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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday without him….?

555 replies

PineapplePrincess · 19/08/2021 23:57

Holiday booked for December. Me, DH and 2DC. Booked pre-pandemic.

Hubby is not vaccinated and country doesn't currently allow unvaccinated people entry. It’s unlikely to change position before we travel.

Option 1 - we go without him.

Option 2 - we abandon the holiday.

Husband is in favour of Option 2.

I’m wondering whether I could manage Option 1. Biggest difficulty other than keeping an eye on both kids in a foreign country, is driving - I’ve never done it outside of the UK and it would be in winter conditions.

Would it be unreasonable for me to consider going without him….?

OP posts:
HurryUpAndWait23 · 21/08/2021 18:42

OP I can totally understand where you are coming from.

I have/had a covid vaccine resistant husband.
We have three children and going on holiday alone with them is possible but fuck me, would it be hard work on my own.

If I were to threaten holiday alone without the husband then he wins.
A week alone at home for him?! Brilliant!

I would be shattered all holiday and resent the fuck out of him for having a week to himself.

For that reason, I don't think I would go. The stress for me and the 'break' for him. Fuck no.

AnnabelC · 21/08/2021 18:43

I haven’t read the whole thread, so someone may have suggested you take someone else with you. I hope it all works out.

loopylu26 · 21/08/2021 18:52

Perhaps you can take another adult, you'd just need to pay to change his name on the travel booking

ERFFER · 21/08/2021 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lulu49 · 21/08/2021 19:07

He’s got time to get vaccinated? If not and/or he refuses to except for medical reasons I’d go without him

pcl09 · 21/08/2021 19:08

Go without. Yes it will be hard work but you’ll come back 10 feet tall. As a single Mum I was scared the first time I took my two away on my own. They were 7 and 3 at the time and I was utterly exhausted. But my confidence grew on a daily basis and I still see it as a huge achievement to have made memories with them on my own when they were so young. They will remember it for the rest of their lives. Do it - you won’t regret it xxx

Burgess67A · 21/08/2021 19:09

Take a friend. You don’t want the kids to miss out

Jumpingintosummer · 21/08/2021 19:10

Could you possibly sell on your lodge booking and book a hotel instead?

Disfordarkchocolate · 21/08/2021 19:10

Stop lurking and thinking and call his bluff.

You will either have a fantastic holiday without him or he'll get vaccinated and come with you. These are your children, of course you can manage them on your own, in fact your children will love helping you and will be all #teamSantaisforsanepeople

maddening · 21/08/2021 19:16

"He sees this approach as the government trying control him though or force him into getting vaccinated."

But it is not this government, it is finland/Iceland wherever-s government that requires the vaccination?

Pliudev · 21/08/2021 19:18

Take a friend who can help with the driving. He's doubly selfish (I'm trying to be polite here), he doesn't care about prolonging the pandemic and he doesn't care if his family misses out on a holiday. My DS saw an old school friend when he was here 4 weeks ago. Friend told him he wasn't getting vaxxed because he and his parents (born again) weren't sure it was safe. So now he has covid.

Original poster
PineapplePrincess · 21/08/2021 19:24

@Lalliella

No still here lurking and thinking… What are your current thoughts OP? Have you talked any more to DH about this?
We talked a little more today. Managed not to fall out and have made slight progress.

His concerns re vaccine seem to be the long term effects, which while he accepts the current vaccine has gone through all the necessary tests and trials and passed, he says only time will tell what these could be. He seems to be more open to a holiday in a year or so….

He has some medical knowledge after doing a couple of years at Uni before taking a different course. So insists he knows what he’s talking about. I can’t really argue, as I’m not in a knowledgable position to argue with the technical detail he comes at me with.

He has agreed it would be waste to completely abandon the holiday and perhaps I should find someone to go in his place.

Options currently:

  1. See if SIL can get special leave to come, she’s a teacher so could be difficult and to be honest not sure she would actually want to.
  2. Find another friend to come, however most have children of their own and would probably not want to go without them, if our DC are there. So we talked about only taking one DC, (which is awful I know!?!) but just talking at this stage
  3. We turn it into a girls holiday and go without DC. With the plan to go again in a year or so once everything settles down.

He doesn’t seem to want to consider me going on my own (as well as thinking I won’t cope) says he’d worry constantly about us. While slightly annoyed by his comment, I can kinda understand it - cos it’s part of my worry!!! 😂

OP posts:
Tessabelle74 · 21/08/2021 19:27

I'd be going without him. His choice to get vaccinated, so his choice not to go

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 21/08/2021 19:28

I know I'm repeating everyone else by saying he's a selfish arse, but your update highlights it. He might be worried about you if you go without him? So fucking what!!! He's purposefully not having a vaccine designed to keep him safe, is potentially torpedoing a family holiday because of his unfounded 'worry' about the possible ramifications of having the vaccine, but he expects you to acquiesce to HIS worry and stay home from a holiday of a lifetime just to spare his feelings?

Fuck that.

DoTheNextRightThing · 21/08/2021 19:29

Imagine having to tell your kids they can't meet Santa because their daddy thinks he defies the laws of nature and is immune to illness Confused

Window1 · 21/08/2021 19:32

@Tessabelle74

I'd be going without him. His choice to get vaccinated, so his choice not to go

In a nutshell, this.

ERFFER · 21/08/2021 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InFiveMins · 21/08/2021 19:40

I'm vaccinated but why is he considered selfish because he doesn't want to have the vaccine? Peoples judgemental attitudes are unbelievable - he's a grown man, he can decide whether he has the vaccine or not.

OP - yes of course you can and should go on the holiday without him so you and the children can enjoy yourselves. Under no circumstances, though, should he be made to feel guilty which may end up coercing him into having the vaccine that he doesn't want!

Maisy65 · 21/08/2021 19:44

This. Very selfish attitude.

FlippityFlippityFlop · 21/08/2021 19:59

Honestly, go by yourself. It will be a lot easier than you think. Re driving, just make sure that you can use your phones data so that you can can use google maps, take your charging lead and phone holder and all will be good. After the first 5 mins in the car you will be fine.

LoisLane66 · 21/08/2021 19:59

Does your driver's licence entitle you (or DH if vaccinated) to drive in an EU country?
Have you bought medical insurance cover and suitable car insurance?

Lightisnotwhite · 21/08/2021 20:00

Wow people are so aggressive. It’s a free country, he can have it or not. He might have had Covid already and have anti bodies. Unless he’s high risk - old and overweight the chances are he’ll be fine and most people have had one if not two jabs.

I think you’ll have a better time with another adult. But definitely go.

LoisLane66 · 21/08/2021 20:01

It's no joy ride driving on the 'wrong side' of the road for the first time especially with two children to keep an eye on.

CBroads · 21/08/2021 20:01

He has the right to choose what to do with his body, just like women can. Just because someone doesn't want the vaccine doesn't mean they're selfish. Just go without him. Some of you need to get your big girl pants on and realise the world doesn't revolve around/care about your opinions.

tiredanddangerous · 21/08/2021 20:03

I think you should go. I wouldn't be able to waste the money if I had the option to go without him.

Does he think you and the dc should just put up with not going abroad again?