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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday without him….?

555 replies

PineapplePrincess · 19/08/2021 23:57

Holiday booked for December. Me, DH and 2DC. Booked pre-pandemic.

Hubby is not vaccinated and country doesn't currently allow unvaccinated people entry. It’s unlikely to change position before we travel.

Option 1 - we go without him.

Option 2 - we abandon the holiday.

Husband is in favour of Option 2.

I’m wondering whether I could manage Option 1. Biggest difficulty other than keeping an eye on both kids in a foreign country, is driving - I’ve never done it outside of the UK and it would be in winter conditions.

Would it be unreasonable for me to consider going without him….?

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 21/08/2021 20:11

InFiveMins He's considered selfish because this holiday was booked some time ago and now, because he doesn't want to have the vaccination, he wants to cancel it completely so that no one will goes.

And he'll be wasting several thousand £££.

Surely OP he knows that any side effects from vaccines generally show almost immediately, so the likelihood of long term effects is highly unlikely.

However, the long term effects of long Covid are well known now.

MargosKaftan · 21/08/2021 20:11

@CBroads - why yes he has a right to decide what happens to his own body. But his choice has consequences- that he can't travel internationally. (Probably for several years). Why should the OP and her DCs miss out?

OP - I am a nervous driver in the UK and did worry when I had to take the dcs overseas and drive a hire car without dh as he couldn't get time off work, but it was fine. I honestly found the bit when I had to get out of the airport overly complex carpark and onto the first motorway the most stressful, after that it was fine. Its probably going to be 2-3 years of no travel without a jab, so either get used to self catering trips to British seaside resorts in the rain, or travelling alone.

Your dh is the only person who's options should be limited by his choices about his body. If he isn't happy with that, put him straight fast.

LoisLane66 · 21/08/2021 20:12

Some posters are saying that they managed with 2/3 kids on their own but driving in another country on the other side of the road is a different kettle of fish...on your own with children yattering in the back.
I've holidayed alone with 5 children when DEx worked away. No driving but we had a great time.
Some manage and some don't, therefore just because some do manage, it doesn't follow that others would and that's why I would err on the side of caution. Not because of the OP's DH not being vaccinated but I think she would be better off with a companion, one who has previously driven abroad.
Naturally, their name would need to be added to the insurance details.

BoffinMum · 21/08/2021 20:14

Definitely go without him. The driving will be hairy the first day and then you will be fine, but I bet once he realises you are serious about going without him, he’ll get vaccinated. 😉

MargosKaftan · 21/08/2021 20:14

@Infivemins - hes selfish because he's assumed his decision not to get vaccinated means he can't travel therefore the family holiday is cancelled, not that they will just crack on without him. He won't consider having the jab for his family, he expects his family to miss out for his politics. Thats rather selfish.

ButForTheGrace · 21/08/2021 20:15

I would take out the emotion associated with "losing" lots of money. You've already lost it - you've paid for the holiday. What you need to decide is whether you want an experience (hopefully a great one) in return. Whether you go or not, the money is gone. I would go - I've travelled lots on my own with my 3, from when they were babies and toddlers, to teenagers.

pointythings · 21/08/2021 20:21

Well, your DH didn't learn much from his time in medical school. Vaccine effects are known to be short term because once the vaccines have done their work (which is to promote the creation of antibodies), their components are metabolised. It strikes me that he is applying his knowledge very selectively.

You won't have any problems going alone. You get used to a left hand drive in no time - it takes about an hour - and Finland makes excellent provision for winter weather. He doesn't want you to go because it makes him look foolish - which he is.

RealBecca · 21/08/2021 20:22

Ah OP, Sounds like he fancies a week at home on his own. Don't give him the satisfaction.

theleafandnotthetree · 21/08/2021 20:25

I'm sorry OP but your last post makes him sound like a condescending prick to be honest....thinks he knows more than you and 99% of the scientific community, worries that you won't cope on your own without the Big Tough guy (who's too scared to get a vaccine). Frankly all the options you listed are problematic. The best option is that he gets the fucking vaccine, the only other option is to go by yourself with the kids. At this point and it were me, I'd be happier doing that if only to prove him wrong. As for him not wanting to consider you going solo, you don't need his permission, he took himself out of the equation.

TurquoiseDragon · 21/08/2021 20:29

He sounds somewhat controlling to me. From your Jamestown post he seem awfully quick to agree with you about coping on your own.

I'd go alone. You might be surprised about your kids behaviour. Don't give up on the holiday because of him. He has the choice not to vaccinate, but he has to suck up the consequences of his decision.

Jumpingintosummer · 21/08/2021 20:31

@PineapplePrincess how old are your DC? I would think long and hard before taking only one.

I would honestly go myself with the children.

Shona52 · 21/08/2021 20:32

Well if he is choosing not to get vaccinated than he's being selfish (his choice) but I wouldn't put my and my kids holiday on hold because of it.

theleafandnotthetree · 21/08/2021 20:35

@TurquoiseDragon

He sounds somewhat controlling to me. From your Jamestown post he seem awfully quick to agree with you about coping on your own.

I'd go alone. You might be surprised about your kids behaviour. Don't give up on the holiday because of him. He has the choice not to vaccinate, but he has to suck up the consequences of his decision.

Agreed, the more I hear about him, the less I like the sound of him. The whole 'I'd worry about you constantly' is classic controlling talk in the vein of ' I don't like you going out at night without me because I worry about you getting a taxi home alone'. Fuck that shit.
tobedtoMNandfart · 21/08/2021 20:36

@SunscreenCentral

Was reading an article today about a couple who in the US have both died (unvaccinated) leaving 4 children. One of them was a neo-natal nurse. The mind just boggles Sorry about your issue OP, it's a difficult one and your dh is a fucking idiot .
THIS He's risking way more than a holiday. Read an article today where a UK ICU Dr said 90% of COVID patients in ICU were unvaccinated
Thethreecs · 21/08/2021 20:38

God your updates on your dh are annoying me more and I'm afraid he's going to talk you out of it.

I'm in Ireland and today just to sit in a cafe to have a coffee and sandwich I had to produce my covid cert. I am going to a wedding next month and I have to have it for the hotel. I'm going away next year to USA (hopefully) and we've already been asked for copies of our certs. We've been told there will be restrictions once it opens back up and covid certs are going to be required. Your dh is putting an end to your travels. I don't know what is required for the UK with regards to dining indoors but I'm assuming it's similar to here, is he going to wait a year or two before doing anything? He's doesn't know how things will be in a year or two, sure we all thought covid would be gone in a year. Look how many people have cancelled or postponed holidays, a vaccination opens so many doors. By the time he waits till things settle, your kids won't believe in Santa and they won't have any interest in the experience.

I get you're nervous but is there a way you can check out the cost of taxis? You said they were expensive, can you see how much it'll cost and maybe you could stick a bit by each week towards paying for taxis. Or can you change accommodation to something nearer everything and more people? Maybe if you're in a hotel it'll give you all a little more confidence having others around. I know you wanted the lodge experience but if you're going to feel you'll miss him and it's too out of the way, a hotel may be a better option. Check out the lodges cancellation policy or maybe they have other accommodation nearer things, or check out your insurance and see if you can claim something on that.

The first time travelling without your partner is scary, I remember it well having my kids on a flight and shitting bricks, but it actually was fine and I worried for nothing, the staff are only too delighted to help you, offering to bring everyone on first, helping us into our seats, it was the first of many breaks away without dh.

Check out transport costs and see about other accommodations. I think I'd be more inclined to go, the more he digs his heels in. We don't know how long covid is here for, probably forever, but countries are going to have requirements to enter, it's going to be part and parcel to have a vaccination to travel.

RampantIvy · 21/08/2021 20:43

He has some medical knowledge after doing a couple of years at Uni before taking a different course

DD has just completed year 2 of a biomedical sciences degree, and they have covered covid quite extensively, so I think her information will be more up to date than your husband's. As far as she was concerned getting the vaccine was a no brainer. She is just waiting to get her second vaccine.

HumourReplacementTherapy · 21/08/2021 20:55

In light of your recent update. I'd use the cash you're saving on DH's meals/drinks/ticket prices etc and throw some extra money in to make it as easy as possible for you while there.
Take taxis/hire a driver/ get food delivered If possible....... I don't know......

MidsummerMimi · 21/08/2021 21:06

It is not just this holiday that he has excluded himself from.
Being fully vaccinated is very likely to be a requirement for most travel, from now on.
What you decide to do now, will set a precedent.
He has written himself out of the plot here and needs to experience the full consequences of his daft decision.
Don’t enable this Jackass by cancelling the holiday.

Frazzledstar1 · 21/08/2021 21:14

My DP is is not vaccinated. Not an anti vaxxer at all, he and kids have had all the usual ones but he’s just not trusting the COVID vaccine Hmm
Anyway, I’d go without him in your shoes, if it was something I thought I could manage. Or I’d take my mum. Do you have to drive whilst over there?

purpletrains · 21/08/2021 21:22

He gets the jab or you leave the silly plonker behind and go without him

DismantledKing · 21/08/2021 21:24

He has some medical knowledge after doing a couple of years at Uni before taking a different course. So insists he knows what he’s talking about. I can’t really argue, as I’m not in a knowledgable position to argue with the technical detail he comes at me with.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing indeed. Thinks he knows more than the scientists that have developed the vaccine? He’s a prick.

Popitdontstopit · 21/08/2021 21:24

Your sil won't be able to go. Could you imagine the conversation with the school? "Oh, is she a widow then? No, my brother just doesn't fancy the vaccine" Not a chance.
I would try hard to get a friend to go, if not I would go alone. Whether I would want him there when we got back or not, I'm not sure.

DismantledKing · 21/08/2021 21:26

@Lightisnotwhite

Wow people are so aggressive. It’s a free country, he can have it or not. He might have had Covid already and have anti bodies. Unless he’s high risk - old and overweight the chances are he’ll be fine and most people have had one if not two jabs.

I think you’ll have a better time with another adult. But definitely go.

This is such bollocks. ITUs are full of young unvaccinated people.
Annieconn · 21/08/2021 21:41

It's his choice to have no vaccine so he has to face the consequences, so it's no holiday for him. I would go on myself or bring a friend or relative. Good luck Smile

ellyeth · 21/08/2021 21:52

I agree with his right to not be vaccinated. However, if you would be happy going on holiday without him then I don't see why you shouldn't.