Page 18 | To go on holiday without him….?

PineapplePrincess · 2021-08-19T22:57:07+00:00

Holiday booked for December. Me, DH and 2DC. Booked pre-pandemic. Hubby is not vaccinated and country doesn't currently allow unvaccinated people entry. It’s unlikely to change position before we travel. Option 1 - we go without him. Option 2 - we abandon the holiday. Husband is in favour of Option 2. I’m wondering whether I could manage Option 1. Biggest difficulty other than keeping an eye on both kids in a foreign country, is driving - I’ve never done it outside of the UK and it would be in winter conditions. Would it be unreasonable for me to consider going without him….?

MidsummerMimi · 22/08/2021 09:22

I drive aboard a lot.
I also employ a lot of people from EU countries who have to drive in the U.K. for the first time.
In both cases we are driving the vehicles compatible with the local traffic system, as OP would be doing on her trip.

We have a basic rule for “ driving on the other side of the road”.
It is: Driver is always on the white line.
A lot of people are not automatically tuned into left and right and can get confused when making split second decisions.
Once you visualise how wrong it feels, when the driver is scraping the roadside hedges and the passenger is sitting out in the middle of the road, you just get it.
OP will be totally fine, she has exactly same driver’s qualification as her DH.

ShingleBeach · 22/08/2021 09:39

OP, I see the vaxx and relationship issues as different, though he is using one to strengthen control.

Vax choice: his right to bodily autonomy. (Though I personally would have a view on his level of gullibility to our less critically endowed community)

Relationship issues: trying to make his choice yours. Thinking his choice dictates the children’s’ experiences. Trying to undermine your confidence with his ‘worries’. Trying to guilt trip you.

If he was truly supportive and wanting his kids to enjoy the holiday that he thought worth saving for he would:
Try and reassure you and build your confidence
Pass on the tips that help him drive in the right. Point out that driving in the right is not a penis-dependent skill. Tell you that if he can do it, you can do it.
Tell you that you have both made sacrifices for the kids to enjoy this so though he is sad he can’t/won’t go, he will look forward to seeing the photos.

Ironic that he thinks the Gvt is trying to control him… while he insidiously tries to control you.

Ask yourself how much of your own worries about doing this are based in your DH always having done things like drive, rather than supporting you to do them?

‘Looking after ‘ a woman puts her on a pedestal. Quite a precarious place to be.

Frazzled2207 · 22/08/2021 09:43

Pretty aghast that you are considering only taking one child (don’t do it!) and are listening to his concern that he doesn’t want the three of you to go without him. What an idiot.
Perhaps remind him that by far the best course or action is for him to just, y’know, get the vaccine

Frazzled2207 · 22/08/2021 09:44

Ps I do get your concerns about travelling alone with them. I’d be anxious too. But I’d go.
Not quite the same but my mum is a non-flier and my dad loves travelling so he took me all kinds of places from age 8 or so. I have extremely fond memories of little adventures with my dad.

Pastrydame · 22/08/2021 10:06

It's easier for him if you don't go. If you to without him, he has to face the questions from your dc - "why aren't you coming with us, daddy?" And what decent reason can he give that won't worry them or isn't a lie?

whynotwhatknot · 22/08/2021 10:16

Ah hes worried is he does he think you'll melt or something without him

You do know that in a couple of years it probably wont be any different and you still wont be going abroad without a jab?

Jerseygirl12 · 22/08/2021 10:31

Go OP, don’t let him make you believe you can’t cope/manage with your DC without him.
You haven’t chosen to go on holiday without him, he’s chosen not to go on your family holiday.

WouldBeGood · 22/08/2021 10:36

I do think it’s important for children to see their mother can manage perfectly well with these life tasks, like driving abroad and organising a holiday.

I know it’s daunting, but it will be lovely. I was nervous about taking kids abroad and hiring a car etc myself but we’ve had the best times.

FamBae · 22/08/2021 10:54

Have you contacted your holiday accommodation provider, told them of your change of circumstances and of your worries re travelling alone, they may have other properties nearer to town or be able to offer additional support once your out there, I definitely think its worth having a chat with them, after all it's in their best interests that you have a great holiday.

KidneyBeans · 22/08/2021 10:59

@WouldBeGood

I do think it’s important for children to see their mother can manage perfectly well with these life tasks, like driving abroad and organising a holiday.

I know it’s daunting, but it will be lovely. I was nervous about taking kids abroad and hiring a car etc myself but we’ve had the best times.

Totally agree

user1493494961 · 22/08/2021 11:34

Go, take both kids and prove the bastard wrong.

Frazzled2207 · 22/08/2021 12:41

@Pastrydame

It's easier for him if you don't go. If you to without him, he has to face the questions from your dc - "why aren't you coming with us, daddy?" And what decent reason can he give that won't worry them or isn't a lie?

This is a very good point. He will have to explain to his kids why he isn’t coming. Presumably without making either him or you look like an idiot. Let him stew. There is time for him to change his mind. Be adamant that you’re going.

You’ll have a great time.

Jemand · 22/08/2021 13:13

DH has occasionally had to join family holidays late or leave early due to work commitments. The first time I had to take three small children on my own I was quite apprehensive, particularly because I wasn't very used to driving, let alone driving long distances and on motorways. But I managed fine and in many ways preferred it to sitting in the passenger seat, and never had a problem thereafter.

So I strongly suspect you'll be absolutely fine, OP. If I were you, I'd book next year's holiday abroad now to rub it in for your DH that (1) his twat stance is harming no-one but him and (2) you can cope fine without him.

MidsummerMimi · 22/08/2021 15:21

If I made a decision that compromised a family holiday, I would now be doing everything I could to compensate for all the inconvenience I had caused.
I would be apologising and actively supporting the plan to go without me. I would feel that I had completely forfeited the right to have any control over those holiday plans.
Sometimes in a situation, you need to look for, what is not there.
Have you got apologies, understanding of your position, acceptance and respect for your decision, attempts to find non selfish solutions?

JillyF1 · 22/08/2021 15:29

I think it is enivitable that we will have to show proof of beung vaccinated for most places for the next few years. It is his choice which means he cannot travel so either go somewhere else or go on your own.

TwoleftUggs · 22/08/2021 15:42

If you’re only 15 mins from rovaniemi then use taxis, no need for driving if you aren’t comfy with it. Get a taxi from the airport too. Honestly I would go without him. Don’t miss this holiday, your kids will have the best time of their lives. No need to have loads of activities booked you will have so much fun just sledding and playing in the snow. Santa Claus village and Santa Park are both really close to rovaniemi so doable by taxi and you can do activities like reindeer rides, skidoos while you’re there so only one journey. It’s impossible to get lost at rovaniemi airport as it’s the size of a postage stamp. It would be a huge shame to miss out because of your armchair scientist DH, I would 100% do this trip by myself with my dc.

Sadiecow · 22/08/2021 17:36

@TwoleftUggs

If you’re only 15 mins from rovaniemi then use taxis, no need for driving if you aren’t comfy with it. Get a taxi from the airport too. Honestly I would go without him. Don’t miss this holiday, your kids will have the best time of their lives. No need to have loads of activities booked you will have so much fun just sledding and playing in the snow. Santa Claus village and Santa Park are both really close to rovaniemi so doable by taxi and you can do activities like reindeer rides, skidoos while you’re there so only one journey. It’s impossible to get lost at rovaniemi airport as it’s the size of a postage stamp. It would be a huge shame to miss out because of your armchair scientist DH, I would 100% do this trip by myself with my dc.

Reading that, @PineapplePrincess, I'm free in December! I'm also happy driving in snow ⛄️ ❄️

Potpourri23 · 22/08/2021 17:57

There must be a friend without children who could join you? Or an elderly aunt tucked away somewhere? You've got a few months to find someone, could you join a new book club or something and see if there's anyone you click with?

You can't take just one of your kids. Definitely leave their dad at home though.

Jamandlemoncurd · 22/08/2021 17:58

Go. It will be the thin end of the wedge if you don't.

Disfordarkchocolate · 22/08/2021 18:07

The more I think about it the more annoyed I am. Unless there is something you haven't told us about yourself he has a very low opinion of you as a parent.

BananasAboutBananas · 22/08/2021 18:59

Hang on, he will worry about you enjoying a holiday with your kids? But doesn't worry about the fact he's exposed to a hideous virus completely unnecessarily?

OP the cabin is near the airport and 15 minutes from the town. Forget driving - find a taxi driver and plan your days carefully. Don't let your kids miss out because your DH is a twat. These fantastic moments with them will be over before you know it.....

whynotwhatknot · 22/08/2021 19:12

Ah hes worried is he does he think you'll melt or something without him

You do know that in a couple of years it probably wont be any different and you still wont be going abroad without a jab?

whynotwhatknot · 22/08/2021 19:14

apollogies for the double post

NatashaRf · 22/08/2021 20:06

Just go on your own. Don't waste all that money and a magical holiday all on the basis of a friend May or may not be able to come.

If it's only a 15 minute drive from where you're staying to town then you're going to be fine.

You've got months to practice the route on google maps.

Airport connections aren't going to be a hassle in Finland. The Finnish people I know talk better English than half the Brits! You won't be stuck without any help/advice.

JustLyra · 22/08/2021 20:40

He doesn’t seem to want to consider me going on my own (as well as thinking I won’t cope) says he’d worry constantly about us. While slightly annoyed by his comment, I can kinda understand it - cos it’s part of my worry!!! 😂

That's the thing about adults thought - they're allowed to make decisions that we'll worry about such as going on holiday without them and opting not to have vaccines...

He can't have it both ways. If you have to accept his right to make his choices and not pressure him to bend to your wishes to make you feel better then he needs to show you the same respect.

I'd go on the holiday. You and the children shouldn't miss out. You are, unless you've missed out some important details, a competant adult and parent so you'll be fine. It'll be more stressful going as one adult with one pair of hands instead of two, but you'll be absolutely fine.