To be devastated that DH has to go back into the office

[ruraldream2021]

DH and I had it all planned. We were going to sell our home in the over-crowded, over-priced south east and move to a rural idyll many miles away, improving our quality of life and reducing our mortgage to nearly nothing.

DH works in a job in London and has been WFH throughout the pandemic, a situation we were given every reason to believe would continue.

We’ve had estate agents round to value our house and were literally about to put it on the market when DH gets an email from work saying that WFH is not panning out as hoped for them and he will be required back in the office four days a week, every week.

This has left our dreams in tatters as it means we will now have to remain close to London, because (understandably) DH does not want a very long commute.

DH works really hard at home and if anything he does longer hours, as he doesn’t need to commute.

I feel like our dreams have just gone up in a puff of smoke and am so devastated at the thought of staying put.

AIBU?

The dream isn't gone! You've been inconvenienced because his work have decided that WFH isn't working for them. So he finds a new job where you want to live. It amazes me how many people believe that they have a right to WFH forever and that.employers are.destroying their lives in doing so. If you want WFH to find a new job, I've met a few who want to move and keep their London salaries to boot.

igelkott2021

There are good cheap staff all round the world.
Be careful what you wish for. If people have no need to be in the office it makes no odds if they’re in Cornwall or India.

I wonder if people thought there would never be a vaccine or treatment and lockdown would last forever....

Rural idylls are not all they're cracked up to be. IMO, you're better off staying in London.

Sadly this goes to show that companies can, and do, change their minds at will, and when they click their fingers you have to go along with it. Unless of course you find another job that ticks your boxes and quit.

As others have said, maybe have a rethink about your lifestyle and find what work/life balance works for you, but with a different employer.

The OPs husband could well look for another job which allows him to WFH but what if, down the line after you found and moved to your rural idyll, his new employer decided their business needed their workers back in the office? It could happen to any business at any time. No-one knows how the economy will pan out over the next 12 months and government edicts might penalise businesses who don't encourage staff to be office based for at least 3 days a week.
Frying pan into fire?

Long term I wonder what the impact of.significqnt move to wfh will mean in terms.of london salaries, obviously the salary reflects the living costs but if many people start wfh full time and upping sticks to cheaper locations will it not make it even more.competitive than it already is? I like in Yorkshire but could feasibly now start applying for jobs based in London on wfh basis, those positions will be like gold dust...maybe london salaries will start to fall due to oversubscribtion 🤷‍♀️

While most are finding its not full time wfh, many more jobs are now open to 1 or 2 days a week at home when they weren't before. This is a big shift for many industries. That in itself should improve work life balance for many.

And while the very isolated location isn't an option, being a stop or two further down the train line is less of a big deal so hopefully will start to balance house prices a little in areas.

I’d be disappointed with the moving home thing, however I think everyone needs to remember that WFH was put in place to help reduce corona virus not to be a permanent fixture in everyone’s life

Be relieved that you didn’t already sell. You would s always have needed WFH in writing before you made solid plans.

@AICM

It seems a bit strange that,on Mumsnet anyway, everybody says they are SO much more productive when WFH. Yet dinosaur management can't see it.

Is it possible, dare I say it, that not everybody is as productive as they like to think they are and also that some management actually do have a bigger picture and it's not as rosy as some might think.

I think this is entirely possible.

I really do believe that it is possible that an individual may be as productive (Or maybe even more productive in some cases) but that the team as a whole are not. Or that the issue is not with individual team members not performing well, but rather with how things knit together with everyone being remote. That may need a change in how the team is managed or practices being altered to get things back on track. Or it may not. It maybe that things become too siloed- everybody doing their own bit just fine but it just doesn’t come together as well. There is also the loss of non-verbal communication, team building, learning from watching/being with others, bouncing ideas off each other and other spontaneous things that really can and do make a difference. Some organisations want people back in to the office to allow those things to come back.

I am not saying wfh exclusively, or even the hybrid model, cannot work for some individuals or some organisations. They did before COVID and they will now. But, I strongly suspect- from my own experience as an employer and as a client- that some individuals feel things are fine, because they prefer not having to commute etc, or convince themselves when they aren’t. Or sometimes the individual is fine but the working of the wider picture is not. Sometimes that means the individual can carry on as they are, sometimes they cannot, for the good of the team or organisation as a whole.

I also have to say that some people seem to believe themselves to be irreplaceable. Very, very few people are truly irreplaceable. Some will cause their employer difficulties to greater or lesser degree- ranging from a complete nightmare to a slight headache if they leave, and their employer will be willing to negotiate to some extent. But there is a limit. The key is knowing exactly how difficult to replace you are.

Did people really think that what happened during a global pandemic would continue as the status quo ad infinitum?
People selling up from London and moving to Yorkshire was a bit naive.

We have been told that we can do a few days from home and a few from work but I don't hold out any hope in it lasting long term, nor will I think my company unreasonable if they want us going back to the office full time, as is their right as my employer.
So YANBU to be disappointed but YABU to think your husbands employer has any obligations to provide a WFH environment.

I read somewhere that those who work from home may not achieve their promotions esp if women who will be viewed as not being committed . It may have been the FT You have to show your face to senior management constantly .
We all have dreams dashed throughout life the important thing is your husband has a job and how you view your current lifestyle The rural idyll is just that " an idealised or unsustainable view of peaceful and picturesque. Try living it !

It’s bizarre that some people are using a year of temporary working situations due to a pandemic, as a reason to make permanent plans for a near-retirement based lifestyle change (moving hundreds of miles out of the city to somewhere really rural) and then are gobsmacked when their employer isn’t keen!!

I also have to say that some people seem to believe themselves to be irreplaceable. Very, very few people are truly irreplaceable.

MN is full of people with a 'unique skill-set'. Or so they think. In reality, as you say, few if any employees are genuinely irreplacable.

So many companies are making clear wfh isn’t acceptable. People made some very rash decisions based on something that can be removed even if it is written in your contract!

The OPs husband could well look for another job which allows him to WFH but what if, down the line after you found and moved to your rural idyll, his new employer decided their business needed their workers back in the office?

The same thought occurred to me
Yes, WFH may well be in any new contract with a fresh employer, but contracts can be changed ... with consultation of course, but recent employees (especially those with less than 2 years on the clock) aren't always in the strongest position to negotiate

Change jobs or commute.
My 73yr old DH has been back running his business for months now as has my DH.
As if wfh was ever going to be long term. If that's what he prefers he should think about self employment. Wfh is preferable for some (my DH hated it) but you can't expect a whole business to bend to your dreams OP.

*73yr old DF not DH

But sometimes it doesn’t work awfully well, especially when homes become workplaces which is my main bugbear about it.

What a strange thing to be bothered by. People have had homes as workplaces long before covid.

Disappointing but how could you have predicted that his work situation wasn’t going to change?

You still have options; DH needs to get a new job.

Of course, you are not unreasonable to be disappointed. Disappointment has nothing to do with reason, but with feelings, and you feel what you feel. It would have, however, been unreasonable to expect that this would continue forever until a firm announcement was made to that effect.

Disappointing OP but all a bit premature based on just an symptom that WFH would be a permanent thing.
Also, from a completely different perspective........the area where I live has seen house prices soar to ridiculous levels due to Londoners swarming here due to receiving London salaries but WFH so being able to afford them, rendering locals priced out of the market and not being able to afford to live here. Plus the knock on affect has resulted in Landlords cashing in and selling up, leaving local renters with both nowhere to rent and unable to afford to buy. Some local families are becoming completely and helplessly homeless because of this or having to change area completely. It seems to me that the idea of receiving city salaries relies on living relatively close and that’s the trade off. Just my opinion from recent experience.

I know several companies are reviewing London weighting inlight of working from home.

Can somebody who WFH permanently in Devon still expect a London salary?

@RobinPenguins

Presumably he can apply for jobs closer to the areas you’d like to live, or for jobs that work remotely? Otherwise it sounds rather like you were hoping to have all the upsides of a London career without any of the trade offs required to have those benefits. I can understand feeling disappointed but it’s not like your whole lives have been ruined, it’s a temporary setback.

^^ this.

If you really wanted to then you could move, millions of people don’t live in the south east, but there are trade offs, usually in the form of lower salaries matched by lower housing prices.