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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do men...

134 replies

VsgKitt · 19/08/2021 14:10

I was stood in a toilet que recently with some lairy idiots sat besides.
The men were talking loudly and occupying 2 tables which the que was in the middle of.

I'm fat. I know this. I was ironically days away from bariatric surgery.

It was the day, I wasn't dressed up, no make up. Just minding my own business.

One said loudly to the table behind me 'if this is the level of women out here in XYZ we should have just stayed at home'

They laughed and another said 'two fat ladies, 88'

I didn't even look at them. I didn't give them the satisfaction. I just ignored them and same when I came out.

I don't understand it. I really don't. Yes I'm fat. I'm 36. I'm not going to be attractive at all to these 20 odd year olds. I don't aim to be. I'm just minding my own business.

I couldn't ever imagine singling out a stranger with the sole intention of causing them pain emotionally.

I find it so strange.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 19/08/2021 14:19

Unfortunately the world is full of absolute cunts. What truly ugly to the core people they are.

Hobbes8 · 19/08/2021 14:21

It’s such a strange thing when it’s broken down logically, isn’t it? Urrrgh that woman over there I don’t know and will never speak to has consumed more calories than she’s expended.

It’s just part of a misogynistic worldview that says we should look pretty at all times, lest a nearby man wants to look at us.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 19/08/2021 14:23

OP, surely you didn’t go out and not consider a man might look at you weigh up whether he might find you attractive or not?!

For shame!

SmidgenofaPigeon · 19/08/2021 14:24

That’s all we are FOR when we go out isn’t it?! To be looked upon, and have our virtues discussed or dismissed by the opposite sex.

Sigh.

Original poster
VsgKitt · 19/08/2021 14:26

The fact there was maybe 6 of them and they all laughed. Not one questioned the behaviour :(

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 19/08/2021 14:26

They're being knobs - don't let them get to you.

FangsForTheMemory · 19/08/2021 14:26

I would have gone over and told them 'If I lose weight, I'll be thin, but no matter what you do you'll always be a prick.'

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 19/08/2021 14:27

Nasty scum bags who say it because they likely can't get women up to their 'standard'. Sorry you experienced this OP. Hope your surgery goes well - my friend had bariatric surgery in May and has since lost 4 stone Shock

AryaStarkWolf · 19/08/2021 14:29

@VsgKitt

The fact there was maybe 6 of them and they all laughed. Not one questioned the behaviour :(
This is the problem, even if there were one or more of them who thought the guy was out of order, they don't dare stick their neck out and break away from being cool with the lads #Bantz

Idiots.

Zzzzzzxxx · 19/08/2021 14:31

There cunts I’ve had it all before.

But in 6 months you will look and feel amazing. And he will still be a cunt

Good luck with your op sending you loads of love from a fellow sleeve sister. Xx

Collidascope · 19/08/2021 14:31

They're utter pricks. I also think it's a bonding thing. Some men can't form any meaningful attachments so they're reliant on football and being horrible about women - albeit leering, whistling and sexually harassing, or insulting appearances. They finally find some companionship in kicking down at the people who they deem to be inferior and yet who have such power over them from the moment their adolescent urges set in.

Collidascope · 19/08/2021 14:32

And yes, I hope your surgery goes well.

PumpkinKlNG · 19/08/2021 14:33

When I was heavily pregnant a car full of men drove past and shouted hey fatty 🙄

Notimeforaname · 19/08/2021 14:34

Agree they are morons.
But someone might be offended that you seem to be equating weight with attractiveness

Biancadelrioisback · 19/08/2021 14:36

I used to work in bars and pubs and the amount of men who would make comments about which of us they would or wouldn't 'do', comments about how we'd be crying and begging for more etc, along with comments about how ugly and desperate we are, size of our arse/boobs etc...

And that's before you get to the ones who actually honk your boobs or grab your arse.

Yup. Disgusting.

AryaStarkWolf · 19/08/2021 14:38

@Notimeforaname

Agree they are morons. But someone might be offended that you seem to be equating weight with attractiveness
jesus christ she just posted what they said
Collidascope · 19/08/2021 14:40

Incidentally, I had a female friend who (when we were in our teens) would lean out of car windows and shout at random men to "Get your cock out!" Not that I'm condoning it but she said the looks on their faces were hilarious. Just blatant shock whereas I imagine most women are so used to it they can pretend not to react at all.

Original poster
VsgKitt · 19/08/2021 14:41

@Notimeforaname

Agree they are morons. But someone might be offended that you seem to be equating weight with attractiveness
I'm not. I pointed out that yes I am over weight but I am also a decade older than them, I was literally in my slobber clothes, tired from travelling and I'm quite a plain person, of course I'm not attractive to strangers in that moment. Not simply because of my weight. Don't project things that aren't there
OP posts:
Original poster
VsgKitt · 19/08/2021 14:42

I had my surgery 3 weeks ago. This happened on the way. At the airport actually.
All went well and am doing great thanks.

OP posts:
GalaxyGirl24 · 19/08/2021 14:42

Sorry this happened to you OP. What vile excuses for men.

AryaStarkWolf · 19/08/2021 14:43

@VsgKitt

I had my surgery 3 weeks ago. This happened on the way. At the airport actually. All went well and am doing great thanks.
That's great, and I agree with the other poster you can lose weight but they will always be pricks
NotMyCat · 19/08/2021 14:46

It's like women should exist just to be attractive
I went browsing on a dating site and it all seems to be "seeking petite girly female, size 6-10, own house/career/car, not clingy, must be blonde, with a sense of style, age 25-35.."
Then you go on their profile and they're 50, with no job, a giant beer belly and wearing a t shirt that looks like they've dropped their tea down it and live at home
I deleted my profile Grin

Peanutsandchilli · 19/08/2021 14:53

Men don't. Utter cunts do. There'll be women who judge overweight men in exactly the same way.

I'm sorry this happened to you, but it's not a man thing.

ChocolateChipBelvitaSoftBake · 19/08/2021 14:54

@VsgKitt

The fact there was maybe 6 of them and they all laughed. Not one questioned the behaviour :(
It wasn't related to my size, but I have brazen and callous comments made to me and I have pulled them up on it. I have had them say 'oh lighten up I was just having a laugh' or 'stop being so sensitive'.

I've not been rude back but I have questioned them, If it makes you feel bad then its bound to make others feel the same too. If you want others to stand up for it take the lead and set the standards. I was always taught “The standard you walk past is the standard you accept”. If you walk away and ignore the comments your allowing it to continue, if you dont say anything, why should others bother.

It really is liberating when you do it and you really do feel much better for it. Be proud of yourself and stand up for yourself.

Original poster
VsgKitt · 19/08/2021 14:57

@Peanutsandchilli

Men don't. Utter cunts do. There'll be women who judge overweight men in exactly the same way.

I'm sorry this happened to you, but it's not a man thing.

I can't tell you the amount of times this shit has happened to me. Its always been men. Never had it from women. That's just my personal experience but yes, always men.
OP posts: