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Original poster

To go on holiday without him….?

555 replies

PineapplePrincess · 19/08/2021 23:57

Holiday booked for December. Me, DH and 2DC. Booked pre-pandemic.

Hubby is not vaccinated and country doesn't currently allow unvaccinated people entry. It’s unlikely to change position before we travel.

Option 1 - we go without him.

Option 2 - we abandon the holiday.

Husband is in favour of Option 2.

I’m wondering whether I could manage Option 1. Biggest difficulty other than keeping an eye on both kids in a foreign country, is driving - I’ve never done it outside of the UK and it would be in winter conditions.

Would it be unreasonable for me to consider going without him….?

OP posts:
callmeadoctor · 20/08/2021 13:33

I would leave my husband if he chose not to get vaccinated. That would be my choice..........................

rothbury · 20/08/2021 13:35

Is there really nobody else you can take in his place who is a confident driver?

If not, I would still go without him and take the hit of the taxi costs.

What sort of knobber is he that he would deliberately deprive his kids of holidays forever just because he chooses not to go?

wannabeamummysobad · 20/08/2021 13:36

@PineapplePrincess I agree with your DH. I would be fuming if my DH went on a family holiday without me.

Honestly, how would you feel if the tables were turned? Personally my marriage and cohesion in my family are more important than a week away. Each to their own I guess

frazzledasarock · 20/08/2021 13:38

OP will you get your money back if you cancel your trip?

countrygirl99 · 20/08/2021 13:38

[quote wannabeamummysobad]**@PineapplePrincess* I agree with your DH. I would be fuming if my DH went on a family* holiday without me.

Honestly, how would you feel if the tables were turned? Personally my marriage and cohesion in my family are more important than a week away. Each to their own I guess [/quote]
No one is telling him he can't go. HE is making that choice and trying to impose it on OP. I'd be fuming at that.

Divebar2021 · 20/08/2021 13:38

@wannabeamummysobad

So you would cancel your little kids trip to see Father Christmas ( that is already booked) if you couldn’t / wouldn’t go?

Original poster
PineapplePrincess · 20/08/2021 13:41

@frazzledasarock

OP will you get your money back if you cancel your trip?
No, unfortunately not. I've checked the cancellation policies and travel insurance but it wouldn't cover our circumstances.

We'd be losing several thousand pounds saved up over the last year and a half.

OP posts:
thingymaboob · 20/08/2021 13:44

@PineapplePrincess well that seals the deal then. You'll have a great time. What a great opportunity for your children. Don't let them miss out because you husband is a fool.

userxx · 20/08/2021 13:46

@callmeadoctor

I would leave my husband if he chose not to get vaccinated. That would be my choice..........................
I'm sure he'd see it as a lucky escape with your attitude.
Newestname001 · 20/08/2021 13:46

@PineapplePrincess

When I flippantly mentioned that we may go without his, he wasn't happy.

I wouldn't be flippant about going without him - be serious with him. After all, you respect his choice not to be vaccinated; he should respect the consequences of his actions and you and the children going to enjoy this trip (and possibly future overseas trips) without him. Especially if you are going to lose so much money already paid.

I really hope you go or you risk your children missing out on future experiences. 🌹

MargosKaftan · 20/08/2021 13:47

[quote wannabeamummysobad]**@PineapplePrincess* I agree with your DH. I would be fuming if my DH went on a family* holiday without me.

Honestly, how would you feel if the tables were turned? Personally my marriage and cohesion in my family are more important than a week away. Each to their own I guess [/quote]
Well effectively hes refusing to go, as he won't do the thing he has to go so they can go as a family. They can't have any overseas family holiday. This isn't like she was suggesting going on a week he can't get off work.

He knows they booked this trip. He knows his choice not to get vaccinated means he can't go. I just don't understand why a man who claims to love his wife and children would decide that they should also miss out for his political choice.

wannabeamummysobad · 20/08/2021 13:48

@Divebar2021 @countrygirl99 yes I would cancel. DC can see Father Christmas at Westfield or lakeside....

Would I risk discontentment in my home over a holiday (however expensive)... not at all.

I'd prefer we saw U.K. Santa as a family than risk breaking up my family. Only the OP @PineapplePrincess knows if her husband is bluffing when he says "cancel the holiday".

The real question is - is OP potentially ready to risk a divorce over Santa. Personally I can't imagine telling my kids that daddy isn't home because I put a holiday before our marriage.

huuskymam · 20/08/2021 13:51

@PineapplePrincess

He’s not entertaining the idea of getting vaccinated.

He’s not generally anti-vax. But is on the Covid one.

Then I'd be going without him.
Travis1 · 20/08/2021 13:52

I would be going without him. I would not be losing out on the experience and the money because he thinks he’s an expert 🙄

Original poster
PineapplePrincess · 20/08/2021 13:53

@BobLemon

Anyway. The consensus is pretty clear that you should go.

BUT

When you wrote option 1, were you actually serious? Is it more of an idea than an option? Not getting the vibes that you’ll actually do it. Sorry.

I'm mulling over the idea at the moment if I'm honest.

Half of me hoping that restrictions may be further relaxed by December, the other hoping he'll change is mind somehow.

I don't want the kids to miss out. I don't want to lose the money. And I do want to go, we won't have has a holiday in over two and years - it would be nice just to get away. This holiday has been a beacon of light, during the difficult times of lockdowns, homeschooling, etc.

But I am worried about managing two boisterous boys on my own. Navigating through airports (for flight connections), driving in winter conditions and on the wrong side of the road, familiarising myself with a foreign culture and activities without the support of hotel lobby.

Weighing that up against will the boys (and me) have fun without him? What will it feel like looking back on pictures without DH? How mad will he actually be if I do go (can he stop me?), and what are the ramifications for our relationship.

So yeah, lots of factors to weigh up.

OP posts:
HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 20/08/2021 13:58

Make sure you also think about ramifications & potential resentment if you don't go as well as if you do. If he insists you shouldn't go, what does that say about him and how would that make you feel? You guys (adults) are between a rock and a hard place here - for the kids IMO it should be a no brainer, it's the trip of a lifetime at the right age for it to be truly
Magical creating memories that you & they would keep forever... maybe just try and have a rational conversation about what is best for the kids if you can?

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 20/08/2021 13:58

"Weighing that up against will the boys (and me) have fun without him? What will it feel like looking back on pictures without DH? How mad will he actually be if I do go (can he stop me?), and what are the ramifications for our relationship."

But he's clearly not giving you or your children any such curtesy. What about you all resenting him for not going.

This is a classic case of natural consequences. Why should you lose £1000s and an AMA big holiday because of him.

Find your anger here!

Newestname001 · 20/08/2021 14:02

@PineapplePrincess

How mad will he actually be if I do go (can he stop me?),

Ensure your passport and your sons' are in a very safe place in case he decides to stop you by "mislaying" them.

Also don't talk yourself out of this, OP. This isn't, currently, a one-off situation unless he changes his mind about the Covid vaccinations. 🌹

dunroamingfornow · 20/08/2021 14:09

I don't think it likely that restrictions will be lifted. If anything I could see them being increased. Think you'd be mad to lose that money due to his decision not to vaccinate. Sad he's willing to deprive his kids of a holiday. Probably going to mean no family holidays for a long time

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 20/08/2021 14:09

I'd say to DH that you would prefer to go altogether so he should get vaccinated to facilitate that. If he won't then you will have to take the kids alone. I think DH is being selfish. My DH had to bring forward his second vaccination for our holliday this year when rules were changed. He did it without a hesitation.

timeisnotaline · 20/08/2021 14:11

Think how proud of yourself you will be after taking them on your own. And well equipped to face a future where your dh can’t go on overseas holidays with you. Why does he think you and the dc don’t deserve this holiday?

BeauxRingarde · 20/08/2021 14:12

The real question is - is OP potentially ready to risk a divorce over Santa. Personally I can't imagine telling my kids that daddy isn't home because I put a holiday before our marriage

That is not the real question, and its not about Santa. It's about the dh's inability to put his family before his own selfishness, and his expectation for everyone else to suffer because he is hard of thinking. He is putting his vax refusal before his marriage. None of this is OP's fault.

MargosKaftan · 20/08/2021 14:13

A friend of mine has been looking forward to a trip to France that she was supposed to go on last summer, and then moved to this summer. Then earlier when it became clear that the UK were still doing "amber plus" for France, she reluctantly cancelled to get her money back, rather than try to roll it over another year. She's currently on a UK break, a week that cost more than the refund she got on the 2 week break she'd booked, and in much less glamorous accommodation.

Another of her friends was supposed to be at the same place at the same time as my friends family, but decided not to cancel. And yes, other friend got lucky, rules changed and she could go.

My friend admitted she found looking at the Instagram posts of the family whod gone out hard because they could have gone.

Thats a long way to say, how bad do you think you will feel when the date comes round. When you are visiting santa in a UK location in the rain, thinking about how magical it could have been.

I've travelled without dh when he couldn't get time off work, including hire car on other side of the road. Its not easy, but its about them, and this trip more than ever.

Don't cancel. Tell him you will go without him, but would rather he came too. You can't make him have the vaccine, but you find his decision to make you all suffer for his politics is shitty.

yikesanotherbooboo · 20/08/2021 14:19

Definitely go.Your DH has made a choice for himself ( or such is his viewpoint) ; he isn't very nice if he doesn't facilitate the holiday for the rest of you by encouraging you all to go and have fun. Btw I am not a confident driver but I have found driving hire cars on the other side of the road quite straightforward. Apart from anything else the roads on most places are quieter than here.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 20/08/2021 14:20

Deffo go on holiday without him. Maybe see if a friend can come along to save wasting his ‘place’.

I would find his attitude difficult to tolerate or live with - but each to their own

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