodation
  • We have spent several thousand pounds of flight and accommodation which we would be set to lose by not going
  • We're book just outside the main city of Rovaniemi, so while the cabin is remote it is only 15minute drive away from a city centre and close to the airport
  • Booking is for early December, so not over Xmas or NY itself. Please don't flame me for taking kids out of school! :-)
  • Kids don't know. It was suppose to be a surprise for closer to the time. Given we booked 2yrs ago I couldn't stand the constant nagging and then Covid hit, so made sense not to tell them in case it wouldn't happen due to lockdowns.
  • No family I can take (only child, both parents deceased), SIL would be an option but she's a teacher and won't get time off. Friends all have kids of their own, so would be a bit weird to take them without the option of them taking their kids (no seats left on the flight).

I completely respect DHs right to not get vaccinated - his body, his choice.

He holds quite strong views in this space, which make it difficult not to get into a heated discussion. He says he's done lots of research and that I haven't (I've largely trusted public health advice, they're suppose to be the experts - right?). He believes he is being coerced into having the vaccine by the fact he's being stopped from doing certain things. Has mentioned the vaccine is still on trial, and would maybe consider it in a year or so once its gone through appropriate testing.

When I flippantly mentioned that we may go without his, he wasn't happy.

vaccines are NOT "still on trial" ...ask to see his research links if you want to argue but I'd just be saying that you are going with the kids and that's that....its not a punishment or any kind of attack on him or his views...he is entitled to his views but the thing with views and choices is that they have consequences...taking the kids without him is a consequence, nothing more.
BananasAboutBananas · 20/08/2021 12:42

Don't let your kids miss out because of him. Take a friend, have a great time and don't feel a second of guilt 😊

shrodingersbiscuit · 20/08/2021 12:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

WouldBeGood · 20/08/2021 12:43

I think his views in relation to his decision to be vaccinated are perfectly legitimate. But I don’t think it’s reasonable for him to stop you and the DCs going.

It sounds so lovely! Makes me wish mine were young again

Mrstamborineman · 20/08/2021 12:44

Similar circumstances here, we go without the person being resistant. Why should everyone else miss out?
Unless there is a reason he can not be vaccinated ? Something he is not in control of ?

HalzTangz · 20/08/2021 12:46

Option 3 DH gets vaccinated. If he says no then option 1, why should you all miss out because he doesn't want the jab

Whyo · 20/08/2021 12:46

Not wanting to be vaccinated is his choice, but actions have repercussions. This is one of the repercussions, absolutely go.

Given his factually incorrect statements he’s not gotten very far in his research.

Theworldisfullofgs · 20/08/2021 12:48

I'd go.
Decisions have consequences. His consequences should be for him not all of you.

HalzTangz · 20/08/2021 12:52

You don't need to drive you can use buses and taxis, the hotel will help you arrange transport.
Your kids are getting older, this trip really is a now or never moment.
Go, take a friend to help out and have fun

WildFlowerBees · 20/08/2021 12:53

Option 1 go alone, I get it's daunting but why should you all miss out. His desire to not be controlled by the gov should also extend to you not wanting to be controlled due to his poor decision making.

Tell the kids and let them know daddy isn't coming because he isn't vaccinated. Let them keep asking him why he's not going!

HalzTangz · 20/08/2021 12:56

He literally won't be able to travel anywhere. More and more countries are setting in place that only vaccinated can enter.
Pubs, restaurants etc in various countries will only serve vaccinated people.

Does your husband only ever want to holiday in the UK for years to come?

MargosKaftan · 20/08/2021 13:01

Go. Tell him if he dies of covid you'll have to get used to holidaying without him.

Id also ask about his "lots of research" - has he read the result data from the medical trials? Has he read articles in medical journals, or from random peoples blogs? Urgh.

Go without him.

countrygirl99 · 20/08/2021 13:06

The roads in Finland aren't busy, they are used to clearing snow and the car will have winter tyres.

MahMahMahMahCorona · 20/08/2021 13:07

@Wingedharpy

You've got time to find a lover before December OP. Preferably, one that's fully vaccinated and can drive in snowy conditions. Have a lovely holiday.Wink

This 🤣

BobLemon · 20/08/2021 13:09

You respect his choice, but do you realise how little respect he has for you and your DC?

BobLemon · 20/08/2021 13:11

Anyway. The consensus is pretty clear that you should go.

BUT

When you wrote option 1, were you actually serious? Is it more of an idea than an option? Not getting the vibes that you’ll actually do it. Sorry.

Waspie · 20/08/2021 13:23

I would definitely go without him. Why should you and your children miss out? As PP has pointed out the hire cars will have winter tyres and the Fins are way better at dealing with snowy roads than we are.

Perhaps take a friend or your mum with you?

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 20/08/2021 13:24

I think he has to realise that you and the DC won't be affected by his decisions. Show some independence and go!

YerWanIsGettinNotions · 20/08/2021 13:26

Yes, go. If you are a confident driver in the UK you will be fine - I find this country harder to drive in than most EU countries tbh, and I've even driven in Italy 😂 (I think the most difficult part of driving is other people on the road - and if you're somewhere with lower population density you will be fine.) Smaller airports are also easier to navigate through and you'll be out quickly enough. Just make sure your passports are all in date and you know what you can and can't bring into the EU (no more than 10 years from date of issue -5 for kids - even if they have longer til expiry).

On a separate note, how careless of you, relying on public health advice. Very reckless behaviour for your personal well-being! What do they even know, with their scientists, laboratory testing, massive-scale trials and peer reviewed publications in respected academic journals? You need to watch 15-35 shouty YouTube videos and educate yourself, missy!

pigsDOfly · 20/08/2021 13:27

The vaccine is only still on 'trial' according to the face book 'experts'.

No one in the scientific and medical fields connected with the vaccine thinks it's still on trial, and I know who's opinion I'd rather put my trust in.

Trawling through pages of face book conspiracy theories is not doing research.

Yes, it's his choice but expecting you all to forego your holiday for his stupid belief that the government is trying to 'control' him by offering him a vaccine that could very well save him from the effects of a disease that has killed millions of people world wide is pretty selfish, and ignorant to boot.

Of course you should go.

Don't think of the driving as being you in your car on snowy roads in Britain.

Everything about the car and the roads will be geared towards driving in those conditions.

It really doesn't take long to get used to driving on the other side, in fact, I think it's easier as it always feels like a more logical system to me.

Do some research about driving on Finnish roads: signage, any particular laws etc.

Go, and enjoy yourself.

It will be magical for you and the children.

Can't believe your husband is willing to miss out on such a holiday. The fact that he's willing to do it at the expense of you and your children just to make a point, show just how selfish he is.

onlyjustme · 20/08/2021 13:29

VERY difficult OP.
To the posters saying "take him to get vaccinated" he is an adult and it is his choice!
To the posters saying "I would leave him" (as in divorce, not just at home on holiday). REALLY? You clearly have not had to think about that actual situation for yourself.
OP - go if you can. He has made his choice and will have to deal with the consequences.