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AIBU?

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Original poster

To go on holiday without him….?

555 replies

PineapplePrincess · 19/08/2021 23:57

Holiday booked for December. Me, DH and 2DC. Booked pre-pandemic.

Hubby is not vaccinated and country doesn't currently allow unvaccinated people entry. It’s unlikely to change position before we travel.

Option 1 - we go without him.

Option 2 - we abandon the holiday.

Husband is in favour of Option 2.

I’m wondering whether I could manage Option 1. Biggest difficulty other than keeping an eye on both kids in a foreign country, is driving - I’ve never done it outside of the UK and it would be in winter conditions.

Would it be unreasonable for me to consider going without him….?

OP posts:
Disneycharacter · 21/08/2021 21:56

Go

Carpedimum · 21/08/2021 22:18

@PineapplePrincess -tell your DH that you’ve done some research, & you’ll be able to hire a Finnish Manny for the duration, he can meet you at the airport, drive the hire car, cook, and even look after the kids while one of his mates takes you to a spa, that might focus his attention.

Popitdontstopit · 21/08/2021 22:23

I love that idea!
It's odd that someone with a couple of year of undergrad medicine comes to the conclusion that they shouldn't get vaccinated, when every actual doctor I know has come to the opposite conclusion.

Notreallyhappy · 21/08/2021 22:45

Go without him...no jab no holiday...end of !!

hopeso · 21/08/2021 23:10

Just because he did a couple of years of medicine at Uni some time ago, doesn't make him knowledgeable or an expert about Covid and the vaccines. How many hundreds of strands of medicine are there?! He can come at you with jargon to befuddle your brain. Add into the mix he thinks you won’t cope - I'd say your husband has very little respect for you and is trying to bully you into cancelling. It's all about him. Grow a backbone, please, OP, and stand up for yourself. Your children will have the holiday of a lifetime. If you need to spend a bit more on taxis, then do. Maybe the lodge owners can help you. You should contact them and see what they can suggest. At least it's just driving in Finland and not somewhere like India! (Even though India drive on the same side of the road as us, I'd never risk it!) Alternatively, you could try to find a hotel and just cancel the lodge, or try to sell the whole holiday to someone else and recoup some of your money?

KidneyBeans · 21/08/2021 23:17

His concerns re vaccine seem to be the long term effects, which while he accepts the current vaccine has gone through all the necessary tests and trials and passed, he says only time will tell what these could be. He seems to be more open to a holiday in a year or so….

Bizarre that he thinks his couple of years at uni makes him more informed than actual medics and immunologists.

I think a bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing!

What sort of long term side effects is he. Interned about? Can he point to any other vaccines that cause similar longterm side effects?

m0therofdragons · 21/08/2021 23:17

@Popitdontstopit yep, every consultant, SHO and middle grade in my hospital is vaccinated (not sure re the f1s as we just got the new lot in so I’ve not got that data yet.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 21/08/2021 23:30

Surely, if he dropped out of medical school after two years, that means he wasn't capable of passing the exams that specifically included the objective to 'understand the application of science to medicine and have the skills to appreciate the methods of scientific research, thereby enabling you to appreciate and understand future advances in medicine', not that he is an internet expert who knows better than actual, real doctors and epidemiologists?

Anyhow, he's decided he knows better. Fine. Stay at home, then. Don't leave your DC behind, don't cancel, just give yourself a stern talking to and bloody well take them. You'll be fine. He doesn't want you to find out that you'll be fine, clearly, going by the faux concern for you, as then you might realise he's not actually the dog's bollocks or the Smartest Person in the Room.

After all, there's always a chance that he decides it's the perfect time to 'be honest with the children' and tell them that Santa doesn't exist. So you need to get this holiday done before he potentially takes that away from them.

Winemeup · 22/08/2021 00:32

I’m betting a lot of the anti-vaxers will soon change their stupid little minds when they start to have their freedoms restricted.

WildRunner · 22/08/2021 01:04

Everybody who ca drive abroad has done so for the first time at some point. It's a bit weird to start with, but by the time you've got out of the port (where they go overboard on helpful signage) and out into the town, you're fine. First time I did it, I got a little transparent sticker for the windscreen from Halfords that showed me which lane to stay in and what to do at roundabouts - useful when you're tired or confused.

Go. Please go. It sounds like an amazing holiday, your kids will love it, and it's daft to bin it off just because your DH doesn't want to be there to provide a driving service you're more than capable of.

HollaHolla · 22/08/2021 01:30

Go. It sounds a great holiday.
Your husband sounds like he’s trying to pressure/bully you into not going, by making you think you won’t cope.
Honestly, you’ll manage it. If you’ve got another adult who would go, and you can change the name, then great. If not, you’ll manage on your own.

I’d echo the thoughts on him having a tiny amount of knowledge making him think he knows better than all of the experts in the field. Would he think he knew better than experts in other fields? Do his own dentistry? Build his own house? No - exactly.

Have a great time with your kids!

timeisnotaline · 22/08/2021 01:38

What a twatty argument of his
Him: Darling I worry about you taking them on your own
You: I really am a capable parent you know, give me some credit. I worry far more about you dying of COVID, I don’t want our dc growing up without a father.
Him: technical waffle on why it’s bad.
You: darling I’m not going to argue and I know you did 2 years of med school, but the people who create the vaccine and explaining to us why we should take the vaccine have 20 years experience in this precise area. I’m very comfortable with my decision. (Mutter mutter If my dc was sick I’d take them to a real doctor not ask you with your ‘2 years of med school before dropping out’ condescension mutter)

CKMc2b · 22/08/2021 02:26

Ummmm the answer is clear. He gets the vaccine or gets left behind.

Oceanbliss · 22/08/2021 03:08

@PineapplePrincess Only psychopaths would take one child and leave the other at home, so don’t do that.

Surely someone would be interested in coming with you and helping with the kids in exchange for a free holiday. Earlier you were willing to lose all the money that you have paid for this trip. So offer someone your husband’s plane ticket and they stay at the cabin with you. If your friend has kids they pay for their kids plane tickets. It’s still a sweet deal because their own ticket is paid for. Not enough beds, then airbeds or self inflating foam beds for your extra guests.

But really, so many single parents out there can cope every single day, weeks, months, years for everything including holidays; why can’t you? Has your husband convinced you that you can’t cope without him? Were you unable to cope without him before you met him?

I don’t want to make you feel bad about yourself if you really do have difficulty coping. By all means find someone to go with you if that’s what you need. But have a little faith in yourself and don’t underestimate what you are capable of.

CKMc2b · 22/08/2021 03:51

This is a great idea. A good friend would probably be happy to get a free holiday in exchange for help wrangling the kids Smile

I know I would!

CKMc2b · 22/08/2021 03:53

This can be done, there will be changes fees with the airline for changing the name on the ticket, would probably only be 50-100 pounds.

JSL52 · 22/08/2021 07:40

He's using amateur reverse psychology now to try and stop you going without him.
It's not a girls holiday - that's a weekend in Spain or a city break , adults don't go to see Father Christmas without their kids.
This is a kids holiday and it will be them who miss out.
Shame.

Inertia · 22/08/2021 08:08

What a selfish, obstinate father he is.

He’d rather they miss out on the holiday of a lifetime, and that the family as a whole lose thousands of pounds, than back down in from his nonsensical position. Don’t let him talk you out of it.

MargosKaftan · 22/08/2021 08:16

If you are reading this this morning op - id ask him, is he more worried about the vaccine long term effects, or you going alone? Because you've decided you are going with both dcs, if SIL or someone else who's had the vaccine can get time off, great you'll have company, but your dcs won't miss out for a couple of years for his fears that you consider irrational.

Point out he didn't complete that course so you are going to judge the opinion of people who did as superior to his. Does he really think he's better able to judge than those who have completed medical degrees and worked in the field for years? Id be telling him does he not realise how breathtakingly arrogant he sounds?

Have the jab, dont have the jab. He doesn't get to ruin this for the kids. Take both.

ShingleBeach · 22/08/2021 08:27

Look.

Finland is a very calm civilised country in which presumably countless women manage as single parents.

Single parents take their kids on holiday without another adult all the time.

Including abroad.

People will speak good English.

There will be lots of other UK tourists around.

Don’t let fear and worry rule you. It is only that it isn’t familiar. By doing it, you make it familiar.

It won’t work as a ‘girls hol’, your SIL can’t leave her job during term time, if you invite another family you have a numbers in the car issue. By trying to get help you are amplifying the idea that you can’t do it in your own.

Whereas… you really can.

crystalize · 22/08/2021 08:46

Holiday of a lifetime that your 2 kids will remember forever. Im a single parent and travelled extensively with my children. My big boys love how I exposed them to travel and gave them adventures to remember. We go on mini adventures now whenever we can.

It will do your self confidence the world of good, honestly just go alone with them.

chickenbasket · 22/08/2021 08:48

From your latest response, your husband is trying to control you in the shittiest way.

This is not a girls holiday and is he honestly expecting you to only take ONE of your two children, because depending on their age, that is awful.

I don't really understand the issue with going alone, but perhaps that's just because I can happily go anywhere with my two children. If the issue is the driving and the remote accommodation, can you speak to the company you booked through and see whether there is an option to refund if they can relet it to someone else? That way you could stay in a hotel more centrally and not need to drive?

I couldn't even consider not going and losing all of that money and a long awaited husband just because your husband is a complete moron.

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 22/08/2021 08:51

Sorry but your options in your last post are bonkers.

  1. No way will SIL get special leave to go.
  2. How on earth can you consider not taking all your children to Lapland?
  3. Lapland as a girls holiday? Really?!

He's playing on your worries about going alone to manipulate you into not going.

He's a selfish nob.

And his reasoning is bollocks.

You need to stand up to him and tell him you are going. Don't share your concerns- brave it out.

He's letting you all down here.

Terhou · 22/08/2021 08:57

How mad will he actually be if I do go (can he stop me?), and what are the ramifications for our relationship

I'm afraid the relationship ship has sailed. Whatever you do, unless he returns to sanity and gets vaccinated, you won't ever forget that he was prepared to sabotage this and lose thousands of pounds because he believes what he reads in the madder reaches of the internet.

Sadiecow · 22/08/2021 09:06

Tell him you'll have to learn to cope with them alone as it could be a permanent thing should he catch Covid.