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Original poster

To go on holiday without him….?

555 replies

PineapplePrincess · 19/08/2021 23:57

Holiday booked for December. Me, DH and 2DC. Booked pre-pandemic.

Hubby is not vaccinated and country doesn't currently allow unvaccinated people entry. It’s unlikely to change position before we travel.

Option 1 - we go without him.

Option 2 - we abandon the holiday.

Husband is in favour of Option 2.

I’m wondering whether I could manage Option 1. Biggest difficulty other than keeping an eye on both kids in a foreign country, is driving - I’ve never done it outside of the UK and it would be in winter conditions.

Would it be unreasonable for me to consider going without him….?

OP posts:
LuaDipa · 20/08/2021 17:37

*Weighing that up against will the boys (and me) have fun without him? What will it feel like looking back on pictures without DH? How mad will he actually be if I do go (can he stop me?), and what are the ramifications for our relationship.

So yeah, lots of factors to weigh up.*

This really stood out to me. You are considering all of these different factors to try and make the right choice for you all. Your dh only cares about his own point of view. I’m not trying to tell you what to do as it’s your marriage, but that would be enough for me to walk away. He is a very selfish man.

Leeds2 · 20/08/2021 17:41

Is there any chance, OP, that if you make it quite clear that you and the DC will be going regardless of what he does, he will change his mind?

user1471442488 · 20/08/2021 17:53

What an absolutely selfish prick. Not only wants his kids to miss out on an amazing holiday but is happy to lose thousands of pounds in the process.

It’s pretty clear that you’re not going to go without him. Welcome to the rest of your life allowing this clown to dictate.

Btw, I’m a scientist who actually worked on the vaccine and I think all anti-vaxxers are absolute morons but this one takes the biscuit. Punishing his whole family because he’s too stupid to do actual research. I wonder which scientific papers he read to form his opinion? Or did he see stuff on Facebook and YouTube? I don’t know why I’m asking. I know the answer.

blubberyboo · 20/08/2021 18:07

Are you going to miss out on all foreign holidays for a few years or maybe long term just because he won’t get vaccinated and yet expects you to cancel a holiday?

Go with your kids or take a friend in his place.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 20/08/2021 18:12

No way would my kids miss out on santa
He sounds controlling . Why do you have to drive? All the santa trips I sell include transfers, speak to your travel agent .

blubberyboo · 20/08/2021 18:13

I think you need to just start casually making plans to go alone re packing and buying stuff to take and bring it up in conversation in such a way that you are showing him you absolutely intend on going whether he goes or not. Don’t make it confrontational.
Chances are he might end up deciding to get vaccinated of his own accord.

CCC1 · 20/08/2021 18:27

Sorry I’ve skim read so apologies if this has been suggested. Can you street view the roads and places you need to go to plan journeys before your visit. I did this when my DH wasn’t with us and it really helped as I felt I’d already driven the roads. It is the most empowering thing doing this sort of thing on your own.

godmum56 · 20/08/2021 18:41

PineapplePrincess
"
I'm mulling over the idea at the moment if I'm honest.

Half of me hoping that restrictions may be further relaxed by December, the other hoping he'll change is mind somehow.

I don't want the kids to miss out. I don't want to lose the money. And I do want to go, we won't have has a holiday in over two and years - it would be nice just to get away. This holiday has been a beacon of light, during the difficult times of lockdowns, homeschooling, etc.

But I am worried about managing two boisterous boys on my own. Navigating through airports (for flight connections), driving in winter conditions and on the wrong side of the road, familiarising myself with a foreign culture and activities without the support of hotel lobby.

Weighing that up against will the boys (and me) have fun without him? What will it feel like looking back on pictures without DH? How mad will he actually be if I do go (can he stop me?), and what are the ramifications for our relationship.

So yeah, lots of factors to weigh up."

See i think the relationship ship sailed when he decided that none of you were going because of his choice.
If it was me i'd be carrying on planning as though you are going without him. If stuff changes then whoopee but if not you are at very least keeping your options open....but...well.....I am not saying this is a dealbreaker or LTB but I don't see your relartionship ever being the same again.....I mean what else will he choose to stop happening?

MargosKaftan · 20/08/2021 19:15

Would you like other tips for "travelling solo parent with 2 small children"?

Mine is the importance of the cross body bag and rucksack for the flight. Cross body bag has passports, boarding cards, paperwork for car hire and hotel etc in it, plus phone and purse only. Everything else for flight in rucksack.

Arseholery · 20/08/2021 19:24

Wonder how quickly he'd decide to get vaccinated when one of his friends plots a Stag Do/Sports mini break abroad?

Hmm
JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 20/08/2021 19:32

He’s a selfish prick

WithLoveFromMyselfToYourself · 20/08/2021 19:35

Wonder how quickly he'd decide to get vaccinated when one of his friends plots a Stag Do/Sports mini break abroad?
Yup!

altiara · 20/08/2021 19:54

That’s some ego he has to decide to waste thousands of pounds and the kids to miss out seeing Father Christmas because he doesn’t want a jab!

I’d worked for 25 years in clinical research and fucking had it with arseholes that know everything because they read it on Facebook.

Yes you can do this, you can bribe the kids through the airport and like others have said, it’s not hard driving over there.

You really can do this and it’s NOT you choosing to go without him, HE is choosing to go on the holiday you planned together. You are just sticking with the original plan.

Tell him you can’t believe he’s so selfish not to join in the family holiday.

yikesanotherbooboo · 20/08/2021 22:05

A few years ago DH opted out of a planned holiday because his DM needed him. It was disappointing but he did everything eg organised train travel for us as I wasn't keen to drive a very long time way so that we could go ahead and enjoy ourselves. It wasn't the same but he would have hated us all to miss out due to his decision. Your DH should feel like that

JML001 · 20/08/2021 22:09

I'd be away...these times don't come around twice with your children. Let him stew and come back chuffed with yourself that you put your kids experience first AND managed on your own!!

Lalliella · 20/08/2021 22:12

@PineapplePrincess

Thanks guys. In answer to your queries:
  • It's Finland we're booked for, they have a strict approach of no entry (unless on compassionate grounds) for people over 12 yrs of age who are not double vaccinated.
  • We're booked on a DIY, so no option to change flights or accommodation
  • We have spent several thousand pounds of flight and accommodation which we would be set to lose by not going
  • We're book just outside the main city of Rovaniemi, so while the cabin is remote it is only 15minute drive away from a city centre and close to the airport
  • Booking is for early December, so not over Xmas or NY itself. Please don't flame me for taking kids out of school! :-)
  • Kids don't know. It was suppose to be a surprise for closer to the time. Given we booked 2yrs ago I couldn't stand the constant nagging and then Covid hit, so made sense not to tell them in case it wouldn't happen due to lockdowns.
  • No family I can take (only child, both parents deceased), SIL would be an option but she's a teacher and won't get time off. Friends all have kids of their own, so would be a bit weird to take them without the option of them taking their kids (no seats left on the flight).

I completely respect DHs right to not get vaccinated - his body, his choice.

He holds quite strong views in this space, which make it difficult not to get into a heated discussion. He says he's done lots of research and that I haven't (I've largely trusted public health advice, they're suppose to be the experts - right?). He believes he is being coerced into having the vaccine by the fact he's being stopped from doing certain things. Has mentioned the vaccine is still on trial, and would maybe consider it in a year or so once its gone through appropriate testing.

When I flippantly mentioned that we may go without his, he wasn't happy.

He says he’s done lots of research but what does that consist of? Is he a scientist working long hours in a laboratory, conducting experiments, studying results, writing papers, having them peer reviewed? Or has he done a bit of Googling? I know which research I’d trust. Your husband is an idiot I’m afraid. To be prepared to lose thousands of pounds over his crackpot ideas? What a dickhead.

If you tell him you’re going alone and he realises you’re serious, perhaps he’ll change his mind? Fingers crossed he does. If not then go it alone OP. You’re a strong woman, you can do this!

Lalliella · 20/08/2021 22:15

@Sadiecow 17:06:55 excellent post 👏👏

GetMeOut22 · 20/08/2021 22:17

Absolutely GO. He has a choice to get vaccinated. His choice should not take away the chance of a once in a life time trip for you and the boys. He's a selfish prick, he can stay home. You will be fine, Finland is very good for driving etc. And it's a very developed country, you won't have any problems. Yes, it will be weird without him. But you will resent him so so much if you don't go, you'll never forgive him.

And who knows, if he sees you're going ahead, he might get vaccinated anyway. I've seen lots of anti vaxxers do it once they realize how inconvenient it is to not be vaccinated. And if he doesn't, well, he's an arsehole of the highest order and he deserves to sulk at home.

shrodingersbiscuit · 20/08/2021 23:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

timeisnotaline · 21/08/2021 01:31

@Arseholery

Wonder how quickly he'd decide to get vaccinated when one of his friends plots a Stag Do/Sports mini break abroad?

Hmm

This!!! Another major reason for you to go op. Something like a stag or a trip with mates will come up and he won’t say he’s getting vaccinated for it, he’ll say oh I’ve been reading updated data so I’m comfortable with it now but you can add 1+1=2 and realise the selfish arse will get vaccinated to not miss out on something he cares about, and his family weren’t important enough to qualify, and the resentment will be enormous. Go. Let him make his own decisions, watch and wait to see what’s important to him.
Oceanbliss · 21/08/2021 04:32

@PineapplePrincess I just googled Rovaniemi and it is absolutely magical. You can’t deny you and the kids that kind of experience.

How can your dh even contemplate denying you and the kids this experience.

If he doesn’t want to get vaccinated because he is convinced that the government is trying to control him then where does he get off trying to control you?

If he can’t be happy for you and the kids having this experience then there are already problems in your relationship. If he denies you your freedom to go then his actions have far more negative ramifications for your relationship then if you actually went without him.

Oceanbliss · 21/08/2021 04:40

shrodingersbiscuit
And what will you think when you look back at photos without him in them? I hope you’ll think ‘God, remember that time I was so afraid I couldn’t do it, but I did - and remember how amazing a time the kids had’. You absolutely will think that because you can go without him, and should go without him, and your kids will remember the time mum took them to see the real Santa and she didn’t need anyone to help her do it.

@shrodingersbiscuit 100% agree with everything you wrote.

countrygirl99 · 21/08/2021 05:55

And don't worry about the language. Finnish is brutal to learn but we found that virtually everyone speaks good English. So much that my son has to ask people not to speak English to him in shops so he can practice his Finnish.

Dashel · 21/08/2021 07:24

I would go without him.

It is his decision to refuse the vaccine and put himself and you in more danger of catching Covid, it was his decision not to take the vaccine knowing that the other consequences are that he will be missing this and other trips abroad and then he has to live with the consequences. It is very selfish of him to expect his dc to miss out on this especially as it’s paid for and it would be impossible to know when he will be able to fly again, it could be years.

I think in your shoes DH and I would have argued until he got the vaccine as I feel he should be protecting me and doing everything possible to avoid dying and leaving me as a widow.

FrangipaniBlue · 21/08/2021 07:25

Definitely go without him!

We are supposed to be going to Florida later this year (who knows whether it will happen) but when DH was umming and ahhhing about the vaccine I told him in no uncertain terms that if it was a requirement to travel to Florida and he didn't have it then DS and I would be going without him!

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