To go on holiday without him….?

[PineapplePrincess]

Holiday booked for December. Me, DH and 2DC. Booked pre-pandemic.

Hubby is not vaccinated and country doesn't currently allow unvaccinated people entry. It’s unlikely to change position before we travel.

Option 1 - we go without him.

Option 2 - we abandon the holiday.

Husband is in favour of Option 2.

I’m wondering whether I could manage Option 1. Biggest difficulty other than keeping an eye on both kids in a foreign country, is driving - I’ve never done it outside of the UK and it would be in winter conditions.

Would it be unreasonable for me to consider going without him….?

I think vaccinations will be a requirement for travel for years to come. No way will they be relaxed by November.

The fact you have all these questions about how going would affect your relationship is really sad. He has made his choice. His choice doesn’t get to limit your life choices and experiences (or your children’s). Go with your boys and have a brilliant time. Who cares if he isn’t in the photos!! He sounds like an arse.

"Another major reason for you to go op. Something like a stag or a trip with mates will come up and he won’t say he’s getting vaccinated for it, he’ll say oh I’ve been reading updated data so I’m comfortable with it now but you can add 1+1=2 and realise the selfish arse will get vaccinated to not miss out on something he cares about, and his family weren’t important enough to qualify, and the resentment will be enormous. Go. Let him make his own decisions, watch and wait to see what’s important to him."

I have to agree with @timeisnotaline and @Arseholery here. Covid-19 and the vaccine drama isn't going to last forever. The headlines will die out and be a seasonal footnote maybe - and the opposition to the vaccine will probably fall away at the same time and YouTube pundits will find something else to be outraged about. When it's less in the news, and when it's for something HE wants to do, he'll quietly forget there was ever a fuss and insist he was always going to get it "when the science was there" (it's there).

This might be an argument for either side, but... If you don't go, you'll be the only one who even remembers the incident and the money you lost on it. For him and the kids it will have just never happened.

For what it's worth, before the pandemic I had started taking my kids away without DH because he doesn't enjoy trips with them and I don't enjoy trips with him stressing about them! It started with a (short) train trip into London for the day, and I've taken them off for a night a few times to hotels across southeast England, within 2 hours drive. I was planning Amsterdam for April 2020...

What I'm getting at is that you have plenty of time and you could definitely build up to taking them away with a city day out, and a night in a B&B somewhere if you want. Then the kids learn to trust you in unfamiliar surroundings, and they listen better. I found my boisterous DS is so much more impeccably behaved in new places than I could ever trust him to be at home or in our local town!

@ButtonMoonLoon

Also, I am overcome by how astonishingly selfish he is for wanting you to cancel/ and for his children to miss out on such an exciting experience!

This!

@PineapplePrincess

Tell him clearly that you're going to take the boys because it's more important that they have an amazing experience than everyone misses out so he can stick to a point that you don't agree with.

Tell him he has a choice - either get vaccinated and come or stay home alone. He's responsible for his own decisions but you are sticking to the plan that you made in Dec 2019 and the holiday you've booked and paid for.

The ball is in his court - he's the one expecting everyone to miss out to appease his conspiracy theory driven behaviour and it's not on.

Not sure if anyone else has suggested this but could you hire a nanny to go with you?

@mayblossominapril

Not sure if anyone else has suggested this but could you hire a nanny to go with you?

And they say that Mumsnet users are out of touch…

@Dismantledking - not that out of the range of possibilities - it would cost around £1k. When we looked at santa trips a few years ago, holidays were around £6-7k (so we didn't go!), if you can afford to walk away from that sort of money /normally spend that on holidays and haven't for 2 years, an extra grand isn't an impossible amount to find.

And that's a professional nanny cost via an agency, a nursery worker/babysitter might be prepared to do it for a lot less. Worth exploring if you do have that sort of holiday fund.

Stand your ground! Holiday is booked! Holiday companies unlikely to be lenient now that holidays can go ahead again! Stuff him! His loss! Enjoy

I go away without DH all the time. Partially because we can never gets hols at the same time but also because I just want to hang out with DCs (12 and 10) and be on 'our' own timescales without someone rushing us and to be able to choose to geek out in our choice of museums and toy shops. I enjoy our hols with him, but wouldn't be without the ones without him either.

This is just my opinion but I literally would walk away from someone that was so selfish they would deprive their children and me of once in a lifetime opportunity holiday we have saved for years for because he believes 'the government are trying to control him through a vaccine' I am even starting to think this is so ridiculous its not real? He sounds awful 😭 he is really selfish in other ways? Does he normally hold such extreme conspiracy theory type views that negatively impact your family or stop you from doing things?

I'm so sorry that you find yourself married to an anti vaxxer - go without him why should you and your children miss out on your holiday because he's being a m*ron YANBU

Your kids will only be at the FC age for a short time, your DH will be a twat forever.

Go on the trip.

Your dh is a knob its not in trial phase anymore so i dont know wher ehe read that

millions have had t round the world-some countries will keep restrictions for a long time to come-

so hes willing to never take his kids abroad again because of this and expects you to follow suit

selfish twat

If he genuinely thinks you should all miss out on a two year long planned holiday, just because he's dumb enough to not be vaccinated then leave him in your dust mate. I'd give him two options:

1. Get vaccinated and go with.
2. Stay unvaccinated and miss out.

Sorry to say but I think he's being a total ass even telling you to cancel!

Do you think if you decide to go without him he may rethink? I definitely dont think you should cancel.

Option number 3 get vaccinated!

@PineapplePrincess appears to have disappeared from the thread.

I look back historically and am so pleased my mother took us on holiday despite my father not wanting to fly or be with his children 24/7 . I would advise going for it because u know in advance and can be prepared and adapt the holiday with him not being there because it still will be a memory in the children’s minds of a lovely family holiday. We now take our mother on holiday because she still is so much fun xx I feel its come full circle.

My DH was wittering on about not getting vaccinated. I got it so sooner (more risk) but he still wanted me to take extreme precautions- like wiping down all the shopping, not visit my (also vaccinated) friends, etc.
I refused. His body, his choice. My body, my choice where to take it.
He got himself vaccinated

I don’t respect his right to choose, he is completely selfish not being vaccinated and completely selfish for being willing to let the family miss out on the holiday.

Absolutely go away without him.

Do go, OP, for all the reasons everyone has said already. Also, if you don't do this one which was prebooked before covid, it will set a precedent and you won't easily be able to book foreign holidays in future because of DH. This way it establishes your independence on the holiday issue, so it will be easier for you to book travel with DC in future. If you don't take up this prebooked holiday, it may be harder to argue for future holidays knowing before you book that he won't be coming with you?
It sounds a lovely trip, and a great place to go for a winter break. You will be fine.

[quote thingymaboob]@PineapplePrincess appears to have disappeared from the thread.[/quote]
No still here lurking and thinking… 🤔

OP, can you book a hotel in the town and forego the cabin? You would end up losing money but maybe this would make it easier for you to go on a solo parent holiday.

I would say go.

Oh gawd what a dick!! Honestly you need to go without him

It’s only Finland - so not a super long journey the other side of the world or anything !

You’ll be fine on your own!! Have a great time

No still here lurking and thinking… What are your current thoughts OP? Have you talked any more to DH about this?