To be devastated that DH has to go back into the office

[ruraldream2021]

DH and I had it all planned. We were going to sell our home in the over-crowded, over-priced south east and move to a rural idyll many miles away, improving our quality of life and reducing our mortgage to nearly nothing.

DH works in a job in London and has been WFH throughout the pandemic, a situation we were given every reason to believe would continue.

We’ve had estate agents round to value our house and were literally about to put it on the market when DH gets an email from work saying that WFH is not panning out as hoped for them and he will be required back in the office four days a week, every week.

This has left our dreams in tatters as it means we will now have to remain close to London, because (understandably) DH does not want a very long commute.

DH works really hard at home and if anything he does longer hours, as he doesn’t need to commute.

I feel like our dreams have just gone up in a puff of smoke and am so devastated at the thought of staying put.

AIBU?

Can he get another job?

It was a big assumption to make, but you can make it a reality.

My husband is now working for a bigger salary, with a firm whose head office is located in a city near where we plan to relocate to, and which is on a permanent hybrid model. I'm applying for jobs that are exclusively remote.

Yanbu but he may well be able to find a remote job elsewhere. My employer is advertising new jobs as remote "for the right candidates". So don't abandon all hope yet!

I think you need to do some serious reframing.

• You found out before you'd taken any irrevocable steps.
• He still has a job; plenty of people have lost theirs. What would you have done if you'd made the move and he lost his job next year?
• If you're really committed to this whole moving to the country plan, there's nothing stopping you - he just has to find a job that is fully remote or local to where you want to be.

Sell the house, get a new job, it'll clearly make you happier

You’re not unreasonable to be disappointed, but you can’t expect to keep a London salary without the downsides.

In my industry London jobs pay about £15k more (for the exact same role - we work in national teams). I’m slightly peeved that people thought they could keep the £15k and move to the sticks.

I live in the sticks and took the trade off of the lower salary - you can’t have the cake and eat it!

I have heard of companies allowing employees to relocate, but they have to give up their London waiting, which seems fair. Could he negotiate? I am sorry your plans have been put on hold OP. I do think though (and have done for the past year) that anyone making this move prior to a contract change is taking a risk.

Maybe this is the time to reassess what you want? Perhaps time for a change of pace or career if the pandemic has made you realise that a slower pace in a more rural location is important to you - you can still make it happen but it might require more changes than you initially anticipated. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t pursue it.

Was there the expectation wfh would be 100% forever? did he wfh ever before?

DH will be doing about 50% when they decide to go back.

Can he change jobs? A lot of companies are having their hands forced by competitors

I can absolutely understand why this is a disappointment but I do think that a lot of people who've made these kinds of moves - particularly those relying on a London salary - may be in for a nasty surprise in the next couple of years as companies start deciding to require people back in the office

Anyone I know who moved out has had a contractual change. It would be crazy not too.

Why not look at buying somewhere just south of Coulsdon? It's pretty rural looking in places around there and still have direct trains to London.

You can still rearrange your life
It does seem that a lot of people who thought they would be able to WFH indefinitely are in fact not going to be able to

I agree with others.
The situation during the pandemic has made you reassess your priorities and how you see the next phase of your lives.
Now you need to sit down and decide which parts of your dream are still realisable and which you would now rather shelve.
If moving to a rural idyll now, rather than on retirement, is actually what you want, you r DH and you both need to start actively looking for alternative employment that will either allow WFH or a much more manageable commute. Once that is found, get your house on tthe market.
Meanwhile, make a definite plan.

FWIW I think companies are going to wise up pretty soon to the fact that if they’re inflexible about home working, they’re going to lose their best and brightest to competitors who chose to be more flexible. That means things may change at your husband’s workplace before too long, or alternatively that if he looks around for a different job he may well find something that enables you to proceed with your plan.

The converse is also true for a lot of employees, there will be an awakening that they cannot expect a london wieghting salary either whilst they dissapear to the countryside.

I'm sorry you're disappointed, but why on earth were you planning to relocate and sell your house without written confirmation that your DH could WFH permanently?

Seems utterly bonkers to me.

Devastated bit of a overreaction!
Nothing is ever permanent though is it ? I’m quite surprised that you thought it would be .
Anyway perhaps they would compromise you say 4 days maybe they would do less so that dh only commutes 3 days a week . Always a way round op and it’s worth asking the question if he can prove he’s worked very well at home.

It’s so so so frustrating. My DH was usually out of the house from
8am to 9pm every single day. Sometimes later, more like 10pm. He works in a corporate city job. Then he lockdown happened - he still worked in his study till 10ish but he saw the children, got out for a bit of exercise, cooked...cutting out commuting and the pointless office chat and endless discussion over stuff made him more efficient. And he had his best performing year yet, with his biggest bonus. Didn’t stop work calling them all back in though. And for what? I don’t get it.

Firms can pull the plug on WFH at anytime, I’ve been there pre pandemic, doesn’t matter if you have a contract saying WFH they can still change it. I really wouldn’t be moving too far away from any company where WFH is an option now as it can all change. I’ve gone back to WFH for the foreseeable future & since last March but at some point we will be required to show our faces back in the office, maybe on a hybrid work pattern. Pre pandemic we had people self fund home office set ups / garden offices, having moved to the sticks, we all had a choice turn up back at work or no job at the end of the consultation period we were put on.

Lucky escape from a potentially expensive mistake. If you want to change your life you still can.

@Justanotherlurker

FWIW I think companies are going to wise up pretty soon to the fact that if they’re inflexible about home working, they’re going to lose their best and brightest to competitors who chose to be more flexible. That means things may change at your husband’s workplace before too long, or alternatively that if he looks around for a different job he may well find something that enables you to proceed with your plan.

The converse is also true for a lot of employees, there will be an awakening that they cannot expect a london wieghting salary either whilst they dissapear to the countryside.

I think that consumers and clients will vote with there feet. I want to be able to speak to my bank, car insurance, credit card etc and not have to be on hold for hours or have to complete a webform and get response days later.

People won't accept the poor customer service that WFH gives in many industries much longer.

My DH pays up to £50,000 more for a role in London than in Yorkshire. They get weaker applicants in London. After a year of WFH all new recruits are now Northern based (their allocated location).

London is likely to be taking a big hit in the next few years, maybe the salary and housing inequality will reduce.

He needs to pester HR. Last summer I got a similar email, saying that we'd be transitioning to "flexible working" when I wanted permanent WFH. After a month of back and forth with HR I managed to secure the WFH contract that I was after and haven't stepped foot in the office since.

He needs to do the same, get another job, or suck up the commute.

Don't give up on your dream, OP.

@Peanutbuttercupisyum is going back to 100% office. I'd say that's quite unusual.

People won't accept the poor customer service that WFH gives in many industries much longer.

I don't think poor customer service is just because of remote working. It existed i many sectors pre covid. some companies will have not invested in the tech for efficient remote working or furloughed staff for example.

Can't he get a job that does allow people to wfh?

My employer has shut most of their offices and has just kept one open - we are all allowed to wfh aside from a couple of administrators who go in to do post and printing etc I don't think that's unusual now so he should at least have a scout about.

[quote countrytown]@Peanutbuttercupisyum is going back to 100% office. I'd say that's quite unusual. [/quote]
Yep. I think maybe one day a week is optional wfh. But then you I’d its optional, the workaholics all schlep back in, then everyone else feels bad and worries about being overlooked and gradually they’ll all be back.