To be devastated that DH has to go back into the office

[ruraldream2021]

DH and I had it all planned. We were going to sell our home in the over-crowded, over-priced south east and move to a rural idyll many miles away, improving our quality of life and reducing our mortgage to nearly nothing.

DH works in a job in London and has been WFH throughout the pandemic, a situation we were given every reason to believe would continue.

We’ve had estate agents round to value our house and were literally about to put it on the market when DH gets an email from work saying that WFH is not panning out as hoped for them and he will be required back in the office four days a week, every week.

This has left our dreams in tatters as it means we will now have to remain close to London, because (understandably) DH does not want a very long commute.

DH works really hard at home and if anything he does longer hours, as he doesn’t need to commute.

I feel like our dreams have just gone up in a puff of smoke and am so devastated at the thought of staying put.

AIBU?

I know if a few people that (for whatever reason) thought WFH would continue forever and have been surprised and disappointed that businesses want them back in. Unless it is in your employment contract, it's never set in stone so you are very fortunate to have found out now.

There are other factors that decide whether something is working than just hours, worked.

Your husband could look for something remote if you're set on moving.

I'm not a fan of wfh for all. If our children, teens, uni graduates, took jobs, say in say .... accountancy, law, graduate programmes, I would want them in the office, being trained, mentored, on projects, being taken out to audits, meeting clients.
Not given a laptop and told to work in their bedroom for the next year.

People relocate even though WFH isn't written into their contract???? Are they mad? 🙄

YABU. He can look for a job that offers remote working.

Sorry to say I have little sympathy- OP and her husband clearly want a London wage without the expense- don’t we all!
Well there are millions of jobs that survive on people being in the office so yes we have to get back to the office. 4 days isn’t that bad!

Yes its disappointing, but you were a bit daft to make all these plans without even discussing the future of WFH with his employers.

They have every right to ask him to come back to the office.

I’m thinking this is a beggars can’t be choosers scenario.
If he wants a London salary then he needs to be able to commute to London as his employer wishes.
Alternatively, he could look for a job elsewhere/WFH but be prepared to be paid less??

There was a thread on here recently discussing people, who had actually moved away getting upset about being recalled. The general consensus was that they were cf’s. Some were examples of colleagues, and employees, who had moved abroad and hadn’t thought about the tax implications.

It was pointed out that if a job can be done anywhere, jobs will be moved to countries, where salaries are far lower. Your dh cannot expect to be paid London weighting and not be available to travel in. So he needs to either grin and bear it or change companies.

Such people are not looking at this from a company wide POV, just themselves as individuals.

I'm sorry for your disappointment, but it did seem a bit premature. At least you didn't get as far as selling up.
I think the full time wfh will die out over a few years - most people will be back in the office part time at least, there are benefits to it. Hope you can find a compromise that works for you all.

If it was working for him, why doesn’t he make a flexible working request for his contract to be changed to remote working. They may say no, but if don’t ask you don’t get.

I was made redundant a few months ago and while looking for a job there was a lot of opportunities to work from home. I managed very quickly to secure a WFH job at a senior level. So there is a possibility of new jobs as well.

It was pointed out that if a job can be done anywhere, jobs will be moved to countries, where salaries are far lowe

I never really understood this argument as plenty of people worked remotely pre covid.

London Salary should require you to live in London.

Maybe you need to look properly at your life, take a pay cut and move out and get a life.

YABU maybe be less greedy and live a little.

OP don't lose heart. A lot of companies are saying this - they immediately have people handing their notice in, and change their minds. It's funny how they've only decided after 18 months that WFH doesn't work, after all.

Lots of companies are planning hybrid/WFH strategies so maybe your DH can find a job elsewhere where he might only need to be in the office once a week or once a month.

As pp's have said, thank goodness it has happened now though - and not in a few weeks' time when you might have sold your house! I do think people should wait to make sure that their jobs are definitely staying remote-first, before they take the plunge!

OP’s husband was told WFH would continue

Not quite - OP said they had "every reason to believe" it would continue, but it turns out it was an assumption based on their employer's initial enthusiasm and some office gossip ("The word on the street")

Best not to assume in these unusual circumstances, but it's just good that all this came before OP's hoped-for move

@countrytown

It was pointed out that if a job can be done anywhere, jobs will be moved to countries, where salaries are far lowe

I never really understood this argument as plenty of people worked remotely pre covid.

Yes I've worked from home in some capacity (one day a week or more) since 2008 and ad hoc since 2005!

It's not a new thing. What was new was for everyone to be doing it, and presenteeist managers to have to accept it, whether they liked it or not (at least temporarily).

@MiaRoma

People relocate even though WFH isn't written into their contract???? Are they mad? 🙄

There was a whole thread about it not long ago - people moved from London to Scotland or even abroad and then wondered why they were being asked to come back into the office

No one should ever believe 'word on the street'

During the pandemic I heard our MD had

Decided to sell head office and we were never returning.

Was purchasing another office in the same complex because we had grown so much

Had decided WFH would be decided by each divisional director

We were definitely staying at home permanently and all offices were going

We were selling satellite offices.

We were returning in August 2020

And so on and so on. The MD is my kine manager and non of this was true. Certain conversations had happened, people had heard bits and ran with it and were spreading it as facts

Never plan big decisions on office gossip and 'led to believe'.

You know from your response to the news that you now feel committed to a work from home lifestyle away from the SE. So your DH needs to look for a similar role where WFH is a certainty long term.

He could also discuss with his current employers about being WFH rather than looking elsewhere. If he was high performing then they might make allowances.

I think a lot of people will be caught out with this. My current workplace had a lot of flexibility per-pandemic and it was agreed that some people in certain jobs could wfh which resulted in many selling and moving to remote low cost but beautiful areas (think by beaches etc). Then came pandemic and forced wfh, then the company pulled out a new policy of back in office 3 days a week for everyone, no exceptions. The people who had been wfh pre-pandemic was just due to agreement with manager at the time, they were told it was not in their contract and the company had a right to change its mind at any time. These are highly skilled people where their jobs just don’t exist outside of main metro areas. The takeaway for them was travel to workplace and rent a room somewhere for the 3 days, move back (not possible to buy back into market) so would need to rent our house and rent near work meaning disruption if school age kids or resign.

I think a lot of people are taking a big risk now even if a workplace says it is wfh. Unless that’s in a contract I would be wary as they could change requirements again down the track.

@Oblomov21

I'm not a fan of wfh for all. If our children, teens, uni graduates, took jobs, say in say .... accountancy, law, graduate programmes, I would want them in the office, being trained, mentored, on projects, being taken out to audits, meeting clients. Not given a laptop and told to work in their bedroom for the next year.

I agree. As someone who has WFH for years and years, so lockdown was really not a big change for me, I can promise you all there are pros and cons long term. It's lovely to have the flexibility and to be around for DC more. No one misses the commute. But the lack of social stimulus becomes quite critical after a while. You need the free flow office chat and discussion, the exchange of ideas, the niche expert across the desk from you. Working alone year in year out makes you a very dull person. You don't see the world and how it works, every day. You get SO tired of everything being filtered through a screen.

I would be sad but not surprised. They are paying your husband for his time, they have a right to say how he spends it.

There are hoards of people outside of London able to do London jobs WFH for less than Londoners moving out. We live in a rural area, my Dh is very skilled at his job and would get double in London.Looking forward to seeing all these London jobs opening up to the whole of the U.K. if WFH is a given.

If the job has changed surely you need a new contract and it would be in an employers best interest to advertise nationwide before doing that anyway.

I’d also add that wfh has been awful for the younger staff who started with us during the pandemic. They essentially came in, we’re issued a laptop and have spent the last year in their bedroom. They have been delighted to come back to a proper office with social interaction and people to chat to, that they can bounce ideas off.

I totally agree. A mixture of onsite and WFH is one thing. Permanent 100% WFH has real costs, esp for younger employees who often worked in tiny, cramped spaces, have no mentors, and will find it very hard to get promoted and rise up the career ladder.

Your DH looks for a new job then, surely?

If that's the life you want, then plan a way to get it. Otherwise, it's just a bit 'have your cake and eat it' to keep the London job/wage/house value but try and live a rural idyllic life.

Also, agree with PP. WFH is great but it is not idyllic. It has pros and it has cons (and the cons tend not to come to light until you've done it a couple of years or so).

It’s so so so frustrating. My DH was usually out of the house from
8am to 9pm every single day. Sometimes later, more like 10pm. He works in a corporate city job. Then he lockdown happened - he still worked in his study till 10ish but he saw the children, got out for a bit of exercise, cooked...cutting out commuting and the pointless office chat and endless discussion over stuff made him more efficient. And he had his best performing year yet, with his biggest bonus. Didn’t stop work calling them all back in though. And for what? I don’t get it

Same as dh. He challenged the return to the office summons and said there's no reason at all why he can't continue from home ,he's putting more hours in at home and they even wrote to him and thanked him for the best year yet -with a bonus so there's no reason to go back in.

He will leave if they insist or retire early,he's nearly there anyway.

I can understand why you're disappointed OP but thankfully you found out now rather than after you moved. It can still happen though, it'll just take longer to plan. Good luck.